Ever since I was young, my mother resented the fact that I was obese. God forbid she had anything to do with it, from oversized portions to not implementing exercise or signing me up for sports. I always wanted to play soccer as a child, her excuse, "Honey, your too chubby to run after the ball". Gymnastics; "Can you imagine your chubby thighs in tights?" To family vacations to the beach where she compares me to a beached whale. I love my mom and I know she loves me. But I was never the thin girl she got to dress up pretty. What's even worse is hearing my grandma say " so and so said you have such beautiful granddaughter, IF only she would lose weight". My mom replies, "Yes, I know mom she has a beautiful face, she just needs to lose weight. She decided to have THE surgery." After I told her and my whole family that I do not want anyone else outside of our immediate family knowing of my decision. Well due to my gallbladder surgery this summer and my incisions getting infected, I didn't have the lapband surgery and it is now postponed until December. My mother has been on a rampade ever since. For example, we were reminiscing about high school and friends and she replied, "What friends?! You had no friends! Who was going to look at you like that?" Wow. I had many friends. And was actually quite popular. I was voted "Best Dressed" besides the fact that I was obese in her eyes. And today she throws another dig at me. My cousin, whom I'm not talking to because of my mother, had a dinner party and didn't invite me. I told my mother I had never gotten in fight with any friends like my cousin always likes to pick fights. She replied with , "At least she has somebody around to pick a fight with. Who do you have? Your fat and you did it to your self." I'm so incredibly depressed right now. How can someone be so hurtful? My own mother too.

Wow. So toxic. While the people in my family were not quite that extreme I do relate to what you're saying. I basically grew up in a single parent house with my mom and sister. My sister has always been petite, but would love and treat me the same if I was 90 or 900lbs. My mom on the other hand is very superficial. I was made to feel I wasn't good enough or attractive constantly. "you would be pretty... If you could just lose weight", "no one would be attracted to a heavy person.. You can't blame them"... "you could find a husband if you'd just lose weight". Unfortunately, the way she felt about me really became the way I felt about MYSELF. I still battle it DAILY, despite having lost a ton of weight. At 23 I'm trying to build my self esteem from scratch.

It sounds like therapy may be a good idea. Don't let the weight hold you back like it did all those years. That's no way to live. If you are anything like me the relationship you have with your parents only makes emotional eating get worse. You need to create some healthy boundaries between yourself and your mother if this is going to work. You have the power now!! If you ever need support we are here for you.

Cut her out. It took me 3 years after my band

-Cordelia, banded 1/08

To cut my mom out. She has to be nice to me and my kids or she is cut off. She is toxic. My mother has always been mean to me about my weight too ( not as bad as yours though). I would also suggest therapy. Love yourself enough to set boundaries with her or get help doing it.

-Cordelia, banded 1/08

I don't think I would cut mom out of your life, after all she is your mom. I would just make sure that anything she says DOES NOT define who you are. Yes, get help through a councillor. Maybe you can have her go with you?!

Maybe she had something in her childhood and she knows no better. I really pray you both can work this out.

Remember you are special!!!!

She will not change. Toxic moms do not change. Work on yourself and either set clear boundaries with her or take a long break. She is MEAN!!! If your daughter had a friend who treated her that way- what would you say? Do that!

-Cordelia, banded 1/08

Yes, if it was a so called friend I'd say drop her like a bad habit. But mom's are different. I have 2 grown daughters, my eldest I pretty much grew up with. I would hate if she disowned me for any mistakes I made. I'm the older now and have seen a lot in my old age. People can change!!!! You can love someone but not like what they do. If your child became a drug addict would you not still love them even if they were toxic????

I love my mom and I know she loves me very much. I told her again today how her words make me feel. She replied with saying how I always told her I was overweight. But she understood that she stepped outside of her boundaries. She didn't apologize but she did tell me that she loves me very much and she lives for me and my two brothers. She said that everything she's ever done in her life was for us. She said that she lives and breathes for me and loves me greatly. I don't think she will bring up my weight in a negative manner again. I could never cut my mother out of my life. I agree with the user who said something about her saying things like this for me to try and and lose weight, but it's just the opposite. It makes me sad and frustrated and makes me wanted to bake cupcakes! I told her how she always complained about my weight and I could tell she felt remorse. I know that deep down she wants me to be a healthy and beautiful individual. Sometimes, our emotions get the best of us. She's said many beautiful and loving words to me and has been very supportive, however like I said in an earlier post, these are the words I'll never forget she said. I'll forgive her though.

Newskinnygal this makes me smile.

That kind of parents is what is making young girls starve and hurt themselves to be perfect!! Thats so sad, so sorry she treats u like that. Obviously she has her own insecurities or it wouldnt bother her so much!!

It is hard to cut mothers or fathers out of our lives. But I would stand up to her and tell her how hurtful her comments can be.Plan for your future and gather support where you can.

Maybe your surgeon has support groups that you could attend while waiting for surgery ? Or see their psychologist ? You probably have to have psych clearance before surgery antway ?