To Tell ....or not to tell

[attitudefree 2]

Do most of you tell friends,family or people at work about having WLS or do you keep it private. I guess they will figure it out but not sure how many people I want to know about it in the early stages.

What did you do?

[Phoenixrising 0]

It really does depend on your comfort level with sharing personal information in general. I am pretty open about my life anyway so telling folks about surgery was not a big deal for me. Most folks were supportive, some thought I was nuts for having WLS especially in Mexico and others had little or no reaction.

When I started losing weight I got a lot of attention from folks and I think it was easier for me because I did not have to explain "after the fact". People will notice weight loss especially as quickly as we lose post op.

Some folks tell me I am losing too much. The best comeback I heard for those comments is "Actually I am trying to get down to my birth weight so I still have a way to go". Shuts folks right up.

My experience has been from reading these posts is that the more private a person is overall the more likely they are not to tell folks they are having the surgery.

[attitudefree 2]

I like your comment- "trying to get to your birth weight"-- lol I may borrow that one!

[BobBayCityMI 111]

I am selective in who I tell. Even some family I chose not to share my upcoming surgery with because I was not ready for the battle I may get. "You know, if you just stick to a diet and exercise..." I told a couple of people at work just so if I need additional time for appointments and such, they will know. It is an individual decision for me, as I am sure it is for most. Now I know I will get the questions after the weight starts coming off.

[*susan* 1,709]

Like others have said, it is a very personal decision. I have told those who are close to me and some of my coworkers. Then, when they were talking to others who mentioned they could tell I was losing weight, they told them about my surgery. It wasn't in a negative manner, it was because they are happy for me. So far, everyone has been very supportive about my decision and ask a lot of questions about the process.

[Chancie 65]

Weight loss AND weight gain is very personal....

But I chose to tell only a select few int he beginning... of course my employer, because I was already out on a LOA- but wanted to explain my decision. I HAD to improve my life to be able to continue to work.

I didn't even tell my kids until a few weeks before the surgery so I could get transportation to the hospital!!:blushing:

When I did go back to work... I had lost about 25 pounds, and people noticed "something different"

I decided to tell whoever asked... there is not "Secret Cure" for losing weight, and I wsn't trying to "fool" anyone...

I felt that at least I was in controll of what was said. Alot of people didn't even notice until i lost a signifigant amount! And would ask how I did it... well.. working in retail.. i figured by the time I told ONE person... the whole store would know it!

But I have alot of support there.... people I didn't think would support my decision have!

The only problem with people knowing that you had weight loss surgery is they all say " don't get tooo thin"

That TOO... is a personnal decision. And thats what i tell them.

They have only known me as obese... so of course seeing me lose weight is different for them too.

Chancie

[Malaika 50]

I chose not to tell anyone except Bearded, and my two closest friends. Everyone at work is very judgemental and I didn't want the policing my every move, etc., etc. What I told them was that I had a hiatal hernia repaired- which is the truth - and that I had to follow a special diet to give the swelling time to subside. As it turns out - the only issue I am having is where the hiatal hernia was repaired (spasming) and I am told that may take up to 6 months to dissipate. I have also been told to stay on mushies another 4-6 weeks, so the weight loss is a given. Although I've lost 30 lbs, hardly anyone at work has even noticed.

None of my family live nearby, so I didn't see any reason to involve them and cause them worry and concern.

I think it is a very personal choice and only you will know what the right decision is.

[ash 5]

I agree--it is a personal choice. My mother and sisters know, and my mom supported me so much that she has helped me pay for the surgery. My husband's family is HUGE, you have no idea, so we finally told his parents because they'd be mad if they found out later...they are big into praying for people. We told my husbands siblings and a few of my friends just for support. Now that I've had the surgery, I don't really see the need to tell anyone unless it comes up. I also had a hiatal hernia repaired during surgery, so now VegasAngel has given me an idea of what to say when people see me not eating! I have a few big events coming up while I'm still on liquids, so I know people are going to ask.

There was only one person who wasn't too supportive, and I was disappointed because I consider her to be like a second mom to me. I think she was just more concerned and thought that I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. She said something like, "Better you than me" and it hurt my feelings. But other than that, everyone has been very supportive.

