My Husband Is Driving me Nuts!

[ladykcusa 1]

I will be banded on Monday, so this thread was very interesting to read.

Be strong and go for the goal. Lots of good advice here.

[titiay30 0]

Good luck on your band! I'll be praying for you that everything goes well :-)

[thinneranniesoon 0]

Looked in the pantry just now, cheeto's, dorito's, several types of little debbie Snacks, cheese danish's, yep they are all there. Those are Mikes.

Beneath that shelf is mine, Protein powders, Protein Bars, almonds, pecans, simply naked pita crisps, crystal lite packets in 10 flavors, sugar free koolaid mixes and sugar free oreo's.

If I want something I have it, as long as it is on MY shelf.

Same thing with the fridge, one shelf is mine, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, babybel and laughing cow cheeses as well as several other items.

This works for us, and I figure it this way, the world with continue on just because I had surgery doesn't mean everyone else did. I did this for me, and my heath, so that when the time comes and my girls have my grandkids I can be healthy enough to play with them, not be sick all the time like my mom was.

[june09bandit 0]

I think some may be missing her point - doesn't everybody have one particular food item that they find irresistable if they smell it?? Kettle corn for me...

If hubby had brought kettle corn in the house while I was still on liquids and mushies, I would have considered it lack of support as well. Of all the foods in the world that he could eat.. he doesn't have to bring in her absolute favorite at the time when she absolutely cannot indulge in a single bite.

She's still in the liquid or mushy phase - no point in making her miss her favorites already.

[Marine mom 3]

I have a husband and 3 teen sons in this home. Somehow, I managed to survive them eating during the pre op diet as well as the post op diet. They shouldn't be penalized for my choice. It was certainly possible for me to walk away, and I did on a few occasions. I don't see them as sabotaging me, or not supporting me by eating food.< /p>

[june09bandit 0]

I have a husband and 3 teen sons in this home. Somehow, I managed to survive them eating during the pre op diet as well as the post op diet. They shouldn't be penalized for my choice. It was certainly possible for me to walk away, and I did on a few occasions. I don't see them as sabotaging me, or not supporting me by eating food.

I sense that you feel very strongly about this. Not all of us have your willpower nor your selflessness. You must be a wonderful, kind, compassionate person to live with. I think she agrees she will "survive" just fine. Never known of smelling a wing to be fatal, just irritating at times to those of us that don't have your strength.

[thinneranniesoon 0]

I went to resturaunts with Mike and the kids when I was in the pre and post op liquid phase. I had liquids while there. I would order Soup or something that i knew I could have. IF we were going to a wings place which we did a couple of times, I knew I couldn't have anything there, so I brought a Protein Drink with me, there was no problem. Maybe it is will power, maybe it is wanting this to work so bad that I just did it. Either way, I am not going to make others change just becuase I did.

[june09bandit 0]

I think I should appreciate my husband more. I've had a lot of small fills trying to get to my sweet spot (I think I have a leak, but that's another story). He will actually ask me what I can eat on the days following a fill, and that's what we both eat - at least when we are together. He knows it's a challenge to resist some foods, so he just doesn't break those things out when I'm present. I've never asked him to make this sacrifice for me, but I certainly do appreciate it. I know he still eats his junk food (chip bags in the trash), but he doesn't want to make me feel deprived by crunching in front of me. I wouldn't really want the chips anyway, but that is his way of helping me. I've never asked him NOT to eat a particular thing, he chooses to wait until I'm back on real food and can enjoy it with him. I guess we all have choices to make.

I appreciate how he supports my attempts to lose weight - and I think I should tell him that tonight!

[ElfiePoo 109]

I think I should appreciate my husband more. He will actually ask me what I can eat on the days following a fill, and that's what we both eat - at least when we are together. He knows it's a challenge to resist some foods, so he just doesn't break those things out when I'm present.

I appreciate how he supports my attempts to lose weight - and I think I should tell him that tonight!

Ditto. My husband is always asking me "how can I help?" and wouldn't even think of bringing something into the house that he knows will torture me and make what I'm doing even harder.

No, the world shouldn't have to change the way they eat, but my home is my castle and I shouldn't have to deal with the day to day temptations *inside* my castle when they can easily be left outside of it.

If my husband's doctor told him that he had to give up certain foods because he had high cholesterol and was in danger of a heart attack, what kind of wife would I be if I brought home KFC and chowed down on it while he ate his salad...particularly if I know he loves KFC. I expect the same loving consideration from my husband.

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[alicianoelle1dec82 0]

I found this challenging especially because everyone in the house was eating around me and I was STARVING. My sister and I are both banded (she's a year out) and when someone eats something we can't... if we really want it.. we chew it and than well, spit it out. Some foods we can't eat (steak) but its REALLY good for us...so chew chew chew and than spit out the muss...you get the taste, curbs the craving and no calories... and no PB!

