Success - Sometimes Bitter Sweet?

[ditzypoohjean 7]

I have to say, getting my band was undoubtably the best thing I have ever done. In the past 3 years I dropped over 100lbs and have had so many personal achievements along the way that everyday I wake up every morning excited to finally live. Having always been a plus size child and adult, this is the first time in my life that I have been considered of average size, or even just "a little overweight." I am now an athletic girl (still a little curvy by choice) that plays competitive women's racquetball league, enjoys hiking emensely, and overall I am living my life to the fullest, trying everything I wouldn't have if I hadn't lost all the weight. I am happy in my skin and I wouldn't change this feeling for the world. However, losing all the weight allowed me to personally experience how different society treats the obese vs. the average populus, and it began to really upset me. I noticed how much nicer people are to me because I'm "thinner." I became more aware of how I got served quicker at a bar or restaurant, how men perceive me, and even how generally polite people are to me. I'm not saying that everyone judged me when I was heavy, but the attention I get now vs. then is almost maddening. I feel that I am the same beautiful girl that I was when I was over 300lbs, but sometimes people fail to recognize that beauty when masked behind the curse of obesity. I was sitting here tonight wondering how many other people notice these blatant discriminations due to size and how it's made them feel over the years. Is size discrimination what pushed you to consider surgery?

Again, I couldn't be happier in my own personal success and I wish everyone here equal or greater success in their weight loss journey. When it comes down to it, our health is all we have in the end and we are all making the decision to better our own health by dropping the excess weight. I just thought I'd bring up one of the major psychological struggles I've personally faced with the extreme weight loss and hopefuly I can get other's opinions on the subject. I added a couple before and after pictures so you all can see my transformation, I'd love to see yours too!

Before 1:

Before 2: DESK 001.BMP

After 1:

After 2:

[Jachut 487]

Really? I have found the complete opposite, people can be vety hostile, assuming I am vain, trying to steal their husbands or that i will hog all he male attention. Even my friends make jokes about how they dont want to sit next to me at dinner becase i mak them feel like they eat like pigs.

Overall, i felt a lot less "different" when i was a dumpy bmi 36 30 something mum of young kids. People obviously feel threatened by living proof that obesity is often simply a lazy choice and that a determined person CAN simpky decide noto be like that any more.

[Jim1967 3,569]

It is really situational at times. I have been on both sides of the spectrum more then once. In 2003 I weighed 393 and doing low carb I lost 170 so I was walking around at 220ish. I don't know if it was more me feeling good about myself or people actually being different to me. I do know when I packed all my weight back on all the staring came back.

One of the very things I remember when I was losing weight back in 03 is a co-worker (female) said to one of my buddies (another co-worker) "he is going to be so handsome when he loses the rest of the weight". I think there are some people out there who do not have weight problems and don't understand how those type of comments can be taken as insulting.

I had another female co-worker say to me "wow your face is so skinny". Now I truly believe she meant it as a compliment however all I could think of is "wow my head must've been the size of a beach ball...."

I think you find people who are down right rude and ignorant but yet when we carry weight we are not happy about we tend to focus on the negative then the positive attitudes.

[#MagicWithinme 173]

that's society, I know I've dealt with deliverymen who only looked at my hand when I signed his clipboard to now stopping to talk to me, asking general questions, when before they never had. It was upsetting for me, because I am the same person on the inside. At the time, because I was heavy I flirted alot because I knew they wouldnt really look at me, and it was true but now, I've stopped because it makes me feel uncomfortable the attention back. Eventually I'll be comfortable/confident at my new lower weights but it just seemed so blatant. We did what we did for ourselves, lets not let what anyone else says, acts or thinks stop our progresss.

[Timoniumroady 10]

I lost weight for myself and me only. My husband told me he loved for me and it didn't matter what size I was. I am fortunate and I know it.

I feel if someone didn't give you the time of day when you are heavy, why would you be willing to give them the time of day when your thin.

My friends and family love me for me no matter what my size.

I work with 99.9% of men in my line of work and my close co workers all know about the surgery and I joke with them all the time and tell them the first one of you that try and flirt with me when I reach my goal weight, I'm gonna drop kick them in the head.

Point being...if someone didn't want to give you the time of day when you were heavy, why would you give them the time of day when you loose weight.

[Allison0927 329]

I find myself angry with all the men now that are stopping to chat with me, trying to buy me a drink, or otherwise flirting with me or asking if i'm married. I'm polite but inside all I can think is you NEVER would have talked to me 100+ pounds ago. The only place i have noticed no difference in treatment since the weight loss is my work - everyone is a professional and everyone has been fabulous to me both "before" and "after" the 117 pounds. I will never have that angry feeling toward anyone at work. It's just the strangers out and about who are coming out of the woodwork to talk/flirt with me. It's actually interesting and I should write an article about it - since it's PROOF that your weight can dictate, in many cases, how (especially) strangers treat you.

[dhales 98]

In Houston there was a news lady - can't remember her name - she donned a "fat suit" and went in public. She would walk into a store and receive great service as her skinny self and then when she put on the fat suit and make up to look different and walked into the same store with the same people she had a totally different experience. She said they were not as customer service oriented. It was interesting to know that during the experiment she also held a diet coke while in the fat suit and got a little better service....as if people were a little more okay with someone being overweight if they were doing something about it. It was very interesting.

