Helping my children cope with comments

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

Wondering if other parents deal with this as well....

There are some very rude children where my kids go to daycare and they have made comments to my kids that my rear end is big. Now, keep in mind the kids making comments have parents who are overweight as well so I am not sure that it isn't just kids being kids however it really bothers my children.

I bought a new swimsuit this week because I believe my kids should not suffer this summer by not going swimming because I hate the way I look in a swimsuit. I bought a two piece with a tankini, I am fully covered in the torso area although because of a Tummy Tuck 3 years ago, it is flat. The bottoms are like boy shorts, the cut looks better one me cause of my large backside and thick legs. Anyway, I came downstairs with it on because we are going swimming today. My son was almost in tears and asked what I would do if people made comments about my fat legs.

So my default answer is "Sticks and stones..."

Any advice for me as to what else to tell them? You know, in 4 months or so, this will no longer be an issue but I want my kids to grow up respecting people of all shapes and sizes, I hate that they are learning this type of discrimination from other kids their age.

[SouthernSleever 228]

I just don't know. My 2 year old and I were in the bathroom waiting on my 5 year old. A woman with a big butt came in and my son started running circles around her saying "Big Butt Big Butt!" I was mortified. He wasn't saying it to be mean, just an observation and was really just singsonging to helpself. Lord knows I have a big rear. I think I'd just ask your kids how it makes them feel when they say things like that? Or "What would it feel like if someone did say something about my legs?" How would it make you feel?" Let them work through their own emotions about it, validate them, and then go about your day. It will show your children that no matter what people say about you, it is okay to be hurt and it's okay to go on with your life.

[SParkle 4]

I think you're doing a fab job Angie - sticks and stones is right. Do they know about your operation?

Can you sit them down and explain that you're not happy and you've done something about it, and you don't like what people say either, but in a few months time because you are getting out and doing something like swimming it'll help with your muscle tone so your legs will be toned and then they'll have nothing to shout about.

Chances are those shouting the comments aren't so wonderfully perfect either. This world of media pressure really annoys me that people are expected to conform to a certain mould.

People are people, all shapes and sizes, we all have hearts and souls and should be judged for that..

I think all of us have had comments in our lives.... hey ho... I know I am a lovely person inside no matter what size I am on the outside... and its their loss if they judge by that. You go for it babe....21.5lbs down.... you're doing great!!

Kathy

[Mary Gordon 3]

i think we should tell our kids, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a bit butt, or thick legs or whatever shape, size or body we have. God has given us this body for a reason and we shouldn't judge anyone or call them names for any reason. so i would sit down with my kids and explain to them the importance of this.

[SParkle 4]

i think we should tell our kids, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a bit butt, or thick legs or whatever shape, size or body we have. God has given us this body for a reason and we shouldn't judge anyone or call them names for any reason. so i would sit down with my kids and explain to them the importance of this.

Maybe we should tell the worlds media - all the hype about the size 0 supermodels, the message is getting through but not enough and not loud enough.

Kathy

[MlkPas 5]

Mary, you took the words right out of my mouth! "You have a big butt," is just a statement of fact, like "the sky is blue" or "you have curly hair."

I'd tell my kids, "Yes, Mommy has a big butt and curly hair and brown eyes and a big mouth so she can give you lots of kisses!!" They take their cue from you -- if you're not upset, they won't be, either.

[KZol 0]

With some of these kids, esp the very young ones, they're just curious (my daughter was about two when, in the grocery store, she pointed and said "Momma, why is that man so fat?" I just explained that people come in all different sizes and thank heaven I did, now that I am "that fat"!) With others, they're picking up a negative attitude from some adult in their lives, or even some other child. To YOUR child, whose mother is the most precious thing in the world to him, this must be (and obviously is) truly horrifying. I remember my kids hearing negative comments about the fact that I was a single mom, or identifying us as "trailer trash" because I was a very poor, very young single white mom with two small children close in age, and I always felt that the solution was similar--telling them that there are all kinds of people in the world, and sadly, some people had bad feelings about other kinds of people than themselves. We live in Arizona, where there is some nastiness toward the Spanish-speaking community, and I used that as an example--their eyes got big and my daughter said "But DORA speaks Spanish!" (Dora the Explorer) Something about the idea that someone could not like DORA seemed to really help them understand that people can be very unfair in their ideas and prejudices, and it's sad for them if they think that way, but we shouldn't feel bad because their wrong ideas are not our fault. It's really funny, all these years later, but it somehow feels so much more difficult explaining this to adults....

