getting very discouraged

[Erin18 133]

hey, so i am getting so lost and i cant find my way back. i've been lost for ahwile. i am not doing well with this band, i feel hungry all the time and the worst part is that im hungry RIGHT after i ate. i need a fill so badly but i have no insurance still, to pay for it and i have no money in my pocket..i keep forgetting to chew slowly and then getting the productive burp i think...i feel like i'm falling apart on everything. if anything i gained 3 pounds and i'm getting discouraged pretty badly, i am also very stressed with school, i feel like i have to get all my grades above 95 (i am already a high honor roll student), and i'm stressing that i'm going to fail, i'm stressing that i'm going to forget to hand something in on time, and one of my classes is really frustrating to me, the teacher is moving to colorado this summer to teach at a college and she misses fridays and mondays and i cant learn that stuff unless someone teaches me, i have hard time reading directions like those (this is an advanced computer applications). i dont know, im just really stressed and have no time to really think about what im doing. but i'm really hating the fact that i feel so hungry right after i eat. and i looked at some clothes yesturday that i liked and im like "i'll never fit in those" and i saw myself in the mirror today and GOD i looked horrible in the new top i got which i love, i hate how my body is, it's discusting, i feel the most discouraged/upset by the fact that i didnt try hard enough because by now i should've been 20-30 pounds away from my goal weight and im deffinitely nowhere near close, i didnt try hard enough, theres so many temptations that need to be thrown away or something and everyone should start eating healthier in this house. i wanted to be at or close to goal weight by graduation(june 26th 2010) and that got blown up, i feel super sad about that =/, i like..hate myself for not focussing better. and this head of mine..ughhhh! i'd like a new mind please, it feels like its getting to full of things to remember, to do, and things like that arghhh , i dont know what to do, people say to make it a daily routine but it doesnt seem like itll happen...i have plans for the summer for fun exercises so i hope that happens, hope to be down to goal by the end of the year =/

[Humming Bird 275]

Erin, The fact is you STILL NEED a fill. Without restriction you will be so hungry. How much is it? There must be some way you can earn enough to go get a fill.

Give yourself some credit. You have been living in "Bandster Hell" for 9 months? It sounds like it may be catching up to you. Your band is doing nothing for you at this point.

Is there someone who need help around the house and would pay you? You could also speak to the Dr. who would do your fill and see if s/he will give you a break on the price. You may be surprised and it won't hurt to ask. Heck, offer to clean the Dr.'s house, paint, do yard work.

I work for a dentist who does that for people sometimes in trade for dentistry.

Edited May 11, 2010 by Humming Bird

[fritty 0]

Erin, I know you must be totally frustrated. It sounds like you are really stressed out with school and graduation. Try to look at the positive side-- you already have the band in! you've lost 40 lbs! Sooo... once you get a fill you'll be back in action. Maybe ask your doctor if you can set up some sort of payment plan for the bill. Then, you can pay it off in small doses. What do you think? Until then, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break! You're doing great :scared2:

[CathyBFromGa 0]

Does the doctor do the fills in his/her office? (Just wondering if there will be other facility charges for a fill, like a hospital for fluoroscopy). Write the doctor a very humble letter and respectfully ask if there is a discount for cash payment plan as opposed to their filing insurance. For example, if your doctor charges 250.00 for a fill, and files an insurance claim, he normally does not receive the entire 250.00. Depending on the insurance company, he'd probably get anywhere from 125.00 to 175.00. Ask him if he'd be willing to accept the average amount that he gets from his insurance patients. You have nothing to lose by asking, and if you approach it with the right attitude, you might be surprised that he's perfectly happy to get your cash without having the hassle of the insurance company. Oh, and in your letter, also note that unless he would be so kind as to set up a payment plan, you would need to postpone the fill until you can save/earn the money. I've worked for many physicians, and every one of them have always been willing to work with patients who are making an honest effort to pay their bill, or work out a payment arrangement. Good luck!!! p.s. If you need help composing a letter, I would be happy to assist you.

[getnthere 0]

I think everyone has gsve you some great advice. I just wanted to let you know I have been in the same spot but I waited a whole year to get a fill and gained over 50lbs back.If I would have ask my Dr he probally would have done the fill and took payments but I was so stressed and to embarrased to ask now I wish I would have.I have had to lose the 50lbs for the second time.You are doing really well to keep from gaining but if you dont get a fill It can get worse. Just talk to him the worst they can say is no and if he is in this to really help his patients Im sure you will get a yes.

[BetsyB 9]

Erin, insurance or no, you need a fill. Do you have a job? If so, or if you have any kind of allowance from your parents---whatever---squirrel away $$ so that you can get one.

