Fear: Friend Or Foe?

[Jean McMillan 2,973]

Are you afraid of an unhappy outcome of your weight loss surgery? You're not alone. Use your fear to conquer obstacles rather than letting it conquer you

For most of us starting a WLS journey, bariatric surgery is vast, uncharted territory, full of unknowns. We long for a happy outcome – maximum weight loss with minimum problems. We listen to stories told by other patients with a combination of hope (to be as successful as they’ve been) and fear (that we won’t experience the side effects or complications they talk about).

No one wants to be haunted by the specter of anxiety and dread, but I think a little bit of fear is a good thing. I don’t want fear to dominate my life, but without it, I’m likely to become complacent about my weight loss success and/or revert to the old, all-too-comfortable ways that made me obese in the first place. In small doses, fear keeps me on my toes.

Like pain tolerance, fear tolerance varies from one person to the next. Perhaps I’m able to tolerate and use fear because my childhood and adolescence were so full of fear-provoking experiences. By the time I was in my late 20’s, I actually got a little thrill out of fear, possibly because it stimulates adrenalin production. There’s nothing quite like a knife coming at you to activate your fight-or-flight system, causing a perverse fear “rush”.

At the same time, prolonged exposure to fear has also taught me to respect it. I don’t play with fear the way daredevils like Evel Knievel did, risking life and limb for the brief thrill of jumping 14 buses at a time with his motorcycle. But I do like the way fear can clear my mental field, forcing me to draw a line between important and unimportant. When the choice is survival or surrender, I’d rather choose survival. I’m not a quitter. When challenged, I’m going to fight back, especially if something precious like my health is at stake.

If fear tends to paralyze rather than mobilize you, you may have to use your own compass to navigate a problem, or play follow-the-leader (provided you have a trustworthy leader) instead. Whatever you do, don’t give in. Giving in turns you into a victim (click here to read an article about victim mentality: http://www.lapbandta...-of-obesity-r79), which is not a position of strength in any battle worth fighting. And your health is worth fighting for, isn’t it?

So, how can you make fear a working partner in your WLS journey? Let’s take a closer look at two of the more common faces of fear.

FEAR OF FAILURE

Somewhere between my first, mandatory pre-op educational seminar and my pre-op liver shrink diet, I became uncomfortably aware of a shadow that followed me everywhere. It was dark and scary, and even bigger than I was. It was my fear of failure. After decades of struggle – diets, weight loss, weight gain – I felt that WLS was my absolute last chance to be healthy. And after slogging through all those pre-op tests, evaluations, consults and procedures, I danged well was not going to fail this time.

Since I had to admit that my weight management skills were sadly lacking back then (as amply proven by the number on the scale and the numbers in my medical files), the only option available to me was to become the most compliant patient my surgeon ever had (click here to read an article about patient compliance: http://www.lapbandta...g-deal-abo-r112). I had to believe that he and his staff knew what they were doing and would guide me well. I’m a very curious and often mouthy person, so I asked a lot of questions and did my best to understand what was going on in me and around me, but I spent very little time trying to second-guess the instructions I was given. That approach freed up a lot of time and energy that I was then able to devote to changing my eating and other behaviors in ways that helped my weight loss.

FEAR OF COMPLICATIONS

Compliance served me well I this area also. I can’t claim that I was never tempted to cheat on my pre or post-op diets or to test my band’s limits. I can’t claim that I believed I’d be forever exempt from the side effects and complications I heard about from other WLS patients. But when my dietitian told me (for example) that I’d be mighty sorry if I accidentally swallowed a wad of chewing gum and had to have it scraped out of my stoma, I quickly lost my interest in chewing gum. When I observed that many bandsters experienced certain types of side effects and complications after engaging in certain types of risky behaviors, I resolved not to follow them down the road of no return.

Eventually I discovered that life after WLS can deliver some unpleasant surprises, just as in every other aspect of life. I had to learn some things the hard way, like: If you swallow a large antibiotic capsule that can’t pass through your stoma and slowly dissolves into a corrosive mess, you will end up in the ER thinking you’re having a heart attack (and end up with a big unfill). And no, liquid antibiotics don’t taste good, but they taste a lot better than the weight I regained after that unfill.

Most of the mistakes I made were the result of impatience or carelessness, but I did my best to learn from those mistakes and keep moving on. A handful of mistakes was about all it took for me to decide not to challenge the validity of my surgeon’s and dietitian’s instructions, and that kept me trudging along the bandwagon trail, getting ever closer to my weight goal. And once I reached that wonderful place, I was determined to stay there!

[Alex Brecher 10,486]

Great article Jean! Thanks as always for your great contribution.

[Maddysgram 6,159]

Ditto Alex, always enjoy your articles.

You're always keeping it real.