my one and only fear/question re sleeve...hi, im new here.

[NY Lou 204]

hi everyone. ive been reading this forum for a few months and just registered. if you want to know my story, click the link below as i posted it in the "tell your story" forum.

http://verticalsleevetalk.com/tell-your-story/6537-i-operating-room-scrubs-3x-gastric-bypass-im-new-here-hi-everyone.html

i have only 1 huge fear about the sleeve, or wls surgery in general. its missing out on being able to socially eat a full meal. ALL my family, friends and co-workers Celebrate everything by eating out. whether its a birthday, holiday, job promotion or just the weekend, it is always going out to eat. i know thats probably why im overweight, but my fear is missing out on this. its all i know and the only way everyone i know celebrates or goes out. without the ability to eat with them, i fear ill be a sort of outcast now, not wanting to be in that situation. how hard will it be to still go out, but really not eat and partake the way they all will? its sad to say everything revolves around food, but it honestly does. i fear pulling back and away from these events since i wont be able to eat like before, and unfortunately, these events are my family, friends and what makes up my life. has anyone gone through this and how have you coped with it? and as crazy as it sounds, my favorite food is seafood, specfically crablegs and shrimp. i almost feel like ill be missing them like im missing someone who died. is this crazy?? thanks in advance for any replies. have a great day!

[KathyM 14]

Brooklyn -

Welcome to the site! Glad you are here. I am going to be sleeved on the 15th of July and it have found a wealth of information on this site. I had similar concerns about eating after the surgery. I actually started a thread under the food & Nutrition category that is titled "Will I ever eat a normal meal again?" Go read that thread, there are lots of replies from people who helped put me at ease.

I have also found with myself, that when I start getting these nagging little fears like what will I eat, and what if the Protein shakes are yucky, things like that - I have to force myself to take a deep breath and then ask myself if it would really not be worth it to have a healthy body with out all the aches and pains and health problems because I was worried about what I would eat. I don't know, but it seems to help me keep things in perspective that way. I genuinely believe that for me.......and also for you..... this surgery will change your life and you will never look back. Best of luck!

Kathy

[CraftyChristie 62]

You're not alone - things in our society DO revolve around food. It's the same in many cultures (European, Asian) but our food choices here in the US are so much worse and that is a large part of why so many of us are obese.... so you are not alone in feeling this way!!

I am about 4 weeks post op and I haven't gone to a restaurant yet. I probably could at this point, but very few things I would try to eat yet. It may be hard to go out for the first 6 weeks but once you are on solid food, you can go and eat with them.

True, you have to eat a small portion and this could be awkward with people who you don't want to explain surgery too. You can always say you are watching your weight or you ate not too long ago, or your stomach isn't feeling too well... as an excuse to why you are eating very little. If you are comfortable with the people you can of course tell them the truth. I don't think there is any restaurant that you can't find something healthy to eat. Any place can make you a chicken breast and veggies, or a very lean cut of beef. Of course some day you can partake in say, 1 mozzarella stick, or a bite of dessert... it is your personal choice when and how much you splurge. For me I want to try to keep it clean while I'm in the losing phase, and bring back these much loved foods when I am in maintenance mode so I have leeway to experiment with how much is okay for me, and my metabolism will be better at burning those things off at that point.

Just as an example.. Friday's is a popular place to go out. They have lots of BAD things I love, like their mozzarella sticks, potato skins, fried green Beans, even fried mac and cheese! BUT they also have some fantastic healthy options. They have a sizzling chicken and shrimp dish which is delicious. It has a chicken breast with cheese, peppers and onions, and some seasoned shrimp. It also comes with mashed potatoes but you can ignore them or ask for veggies instead, or they also offer mashed cauliflower. They also have a black bean patty hamburger, and turkey burgers! So Friday's is a place you can get healthy things that aren't boring and typical.

You can go out, you can Celebrate. You will just always be going home with a box or doggie bag. That is OK!!! You will be full so really the experience will feel the same. I find myself wanting more with my head, but my tummy says nope sorry no more room... and when I realize I am satisfied and don't need anymore, I feel happy. I am hoping it will be like this at restaurants too.

Good luck! I know you will do great.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Who says we are missing out? It's not like once we get the surgery we are banished from participating in family meals, going to restaurants, etc. We can still converse with our dinner partners, still enjoy perusing the menu and talking about what looks good and ordering, we can still enjoy the taste and visual pleasure of the food, and we can still eat! What are we missing out on exactly? The ability to hork it down like starving rottweilers? The inevitable looks of revulsion and contempt from other diners as we clean our plates AND have the nerve to order dessert? I won't be missing those things, or the anxiety over chairs and booths or the drugged up full-to-bursting feeling. Missing out? No way!:thumbup:

[SParkle 4]

HI and welcome

I also wasn't looking forward to the social part of it.... but figured what did I want more.

