:001_unsure:so why do my mom feel the need to tell everybody. we had a fight today because i don't want the whole stinkin world to know aboutr my wls. i do feel guilty when people ask me how i did and i just say protien shakes and exercise but i leave out the sleeve part. am i lying?? should i feel bad???? but today my mom told a couple people at the gym i had weightloss surgery i was so piss!! she had no right and i have told her this twice. so now what?? i thinking about swicthing gyms that how upset i am!! and my guess was right every one has a bad thoughts about wls (now they looking at me funny mine you this are size 2 chicks!!) she should have not said anything. it wasn't her place. My sleeve does not help me get up everyday to run an hour my sleeve does not help me lift my weights it was just a tool i use that has helped me. Also now i'm getting lip from my sister(she has gained 30 pounds) and friends that the only reason why i can go to the gym like i do is because i only work 2 days a week (my bf stays in his parents old house when they moved back home so he has no rent but he still helps me a lot with my bills.and no we don't stay togather and we are not staying with each till he put a ring on my finger lol) so now i'm discredit for that! it really stressing me out it kinda like that question should we feel guilty for being happy like someone who wins a million dollars should they feel bad for wining and being happy or finally going to school or whatever. and you have that voice "well the only reason..........." i don't share my weightloss surgery with everybody it nobody biz right??

Edited April 16, 201016 yr by ryansgirl

You are absolutely right Nikki! I totally agree with you. Our sleeve is not a magic bullet that makes us work out or take care of our bodies like we're supposed to, hell, it doesn't even make us eat the "right" foods for that matter. Yea it helps us eat less but our sleeve doesn't "pick" our foods and make us not eat fattening foods. As there are plenty of people with WLS that indulge in "non-diet" foods during the losing stage. That is one reason I don't tell people about my surgery because they think it's the reason for the total package and it's not. It's still hard work, and we still should be given credit where credit is due. Nikki, I'm so sorry for your mom's inconsiderance to your feelings. I would be devasted just like you. I would react the same way, like wanting to change gyms. That must be very hard for you because she's your mom and it's such a fine line...

Hope everything works out, and hopefully she keeps her mouth shut and takes your feelings and wishes into consideration.

Yep!!! it's nobody biz!!! your mom should respect you and she should be a bit more discrete. if you're telling her you don't the whole world to know then she should respect your decision......and if you don't want to tell anyone, they don't really have to know how the hell you did it to lose weight.........so fight for your right!!! goodluck:thumbup:

You are absolutely right!

:001_unsure:so why do my mom feel the need to tell everybody. we had a fight today because i don't want the whole stinkin world to know aboutr my wls. i do feel guilty when people ask me how i did and i just say protien shakes and exercise but i leave out the sleeve part. am i lying?? should i feel bad???? but today my mom told a couple people at the gym i had weightloss surgery i was so piss!! she had no right and i have told her this twice. so now what?? i thinking about swicthing gyms that how upset i am!! and my guess was right every one has a bad thoughts about wls (now they looking at me funny mine you this are size 2 chicks!!) she should have not said anything. it wasn't her place. My sleeve does not help me get up everyday to run an hour my sleeve does not help me lift my weights it was just a tool i use that has helped me. Also now i'm getting lip from my sister(she has gained 30 pounds) and friends that the only reason why i can go to the gym like i do is because i only work 2 days a week (my bf stays in his parents old house when they moved back home so he has no rent but he still helps me a lot with my bills.and no we don't stay togather and we are not staying with each till he put a ring on my finger lol) so now i'm discredit for that! it really stressing me out it kinda like that question should we feel guilty for being happy like someone who wins a million dollars should they feel bad for wining and being happy or finally going to school or whatever. and you have that voice "well the only reason..........." i don't share my weightloss surgery with everybody it nobody biz right??:sad0:

Nikki,

I might as well jump in the boat with you because I know that once my mom finds out about my surgery (I won't be telling her until afterward), she's going to feel the need or right to tell everyone my business. I guess that's another reason I've decided to get over my strong desire to keep it private after the surgery. Since other people might try to gain attention or whatever by telling my business, I'm going to take some control over the situation by telling people the way I want to tell them, not the way someone else wants to tell them that I had surgery.

