I wasn't sure where to post this because I am not banded yet but here it goes... Now that people are finding out that I am going to get the band I am already being treated differently and not in a good way. I have a friend, that is at the weight I would like to be, that complains to me that I will be all skinny and she will feel fat. Seriously? I thought she would be happy for me to start this process but she doesn't even want me to talk about it. Has anyone else experienced this before or even after they got the band? I'm so confused.

Sadly, this isn't uncommon. People feel very threatened when things change. I have a friend I won't even tell. She has always been competitive about her weight and has spent considerable money trying to lose weight. She has a very shortsighted view of WLS and instead of getting into it with her, I avoided telling her altogether. Thing is she has spent a ton of money and yo yo'd the last ten years all to be the same weight with the same health issues she started with. In that situation, one would think she would be open to other options. But she isn't and gets on a soap box whenever she can to speak out about it.

I've plenty of big friends that say I'll be shrinking, while they remain fat. It's almost like they're trying to put on a guilt trip. Some of my friends that are like that work in the same environment, and thus, are covered by the same insurance I went through to receive the procedure, but don't want to make the effect to get the process started.

You can live your life for you or for other people. People who don't care about your health and happiness are probably not good friends. Women are always looking for a way for attention all the size 2,4,6 “I am so fat” PLEASE!!! I would tell her maybe she could “tone up” while you are losing.

Cheri

After thought . . . . maybe not the nicest approach I am in a depressed mood sorry

I experienced the same thing.they are threatened and don't want to have to step their game up to keep up. But it always got me wondering why they were competing with me in the first place.... didn't they know I was fabulous from the get-go, so there's no point in competing. Lol

Girl, I hear you loud and clear. Unfortunatley, I had a friend that I recently had to cut off. If she saw that I was loosing weight, she would do anything to sabotage my efforts. She is miserable with her own life and does not want to see me succeed in mine. She has 2 kids and is recently divorced and struggling with her weight. She is not sympathetic to PCOS and does nothing to accomodate my restrictions. She would ask me to meet her at her house and that we would drive to the gym together, then beat around the bush so we would miss our class. Or if we went out to eat, she would try to drag me down with her bad habbits by ordering cheese cake. When I told her I was going to get weight loss surgery, she told me I didn't need it and then would share all of the horror stories she saw in the ER with staph infections and such.

I am honestly keeping my surgery a secret. I need to make this decision for me and my own good, and not base it off of what everyone else wants for me and thinks that I should do. Oh, and if you have "a pretty face" forget it! Thats when the real fur starts to fly because other girls see that you are going to look slammin which means..... more competition

You can live your life for you or for other people. People who don't care about your health and happiness are probably not good friends. Women are always looking for a way for attention all the size 2,4,6 “I am so fat” PLEASE!!! I would tell her maybe she could “tone up” while you are losing.

Cheri

After thought . . . . maybe not the nicest approach I am in a depressed mood sorry

Don't apologize, this is a place to get it all out right? Come to think of it she is a big time attention seeker. I bet after weight loss she won't want to hang out with me any more. Sucks to realize you're just the fat friend

Oh, a side note about keeping it a secret.... I need to make this decision for me. Ive had to cut out a few people because I just got tired of everyone trying to discourage me or telling me that its dangerous or that they don't want me to do it...

Girl, I hear you loud and clear. Unfortunatley, I had a friend that I recently had to cut off. If she saw that I was loosing weight, she would do anything to sabotage my efforts. She is miserable with her own life and does not want to see me succeed in mine. She has 2 kids and is recently divorced and struggling with her weight. She is not sympathetic to PCOS and does nothing to accomodate my restrictions. She would ask me to meet her at her house and that we would drive to the gym together, then beat around the bush so we would miss our class. Or if we went out to eat, she would try to drag me down with her bad habbits by ordering cheese cake. When I told her I was going to get weight loss surgery, she told me I didn't need it and then would share all of the horror stories she saw in the ER with staph infections and such.

I am honestly keeping my surgery a secret. I need to make this decision for me and my own good, and not base it off of what everyone else wants for me and thinks that I should do. Oh, and if you have "a pretty face" forget it! Thats when the real fur starts to fly because other girls see that you are going to look slammin which means..... more competition

Ugh why do women bring other women down? Sabotage your weight loss efforts? That is awful! It is interesting how I get more support on this forum than I do with people that are "friends" of mine.

Oh, a side note about keeping it a secret.... I need to make this decision for me. Ive had to cut out a few people because I just got tired of everyone trying to discourage me or telling me that its dangerous or that they don't want me to do it...

Do it for you girl!

I experienced the same thing.they are threatened and don't want to have to step their game up to keep up. But it always got me wondering why they were competing with me in the first place.... didn't they know I was fabulous from the get-go, so there's no point in competing. Lol

Yeah there is nothing to compete over, I am married with kiddos and happy...she is young, single and thinish doesn't make sense.

I've plenty of big friends that say I'll be shrinking, while they remain fat. It's almost like they're trying to put on a guilt trip. Some of my friends that are like that work in the same environment, and thus, are covered by the same insurance I went through to receive the procedure, but don't want to make the effect to get the process started.

Why the need to guilt trip some else for making a positive decision? Jealousy?

just the fat friend lmao love it.... Cheri, not harsh at all... it is the truth. I have PCOS and its damaged me... so when my "friend" of 10 years saw that I got my teeth bleached, lazer hair removal on my face and planning surgery, in addition to loosing 60 lbs on my own.... she was spitting bullets. So instead of being happy for me, she started making snyde comments. If I asked her where she got a shirt, she would say "Express... but they only go up to a size large" even though I can wear a large from Express! She would just say things to bring me down.... and it worked. I feel alot better now that I don't have her abuse in the back of my head screwing with my thoughts. I call girls like her "Alpha Females".... they always have to be the leader, always have to feel superior, and always have to look better and have it better than you in life.

Sadly, this isn't uncommon. People feel very threatened when things change. I have a friend I won't even tell. She has always been competitive about her weight and has spent considerable money trying to lose weight. She has a very shortsighted view of WLS and instead of getting into it with her, I avoided telling her altogether. Thing is she has spent a ton of money and yo yo'd the last ten years all to be the same weight with the same health issues she started with. In that situation, one would think she would be open to other options. But she isn't and gets on a soap box whenever she can to speak out about it.

How do you remain a friend when you know all this?

This is why I am so glad I didn't tell anyone other than my family that I was having lap band! People in general are very judgemental and can't stand it when someone else is successful. I figured that I'd probably lose slowly and no one would ever be the wiser when I started getting thinner and that has been the case. People who haven't seen me in a year, don't even recognize me. I changed my hair style and that mixed with the smaller body really throws them.

I'm sorry your friends are not being more supportive....hopefully they'll come around when you are healthier and happier! Good Luck

@ Shazam.... You know what, tell them to be accountable for their health. I knew I wanted this surgery but couldnt afford it so guess what? I got a job with phenominal benefits. My surgery is covered at 100% . And got a second job just in case I wasn't approved. I don't have sympathy for people who sit arround and complain. Turn your dreams into reality or at least work towards it!!!! If you want something really bad, you will do anything to get what you desire. I truly believe that. Mabe Im too much of a type a personality... lol. I just can't stand docile people who complain about their misfortune yet don't have the balls to go after their dreams.