I'm down around 45lbs, I feel amazing, I feel healthy and strong, I look better, am enjoying getting dressed...

And yet, sometimes, I wonder why I don't seem to want to lose weight. I mean, yes of course I want to, but it's no longer active. It's more in that vague "I'd like to be rich" kind of way. And in fact, it seems that I'm finding myself putting the brakes on my weightloss. Not consciously, and not in a grand-plan sort of way. It's more of a series of small actions that, when you add them up, make a pretty clear picture of what I'm doing. For example, I find myself around 4pm many days going to get a piece of chocolate from the candy machine. And I find myself trying to eat around the band at dinner time, or trying to have two meals. And I find myself drinking again...

I'm not really sure why. It seems clear that I am putting the brakes on my weightloss and I can't wrap my head around it. There IS a part of me that doesn't want to lose more. I am in touch with that part. But I can't understand WHY I don't want to lose more. I mean, I very much do want to lose more, but I'm not acting like it.

It's very confusing. To have in my body the tool to make this happen, and yet to have all this ambivalence in my head.

I am not shocked. I have times like this. I think sometimes is it worth it, giving up things that I love to taste. I have times when I think, oh it's okay to eat that tonight, it's not like I eat it every night, just this once will be ok. You know what happens then it becomes twice a week, 3 times a week, ect. I have to really watch myself. I have to remind myself thinking like that will get me back to 250 and then on up to 300 lbs and I do not want that to happen. I really have to remind myself sometimes of the big picture- my health and not wanting to be so big I can't go out.

Old habits die hard. I think you DO want to lose weight or you wouldn't have made such a huge life-changing decision. At all stages of this process we will find ourselves in places where we wonder how/why we are doing things. I know once I'm banded I will find myself auto-piloting myself to McD's. I will then have to make a decision to stay or stray but I won't always be perfect...no one is.

Good Luck!!

I'm sorry but I never think I don't want to loose weight. I've changed my lifestyle, I eat all foods, if there is something I crave I have it (cake, Cookies, candy, etc.) Just in moderation. I have wine every night because I enjoy it. I count it into my daily calories. Don't deprive yourself, that only leads to over indulging.

There is something trying to stop you from success....what is that? Why do you fear loosing the weight? You know you really want to. You might consider talking with a counselor, it might help.

Good luck to you.

I feel that the fat person in my head get joulous sometimes and thinks "this time she is going to do...OMG watch out" and starts whispering little things like "u have done so weel, you can handle one cookie" and once you fall for that it starts laughling and adding more "this time its ok do less tomorrrow" and it beginns.

I was fat for most of my life and ever tho I have been on a lot of diets it is s small part of my life. that little devil fat person hs been in control and still once to. its important I talk to that person all the time. "little one, its time to grown up and let me have a turn" "you dont need cookie right now" " I love you and I will take care of you now. hugs always"

treating those thought s a naughty child works (so far) for me.

hope it helps

line dancer

I think its the reason why other diets failed us.... with the lap you have a tool to help you control portions. It doesn't control mind-cravings, head hunger and the head games. It's like quitting smoking, you have to find other hobbies to change your lifestyle. It's the same with the band. I used to fill up my time with eating, as bad as that sounds...there is truth to it. Maybe instead of a chocolate you grab an apple and take a quick 5 min walk or replace it with sugar free "chocolate" pudding. Again, weight can sometimes be a mask for dealing with issues so talking to a counselor can help a lot to understand your reluctance to lose even though you really want to ...your body is sending you mixed signals. Best of luck hugs

I could have written this post, absolutely. I've lost 80 lbs- but have 70 more to go. I posted about this on another site- a weight loss site with people I consider good friends. I've posted there for more than 7 years. One woman pointed out that most of us gain weight for various reasons- some emotional- and when you lose a lot of weight in a relatively short amount of time, sometimes the emotions kind of catch up to you- even if it's subliminally. Meaning we fall into old habits without understanding why, or- in my case- we eat something once a week (ice cream for me), then it becomes twice a week, then every night, and lo an behold, a weight loss stall.

She suggested I sit and relax for awhile, that it's a marathon, not a sprint. I decided that as long as I keep exercising and I don't gain more than 3 lbs, then I will stay here until I feel like being motivated or until 1/1/13- whichever comes first. I am not giving myself unlimited freedom, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I did a pretty drastic thing, getting the lapband, and I'm going to be successful.

It's true what they say- it bands your stomach, not your head! And eating around the band, as I've been doing, is easy to do and I need to get my wantpower back into play- it will happen!

Good luck to all of us!!

Nicki

We sabotage ourselves for a lot of reasons, and at different times. Two things seem to be a theme for me. One is my fear of deprivation. I'm the well-educated child of well-educated, middle-class parents, so I've never been deprived of food, but since I've been deprived of a lot of other important stuff (like personal safety), food has always been my comfort.

Another thing that can hold us back is that the physical weight loss journey goes a lot faster than the mental one. When I had lost 50 lbs, I felt like I had to pause, rest, take a few deep breaths, and gather up the strength and resolve to go on. The 50 lbs was a little more than half of my excess weight, but it was so disconcerting, so out of synch with my beliefs about myself, that it could have been 500 lbs.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a short weight loss vacation, but I've seen a lot of very successful bandsters lose their way for years after a vacation that feature candy, Cookies, alcohol, etc.

Thanks for your honesty in posting this. It reminded me of how far I've come, and also of how helpful counseling has been for me, especially after WLS.

Thanks everyone, it's nice to know that others have felt this way along the journey. I DO want to lose weight, I know that. And I haven't really stalled, I'm still losing. But it's my head that I worry about.

That said, the comments about the 50lb mark really really rang true for me. There's something about that number that freaks me out a little. I'm at 48. I was at 44 for a while. 50 just feels so, monumental? I don't know. It's just a number, I've never cared much about the number. But the number this time is stressing me out.

I also think that I am a food addict. I desperately want food. I think about it all the time. And somehow I've gotten back on the wagon and I'm in a bad run. Maybe a couple of days of cutting sugar out will help cut the cravings. Maybe I just need to pause and look around a bit.

Regardless, thanks for understanding.

Sasha, I am there with you. I have lost around 60 pounds. I had 1cc removed two weeks ago due to reflux issues and have since gained 5 pounds. Little to no restriction. My head is not where it needs to be. It's like I'm good with 60 pounds and that's it. I don't want it to be it though, I have 30 more to lose at least.

Thanks for posting. I'm going to have a better day tomorrow!!!!!

The extreme changes, both to your lifestyle and to your body, can be downright overwhelming. As many have correctly stated over and over, the band can help tame our appetite but it can't fix our brains. And really, isn't it our brain that led us to get fat to begin with? Those issues don't just disappear because the number on the scale get smaller. Sometimes, watching that number shrink can actually make those issues worse.

You know, I get a lot of compliments for losing almost 160 pounds in about 9 months time. But the thing is, there are some MAJOR downfalls to losing so much so fast. It is so incredibly hard to wrap my head around it at times. I see my own reflection in store windows and I'm honestly startled. I don't even recognize myself anymore because it's all happened so fast. I still battle head hunger something wicked almost every single night, and sometimes I think my brain is so shocked by my own reflection it's trying to change it back to something it recognizes. It's a forever battle and some days it's very hard to win it.

I DO understand what you mean, I just think we have to constantly remind ourselves our food demons aren't going to win this battle, we are.