how do your spouses feel about your choice?

[chrisdirects 0]

When I made the decision, my husband and I were not yet married. I remember sitting in the basement of his house, while he was doing laundry, and crying, so angry and disappointed with myself that I hadn't been successful controlling this on my own. I was sure that he was going to put me down for doing this.

Much to my surprise, he said that he was so glad I had made the decision. He had watched his grandmother die of complications of diabetes, and since he knew I had it as well, he was scared to death that I would suffer the same fate. We decided together to hold off on the surgery until he had retired, so he could be there for me with as much support as possible. All through the preop phase, he came with me to almost every appointment...and has been the rock in my harbor ever since.

I'm not at all sure my first husband would have been supportive at all, so I feel blessed that I waited until that part of my life was over to make this decision.

Best, Christine

[Brigette 65]

My husband has been supportive. He feels that there are ups and downs. My infrequent pb's make him nervous but, he is happy with the current loss of 33 lbs.

Brigette

[onenuttynurse 0]

Funny I never asked his opinion. He knew i was toying with the idea but thought I was kidding until 1 week before surgery...I had a friend take me to have my operation just in case something happened........At 42, I figure i don't need the approval for anything and honestly in this case his opinion didn't matter because my mind was made up. Harsh but true....

[Arthemise 1]

My husband wants me to be around to raise our son, so he's supportive of this helping me lose weight. He doesn't care if I'm heavy; he'll love this body no matter what it looks like. But with diabetes in the family, he knows I need to do it for my health. He's also overweight but not as bad as I am. He's dieting along with me and has been there whenever I need him. He's even waiting on me hand and foot while I recover.

[montynic 1]

Mine is completely supportive... It's a long story as to how and why I finally decided to get banded (but the short version is that my insurance at work changed so that after a $1,000 deductible everything is covered at 100%, and I started making jokes about ALL the medical procedures I was going to have this year)... I had made the decision to get banded and already signed up for an informational session before I told him what I was planning on doing. I wasn't sure how he would react and was afraid of not having his support. (Afterall, he can live on junk food and never gain an ounce of fat!) Then, one night, as we were driving home from a movie, I started listing all the medical stuff I wanted to get done this year and he mentioned that I could probably even get approved for bariatric surgery if I wanted... I started laughing and explained that I was already signed up for an informational session. He has been supportive from day one!

[ElfiePoo 109]

My husband of 20 years was ambivalent. Not one person in his entire extended family has a weight problem so he doesn't understand people who do. He feels that if I want to lose weight then it's a simple matter to just make up my mind to do it. It doesn't help that 7 years ago I did just that and lost 70 pounds...and have kept it off. I can't explain to him (or me) why I just can't keep doing that and take off the rest because I don't know why.

Despite that, he has been very supportive of my decision to go ahead with the surgery and has continued to be supportive in the months since.

.

[dontgoggilme 0]

it's been really nice to read all of you guys' stories about your supportive spouses. it also kinda makes me appreciate mine more i think. i mean, regardless of whether or not he completely understands my reasoning for getting my band, my husband is still supportive and doing whatever he can to be there for me, help me, and etc. and that's saying a lot, i think. i guess sometimes you don't realize how nice something is til you hear what other people have to say, too. =)

[L12 13]

My husband was very supportive, and probably could tell I needed to lose weight even more than I did. When we met I was thin and very active. As I gained weight, obviously my appearance changed, but my attitude, health, and activity level drastically changed as well. It wasn't until after the surgery and many pounds were gone that I realized how much I and our relationship had changed for the worse due to the weight. He didn't blame or resent me for any of it, he always loved me, but the band has definitely helped both of us in a multitude of ways, beyond what we had initially thought or imagined.

[mom2girls 1]

My husbands answer has always been to anything I am thinking of doing "do what ever makes you happy and I will support you" he of course told me I did not need it that i looked great just the way i was even tho when we met I was at 150lbs not 223lbs but after two kids and life I let myself go. He gets a little scared when he sees guys eyeing me and will ask whne I lose all my weight am I gonna leave him and I have to reassure him I am gonna be a around for awhile besides I all ready have him trained :laugh:

[Sweetnjulia 0]

I've been on and off with Sean for 3 years. I was heavy when i met him. He has NEVER made me feel bad for being fat, and he watches his weight very well. He's extremely mean and selfish to me all around. He can be mentally and emotionally abusive to a tragic degree, but he has never made me feel fat, and that is why i stay with him. It took me 6 months to get the band and i never told him i was in the process of it b/c i was afraid he would not support me. I went in and got the surgery done and on the third day of recovery, he called asking why i hadnt come to see him in the last few days. I told him i had just gotten the lap band surgery. He was so sad and hurt i never shared it with him prior to the surgery. I just didn't want to take it away from me. Oddly, he has been my strongest supporter. He registered and spends more time on here than i do. If i have a fear or a pain or question... i dont have to call my doctor, i call him. He makes sure i have my types of food in the kitchen at all time. Funny how cruel he can be, but how caring at the same time.