I know that my mom likes to feel important by being able to tell people this kind of stuff. I don't think she means any harm - I guess she just wants something interesting to say sometimes. So, I'm already prepared to be embarrassed. :blushing:

I definitely don't think this is something that needs to be shouted out at the gym. You don't owe those people any explanations. It's not like telling your friends or co-workers. I've decided to tell mine so I don't have to deal with the same questions every day about how I lost weight and why I'm not eating. Once the word is out, they can all leave me the heck alone and let me do my job.

I do think you should make sure your mom knows how you feel and that it's your business to tell people, not hers. Maybe you could try cancelling some trips to the gym or other places with her until she takes you seriously.

Nice move Mary. You should totally let people know about your surgery the way YOU want to tell them. It's your journey and your first-hand experience is the best way to let people kno about it. Good luck!!!

thanks so much guys. and i agree mary about telling people the way i want to but the thing i have founded out is some people just can't take your answer and move on with life they give you ten horror stories about this person aunt who had wlsect. so i stop telling people. as far as the gym thing goes i don't care what those people think anymore i pay my money to work out i'm on a mission and thats that. when i told my sisters i was really surprise that they had my back they scold my mother and told her that was not her given right we talk i forgive her but i still can't beilive she would do such a thing.

I totally feel you Nikki, last mth my grandmother died and we attended the funeral in Louisiana. Why did my mom announce to her sisters, "look how fabulous my daughter looks, she had WLS in Mexico only 2 mths ago!!!" I was horrified! In all fairness I'd never asked her not to tell others, I just thought that was a given knowing how private a person I am, but it never occurred to her that I might not want others to know. I just don't have the patience right now to deal with insensitive comments like the one from my girlfriend after I'd returned from MX, "don't you feel like you're cheating by having surgery?" My reply, " yes, cheating obesity, heart disease, and diabetes, but cheating weight loss no". I think you're feelings are very valid and hopefully you can make your mom understand how you feel...BTW, I still want to be like you when I grow up :-)

Edited April 17, 201016 yr by mistiblu

Last night I went out with friends and I had a drink of Water and was genuinely done eating for the day and was TOTALLY okay with it, the next thing I know my friend grabs the waitress and says, this is my friend she can't eat, but you wouldn't mind if we fed her some cottage cheese off the salad bar or something. I kept grabbing his leg to get him to stop but he went on like a bad dream, or don't worry Anna she doesn't mind, I mean seriously this girl can not eat!

My mom had my whole church praying for my safe return and I hadn't intended to tell any of the people from my home town. I get it Nikki. I finally had to very lovingly explain to my mom that this is hard work, that people don't understand it and judge it unfairly, and it is MY BODY. I get to tell who I want about it and I get to leave it alone with who I want. And there is nothing dishonest about saying you are eating a super restricted diet and exercising your butt off, you are! Don't let this take away from your victories, you have worked super hard to get where you are and you deserve every bit of it. No one else did this for you.

Girl, I'm right there with you.

My mother told my 2 evil step-sisters about my revision. Hell she had lapband in Nov 2007, and she refuses to tell anyone, but she blabbed her mouth about my surgery. Seriously, my step-sisters are like the step-sisters in Cinderella. They made fun of me, they made comments about my obesity, they made comments about my mom being fat, it was horrible. I was so livid, and hurt that she told them. She used the excuse "well, I had to tell them why you were on life support" ( you know when I had all the complications ). Anyways, of course, they don't say anything to my face, but I know they gossiped about me. It's just who they are.

It did feel pretty good going back home over spring break, and when they saw me they freaked out, and so did one of their husbands. Well, they freaked out because I am now way smaller than both of them. They were sweet about it, but they watched what I ate like a hawk after his prey. I was like, yeah give me a piece of that yummy Easter cake, and one of them said " you can eat cake, and stay that small?" I said "hell yeah, and I ate that steak and potato salad with salad before I had the cake." I only ate about 4 bites of cake, but I ate all the icing. Ha ha ha! ! !

I know it's frustrating, and I agree with you 100%, it's no one's business about your surgery. I am open about it when people genuinely ask, but I'm not waving a flag, or flashing a card out at restaurants letting the entire world of strangers know that I had WLS. It's so disrespectful, and I hope your mom quits telling people.

Nikki,

I agree with you that a lot of people don't know when to shut up about this kind of stuff. I'm glad your sisters are supporting you with mom.