[waitingpatiently 250]

I think its all in the way we carry ourselves. I was actually skinney until about 8 years ago....I have had a few encounters with people who were judging me because I wasn't a average size....but I noticed that I didn't put myself out there anymore when I became heavy.............I would constantly judge myself, so why would I expect others not to.

[betheboo 40]

The men constantly hitting on me is starting to get old. @ first it was flattering & made me feel good... now I feel like a piece of meat! It makes me super happy I have a wonderful husband who loves bothe the fat & skinny me

[Lana24 10]

It is really situational at times. I have been on both sides of the spectrum more then once. In 2003 I weighed 393 and doing low carb I lost 170 so I was walking around at 220ish. I don't know if it was more me feeling good about myself or people actually being different to me. I do know when I packed all my weight back on all the staring came back.

One of the very things I remember when I was losing weight back in 03 is a co-worker (female) said to one of my buddies (another co-worker) "he is going to be so handsome when he loses the rest of the weight". I think there are some people out there who do not have weight problems and don't understand how those type of comments can be taken as insulting.

I had another female co-worker say to me "wow your face is so skinny". Now I truly believe she meant it as a compliment however all I could think of is "wow my head must've been the size of a beach ball...."

I think you find people who are down right rude and ignorant but yet when we carry weight we are not happy about we tend to focus on the negative then the positive attitudes.

I second that emotion. I don't think people generally do it to be rude but sometimes all I can do is shake my head.

[WebDoll 5]

I learned the lessons of public perception and the problem other people have with obesity at a very young age, and it was not easy. My "weight" history has been a roller-coaster! By age 10 obese, I was told at that time by the teacher in charge of the "pep squad" that nobody wants to see a fat cheerleader. By age 12 I morbidly obese - suffered countless hours of bullying from my middle school peers, likely the most painful period of time in my life. As a result between 8th grade and freshman year - with no viable self esteem I "aquired" bulimia and lost all excess weight down to 115lb. Same peers from middle school suddenly sought out my friendship. Not so politely, I told them all to piss off! I stayed a healthy weight until I was 18, I gained 85 pounds. I lost that eventually, but by age 22 I was on what would become a 12 year incline that includede many brief ups and downs in weight, "topping out" at age 32 at 286 pounds. Through pure self determination, I lost 145 pounds in about 10 months, promising myself I would never be obese again.....of course I continued to go up and down by 40 or 50 pounds for the next several years, but by age 42 I had ultimately regained up to 256. That was when I decided to have the lap band surgery.

I have gone into stores and felt invisible (in my obese body) because the sales clerks will not make eye contact with you, and what can be even worse that that is going into a clothing store that sells average sized clothing and have a clerk look you up and down and in a patrionizing voice say "uh can I help you" clearly communicating you don't belong there.

I don't know about the rest of you but in spite of having been thin at different times in my life, and even now that I'm down 60 pounds with only 50 more to go to reach goal, I feel much better physically and mentally however, regardles of my actual size, I will always be that 12 year old in middle school on the inside.

Not all people who have enjoyed an average sized life are rude, superficial, and ignorant....but I think that most all people who have struggled with weight have learned lesson in empathy, and compassion which the average sized world cannot even begin to comprehend.

[mylynn1377 93]

"Not all people who have enjoyed an average sized life are rude, superficial, and ignorant....but I think that most all people who have struggled with weight have learned lesson in empathy, and compassion which the average sized world cannot even begin to comprehend"

I agree WebDoll. When I think about the cute Jr High me with long blond hair and 115 lbs, I had already experienced being overweight a time or two and I could never be mean like the mean girls who had never been fat.

Right now I'm on this journey because I'm going to die if I don't, simple as that. I will not live long enough to see my 5 or 3 year old graduate from high school if I don't do something now. I'm doing this because I am the only mom my nephew has left, his mom died in a car wreck in 03, and I don't want him to have to go through that again. I'm doing this because I am marrying the most wonderful man who loves me big or small, and since I have known him since high school, he has met both versions of me.

I am also doing this because I will graduate from college with my B.S. in Elementary Education in the next year and I know that no one will hire me at this weight, and more than likely a small child will make a remark about my weight. I know it isn't fair and that they should judge me on what I'm capable of doing, not what they believe I can't do, but that isn't how the world works. We live in a judgmental society and if I want career success and health and longevity then I have to do something now!

[bigenuff 302]

In Houston there was a news lady - can't remember her name - she donned a "fat suit" and went in public. She would walk into a store and receive great service as her skinny self and then when she put on the fat suit and make up to look different and walked into the same store with the same people she had a totally different experience. She said they were not as customer service oriented. It was interesting to know that during the experiment she also held a diet coke while in the fat suit and got a little better service....as if people were a little more okay with someone being overweight if they were doing something about it. It was very interesting.

Tyra banks did it too soo sad

[erin313 44]

Thank you for you post. I feel the same about the discrimination. Great job on your weight loss success!

[betheboo 40]

I can now add loosing friendship's to the list of complications ... I recently after months of them distancimg themselves had to let go of 2 friends. Their jealousy had turned them into very nasty ppl & shitty friends. As my therapist put it "the ome thing u all had im common, the thread that held u together is no more. U r not fat ne more"