Best friend is trying to talk me out of surgery

January 4, 2010

Did anyone have their best friend try to talk them out of the surgery? I dont wonder if she is a bit jealous. She is just a bit smaller than me. I told her what my plans are and she told me I needed a psycologist to figure out why I stuff my face and not a surgery.

I do tend to eat emotionally, but I have other health reasons that are prompting my choice for surgery. Mainly it is a doctors advice for me to have the surgery.

Just wondering if anyone else experienced this and how they handled it. '

Thanks!

Tiffykins · January 4, 2010

My mom was absolutely against me revising to the sleeve because she has a band, and she just lives the deplorable life of a bandster, and thought I should just "accept" it.

I told my mom, it's my body, my quality of life, and my future. I'm an adult, and I am going to do this for me, and my future health.

Tell your friend that "jealousy is like a bad cold, and you hope she gets well soon."

Okay, that might not work for everyone, but don't let her negate your want or need for surgery if it's something you've decided for yourself, and your health.

January 4, 2010

Thanks for the advice! I have my heart set on this, just a little disappointing that my best friend is not on board!

MidwestGirl · January 4, 2010

I kind of know how you feel. My brother, sister-in-law, and a few friends are "supportive" but think it's a mistake for me to have surgery. We just don't really talk about it. Luckily I also have people who DO support me and I am scheduled to have my sleeve done 4 hours from now! :thumbup: I agree with Tiffy, it's about YOU and your health and your life & if your friend can't understand that, then she obviously has issues of her own that she needs to work out.

As for her remark about you needing to see a psychiatrist, yes it's an emotional journey as well, but my bariatric clinic provides a psych eval as one of the qualifications for surgery, and though I'm sure that varies, I think any really good program should include that as a part of the program because it's just as important. I am (was) an emotional eater as well so I understand that part! It's just something ya gotta think past. :biggrin0:

January 4, 2010

Good luck on your surgery today! Best wishes!

DownInSocal · January 4, 2010

My best friend was on board and all for it. However my best friend is male and thin.

You are doing this for yourself. You may find after surgery that your personal relationships change. Some of mine have changed a lot more than I ever expected. I think this friend might be afraid that after you get thin you won't want to hang out with someone fat. I would reassure her that your friendship will always be there but you are moving forward with surgery.

Your friends comment was rude and hurtful. You may not need a "friend" like that anyway.

Good luck.

i1Linda · January 4, 2010

Stephanie,

My thoughts is that she is either jealous and insecure (worried that she would be considered the heavier friend) or she is completely uninformed about WLS. Do this for yourself. The sleeve is the best thing I have ever done for myself.

KarenE · January 4, 2010

Ok I have abit of a different take. My hubby doesn't want me to have the sleeve because he is worried. He was all for the band because it removable,which I found out is was{WINK WINK}. He wants me to have a new band,but the sleeve is what I really always wanted. Now that there is a chance to get the insurance to pay for it is what I want. I respect his feelings he also went through alot when things didn't work out with my band( a story for a different time),but it is after all my body.

So your friend might just be scared for you. I would say to her that the therapy is a good idea and you respect her opnion but ultimately it is your body and you hope that she can support you in this. I have had to say this to my hubby.

It might be all that the others have said but I hope since you said she is your best friend that her motives are pure even though they might not be.

All the best

thinoneday · January 5, 2010

My DH was really against me getting the band. . . i wanted that thing so badly, i researched it for 2 years or so and finally after 1 1/2 years got him to come to a seminar. . well after the seminar, where they explained all 3 surgeries, band, sleeve, and RNY, i didn't want to dash all hopes so i didn't say anything til we got to the car. . . then i carefully asked "so what do you think". . . he said "I'm not supporting you for the band" I was so angry that i could have screamed my head off at him, but instead i contained myself, sat down in the car and asked "how come" . . . he looked at me and said. . " I'll never support you with the band, but I definately will support you 100% with the sleeve, you can get that if you want". . . i nearly fell out of the car. . . I hadn't even thought about the sleeve at this point. . . so i said "ok thanks hon" drove home, ate supper without a word, got onto the computer and started investigating this sleeve. . . well now I'm sleeved as of 12/29/09 and have been doing ok so far. . . haven't lost anything 7 days out because of really bad swelling . . . .but whatever, it will come off, how can't it, i'm living on stupid popsicles, sf Jello, broth, and flavored water! hahahaha. . . it takes time, but that is ok. . . I have all my life to wait too . . .

