Here's the short version of my story--

My sweetest in the whole world brother died in September. At that time, I was really losing weight quickly and of course, it continued for a while afterward because I just was so sad I could not eat (who would have ever thought that could happen!)

So, then it got cold and I got depressed and just pretty much sat around like a lump of fat until now--Prior to september, I could fit easily into a regular 14 pant. Now, I can't keep them snapped and I could just cry. I haven't seen my doc since October and when I was there, I got the impression (could be a wrong impression) that I was about half way filled and that I (me personally) needed to do more to make this band work for me--I don't know if I can do it!!! I am so bummed that my big fat butt is popping the snaps on these formerly cool looking pants--and I recently had the NSV with my necklace--but I don't want my neck to be thin, I want my butt and hips and belly to GO!

Should I just call and make an appt to discuss? I hate going there--it's NOT them--they are wonderful and supportive--I am just feeling like a failure and a freak.

Talk me out of this tree, please. I am eating all the wrong things. Today started drinking my usual 64 ounces of Water, so that's a help to getting on the right track again.

Help! I fell off the wagon.

Hello!

I know where you are coming from. I too feel like a freak when I go to the Doctor. I have not lost any weight for 4 weeks now and managed to gain a few back. I know it is my fault, but I don't seem to have it in me to do the work. People tell me I took the easy way out, but all the work is on us. I hope you begin to feel better.

Kimberly... I am so sorry about your loss. ((((HUGS))))

I think it's time to go see Doc Kemmerling... the band is meant to be filled and having the right amount of restriction is so important in relation to having success. You know that girl... also... when you lose weight... you also lose fat that is around your stomach which may also increase your need for a fill. Stop being so hard on yourself... go get a fill... that's an order.

darcy!

Where the heck have you been?????? I think about you so often and wondered if you were ok.....!!!!

Figured just busy with work and kids!

Yep, I am going to call tomorrow for an appt. I need a jump start of some kind and I guess that's the best way to do it. Losing Mark was just like a kick in the stomach. He was only 28 and every day I still can't believe he's gone.

Sooooo happy to see you back Darcy!

((Hugs))

Kimberly

Hey, Kimberly...I don't really know what to say to get you back on track, but my heart goes out to you in the loss of your brother. I lost my mom in July, my grandma in November, and I think I understand where your head and heart are. Just treat yourself kindly, like you would your best friend...give yourself some understanding...When I feel overwhelmed, which is pretty often, I just try to concentrate on the very next thing. Not a whole week; just whatever the next thing is. Sometimes the next thing is a meal, and if I can concentrate on what is the best choice to make and make it, then I've gotten through that meal okay. If I choose not-so-wisely, well, I let it go, and do better next time. Like I said, I don't have great advice here, it's just what has worked for me more than it hasn't. Blessings to you, Cindy

God bless you and your family during this very difficult time. The greatest thing about the band is that every single day it remains there, like a good friend, to help you pick up where you left off. Try to focus on protein and only good veggies ( I KNOW - It's tough!), force the water and turn up the volume on some sort of exercise. Remember, exercise is one of the very best natural triggers for endorphins, which help in fighting depression - so at this time, it seems like something you could really use, mentally and physically.. Big HUGS!! and keep on keeping on!

My analogy of the band (dieting) is alot like religion...

When I feel far from God and I'm ready to get "right" - well...

the Protestants "re-dedicate" themselves and I (Catholic) go to "confession".

Basically - there is an action that I have to perform in order to feel like Im "starting over". Whether its religion or weightloss.

For me to "get back on the wagon", I MUST perform some action. Just waking up one morning with a new mind set isnt enough. I need that action part to make it genuine (just like the religion thing).

Like? Get a fill. Or go 2 days w/o eating carbs (God help me).

Sometimes, by just visiting with the surgeons office staff, I feel like Im "re-dedicating" myself to this journey.

What about a local LIVE support group? Sometimes that helps get one "back on track".

Regardless, youve come here for help. Thats a BIG step in the right direction.

Have you all ever head of SAD Disorder ? My father has it. It is one of the major reasons that we all moved to Arizona from Illinois.

http://www.sada.org.uk/

Seasonal Affective Disorder

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Some people suffer from symptoms of depression during the winter months, with symptoms subsiding during the spring and summer months. This may be a sign of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a mood disorder associated with depression episodes and related to seasonal variations of light.

fact sheet index

SAD was first noted before 1845, but was not officially named until the early 1980’s. As sunlight has affected the seasonal activities of animals (i.e., reproductive cycles and hibernation), SAD may be an effect of this seasonal light variation in humans. As seasons change, there is a shift in our “biological internal clocks” or circadian rhythm, due partly to these changes in sunlight patterns. This can cause our biological clocks to be out of “step” with our daily schedules. The most difficult months for SAD sufferers are January and February, and younger persons and women are at higher risk. Symptoms Include:

• regularly occurring symptoms of depression (excessive eating and sleeping, weight gain) during the fall or winter months.
  
• full remission from depression occur in the spring and summer months.
  
• symptoms have occurred in the past two years, with no nonseasonal depression episodes.
  
• seasonal episodes substantially outnumber nonseasonal depression episodes.
  
• a craving for sugary and/or starchy foods.