[Marine mom 3]

I've been on and off with Sean for 3 years. I was heavy when i met him. He has NEVER made me feel bad for being fat, and he watches his weight very well. He's extremely mean and selfish to me all around. He can be mentally and emotionally abusive to a tragic degree, but he has never made me feel fat, and that is why i stay with him. It took me 6 months to get the band and i never told him i was in the process of it b/c i was afraid he would not support me. I went in and got the surgery done and on the third day of recovery, he called asking why i hadnt come to see him in the last few days. I told him i had just gotten the LAP-BAND® surgery. He was so sad and hurt i never shared it with him prior to the surgery. I just didn't want to take it away from me. Oddly, he has been my strongest supporter. He registered and spends more time on here than i do. If i have a fear or a pain or question... i dont have to call my doctor, i call him. He makes sure i have my types of food in the kitchen at all time. Funny how cruel he can be, but how caring at the same time.

:crying:If he is mean and selfish, no matter how "supportive" he is, you deserve better. Abuse is not ever ok. Not even when the abused is overweight, and feels she does not deserve better.

[mominkansas 2]

I've been on and off with Sean for 3 years. I was heavy when i met him. He has NEVER made me feel bad for being fat, and he watches his weight very well. He's extremely mean and selfish to me all around. He can be mentally and emotionally abusive to a tragic degree, but he has never made me feel fat, and that is why i stay with him. It took me 6 months to get the band and i never told him i was in the process of it b/c i was afraid he would not support me. I went in and got the surgery done and on the third day of recovery, he called asking why i hadnt come to see him in the last few days. I told him i had just gotten the LAP-BAND® surgery. He was so sad and hurt i never shared it with him prior to the surgery. I just didn't want to take it away from me. Oddly, he has been my strongest supporter. He registered and spends more time on here than i do. If i have a fear or a pain or question... i dont have to call my doctor, i call him. He makes sure i have my types of food in the kitchen at all time. Funny how cruel he can be, but how caring at the same time.

I really hope that as you gain confidence in yourself you gain strength as well. Your post scares me and makes me really sad.

[njrees 0]

My partner was not exactly happy about my choice, but has been very supportive. She did ask, "what if I gain a lot of weight"? "Will you still want me when you are thinner"? I gave her the same response I got when I first brought up getting a LapBand. "I will love you no matter what". My choice was about me and how I felt about myself.

[Melinco 1]

Our story is a bit different. We tried having a baby and when not successful after two years, attempted assisted reproduction via IVF. After three failed attempts with one RE (reprodoctive endocrinologist) we switched docs and protocols, and finally made it through an entire IVF only to get a negative. My issue is DOR (diminished ovarian reserve), which has nothing to do with my weight. Size 6 women who are only 26 years old can have this, unfortunately.

So our next attempt to have a baby involves using donor eggs or donor embryos. In order to reduce possible complications during pregnancy caused by my weight, our new RE as well as my OB/GYN suggested Lap-band surgery. My husband has been on board with this from the get go as we really do want to have children (and please do not bombard me with adoption suggestions).

I've lost 55 pounds, and would like to lose another 50 pounds before we attempt DE. By then, I'll be under 200 pounds, which should greatly reduce weight-related complications.

But, even if we don't have kids, I was ready to lose my excess weight and my husband was supportive of me. In fact, he is trying to lose weight as well, albeit sans band.

[TCarroll 1]

Well I am engaged and our wedding is in May. When I started thinking about Lapband-- it was pretty much a 3 week process between yes, I want to have it- till surgery. I have had several other people in my family have Lapband. At first I was very nervous to talk to him about it bc I thought for sure he wasn't gonna like me doing it. He brought up some valid points about us getting pregnant in the future and wanted the answers for. I explained to him that I am not happy with myself... and that I would already be going into a pregnancy with heart problems and that my weight would just be adding to a problem pregnancy. He was supportive but distant the day before surgery- infact, he didn't take me to the surgery- I had a family memeber do it. But when I woke up from surgery he was there. I think he was just scared for me to have surgery. He has been supportive thru my whole weightloss progress... I mean he loved me Fat already-- but he did say that he didnt think he could of at the time- but is even more attracted to me now. He is funny now, he will go shopping with me and pick out stuff for me to try on..LOL! As a matter of fact, we went shopping this weekend and he was there making me try on a size 8 - which I thought wouldnt fit and it did...he then made a comment- about wow, you really are getting tiny... I didn't think you would get this tiny so fast. So I know he is proud and I have seen him a little more jealous at times if someone looks at me... but overall is just more proud. However, after a night out with the guys last night and a few drinks... he woke me up at midnight (saying he was sorry.. for being selfish...we had a minor fight before he left) then started in on how he is scared that with me loosing all this weight that I will think I can do better and leave him.... I didnt really respond last night- I was still a little upset at him and I also knew he had been drinking so ...best not to get into deep discussions.... but it is something that I will talk to him about after work. But overall, yes he has been supportive but was very scared at the beginning... 90 pounds later he is proud of me and taking me shopping!