deedee · January 5, 2010

I am sorry you're going through this. I had a good friend who was not for my decision to have surgery when I first brought it up. Over the last few years, we've yo-yo dieted together many, many times and her bmi has fluctuated between 28-35, so she is smaller than me (mine 34-40). After talking it through with her, I realized her issues were that she was not educated on WLS or the statistics regarding diets. She didn't really want to be educated so I never shared with her much about it. The result definitely speaks for itself. She is very happy and supportive of my decision to get healthy and she says I inspire her to try a new diet, which she just began in December. There are no negative feelings and we still do a lot together, I just wish she understood that "another diet" would not have helped me be this successful, but she is not ready to hear it yet.

I hope you can work through this with her since you are such great friends. Maybe time will help?

barbannn · January 5, 2010

I guess what I think has already been voiced. It has got to totally be your decision, I think if a friend wanted you to do it and you were reluctant, then you shouldn't. I think it is a very scary sounding procedure. My hubbie was worried I might not comply with all the post-op rules and be sick or damage the sleeve. I guess I would try and believe that she is less-informed than you and believes you can do it with diet and exercise - which fails for 97% of folks in the long run. I told my hubbie, "it was time to get busy living or get busy dying." I wanted to live a long, active life with him and our one-day grandchildren. I feel this surgery will make that a much greater possibility. Again, Stephanie, it is your body and it is permanent. Decide what feels right to you, she will come around.

i1Linda · January 5, 2010

I am sorry you're going through this. I had a good friend who was not for my decision to have surgery when I first brought it up. Over the last few years, we've yo-yo dieted together many, many times and her bmi has fluctuated between 28-35, so she is smaller than me (mine 34-40). After talking it through with her, I realized her issues were that she was not educated on WLS or the statistics regarding diets. She didn't really want to be educated so I never shared with her much about it. The result definitely speaks for itself. She is very happy and supportive of my decision to get healthy and she says I inspire her to try a new diet, which she just began in December. There are no negative feelings and we still do a lot together, I just wish she understood that "another diet" would not have helped me be this successful, but she is not ready to hear it yet.

I hope you can work through this with her since you are such great friends. Maybe time will help?

I had nearly the exact same experience, however, my friend was really supportive in the beginning but less so now. It's seems that my weight loss is a reminder to her that she is still overweight and not doing anything about it. It's gotten to the point, where I rarely mention my weight loss and neither does she. I don't think my friend is being negative "on purpose" or rather I hope not. But I think it is more on a subconscious level.

January 5, 2010

Thanks for all the support. I think she may have some fears about me having the surgery and maybe even wanting it herself. Im moving forward with my plans and have 2 meetings this week with surgeons. Hopefully I will like who I meet this week and I can move forward with my plans. My parents and husband are supportive, that is more than enough support for me.

Thanks guys!

ana · January 5, 2010

my parents passed away, my husband, my mother in law and some of my friends try to talk me out , however they don"t feel my pain !!!!!

I refuze to die and leave this world without knowing how it feels to feel good about my self, i want to were a dress in the summer time!, i want to were a 2 piece at the beach!, I want to were low cut jeans! my 4 year old said to me "mommy you're fat! you're fat mommy! daddy said you're fat! but i love you!!!!"

I will have my surgery and nobody could talk me out!!!

longhorn · January 5, 2010

I guess what I think has already been voiced. It has got to totally be your decision, I think if a friend wanted you to do it and you were reluctant, then you shouldn't. I think it is a very scary sounding procedure. My hubbie was worried I might not comply with all the post-op rules and be sick or damage the sleeve. I guess I would try and believe that she is less-informed than you and believes you can do it with diet and exercise - which fails for 97% of folks in the long run. I told my hubbie, "it was time to get busy living or get busy dying." I wanted to live a long, active life with him and our one-day grandchildren. I feel this surgery will make that a much greater possibility. Again, Stephanie, it is your body and it is permanent. Decide what feels right to you, she will come around.

Hey barbannn. Love the Shawshank Redemption quote. One of my top 5 fav movies. "Get busy living or get busy dying, that's damn right!"

I guess this thread is a good example of why I'm in favor of keeping the decision a very private one. Outside of ones immediate family I just don't see the need. Of course I understand women often do feel the need to share.