Maybe you could try that.

[Humming Bird 275]

My husband does not need to lose weight. He has put on a few pounds over the last 23 years bringing him up to a 32" waist size jeans. He can eat whatever he wants while we are together in our castle. Sometimes I even cook something for him and something else for myself. It is really not that big of a deal. I do not expect him to become a closet eater just because I got banded. I enjoy the company and social time when I eat with him or with others no matter what is being eaten.

[ElfiePoo 109]

I do not expect him to become a closet eater just because I got banded. I enjoy the company and social time when I eat with him or with others no matter what is being eaten.

HB, I think that's great...if it works for you. However, the OP was stating it was not ok. It was a problem for her to have to smell the wings. In which case, a *considerate* spouse (once he/she has been informed that it's a problem) will refrain. If the doctor had told him his wife was going to die young of complications related to high blood pressure, diabetes, etc, would that spouse help...or continue to fulfill their own desires...cuz let's face it, wings aren't a 'need'...and most of us were banded for health reasons, not because we wanted to go strolling down the beach in a bikini.

Sometimes our SO's are clueless. They really don't know what we struggle with in regards to food. They can't be faulted if we don't talk with them. However, if someone goes to their SO and tells them that having wings in the house is a serious problem for them and the SO says 'tough' and/or continues to bring wings in the house, then (and sorry if this offends some), but that is one inconsiderate SO and I'd wonder whether there is any basis for a relationship with someone so self-centered.

To the OP...note that I am not accusing your husband of any such thing, but I think you should probably let him know how much it bothers you. A good marriage is built on communication. So communicate :sad:

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[Marine mom 3]

but sometimes we need to change our expectations of them and what is reasonable to expect. I expect my husband to eat food he likes. It is unreasonable to expect others to eat stuff they don't want because we can't have it.

What does everyone think their families should eat because of our problem? Nasty shakes? I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Bland food? I like food too much to wish that on anyone, also.

The sooner we get past the poor me, I can't have that, the better off we are. No one should feel guilty because they are not fat, and do not need to lose weight, imo. They shouldn't feel guilty for eating the food they enjoy, either.

Maybe I just get this more, because of the boys. They have to be fed regularly, and either I cook what they like, they cook what they like, or pick up something they like, and you can pretty much guarantee that I like it too. To say to them, I've screwed up, so you pay the price is selfish, imo.

[ElfiePoo 109]

but sometimes we need to change our expectations of them and what is reasonable to expect. I expect my husband to eat food he likes. It is unreasonable to expect others to eat stuff they don't want because we can't have it.

What does everyone think their families should eat because of our problem? Nasty shakes? I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

The sooner we get past the poor me, I can't have that, the better off we are.

. To say to them, I've screwed up, so you pay the price is selfish, imo.

I *expect* my husband to be supportive, loving, caring and compassionate...and if he can't be, then he can hit the door because a spouse who is none of those things is just a stranger living in my home. I *expect* nothing more from my spouse than I am willing to give. Perhaps that's why I didn't marry until I was 34 and why we've been married for 20 years.

Asking your spouse not to bring wings into the house is not asking him to eat nasty food. A husband who brings wings into the home when he knows it bothers his wife is a selfish and inconsiderate person because there is absolutely no reason he can't eat them where he bought them.

Nobody is asking their family to drink Protein shakes or eat nasty food. This isn't about 'poor me, I can't have it so you can't'. This isn't about 'why should they be punished because you screwed up.' This is about consideration from our family members.

If your husband had to go on a strict fat-free diet because of heart disease, would you bring wings into your home and eat them in front of him, knowing they were his favorite food...knowing you were most likely sabotaging his attempts to get healthy (either consciously or subconsciously)...knowing you were contributing to what will most certainly be an early death if he doesn't control his diet and thus his health?

Let's not make light of what we're doing here. We're in the same boat. If we do not lose this weight, our health will (if it hasn't already) suffer to the point of putting us at risk of an early death.

By the way, my husband does not have a weight problem either but he eats the way I do...just larger portions. In the end, he'll be healthier for it as well since even skinny men can die of heart attacks from clogged arteries. Oh and neither of us eats bland or nasty food. It puzzles me why you would be. I have restriction and all of my food is just as tasty as it was preband.

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[Darlyne 0]

I guess that I don't get what the guy is supposed to do. Not eat? Not eat anything that tastes good? It was chicken, not Cookies. He wasn't expecting his wife/partner to cook them, he was just having a meal.

I do get that it doesn't help to have a store of simple carbs around. That makes sense. No one needs those to survive.

I agree with Missy 100%-We hope that our partners are supportive, but to expect them to forgo food because we made bad decisions in the past isn't fair (Unless of course they're dangling temptations in front of us and laughing and evil laugh:blink:). I want support, but to expect others to revolve their food intake around me just doesn't seem fair~