Going completely public about their surgery?

[DaddyD 1]

Oh, I think that the exhaustion of dealing with obnoxious comments (no matter how well-meaning) is definitely worth considering. I know I'm in an advantageous position, where most of the people (read: family) who would be making such comments live on the other side of the country, so such things would be rare. I also work from home so I don't really have co-workers to deal with every day.

That said, "going public" would mean I might find myself frustrated that conversations with local friends would end up feeling like they are always about my weight and what/how I'm eating. I'll have to figure out if that frustration is outweighed (no pun intended) by feeling like I'm doing some good both for myself and by trying to educate others about the band.

And of course if for some reason I end up not losing much, or losing a lot and gaining it back, I hate the thought that I'd suddenly become one more anecdote.

So... still thinking about it!

[aromanek 13]

For me, being open about my surgery was the best option. I did make it clear that it isn't a big issue and if people have questions then I am happy to talk about it. I work with some great people, but I also work with some of the nosiest gossips ever. I think that by being open and owning my surgery publicly they don’t have much to say. Set boundaries and reinforce that it is a decision that you made for your reasons and other people's opinions are not welcome, but questions are.

I have had a few men here in my office who are heavy talk to me about it because they never considered it as an option for them. You never know, you might be able to help someone else out.

[mauraclegg 29]

Whenever someone compliments me on how good I look I thank them and say, "I had a lap-band put in". I didn't tell many people beforehand but now I tell people all about it and how happy I am with my journey. I figure if I can help 1 person then it was worth it for me to be upfront. I have 3 friends who either have had or are considering getting banded since my surgery last year

[LapBandBobbi 8]

I have been open about my surgery. I figure, it's my life and my decision. I don't need someone else's approval for my decision. As far as I'm concerned, this has been a great decision! Some people approve while other's don't. If people ask me for more information, I will happily give it to them. I have also spoken at my doctors seminars. I feel if I can help others who have struggled with weigh loss, then I'm going to do it.

[brbm6 6]

My husband and I are both recently banded. We have pretty much told everyone! He posts on FB a lot while I started a blog. I haven't had any really rude comments yet but I wouldn't listen anyway. The band was my choice. I want everyone to know this is still a long journey...I have to watch what I eat and excersise every day. I think a lot of people mistake banding for bypass. This whole banding experience has brought my husband and I closer. Good luck with your journey!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

In the beginning I told just a few people close to me because its a personal decision and quite frankly no one's business. Now I would say more people know then don't know just because I have lost alot of weight so am constantly being asked how I am doing it. Most times I tell them I was banded and that I have learned Portion Control and healthy eating habits. Strangers or casual aquaintences I just thank them for noticing and move on.

It depends on the situation.

[stateofzen 46]

I keep it to myself, outside of my family and a few very close friends. I'm sure people suspect because wow do I look different after losing 100 lbs + in 8 months, and if anyone were ever brazen enough to flat out ask I'd probably tell them, but that hasn't happened. I did recently tell our office assistant at work who is obese and asked me in private how I'd lost weight. I felt it was an appropriate situation for complete disclosure and I trust her to be discrete, so I told her all about it.

I do sometimes wonder if there may be different circumstances to consider for men and women, especially as I see a tendency for men to put it right out there for everyone while women tend to be more either/or. The fact is, as stigmatized as obesity is for men, it is worse for women in this society who are much more judged by appearance than men are. Because of that, I think the pressures and risks for men and women are different interpersonally-- as a guy, you might be less likely to hear backtalk about it, or to be the subject of gossip, or to have people assume you're just lazy and you did it for vanity reasons instead of taking a reasonable and effective method to control weight for health outcomes.

This seems like one of those things that public or private, it's probably not a HUGE deal in the end. But we all have to do what personally feels comfortable. Good luck in your decision!

[kittyforet 50]

I am on the fence.....I've only told my husband (since I'm self-pay I had to make sure it was ok to use OUR money to pay for it!), my mom (suprisingly supportive), my dad and step-mom, my sister, and my small circle of "best" girlfriends, who are all extremely supportive. That really helps!!

I've only told one person at work (my closest confidante) but I'm debating telling the other teachers that I work with, but not sure that I want the entire staff to know. (Some I don't know that well and not sure I want them knowing that personal tidbit; others I know will be supportive no matter what) I've invited my lunch bunch over Monday night to swim and will decide then if I tell them or not. Having surgery during the summer break so no one will see me until they come back in August.

I'm also on Facebook but I don't think I will broadcast it to that dimension....I may blog about it on my personal blog IF the situation warrants it (mylifeisonesonglyricafteranother.blogspot.com) but so far my short amount of blogging has dealt with family. If I do mention it on FB, it will more than likely be very vague posts that only people that know will understand, but then again, who knows? I may change my mind and totally go public on FB.....