It's an investment YOU MUST MAKE.

There is no getting around it--you need a fill. Until you get one, it will just be lather, rinse, repeat.

As for the terrible stress you're under--does your school offer counseling services?

[Erin18 133]

1. im not sure if i heard it right but the fills might be 180$

2. i'm going to ask my mom to call while im in school tomorrow cause i forgot what time they close

3. he does his fills in the office

4. this is the place i got my band surgery and is the only place around here that i know of that has lapband surgery

5. i seriously do need this fill or two, i need to get my teeth bill out of the way first

6. maybe my mom and i can come up with a plan

7.i do have a job, right now i'm saving up for something ive wanted for awhile, i probably wont be getting one untill after graduation

8.i have a lot of things i want to save up for, yes this is one of them

9.the school does have a counceling service i think, but i just dont feel comfortable and when i talk face to face i mess up my words and i feel embarrassed

so yeah, if it really is 180, thats not bad, i know we can definitely come up with a plan for that, i will see if my mom will call them up.

my mom really wants to get back on track too and i think shes going to start buying better foods since we got this helpful book to help us, but god...thanks (:

[JamieBaby1105 0]

I have to say- albeit unsolicited- that this is a prime example of why teenagers should not get lapbands. Brain research has shown that adolescents power to reason and determine action and reaction are not fully developed. You are told when you get the band that it is a life-long commitment that requires constant doctor visits and supervision. The consequence of not doing these things are weight gain. Also you are told how and what to eat. If you keep eating the wrong things the wrong way you could cause damage, not only to the band but to your stomach and esophogous. You or your parent needs to invest money into making sure you get proper follow up care or you will surely fail at losing weight and the surgery will be for nothing. I know it comes across as harsh but there is really no other way to say it.

[tinksmom 0]

If this is something you NEED right away...and it seems it is...then maybe the bill for your teeth will have to go on the not-too-far-back burner. It's like needing antibiotics. Waiting isn't a healthy option. You might look around and check prices with more than one doctor, then return to yours and see if they will match the lowest price. Sometimes we can't have it all...the pretty clothes may have to wait, as well as other luxuries. Maybe talk it out with your mom and help her see that if you get a good restriction you will save your family food dollars. There has to be a way to prioritize this. I think your doctor was remiss in not making sure you could afford aftercare before he did your surgery; some seem to be like that - take the money and run, leaving patients hanging. He might not even realize your predicament, though so give him a chance.

[Humming Bird 275]

I have to say- albeit unsolicited- that this is a prime example of why teenagers should not get lapbands. .

That is just like telling an already pregnant teen that teens should not get pregnant. She already has the band.

It's a done deal. If you think teens should not get banded it's not going to help this situation.

[BetsyB 9]

7.i do have a job, right now i'm saving up for something ive wanted for awhile, i probably wont be getting one untill after graduation

Believe me, I completely understand juggling bills--and I totally empathize.

But I think maybe it would be a good idea to re-prioritize. This is clearly causing you a great deal of distress! Might it not be a good idea to backburner the item you're saving for (or work out a payment plan with the dentist---or both) so that you can attend to your very real health needs?

This is affecting you physically and emotionally. It's really worth making whatever effort you can to address it. It's likely to be an ongoing issue---one fill is not likely to do the trick, so it's really important to try to find a way to have the $$$ available on a semi-regular basis for this type of expense.

After grad, do you have --by any chance--employment prospects with someone who will provide benefits? Insurance is a godsend, and takes so much of the worry away. Coming up with a $35 copay every six weeks is a walk in the park compared to coughing up $180 annually for one fill that may or may not get you where you want to be.

Does your doctor provide aftercare, a support group? I ask, because regular attendance at things like that makes you a more familiar face in the crowd. When you become a real person to your doctor, he is more apt to work with you. If you find a way to keep in regular contact when you don't need anything, it really does make a difference when you do need something. It can also help your doctor (or his staff) identify the problems you're having; it sounds to me as though you've been incommunicado with him---and if he knew what was going on with you, he might have good solutions to offer.

ETA: A final thought: If you really aren't willing or able to make a fill (or, more likely, series of fills) a priority, there is NO reason why you can't eat as though you have restriction. Many of us who are not yet at our sweet spots eat as though we were. We choose lean Proteins, nonstarchy veggies, fruit, heart-healthy fats--all in moderation. We weigh and measure our portions, and when they're gone, we stop. Even if we are still hungry. Even if the person across from us is eating something that looks good to us, and that we want to share.