[Nanna509 1]

At first only my husband and chldren knew, then I decided to tell a few friends. Now I somewhat wish that I hadn't. None of them have ever had a weight problem and of course they've all seen me try a hundred times to loose weight. None of them were negative, they just weren't overly supportive either. I sometimes feel like I'm the "fat friend". I'm the one in the group who makes everyone else feel better about the 10 or 15 extra pounds they carry. With that, it will be interesting to see their response to my weight loss. I'm preparing myself for some drastic changes in a few relationships.

I haven't told anyone at work. I just told my boss I was having a hernia repaired. I have lunch with a few co-workers almost everyday so it will be hard to explain the liquid diet for so long. I've struggled with IBS for years so there have been time I couldn't eat for days at a time, but not like a month. I start my pre-op in 10 days so I guess I'd better figure out what to tell them. I don't want to lie, but I definately don't want to tell these people!

[Malaika 50]

At first only my husband and chldren knew, then I decided to tell a few friends. Now I somewhat wish that I hadn't. None of them have ever had a weight problem and of course they've all seen me try a hundred times to loose weight. None of them were negative, they just weren't overly supportive either. I sometimes feel like I'm the "fat friend". I'm the one in the group who makes everyone else feel better about the 10 or 15 extra pounds they carry. With that, it will be interesting to see their response to my weight loss. I'm preparing myself for some drastic changes in a few relationships.

I haven't told anyone at work. I just told my boss I was having a hernia repaired. I have lunch with a few co-workers almost everyday so it will be hard to explain the liquid diet for so long. I've struggled with IBS for years so there have been time I couldn't eat for days at a time, but not like a month. I start my pre-op in 10 days so I guess I'd better figure out what to tell them. I don't want to lie, but I definately don't want to tell these people!

Nanna - tell them you are on a doctor-suprervised diet in an effort to get a flare-up of your IBS under control prior to having to have surgery to repair your hernia. As for the post-op diet - you have to be on that after surgery to allow the "repair" to heal.

[learned2bskinny 81]

I chose not to tell anyone! The only person that knows is my middle son, since he lives with me and was my transportation to and from Mexico. He is very supportive and has told no one. I just explained to him that this is a very private decision and I would prefer nobody knows right now. My family and friends would have killed me if they knew I went to Mexico for surgery!!! Now, after the fact, when I decide time is right, it will be Water under the bridge and they will have no reason to criticize me.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I lost my weight with the band. I didn't tell people I got the band. I lost weight very slowly with the band, so everyone knew I was dieting. I told people I was eating smaller portions and exercising.

I really haven't lost much since I got the

sleeve, because I was close to goal from the band. I was just tired of living with the band. I had the band over 2 years ago, so people are used to me by now, being at this weight.

[DownInSocal 12]

I have told everyone I am having the sleeve but I am a huge blabber. Almost nothing is too personal for me to talk about. I have received varied reactions. Most have been supportive, saying "You need to do what is right for you". Many have said "What? You don't need it" I have no idea why people say this. I am 80lbs overweight, I need it! I just reply "Uhhh because I am fat" or "You have never seen me skinny" or I just ignore it.

With all that said I am not telling my step children just yet, maybe never. I don't know why. Maybe I feel like they will judge me (stupid yes) or discount my weight loss because it was from surgery. I also don't want their mother to know, that might actually be the real reason. It will just be another thing she can talk down to me and talk bad about me with the kids. Luckily we don't have even close to the same social circle so the chances of her finding out are nill. Exes are so much fun.........NOT.

[*susan* 1,709]

Oh my gosh!! We sound so much alike. My husband's ex refers to me as "the fat lady." I hate that. They have three kids together from when they were married. The daughters and I do not get along and do not speak. The son and I get along great. But, like you, I have no interest in them learning about my surgery because it will just be more fuel to add to their fire.

[DownInSocal 12]

Oh my gosh!! We sound so much alike. My husband's ex refers to me as "the fat lady." I hate that. They have three kids together from when they were married. The daughters and I do not get along and do not speak. The son and I get along great. But, like you, I have no interest in them learning about my surgery because it will just be more fuel to add to their fire.

Ugh. She is teaching her kids to be nasty, that is the saddest part to me.

My husband's ex is heavy also, about the same range as me so she can't talk about my weight. She is jealous of everything though. I am younger than her. I also think I am prettier but :tongue2:. I have a degree. I am successful and independent. Her jealousy will just get worse as I lose more weight. If she knows I have surgery she will use it as an excuse to discount the loss. I admit it. I want it to burn her up inside. You have no idea what she has put us and the kids through. I won't bore you all with it.

Sorry about hijacking the thread!