So far we've not been out yet, but I'm not even on full liquids, but on my pre op we had guests staying and I fed them and also we went out and I just made my excuses food wise.... I've not been really hungry since my sleeve, and being around food it ok for me, but I know in my head I have no choice now.

You can still eat, but it'll be smaller portions than you used to, which you can explain by saying your diet requires it - hence explaining your weight loss.....

Good luck

Kathy

[Ellisa 6]

Speaking as a currently banded person, looking to revision/hiatal hernia repair soon. Not sure if sleeve will be result, but trying to learn what I can in case.

Anyway my experience more than 2 years post band is that my social life didn't get less enjoyable it is WAAAAAY better. Now that I'm no longer morbidly obese I enjoy going out a whole lot more. I don't have people judging what's on my plate. If I choose not to tell people about my surgery, for my smaller portions I can simply say I had a larger meal earlier, or not very hungery right now. (People I'm in contact with regularly know, but I don't find it necessary to inform the server or others I have a passing relationship with.) I have few food intolerances. I don't have anything on a list that I don't eat all unless I don't like it. I eat a small portion of what I really want along with some healthier food. Sometimes one bite is enough, if I save the best for last. Properly adjusted my band did nearly all of the work. Unfortunately due to the hiatal hernia mine hasn't been filled at all for several months and the lbs. are coming back. My portions are still as small... the problem is the food doesn't stay in the pouch very long, so I eat these small portions quite often. ARRR.

If fear of missing your dear friend "food" is your only fear... fear not! You'll be thinner and you won't miss your "friend." I spend as much time eating my smaller portions as others do eating their larger ones. Hey and I don't talk quite as much because I'm spending more time chewing. My human friends probably like that better. LOL

[tbarnes18 1]

The ability to hork it down like starving rottweilers? The inevitable looks of revulsion and contempt from other diners as we clean our plates AND have the nerve to order dessert?

You really know how to turn a phrase and crack me up at something as serious as my health. We usually ate out at 2 meals a day, 6 days a week. I can cook, but don't like to. This will be a change, but one for the good. My hubby has diabetes and I suck him into my eating habits (not that he is holding on tight to keep from eating too much), and this will also help him to control what he eats. In the future, I envision that we will be getting one dinner and splitting it. Think of all the $$$ you will save. Also, when you go out in a group, don't go for the splitting the check X amount of ways anymore because you won't get your money's worth!

Terrie

[Lori21769 14]

When I go out to eat with friends and family, I just eat very slowly, chew very deliberately, and participate in more conversations. I always end up taking food home. I don't think anyone cares how much you are eating- just that you are there, socializing. No worries!

[Tiffykins 672]

With my band, I avoided most social functions, and dining out became a chore, and embarrassing experience. I could tell you which bathroom stalls echoed the most because I puked in most of them on a regular basis. My husband and I finally got to a point where eating out was so unpleasant that we just stopped going out. Now that I'm a little over a year out with the sleeve, and can honestly tell you that since about 4-5 months out, I have been enjoying social events that revolve around food.

Honestly, people really don't notice unless you make a big deal out of it. I've only had a couple of servers ask me if my food was okay, and I just tell them it's fabulous, and I look forward to indulging in the rest later or for lunch the following day.

I attend social luncheons monthly, friend get togethers with grilling, barbque, every side dish imaginable about every other weekend, and for those that don't know I've had surgery, they don't even realize that I'm just kind of "snacking" on a little bit of everything. I enjoy Breakfast out every Friday with my girlfriends, some of them know, some of them have no clue. They just think I'm a picky eater because I pick at my food for the 2 hours we're gossiping, and chatting.

I can give you a fabulous example of how my life is at this point.

Last night my husband and I attended an appreciation dinner courtesy of freedomalliance.org for our role in the military. My husband is active duty Air Force, and I'm the key spouse for our squadron. They served a 4 course meal.

Appetizers:

Blue crab cakes (I had 3 small bites)

Stuffed mushrooms with blue crab, bread crumbs, and some sort of cheesy, gooey stuffing. (I had 2 good size bites)

salad (by eyeballing the portion, it was about 1.5cups of lettuce): Exquisite salad with about 6 different lettuce types, veggies, croutons with a balsamic vinaigrette. I ate 1/2 of the salad, none of the veggies, all of the tiny croutons (about 8). Appetizer and Salad took me about 15 minutes to eat. Took a break of about 20-25 minutes before starting to eat my entree.

Entree: I ordered an 8oz filet cooked medium, my husband ordered the 14oz Cowboy ribeye cooked medium. My steak was way too rare for my liking, only ate about 2 tiny bites before stealing about 2oz of my husband's ribeye. I ate those 2oz of his steak, and waited about 20-30 minutes before enjoying the side dishes.

Side dishes: Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Creamed Spinach, 1 ate 2 solid oz of each which took me about 30 minutes to eat because I had eaten Protein before the sliders.

I waited about 20 minutes between my "meal" and dessert. I was the last one eating at the table. But, I didn't care, I was going to enjoy my food.

