What About Our Fat Friends And Relatives

[sparkplug 106]

Everybody is so right on here! Being a yo yo dieter my whole life, I would never approach somebody and tell them they need to lose weight, even when I was down to size 8-10 years ago. I did not say anything to anyone in the beginning because I was not sure if this was going to work for me since I have been down before and gained it all back and then some. Being at goal for 4 years I would gladly tell anybody that wanted to know about the surgery. My husband has been my biggest supporter from day one. He told me when I gained all the weight from quitting smoking and my "change" that he was confident when the time was right I would be able to get it off with the surgery. He feels he must tell everyone how great I am and had the surgery to look this fantastic! Geezz, he will even tell strangers if they see I don't much in the restaurant, he feels he has to explain. Oh well, he always adds at the end how wonderful I look so it is awful hard to get and stay mad at him. Maybe because I am older, it doesn't mean how much what other people think, I did this for ME and ME alone! If they want to know about it, I will tell them but if they don't, so be it! Never be ashamed or let anyone put you down because of this surgery, I tried everything before having this surgery and never regretted it for a minute.

[lisapereira66 18]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I can totally see what you all are saying about hurting others feelings. I guess I just feel so good that I want everyone I love, and know is hurting due to weight, to have the chance to feel like this.

There are 2 people in particular I wanted to speak to about this. One is my younger sister and the other a best friend. I didn't mention that my older sister passed away 3 years ago due to weight. Well she had a heart attack, but it was due to type 2 diabetes and her weight. I had to have a stint in my heart 10 years ago and I'm only 46 now. So I just don't feel like talking to my younger sister is a matter of being mean or nice, it's a matter of life or death.

And my girlfriend. The reason I was thinking about talking to her is because when I began this journey I was talking to her and told her about how I was changing my eating and I was determined to get the weight off this time. I didn't mention I was having surgery. She agreed and said she was going to try to lose weight too. So the other day when I spoke to her and mentioned I had lost a little over 40lbs I could hear the sadness in her voice. Not that she was sad for me but, I could kinda tell she was thinking, **** if I really started when she did I could be 40 lbs down by now too. All this while knowing that if I didn't have the surgery there is NO WAY I would be down 40 by now. I feel guilty. I feel like I should tell her i had the surgery and if its something she might be interested in, she shouldn't be afraid, it's the best thing I ever did.

Still not sure if I will even tell anyone. In one way I think it's no ones business but in another way I think if I tell people it may be easier for them to consider it for themselves. I'm not really concerned about my skinny friends and family because I know it's not something they will ever understand.

Thanks for listening,

Lisa

[LiveStrong41 51]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I can totally see what you all are saying about hurting others feelings. I guess I just feel so good that I want everyone I love, and know is hurting due to weight, to have the chance to feel like this.

There are 2 people in particular I wanted to speak to about this. One is my younger sister and the other a best friend. I didn't mention that my older sister passed away 3 years ago due to weight. Well she had a heart attack, but it was due to type 2 diabetes and her weight. I had to have a stint in my heart 10 years ago and I'm only 46 now. So I just don't feel like talking to my younger sister is a matter of being mean or nice, it's a matter of life or death.

And my girlfriend. The reason I was thinking about talking to her is because when I began this journey I was talking to her and told her about how I was changing my eating and I was determined to get the weight off this time. I didn't mention I was having surgery. She agreed and said she was going to try to lose weight too. So the other day when I spoke to her and mentioned I had lost a little over 40lbs I could hear the sadness in her voice. Not that she was sad for me but, I could kinda tell she was thinking, **** if I really started when she did I could be 40 lbs down by now too. All this while knowing that if I didn't have the surgery there is NO WAY I would be down 40 by now. I feel guilty. I feel like I should tell her i had the surgery and if its something she might be interested in, she shouldn't be afraid, it's the best thing I ever did.

Still not sure if I will even tell anyone. In one way I think it's no ones business but in another way I think if I tell people it may be easier for them to consider it for themselves. I'm not really concerned about my skinny friends and family because I know it's not something they will ever understand.

Thanks for listening,

Lisa

Lisa, I can TOTALLY relate to your story! I don't doubt your sincerity for a minute! And know this, no matter what you decide you know your heart is in the right place, just like Dee's was, and that's what matters most. Maybe as more time passes your sister and friend will come to you with questions and you can tell them as much as they would like to know. Best wishes!!! And, if you're like me, sometimes I feel guilty about my friend who is struggling too (although she does know about my wls). Her sister had lapband and also the sleeve, but gained back a lot of weight. So between her fear of surgery and different negative experiences she's heard about she is not interested in surgery at this time. However she also tells me how jealous she is that I'm "getting skinny." Her idea that I will lose all my excess weight makes her both sad and jealous (this is what she told me), but I know she is also happy for me. I keep telling myself that I HAVE TO remember how important my continued weight loss is. I love her, but I know that I cannot let her conflicted feelings change my attitude. Before having this surgery I honestly felt like my life was not worthy. Obviously that is a mental health issue too, but the fact of the matter is my family suffered right along with me because my morbid obesity only amplified my bouts with depression. Long story short (sorry for the random rambling), you do what you need to do for YOU. And if that means talking to your sister and best friend (or not) then so be it. It's not like you're approaching strangers or co-workers and talking to them about losing weight. ha. You'll know if the time is right, if ever. I wish you the very best!!! ❤

[hopetolose 192]

It is a catch 22, isn't it. You want to tell people about it because it helped your own personal well being, but you don't want to make them feel bad or mad because they are personally against WLS...

If they see your success and they know you had WLS, they will ask questions when they are ready to.

Good luck!!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Lead by example.

I will tell anyone who is interested to Listen and learn. I will not push it on anyone. Their weight is not imy concern anyway.... Just remember how mortified you would have been if someone suggested you get the band, have any wls or even diet. You just don't tell people that stuff..

You can however be a walking billboard for success and that will motivate others more than anything.

[icestorm12132008 39]

I did a lot of soul searching and it was out and out desperation on some level when I chose to seek out getting a Lap-band. Everyone gets banded for different reasons nobody's reasons are exzactly the same. For me it was in an attempt to end my life long struggle with my weight, and I'd tried everything else and nothing seemed to move the weight off.

I"m still working on my weight and I'm at my first year with banding and I'm still working on it.

I have had some folks ask me about banding and my experience with it. I tell them the truth the good and the bad. I also tell them who i see for my care and tell them that if this is something they are considering for themselves, to check out my surgon's web-site and if they have any more questions feel free to ask.

My youngest sister is quite overwight and she is in the obessee category I think. She has asked me what lap banding is like and what I can and can't eat. I had not talked to her in about six months since my surgery and she offered to take me out shopping to get a new article of clothing. She did not believe that I was in the smallest size in the store(laynebryant).

She was in shock when she saw that i was in fact smaller then her.

My sister no longer talks to me about the weight.

I look at it this way, we all have our "come to Jesus moment". I had mine a few years ago when my reproductive endocrinologist told me quite plainly that my obesity was killing me and that until I got the weight under ontrol thru surgery a baby would never happen.

This is a personal and sometimes private journey and sometimes those that love and care for us (our friends and family) might react harshly due to our weight loss. WE have to realize that the flaw is not withn ourselves but within our aquantances for not realizing that we are doing this for our health and not for vanity.

When I speak to someone about weight loss I don't criticize. The person allready knows that they are obesse they don't need another person pointing out the obvious.

All i can say is sometimes you will loose friends/family over it. And they have to come to terms with their own weight issues on your own, don't let them guilt you into down grading your sucess.