Have disappointed your fans?

GayleTX · May 26, 2006

You have a wonderful way with words!!

I've lost 45 lb and nobody seems to have noticed. I warned my family in advance this was a slow process and they haven't expected much.

Please don't let other people control your feelings. They are yours!!

Morsaille · May 26, 2006

Thanks again ladies, you all are so special!

I am not sure if she has it in her to be the kind of friend I need right now, but I will give her scrawny backside a chance. We are getting together next week. She was very supportive when I quit smoking, but has made comments about my weight from time to time. Like, for example, the time she compared me to the bouncer she met. "He would make even you look diminutive." Sweet huh?

We used to work together. I left the job behind three years ago; if she doesn't shape up... I'm gonna pelt her with something foul and sticky!

Love you guys!

cathmo · May 26, 2006

Your friend sounds like a friend of mine. My friend was totally against me having this surgery, even though over two years ago, she had the RNY surgery herself. She has gained some of her weight back, and now she's mad at me for getting banded! I saw her on Tuesday, and she started describing her lunch to me (while I'm on a liquid diet!!) How mean is that? I told her that I didn't want to hear about her lunch as I am dealing with only being on a liquid diet. She told me, "I had to deal with that when I had my surgery!". I just thought it was absolutely insensitive. I've decided that if she does that again or talks negatively about me having this surgery, I'm going to tell her that she is being insensitive and I can't talk to her anymore if she is going to act like this. I was very supportive of her when she went through her surgery, and I really don't appreciate her attitude.

You should say something to your friend, like "why can't you be happy for the success that I've had so far, do you know how hard it has been for me to get this much weight off so far?" Something like that..... and then tell her if she can't be supportive of you, then you will have no choice but to stay away from her.

Elisabethsew · May 27, 2006

I would not call that person a friend at all. For the reasons you described, I chose NOT to go public with my surgery. Only 2 other people know and both are 100% supportive. I too am trying to "find" restriction and having people around who point out how much weight you DIDN'T lose is not healthy.

Morsaille · May 27, 2006

Where do you live cathmo? You can be my new friend!

cathmo · May 27, 2006

I'm in northwest Arkansas.... Fayetteville. :cake:

Cathy

Where do you live cathmo? You can be my new friend!

Morsaille · May 27, 2006

Thats OK, you can be my online friend... WA is just a click away.

LapBandit · May 27, 2006

I completely understand your situation!

I tried to avoid telling my co-workers about the surgery for the same reason you are going through. I really have a hard time with people who assume all WLS means the Gastric Bypass and they expect you drop weight like crazy. I find myself the spokesperson for the band almost daily and it drives me nuts. There are so many misconceptions about the band.

Hang in there, you're doing great so far. Your friend probably means well but may be confused. If you value her friendship, and it seems like you do, then try to explain to her once again how this surgery works and how it differs from other surgeries. If you give her the info and a chance to be more supportive and then she still acts negative, then I'd say she may just be jealous and perhaps isn't your best source for encouragement. If so, use us instead!

Good luck!

sleepyjean · May 27, 2006

This comes under the "easier said than done" category, but...

You're putting all this energy into wondering why she's being snarky. Maybe she doesn't know it's bugging you. Maybe she's just concerned. Or maybe she's doing it because she knows it bothers you. Or because it makes herself feel better. Or because she's just evil like that. Whatever it is, it's not going to stop all by itself.

I think writing her off when you've got this many questions in your head is a bad idea. Why not find out the answers? Next time she makes one of her comments, look her dead in the eye say "look, I'm struggling. This is <b>hard</b> for me and your comments are making it even harder. I don't know if you are trying to support me or trying to hurt my feelings. Lately, it seems more like you're trying to hurt my feelings. What's going on?"

Her response to that question will tell you all that you need to know. She'll either

1. be apologetic and change her ways

2. pretend like she's apologetic but <b>not</b> change her ways

3. get angry/defensive

If it's anything but #1, you'll know it's time to kick her to the curb and you won't have to spent one more minute of your life worrying about her or wondering if you should've given her the benefit of the doubt.

cathmo · May 27, 2006

I'd be proud to be your friend! :grouphug:

Cathy

Thats OK, you can be my online friend... WA is just a click away.

nursekathy2u · May 28, 2006

I have a co-worker that watches everything I eat and comments about it.. And just the other day my boss was proud of me for something and said "I ought to take you out to a nice dinner... Oh.. Im so sorry.. I forgot you cant eat" I guess Im not supposed to eat any more...And every day people at work ask me how much I have lost.. the same people.. over and over like they are obsessed with it.

chabutter · May 28, 2006

chin up girl, you are losing weight for yourself, and not anyone else. Twenty five pounds is a huge difference. Its a small child and nothing to take lightly.

Slow weightloss equals LASTING weight loss. Your friend is not your scale, not is she your coach, and she obviously doesnt understand that weight cannot be lost over night. If its worth it, make sure you enforce this with her and tell her to back off

The way she is rushing you, is making me almost feel like she must not want the best for you, or maybe is experiencing a little bit of envy. (from my own personal friend experiences)...

fiveholts714 · May 28, 2006

A bit. And that is also what I was kind of afraid of. People asking me all the time about how much weight I have lost and being disappointed if it wasn't enough. That's a great reason for NOT telling people you are banded! But it's too late now. I've told people.

Woodys · May 28, 2006

This is exactly why I have told only a few very close people who I can anticipate their reaction either way. I sure do not need to open myself up to other's "measurement" of my success or failure....only I am allowed to measure my success.

I am the one that made the decision to be banded, I am the one who will be controling my food and beverage intake, I am the one who paid for it, I am the one who has to live with the consequences if I fail, I am the one who will live with everything good when I succeed.....only my thoughts, comments, complaints matter..........everyone else can keep their toxic comments to themselves and I will tell them that......positive motivating comments I'll accept with thanks.

Carol

gentlespirit · May 28, 2006

I don't think she's the kind of "friend" you need now. Sounds like she's more interested in telling you her "stuff" than making it a two-way street. Sometimes we just outgrow people and need to move on. If she's really important to you (which it doesn't sound like), you could try educating her, but I'd guess she won't be interested...too self absorbed.

Emily