I wasn't sure where to post this because I am not banded yet but here it goes... Now that people are finding out that I am going to get the band I am already being treated differently and not in a good way. I have a friend, that is at the weight I would like to be, that complains to me that I will be all skinny and she will feel fat. Seriously? I thought she would be happy for me to start this process but she doesn't even want me to talk about it. Has anyone else experienced this before or even after they got the band? I'm so confused.

I've been up & down all my life & had several "friends" who said if I lost anymore they wouldn't want to hang with me (they were thin). I've also had friends who become uncomfortable when I'm around their husbands and guys develop "feelings" after I've lost. Of course, I had NO interest in the husbands OR those guys. I wasn't interested when I was fat & I didnt change when I was thinner. I have told almost no one & don't plan to unless they are very close. It's nobody's business & I want people in my life who add to it not subtract from it. Find the true people who like you for the fabulous person you are inside. Then, when you look fabulous it will just be a bonus for you.

wow, well said!!!!! So is it true that you can't eat bread once you are banded? Does it take your appetite away?

I really think it depends on how much you value that friend. I have a few friends that I have to accept them as they are as I love them but do not like everything things they do and say (not weight related)

So look at his/her pros and cons. Maybe she will come around and not feel threaten when she see how happy you are. Women are just weird sometimes, they would like to know they could have what you have EVEN if they don't want it in the long run. lol

Cheri

There are so many legitimate reasons for choosing to tell or not tell people you are having WLS. This is a perfect reason not to tell! I am very fortunate to have a lot of supportive people in my life who know. I have not tried to hide it from anyone....With that said, there are a few people in my life that I don't see very often that can be negative. Maybe if they were more positive they would be lucky enough to see me more often!

I've been up & down all my life & had several "friends" who said if I lost anymore they wouldn't want to hang with me (they were thin). I've also had friends who become uncomfortable when I'm around their husbands and guys develop "feelings" after I've lost. Of course, I had NO interest in the husbands OR those guys. I wasn't interested when I was fat & I didnt change when I was thinner. I have told almost no one & don't plan to unless they are very close. It's nobody's business & I want people in my life who add to it not subtract from it. Find the true people who like you for the fabulous person you are inside. Then, when you look fabulous it will just be a bonus for you.

Thanks for the support!

How do you remain a friend when you know all this?

She and I have been friends since elementary school. Back then weight wasn't the issue it is now. Because we live so far apart, it is much easier to avoid the problem conversations. We are there for each other in every other aspect. It is just one of those things you either accept or don't. I chose to accept it.

Funny that this conversation is going on now...my best friend has always supported me....she is considering doing it shelf now, not because she is obese but for health reasons......my sister in law the same....the only person that ever said any thing negative was a supper skinny co worker when I was first banded.....she thought I would change in some way....guess what three years later I am still the same me:). Lol

I have a couple really good friends that I'm NOT telling. We are friends who eat together if you know what I mean. Food is our bond, but I'm the biggest out of thr group. I fear our relationship will change when I can no longer eat and pig out with them....but change doesn't have to be bad. I just think for now I need to keep this to myself and do this for myself.

I haven't been banded either, but I am now finding fault with my husband of 25 yrs. At first he was all for me getting banded, but now he seems to have changed his mind on the idea. I would love for him to do it also with me, and we could go thru this whole new life style together, but instead he keeps saying I don't believe you can do this. I asked him why he thinks this, all I get is a guilt trip. But I am sticking with my decision on this surgery. At least when it comes to "friends" do this to us, we can drop them a lot easier than when you are married to the "friend" who doesn't believe in you. Im not giving up changing my lifestyle and hope you won't either. Good Luck.

I have 3 best friends. I've always been the heaviest of them all, in 2005-06 I joined Weight Waters and went from 313 to 235 lbs. the second heaviest of us was maybe 220 at the time and when she found out that I was only 15 lbs heavier then her she made a big stink and said in front of every one "I have to join WW, Liz is almost thinner then me and if she loses any more then I'LL be the fattest one." I can't tell you how that hurt me. She was ok as long as I was fatter than her and she wasn't "the fattest one". I realized then that even my friends where insensitive to me (or at least she was) about my weight and it was a horrible feeling. I'm sorry you had to go through that. go get your surgery, get thinner then her and let her wallow in it if she needs to be miserable about you being thinner than her.

That sounds like an awful friend. Thanks for the sympathy and encouragement

I have a couple really good friends that I'm NOT telling. We are friends who eat together if you know what I mean. Food is our bond, but I'm the biggest out of thr group. I fear our relationship will change when I can no longer eat and pig out with them....but change doesn't have to be bad. I just think for now I need to keep this to myself and do this for myself.

I'm starting to think I should have kept my mouth shut about it.

I haven't been banded either, but I am now finding fault with my husband of 25 yrs. At first he was all for me getting banded, but now he seems to have changed his mind on the idea. I would love for him to do it also with me, and we could go thru this whole new life style together, but instead he keeps saying I don't believe you can do this. I asked him why he thinks this, all I get is a guilt trip. But I am sticking with my decision on this surgery. At least when it comes to "friends" do this to us, we can drop them a lot easier than when you are married to the "friend" who doesn't believe in you. Im not giving up changing my lifestyle and hope you won't either. Good Luck.

That is a tough situation, he made be afraid of losing you when you lose? I don't know if that is the case but men can be silly sometimes. Don't let him get you down and I won't let my "friends" get me down.

A BIG thanks to all of you for all your stories, advice, and understanding! It is great to have a support network to lean on that understands. You are all wonderful

The pre op nurse asked me yesterday what surgery I was having I said lap band, isn't on my paperwork, she said yes but you don't look like you need it, or meet criteria! I explained that I was self pay with a BMI of 30 and met the medical criteria nt the insurance criteria. I was very offended by her judgmental statement. I'm looking forward to losing 40lbs! 40 lbs I could never loose on my own. She doesnt know that 12 years ago I weighed 210 lbs, lost a bunch of weight and have lingered at this 175-180 range forever and now I will have a physical tool to help me control my portions...that is my story and I'm sticking to it.