You have lots of choices, Erin. At this point, you're not making wise ones. I'm really glad to hear you have a plan to call the doctor---but you need to go a step beyond that. The doctor is going to quote a fee--and you need to take an active role in ensuring that you find a way to pay that fee. Every six weeks for a few months, if need be. And then, probably, once a year after you've reached your sweet spot. Even if that means postponing other things you want.

This surgery is a big commitment. You've made that commitment--and now it's time to follow through with your part.

Edited May 12, 2010 by BetsyB

[Erin18 133]

called today, it's 200$ for a fill PLUS $66 for the office visit.

i can not post pone my dentist appointment, i NEED this tooth filling. we are making payments.

and i didnt mean just one fill.

i'm pretty sure my band is getting rotten, cause its been there for ahwile and hasnt done much. it seemed that my docotor isnt all that concerned cause he never checked up on me after i got my surgery, and still doesn't. i was dry heaving at the begining and they didnt check to see if it went out of place or whatever(if it can with dry heaving). im pretty sure all they want was their money.

to me it works in its own way eventhough i have no fill...if i eat too fast it lets me know..to slow down or throw the food away..

but i have told my doctor when i use to go for the monthly checkups whats going on and every thing. november 11th was my last vist before i no longer had insurance. that was the ending month of my nausea, i would have gotten my first fill that day if i wasnt so nauseated, but now thats gone and yes i desperately need a fill..

there is no other doctor around here, the closest is vermont and it stills costs $$ to go over there, the next one i heard of is NYC and thats 6 hours away

dont call me a failure cause you dont think im giving it my all, you should be giving me props cause im in my last year of high school and trying to do everything right and dealing with a bunch of crap..i should get props for losing 36 pounds and not gaining more that 2 and then losing that 2

i like what BetsyB said "ETA: A final thought: If you really aren't willing or able to make a fill (or, more likely, series of fills) a priority, there is NO reason why you can't eat as though you have restriction. Many of us who are not yet at our sweet spots eat as though we were. We choose lean Proteins, nonstarchy veggies, fruit, heart-healthy fats--all in moderation. We weigh and measure our portions, and when they're gone, we stop. Even if we are still hungry. Even if the person across from us is eating something that looks good to us, and that we want to share."

Edited May 12, 2010 by Erin18

[getnthere 0]

ERIN18 I think you have done great not to gain more weight than you have and that you have lost the weight you did needing a fill. Alot of poeple could not have done that well me included. however I thik what others are trying to say is to put something else off a little while and take care of the band issue first. Not the dentist though because your teeth are just as important! As for your Drs attitude lots of them just have a bad bedside manner without knowing it they see hundreds of patients a day. I think you will figure out something to get this all worked out but untill then try not to stress so much

[BetsyB 9]

Erin, you're not a failure. You're just in a bad place right now. Lack of insurance has scuttled a lot of peoples' plans---when you can't pay, you can't pay. Hopefully, you'll be able to save up the $$ and get in to see the doctor soon.

Did your mother happen to ask, do you know, whether the doctor would work with you on the cost? He might accept the usual and customary amount paid by insurers, for example. Or, he might accept payments over time.

I'd like to gently correct something you wrote. Please know that I understand your frustration--and that I also understand that some doctors are dickweeds. But you wrote,

i'm pretty sure my band is getting rotten, cause its been there for ahwile and hasnt done much. it seemed that my docotor isnt all that concerned cause he never checked up on me after i got my surgery, and still doesn't.

Your band isn't doing much because you haven't had the opportunity to put it to work in the way it's designed to be used. It's really unfortunate that you haven't had a fill---or fills--yet---but at this point, I think it's reasonable to be optimistic that, when you are able to do so, you'll find that the band really does work for you. At least, I hope that is the case. In any event, I think it's probably too soon for you to give up on it. There's still room for lots of hope.

As for your doctor checking up on you---well, that's sadly an unrealistic expectation. It's just not what doctors do. I mean, sure---if you're in the hospital overnight, they'll pop in in the morning before discharging you. But they don't track down patients who don't make appointments---they chalk it up to recidivism.

That doesn't mean that a good working relationship with your doctor is out of reach. Once you get in the right place, and are able to schedule regular appointments, you may find that he's really willing to work with you. I hope so!

If not, even if there is no one else available right now, know that there are more and more doctors entering this field all the time---so it's unlikely you'll be forced to remain with this particular doctor forever. If you really clash with him, you will be able, one day, to switch to someone else. It's just a matter of time before there are other practitioners in your area.

[tmbowe 1]

Maybe you need to call around and see if there is another Dr. that you can see..My Dr. Only Charges $55 for a fill that includes the office visit. So maybe you need to find a Dr. that is willing to work a little better with you and that may be a little cheaper.