[mommaof4yoopers 3]

Angie, I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter the age we are or the age of the commenter it still stinks. A boy told #1 last year that he had a fat mom and I handled it well at the time but it still made me feel bad for him... to be honest I felt bad for me, too! Mostly I was concerned with how it made him feel and asked if he was ok, what he thought, etc. Being overweight my entire life, I hadn't approached the topic as often as I should have without making it about me. When it was around surgery time, I explained in a fairly simple way what the surgery was for and how it would change me and what we did around the house. They were mostly upset about the lack of fast food!

I think the others, and especially KZol, are right. We try to recognize the differences in people and accept it on face value. We often see amputees at the hospital and especially when we were going to Walter Reed Army Med. Center. The kids were always astounded at the "peg legs, hookie arms" you name it... so of course they would comment on it, usually shrieking "I see Captain Hook!" One time I was able to say, he's a captain just not Captain Hook. Parenting is difficult. It's moments like this when we get to know what our kids stand for and how things make them feel.

I hope you are feeling better about all of it, and had a fun time at the pool, too!

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

Thanks everyone. We did have a great time at the pool and my son was more worried about the comments/looks than I was. I have never been the smallest woman at the pool but have also never been the biggest.

The most troubling part of the comments that are made at daycare is that they are from kids that are old enough to know better.

Great idea to explain that we are all different and people come in all shapes and sizes!

[SParkle 4]

Great idea to explain that we are all different and people come in all shapes and sizes!

I'm so glad you enjoyed your day. How about using famous people who aren't all the ideal media size for your kids too..... Oprah springs to mind, Ricki Lake is another - and Barry White of course (such a fab singer too!!)

Just think of all the extra calories you burned up too at the pool.

Kathy

[Tiffykins 672]

Angie, I just wanna make you smile so here's a little story. You've already received great advice.

Mental Picture time:

Caysen and I roadtrippin' to Texas. Caysen playing with radio, me hollering at him to leave it alone. All of a sudden the song " I like big butts" (you know the one, I like big butts and I can't lie. You brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist) came on, and I started singing not thinking about Caysen being in the truck. And, he was like "ummm mom, if you boys like big butts, why'd you work so hard to make yours go away?"

I just laughed and I said " Bubs, it's just a song, and some guys like big butts, big guts, big lips, big hair, little butts, little legs, little lips, that's why God made us all different. It'd be awfully boring if we were all the same shape, height and size, right?" He said, "I guess, but clothes shopping with you wouldn't take as long, right?"

Smile, your kids love you. The kids that know better are the ones that typically have parents with the same behavior patterns.

[SParkle 4]

Angie, I just wanna make you smile so here's a little story. You've already received great advice.

Smile, your kids love you. The kids that know better are the ones that typically have parents with the same behavior patterns.

How fantastic!!! :scared0:

Kathy

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

Tiff, great story! I think that song surfaced in one of the Shrek movies maybe, or some other kids movie so my kids have heard that too but have not connected the words just yet...

I think one thing that scares me is my 8 year old daughter. She has a cute little figure now but I can tell between her and my 7 year old daughter that she will be more likely to have a weight problem. Lately I noticed that she inhales her food, it takes her no time to eat at all. I have tried to encourage her to eat slower and I can tell that there are times she does recognize this. She is a little gymnast and dancer so she is active but her eating habits scare me. I know it is up to me to make sure she develops good habits. My 7 year old eats hardly anything at all and my 8 year old boy eats well and alot of times skips dessert or candy at the movies.

Anyway, that was an aside but another concern about my children developing good self image and respect for others...

[kromrider 3]

Great story Tiff!