I haven't told my in-laws for various reasons...1) my mother-in-law is MA BELL...you tell her something and within 5 minutes, the ENTIRE country will know (I am NOT kidding!) #2) my sister-in-law had bypass 4 years ago and lost a lot of weight but has since gained most of it back due to poor eating and no exercise and I DO NOT want to be compared to her, knowing people on my husband's side will watch me like a hawk and make any of my failures public fodder. I cry just thinking about that....I just can't handle that pressure. All of my inlaws are morbidly obese people, including my husband.....I feel like telling them, I will be under the microscope.....I'd like to be the poster child for lap=band so that maybe that would convince hubby and the gang to have it too and be successful, but I haven't even had the surgery yet.

The accountability thing, to me, is a double-edged sword...I can tell people and get positive feedback when I lose, OR get harped on when I struggle or don't live up to their (or my) expectations....I already suck at having self-confidence and don't need others pushing me lower into the pit of shame.

It is a daily struggle for me to decide if I should tell anyone else. I know there is no right or wrong answer though. My hope is that I am successful and will want to shout it from the rooftops!! Anyone know how to get rid of the little devil sitting on my other shoulder telling me I won't be??

Highest 223.4, at pre-op 217, now 214, on pre-op diet now, surgery June 20, 2011. Ready to gnaw my arm off at a moment's notice.

Trying to see the glass as half-full is a challenge for me.

Ready to make a change, and be the change I want to see. Ready to be a new healthier me.

kristi

[sweetpea61956 6]

I pretty much have told anyone that will listen. I posted on Facebook and for the most part...everyone has been really supportive. I told everyone at work..and some were questioning why I was going to do it when I lost 20 lbs before surgery.. I simply told them, that for me losing isn't the problem, its keeping it off and I need help and that is what the lap band will do for me.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[SageTracey 608]

I only told immediate family and one very close friend i.e. only the people that I need/want/expect support from and they have been great. I don't need people monitoring what I eat and how much exercise I do - that's my responsibility. To people who comment on my weight loss, I say that I am eating less and exercising more - which is the truth, it's just that the band prevents me from eating as much as I used to eat.

By fortunate coincidence, my older son announced his engagement about the same time as my surgery, so I often add that I want to look good in his wedding photographs next year.

[Lilium 2]

I told my family (including some aunts, uncles and cousins) and good friends and close collegues at work. I have deicided that when I lose major weight I will be honest with people and tell them I have been banded. I have lost 60-80 pounds before and always gained it back, but am going to fight to use the band to help me get to a normal BMI. In the past with other weight losses the majority of people who asked me about it were people I am close to, and I think the same will be true this time. I agree that having everyone watch what you eat is annoying, but i believe that those of us who are morbidly obese already have everyone watching what we eat. My mother seemed to think that everyone must be told as it is a surgery and so I told my aunts and uncles on her side of the family. I wish I hadn't told all of them yet as some of these elderly uncles have been well meaning, but quite annoying. I don't feel the need to hide my choice, but wish I had waited until I was comfortable with how the band works before telling certain family members. It is what it is and so I will ignore the ignorant comments, educate when I can and use the eyes on me as further motivation.

[Rachael 4]

I've been thinking recently about the issue of who to tell about the surgery (I'm scheduled for June 21).

I know there are a ton (probably most) of people here who just told one or two or a handful of people, if anyone at all. But I'm curious if there are people here who went beyond that but actually were wide open about what they were doing with anyone who asked, bringing it up themselves, even, and perhaps went to the point of publicly blogging about it and what-have-you.

A little back-story: My wife was banded about 6 years ago, not long after we met, and only told a handful of people such as her parents, brother, and a close friend or two (apparently her willingness share with me was a big point of "oh my God, I really trust this guy!" for her). There are several friends who, I'm sure, have some idea that she had some sort of bariatric surgery, and in general I think everyone has been quite supportive, or at least bitten their tongue. She had very very good results her first year, so I'm sure that was helpful in people at least not telling her it was a mistake. Her parents actually paid for it, so they knew and were supportive, and at worst her mom has just said a few awkward things in public like mothers do (oh God, wedding dress shopping was hilarious).

As for myself, I've been overweight since I was in about 4th grade. I'm only 5'6" but was at 320lbs when I started my 3-month pre-surgery program, so I qualify based on BMI alone. I've been lucky enough to have no other co-morbidities so far, such as diabetes or heart disease, other than high blood pressure, which is now under control. I have two small sons (almost 3 years old and 4 months old) and am determined to do this to not only save my life but to help ensure they have a father who is alive and is not limited by his weight and inevitable obesity-related declining health.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about going beyond the handful of people, and actually being very open about it to the point of almost "announcing", I guess you could say. Perhaps posting about it on Facebook and other web forums I frequent with an explanation of what is being done and why, and talking to the leader of our church worship team to ask that that amazing bunch of people can be praying for me (never mind have an honest excuse for why I won't be able to sing for a couple of weeks), and that sort of thing.

