BariatricPal Topic of the Week: Question for the Parents (and Others)

[Alex Brecher 10,484]

I have children, and something I think about is whether I’m teaching them the best possible healthy diet and exercise habits that will last them the rest of their lives. Of course my lifestyle has changed since WLS. Before WLS, my diet was often terrible, and I didn’t always exercise (I had off and on periods).

Since WLS, I am way more conscious of my food choices, and I make it a point to exercise pretty much every day. I hope that I am setting a great example for my kids, but sometimes I wonder about exactly how much to explicitly state about my diet and exercise choices, and how much to just let them “observe” and hopefully keep as part of their lifestyles in the long run.

I guess my concern would be: If I and other WLS patients make too big of a deal out of food choices, like reading labels and weighing foods, in front of our kids, will they just turn away and do the opposite? Will they think it’s completely uncool/too much trouble to eat healthy, and turn to junk?

On the other hand, what if I and other WLS keep too quiet about it so the kids don’t even notice. Then will they learn that it’s important to pay attention to your health, or will they just grow up with the wrong assumption that it comes without trying for it?

I wonder what you all think. Do you talk to your kids about obesity and WLS? Do you explain why you choose to eat what you do, and how much of an effort you make to get to the gym? Do you require them to choose healthy foods?

I try to keep it at what I consider to be a happy medium – I don’t weigh and measure in front of them, but I eat healthy foods and serve them healthy foods, and we are always being active together – biking, etc. What do you think?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My kids are older. When I had my surgery, they were late teens/early 20s. My oldest is a slim, but not necessarily healthy habits person. My youngest is more prone to weight gain.

I did enlist them in my transformation in the sense of i had a very hard time resisting certain foods so we came up with the "Carb drawer" which i simply don't open but has some foods they enjoy and want.

They don't tend to shop with me or anything like that but they observe that I eat small portions and often on an appetizer sized plate. On the rare occasion that they prepare and serve up food, they always put mine on a small plate - I don't even ask.

My youngest who is now 22 told me early on that he wanted to improve his eating habits and has lost weight too. (He was never obese, but is a big guy and has always been prone to some extra weight). I think my modeling of eating behavior has influenced him in a very positive way.

My kids don't really like doing "active" stuff with me like they did when they were younger. However, last several years the mothers day tradition is going for a hike, not a big ole brunch. The oldest in particular hates hiking, but he does it in recognition of doing something that makes ME feel good.

I don't think my exercise/activity habits have really reasonated with either of them - as they are young enough they only like to do fun stuff for exercise!

I wouldn't do this with younger kids, but with them I do sometimes bring up my weight loss, how I am still working at maintaining it etc. I do it because they both live with me again and I find that touching on my struggles improves our relationship. Example, if i am going through a time of feeling a bit more emotional around food - I might mention it so they know I am going through something. IT makes them more aware of my possible behavior and consequences - not that they need to do anything.

The thing that shocked them both was bringing out my before picture after I had been at goal for awhile. It was deeply upsetting to them because they didn't remember how I looked. It wasn't just the fat, it was that you could see my physical pain and misery in that picture and I think they felt terrible that they didn't even remember it. i told them it was okay to not remember it, but it was a reminder of how much I have changed. That led to the conversation about how much I have changed in terms of interactions with them and others - all very positive I might add!

[AvaFern 3,516]

It sounds like you've found a happy medium. I don't have kids, but I am the oldest child and my younger sister is 10 years younger than me. When I was a kid my mom was obsessive about dieting and the scale, which by no fault of hers rubbed off on me. I think I was on my first diet in kindegarten and the first time I stopped eating for a week was in 6th grade. Weight was a HUGE issue in my family and no matter how athletic or healthy I was, I was never thin enough. As I got older, I think my parents realized that pushing the "you're fat, go on a diet, the scale is all that matters" mindset created a child that could never see herself as anything other than a fat girl who needed to lose weight. When I left home at 18, they totally switched things up with my sister. There was never any mention of dieting, never any talk of exercising, no one ever called her fat or did anything to make her feel like her weight was any form of an issue. My sister is now a brilliant, successful, popular, and amazing young woman...who also happens to weigh 340-ish pounds and because there is no discussion about weight at home, she doesn't have the same incentive to monitor her weight like I did. I would get fat and thin and fat and thin, but my poor sister just keeps gaining, and my mom refuses to do anything about it. The result is one child who has spent her life binging and starving and hating what she looks like in the mirror, but who is at a healthy weight, and one child who doesn't have an ability to control her food intake and is at a dangerously unhealthy weight, but her self-worth is fully intact.

I suppose our family shows how you can try your best to be a parent and do the right thing and two totally different approaches can still produce a child who is in some way dealing with a future that we would not have wished for them.

Edited April 1, 2015 by AvaFern

[LipstickLady 25,682]

(I had off and on periods).

Geez! I've been on my d*mn period since my sleeve. Lucky you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have children, and something I think about is whether I’m teaching them the best possible healthy diet and exercise habits that will last them the rest of their lives. Of course my lifestyle has changed since WLS. Before WLS, my diet was often terrible, and I didn’t always exercise (I had off and on periods).

Since WLS, I am way more conscious of my food choices, and I make it a point to exercise pretty much every day. I hope that I am setting a great example for my kids, but sometimes I wonder about exactly how much to explicitly state about my diet and exercise choices, and how much to just let them “observe” and hopefully keep as part of their lifestyles in the long run.