Everyone, please check this out...

http://verticalsleevetalk.com/post-operation-vertical-sleeve-gastric-surgery-vsg-questions-answers/5046-snappy-comebacks-rude-comments-about-wls.html

Oooooooh my, Nikki I know exactly what you mean! My mother can't sit on a secret to save her soul. I don't intend to tell her when I have my surgery, and I frankly regret ever having told her I was even thinking about it. She is completely food obsessed and if you're at her house and you don't eat, that means you don't love her. At the same time she's always been very critical of my weight and keeps an eagle eye on my plate and my pants size....ERGH.

There was a point in my life about five years ago, where I sent my parents a very carefully worded email, asking them to please attempt to treat me with some respect if they wanted me in their lives. I made it clear that my children would always be available to them, but if they couldn't at least fake some respect for me I would have to take myself out of the equation. They were horrified and angry but they did make an effort, and it has been better since then. I'm sure it's hard for many parents to stop "parenting" their adult children and to treat them as equals....sometimes you have to ASK them to do it, you know?

Oooooooh my, Nikki I know exactly what you mean! My mother can't sit on a secret to save her soul. I don't intend to tell her when I have my surgery, and I frankly regret ever having told her I was even thinking about it. She is completely food obsessed and if you're at her house and you don't eat, that means you don't love her. At the same time she's always been very critical of my weight and keeps an eagle eye on my plate and my pants size....ERGH.

OMG, my mother and my MIL are the same way!!! I fell ya! :thumbup:

I made the decision before my surgery that I would tell everybody - before, during or after! I just didn't think I could stand the stress of the "cover-up"! I am not ashamed!!! I had surgery after years and years of yo-yo dieting. Nothing ever worked where I didn't gain all I had lost back plus some. I just hope I never offend anyone. Sometimes I just want to look at someone who is obese and say, "Haven't you heard about the sleeve?" But I keep my mouth shut because I would never intentionally hurt someone. But then again if they ask how I am losing all that weight, I feel free to share my journey with them.

I'm in a different stage of life, though. I realize that. I am 59 years old and truly no longer care what people are saying about me. Sure, it would hurt my feelings if it got back to me, but I realize it is their problem not mine.

I even thought that maybe I can help someone else who is watching my journey.

I am happy! My husband is happy! My grown children are happy! I am at peace with myself and with God. That's all that really matters!

When people I've not seen in awhile ask me how I got so skinny (their word, skinny), if I feel like it (and I usually do) I tell them through having surgery. Then they nod like they understand because they are assuming I mean plastic surgery. :001_huh: Then I have to explain to them that I mean WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY. "Ooooohhhhhh" is the response. :ohmy:Then they want to know HOW MUCH weight I lost. I tell 'em - 92 pounds to date. Again, another......"Wow!":001_unsure: I tell 'em, yeah, I'm doing great and feel good! That shuts them up and the subject is either changed OR they want to know the particulars, which I tell them. :laugh0: The big difference in my little story here and you guys who are upset because other people know, is that I don't care if they know. I'm proud of what I've accomplishing no matter how I accomplished it. I know each of you are too:thumbup:, so let that pride in yourselves shine through when you are questioned. If you come across as proud and confident in that this is the BEST thing you've EVER done for yourselves, others will pick up on that vibe too. Any negative comments are coming from jealous people or family members, to which you can merely say, "Oh, are you jealous?" and snicker at them and walk the F away from 'em. Know what I mean?!:biggrin2: AND if your Mom or boyfriend or whoever tells someone about your WLS surgery in your presence and that person starts looking at you a little funny, just say, "Yep, I sure did, and it's the BEST THING I ever did." End of conversation. Do not become embarrassed; nothing to be embarrassed about. It's all about empowerment, girls, and you definitely have that going on for you. Niki - go back to the gym and just act like you are the most proud, hottest mama in the place, and anyone who doesn't like it, can go to Hell. That's how I deal with it. You guys do the same.

thanks guys and you are all right. i went today to the gym and i had a blast as always with a friend. truth is i'm not covering up but i still don't tell everyone i come in contact with i did wls i don't see the point if they are not that big in my life about it just triedsom to tell any and everyone and explain over and over and over.....you get the picture.