My reasons for wanting to do this basically break down to these:

1) I want to be honest. I don't want to lie and say I'm had a hernia or something just because I'm embarrassed to admit I need this surgery. Of course it's no one's business but my own, and I'm never going to judge someone for wanting to keep their band private, but for me it just doesn't feel like the right thing. I also feel like being honest about it would be a big step in confronting my relationship with food and admitting that it was an abusive one, in need of a drastic measure.

2) I want accountability. The way I see it, the more public knowledge it is amongst my friends and family it is, the more people I will have to face up to if I'm not using my tool properly. I know this will almost definitely mean more unsolicited advice and rude comments than you can shake a stick at, but hey, I'm a stay-at-home-dad, I get that all the time already.

3) I want more people to know more, accurate information about the lap-band. This is probably my biggest reason. Several years ago, I lost quite a bit of weight on Atkins -- about 85lbs total. In the end I did gain it all back (and more) because I stopped following it properly and stopped exercising the way I had been (mostly weekly judo classes). But before, during, and after, I was a HUGE advocate for Atkins (still am) and spent a lot of time among friend as the go-to guy for debunking myths about Atkins and low/controlled-carb diets. It killed me how many people misunderstood how it worked, why it worked, etc. With the band there is the same thing, times 10, with the added element of people thinking it's an "easy way out" or what have you. I really really really want to be able to help educate people about the band without needing to do so anonymously, or bite my tongue to avoid people finding out I have one. I figure the only way attitudes will change and the stigma go away is if the very people who are getting banded don't seem to be agreeing that it's something to be ashamed of doing.

Has anyone else here done this sort of thing and would be willing to share how it went? Are you glad you did, or do you perhaps regret it? What are some of the effects it had on your own journey, good or bad?

Do you think I'm crazy for even thinking of this?

I told everyone I worked with, my family and most of my friends. I didn't tell people who I thought wouldn't be supportive...ie--I didn't announce it on facebook. I am glad that I shared the information with most of the people in my life. I know two other successful band-ers and their support has been priceless. I also didn't want the rumor-mill running at work. My husband and I work at the same place and I just decided to be honest and up-front about it. I don't regret my decision. 99% of people I worked with have been supportive and very nice. I do once in a while get snide comments---my aunt saying that she would like to lose weight but doesn't want plastic around her stomach, etc. But, I am doing this for my life and health and I am proud of my decision.

As an adult child of an alcoholic parent, I am tired of keeping secrets. I want to live a honest, happy life.

[ErinMarie 186]

I told the people closest to me in the beginning stages (in case my insurance said no or something) but after my surgery pretty much everyone in my family and at work knew (which is why I was not about to try to keep it a secret). I also blog about it to help educate people on my experience and so my family can keep up with my weight loss as well. I talk about it to everyone and anyone who asks. I haven't had a lot of negative comments but I do get a lot of questions which I don't mind at all.

Good luck!

[Short and Chunky 230]

Daddy D Congrats on making the big step to have the surgery done. I am having mine done on July 7th and I have told a number of people. The reason I told them was the last time I lost a bunch of weight (weight watchers - 90 pounds and found it all a year later) was when you loose a bunch of weight people think you are"sick" or has cancer of something. I decided to be honest and up front. It is also a support group for me. I am on the pre-op diet and have lost 8 pound this week (weight watchers does work just not forever). The people I have told are very supportive and can't wait to see me loose more weight. My plan is to loose 100-120 pounds so the journey will be a long one but I want to see my Grandchildren grow-up and I don't want to have health problems along the way. No matter what you decide - it is your decision and it is the best one for you. Congratulations again and remember that we are always here for you !!!

[sassyfrass 24]

This topic really caught my attention because I've been thinking about the same thing. I have not had the surgery yet, but am looking into having it in a few months. I have been on a rollercoaster of weights all my life, so people are pretty much used to seeing me up and down, so I plan on telling my family and my close friends and maybe a few others who have had it, but I'm not advertising it to ALL ears because I don't want to be on platform to be watched by all. There are a few gals in my church that had it and they have done so well on it and lost a lot of weight. People are always asking them about it and I guess they don't mind. I still plan to follow Weight Watchers after I get it, so anyone who really knows me, knows that I've been doing Weight Watchers on and off for years, so it's possible they will think it's just from WW only. If they ask, I won't lie. I will say the lapband is a tool to help me KEEP it off this time around with WW. That truly is how I am looking at it. I still have to do the work of eating the right things so none of that will change. I cannot lie about it. But I just don't choose to advertise it. I'm tired of being judged about my weight and having others say "you can't have that" as if they know. I agree with other posters that if those very people have never had to fight this battle, they really do not understand. I wish everyone well with their choices. Here's to slimmer days ahead!