Possible Cause of this Disorder

Melatonin, a sleep-related hormone secreted by the pineal gland in the brain, has been linked to SAD. This hormone, which may cause symptoms of depression, is produced at increased levels in the dark. Therefore, when the days are shorter and darker the production of this hormone increases.

Treatments

Phototherapy or bright light therapy has been shown to suppress the brain’s secretion of melatonin. Although, there have been no research findings to definitely link this therapy with an antidepressant effect, many people respond to this treatment. The device most often used today is a bank of white fluorescent lights on a metal reflector and shield with a plastic screen. For mild symptoms, spending time outdoors during the day or arranging homes and workplaces to receive more sunlight may be helpful. One study found that an hour’s walk in winter sunlight was as effective as two and a half hours under bright artificial light.

If phototherapy doesn’t work, an antidepressant drug may prove effective in reducing or eliminating SAD symptoms, but there may be unwanted side effects to consider. Discuss your symptoms thoroughly with your family doctor and/or mental health professional.

I was just banded on March 10th. I have no Idea of the struggle people further out have. My plan is to keep going to my local support group meetings to keep me focused on what I paid for. I want to be healthy for my wife, 6 & 8 year old children. I think support and health for them will help me succeed. Sorry about your brother, I lost a older sister a few years back that I was very close to. Just remember the good times and smile when you think of him.

Hey Kimberly...

I know you are a busy woman... but if you ever just want to meet for a cup of coffee or a Protein shake just let me know...

Death at such a young age is so hard to come to terms with... Dealing with the death of someone we love at any age is just hard... period. I think the only thing that eases grief is time.

I'm glad you are going in to see Doc K... let us know how it goes.

Oh (((((((((Kimber))))))))) I'm so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine your pain over the missing your beloved brother. I know how hard it was to lose my dad, but I've always felt that my dad's death was a blessing because he was so very sick with cancer.

Right now you need someone holding your hand, not kicking your butt. And I guess you've come for the right place to find folks to hold your hand. (holds Kimber's hand.)

Please stop beating yourself up about gaining back a few stinking pounds. Key word is few and not several sizes.

Please make that appointment for a fill, and make an appointment to talk with a therapist for grief counceling. I think our society is starting to understand the importance of grieving, and not just stuffing our feelings in a little box.

As usual, Leatha is full of wonderful advice, get up and get moving. I know it's hard, but you will feel better.

Kimber-lilly~

I'm so sorry about your brother. I haven't lost a sibling or parent, but I can imagine it's incredibly hard to go through. Consider yourself hugged! Be gentle with yourself for now and if possible, do see a counselor at least a few times. They can be such a help in getting us through difficult times. I think the most important thing is it work through the grieving process and when you're feeling a little better, you can concentrate on the weight loss again.

Emily

I think Paula has a good idea to help you through this difficult time. Doing something to mark the next step in your journey is a great idea. i was thinking more along the lines of a pedicure though

After several weeks of mediocre eating and so so exercising, I gained back a few pounds too that I have fought hard to lose. I was getting so angry and frustrated which lead (big surprise) to emotional eating. I am due to go to the Dr on April 13th and found myself longing for that day so I could get a fill and a kickstart. Then suddenly a light went on that I could just call and change the appointment -- DUH! So now I am going next Thurs! Good luck to you, I think that helping yourself get back on track with diet & exercise will work wonders to help you along with your difficult time....... break the cycle!!! (((hugs)))

Ive re-read my response several times - and I hope I was making sense. You know how things make sense in your head and not much elsewhere (in my case, this happens too often).

Should I just call and make an appt to discuss? I hate going there--it's NOT them--they are wonderful and supportive--I am just feeling like a failure and a freak.

First of all you are not a failure! You have been through a very emotional trying time with the loss of your brother. What you are experiencing is normal, we all eat for comfort. Secondly, YES call your Dr. I am sure he will be very sympathetic to your situation as long as you are honest with him and tell him all you have been through. A fill might just be what you need to get you back on track...I know for me a fill was re-juvenatiing for me, it sparked a new desire to succeed with my band, it got me back on track. ((Hugs to you))

Everyone has given you such wonderful support, love and advice Kimber. And you've taken your first step by coming here and telling everyone what you're going through. I'd just like to re-emphasize some of the things which were on my mind when I read your post.

1. You can't button your pants, but you can get them on! A few pounds shed and they'll be comfortable again. Shoot, in the past, if I'd fallen off my diet and been depressed all winter long, I'd have gained an easy 50 pounds or more. I'm sure you would have as well. So be happy about that!

2. Your doc and his staff are there to help you, not judge you. Everyone has their own path to walk and they know this. They won't be comparing you to anyone else and I'm sure they won't post your weight on a bullentin board in the hallway. You're smart to go in and get that fill, or have that talk, whatever you think you need to get you back on track. If you do get a fill, you'll have a couple of days of liquids so it will be like a new start, right?

Spring is just starting to show signs of waking up here. Not sure where you are but it won't be long now. Flowers will be blooming, the days will be longer, the air warmer and soon we will all be able to open our windows again. It's the perfect time for you to wake up from this dark, dreary winter and feel that sense of renewal. And I have this feeling that would make your brother smile. *hugs*

And go have a visit with Darcy, it will do you good.