Dessert: An enormous slice of NY style cheesecake with raspberry and sweet cream drizzle. I ate 1/4 of the slice, with crust. It took me nearly 40 minutes to eat the skinny end of the cheesecake.

To be perfectly honest, by the end of the night, I was extremely stuffed. I had another cup of tea before we left, and felt fabulous, but full. I have never eaten that much, and was pretty shocked that I could consume that much food. But, when I look at the time I spent eating, talking, socializing, photo ops, and all the in between stuff, I thought about the quantities, and really it wasn't that much food stretched out over 3 hours.

This was over a 2.5 - 3 hour dinner and total of 4 hours for the entire event. We started eating at about 6:20-6:30pm and I finished my meal at 9pm. That is the only reason I was able to consume so much food. I took several breaks, and sat at a table with 7 other people. Not once did any of them notice that was I throwing my remaining steak onto my husband's plate, or that I only ate small portions of everything. No one commented on the fact that I ate so slowly, sitting down my fork and knife in between each small bite. I'll admit that I did have a cup of hot Earl Grey Tea before the meal started, and I did take a few sips of ice Water between each course. The hot tea helps relax my sleeve, and the Water did help get the appetizers and salad through considering they were essentially slider foods.

Once you are past the post-op diet, and can eat regular foods, you will find that all of your favorites are available to you again. Smaller portions, but deprivation is not part of a healthy lifestyle change. Personally, as you can see from my intake above, that I refuse to deprive myself of anything. I weighed myself this morning, and haven't gained in any weight even though I ate all of that. Everything is in moderation. I'm trying to branch out to seafood. So far, I've enjoyed Mahi Mahi, and crab. I have bought some salmon and flounder this week, and am excited to try both. Living on the Gulf of Mexico is pretty amazing, and I'm ready to branch out into the seafood haven I live in.

I promise, you'll be okay. You'll be able to enjoy conversation, fellowship, and the good times with your small portions, and all of those social events will be cherished because your mouth will be doing way more chatting, laughing, and loving than it will be chewing ! ! !

[wannalise 15]

Tiff is right. I am just under three months out and I am still in the learning phases, I am horrible at eating slow and sometimes pay the price, but I have to tell you that last week I went to LA for a mini vacation. Every other vacation I've been on totally revolved around food, but this was different. Because it was last minute I was broke on the trip and it didn't matter! My boyfriend and I shared a shake in Mel's diner (I ate about 1/4c), we enjoyed sharing gyros, I ate a small part of a tuna melt from Quiznos, and I planned ahead and took some yummy cheeses, favorite fruits, and a few Protein Shakes. I have never enjoyed a trip more. I didn't get overly stuffed, I spend hardly any money and instead of focusing on food I enjoyed the sites, I enjoyed spending time with people that I love. And when I took my vacation photos I wasn't completely mortified or shocked at how I looked. Any thing you sacrifice with the sleeve you get back ten fold. Sometimes I do miss certain activities, but I promise the payoff makes it all worthwhile. And by the way, I lost weight on vacation!

Edited June 17, 2010 by wannalise
Misspelled

[Im-Losin-It 1]

When my husband and i go out to eat, we only order one meal. he will order something like grilled chicken and veggies, or sometimes grilled shrimp or crab cakes, and Soup. I take little bites from his plate and put it on a saucer. it workes great for us. my husband is my biggest fan, he gently reminds me about my portions and to slow down between bites, i lay my fork down often, and we talk a lot and catch up on things forgotten or to busy to discuss earlier. I have no regrets what so ever, except that i wish i had done this earlier. 5 weeks out for my sleeve, and lost 27lbs.

[MINI-Me 196]

I normally do the same as Beverly above. If my husband orders something I don't want, I usually can find something on the appetizer menu that either fills me up or leaves me some leftovers for lunch the next day.

I'm really into non-breaded wings right now for some reason. Probably because they are (1) Yummy (2) Take a little longer to eat and (3) No one would ever think you were "dieting" eating those.

It takes time to figure it all out, but you really can enjoy a restaurant and time out with friends. Glad to have you on the boards. I look forward to hearing about your progress and your journey this time!

[cwalker 12]

I've had a BBq with friends and everyone moaning in delight over the many dishes and at first I was sad but I put my fork down and talked to friends then picked it up and took a bite drawing my meal out for the 20 minutes and when all was said and done my friends were miserable full and I was fine. It'll be a adjustment but you will br up for it, you'll do fine!!:001_wub: Carla

[Charmed 1]

I'm 6 months out and I love eating like a bird! It makes me feel so dang girlie and the fact that i've lost 110 pounds since my all time high, 75 since my sleeve means I don't have to worry about breaking the chairs at restaurants like I used to.

[NY Lou 204]

thank you so much to all who have replied. it definitely makes me feel better hearing all your stories and gives me hope and makes me feel that everything will be ok. i sincerely appreciate every single reply and wish continued success to you all.