I guess my concern would be: If I and other WLS patients make too big of a deal out of food choices, like reading labels and weighing foods, in front of our kids, will they just turn away and do the opposite? Will they think it’s completely uncool/too much trouble to eat healthy, and turn to junk?

On the other hand, what if I and other WLS keep too quiet about it so the kids don’t even notice. Then will they learn that it’s important to pay attention to your health, or will they just grow up with the wrong assumption that it comes without trying for it?

I wonder what you all think. Do you talk to your kids about obesity and WLS? Do you explain why you choose to eat what you do, and how much of an effort you make to get to the gym? Do you require them to choose healthy foods?

I try to keep it at what I consider to be a happy medium – I don’t weigh and measure in front of them, but I eat healthy foods and serve them healthy foods, and we are always being active together – biking, etc. What do you think?

My kids have seen me struggle with my weight since they were old enough to notice. I had my surgery when they were 12 and 14 so they've seen me do WWs, Atkins, South Beach, etc. They know points, they know carbs, Proteins, fats, they know labels, weighing, measuring, etc. Nothing I can do about that.

They also know what I had to go through to be healthy and how difficult it's been.

I have never taken my kids to fast food places, they've probably been to McDs, BK, Wendy's, etc. less than a dozen times in their lives. They do know pizza, Americanized Chinese and other unhealthy choices, but they have always been pushed towards healthier alternatives.

Something I have ALWAYS done is keep candy, Cookies and ice cream in the house. They are always allowed to have it (they had to ask first when they were little), and nothing is "forbidden" or "bad". I think half the reason I struggled with my weight is because I was never allowed "bad" foods growing up because of my mother's dieting so when I was on my own, it was a free for all.

Because treats aren't TREATS, it's rare they finish a carton of ice cream, a pan of brownies or an entire cake. In fact, I think they still have candy from Christmas and Halloween in their candy bags.

They are both athletic, slender, and make good choices on their own. Was it my teaching? My struggles? Good luck on my part? I don't know, but I do know that kids need to learn good nutrition before the obesity rates rise even higher.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

My kids are older, in their early 20s and late teens. They have watched me struggle with weight all their lives. I have exercised on and off, been good and bad role model on and off, and really, really tried to just focus on 'healthy". They all have the propensity to gain weight, and my oldest daughter had a sleeve 6 months ago. So, while I think I'm a pretty phenomenal mother in spite of my failure to really teach healthy habits, you might not actually want advice from me!

But I'm going to give you advice, anyway! I do think it is fine to weigh and measure food in front of your kids and read labels. I don't see how that is damaging to anyone. It's just a reality for some of us. It's not anything to hide or be ashamed of. By the nature of their genetic makeup, most of our children are probably predisposed to weight gain. Giving them some solid tools and actions they can mimic to control intake and weight is good. Portion Control is critical to success in maintaining a healthy weight.

I think making your time with your children active is a no brainer.

Also, I think talking about and modeling weight management can only help your kids. Contrary to what so many people seem to think, they actually do listen to us. I suppose the trick is to not beat them over the head with it ad nauseum. Kind of like I do now.....talking about "I just want to lose 10 more pounds" over and over and over. Do as I say, not as I do

[Elode 8,093]

My middle child (13 yr old daughter) likes to follow in my footsteps. Ever since I had my surgery she has been cooking healthy new meals with me and encourages me when I need it. The only problem I see is that a couple weeks ago she took it upon herself to download the "lose it" app that I use and was tracking her food. Now, the problem with that is she's a perfect size for her age and height. She's 5'6 and 118 lbs. she doesn't need to lose any weight and she sure can't try to eat like I do. She wasn't trying to eat exactly like me but she kept wanting to compare stats and questioned how many carbs she was eating ect... I explained to her she can't have my numbers, it's not healthy for her. I like that she's conscious about her health and wants to remain nice and trim but I don't want to see it take over her life. I was worried for a min but I think she's over it now since she just ate a handful of candy From Russia I ordered for her she's also very active in school playing soccer ect...I don't want her to have weight issues but I don't want her to be in constant fear that she will. It's all learning. My 16 yr old daughter stays with her dad and she is quite a bit overweight, complete opposite she has not desire to put the work in to lose. It's a touchy subject between her father and I but that's a whole Different story...my 5 yr old son is just a sugar-holic lunatic! My husband spoils him with whatever he wants .I'm the strict (mean) one who says no to the sugar. He already knows that when he wants juice I'm going to make it half Water half juice so he will sneak to dad.......it's just never ending

[Bandista 7,466]

We are a household of specialty eaters -- not by design, but here we are. When I was first married I had been a vegetarian for many years (not anymore) while my husband ate meat. I just didn't cook it for him, etc. And then I was such a major dieter (not anymore), constantly abstaining, restricting and depriving myself. When our son came into our lives I tried to be sure he was not influenced in any way by that and I think I succeeded. We have always had a very healthy dietary household -- my issue was not the kind of foods but the volume. I gained and gained. Meanwhile, about five years ago my husband discovered he is Celiac. Gluten-free is not a fad for him -- he has to be very careful or otherwise three days of absolute misery. So there is that vigilance -- inquiry at restaurants (embarrassing for him), etc. Our son is Asian and he does not tolerate dairy. I'm sure you're getting the picture by now! We all have such different dietary needs. I think this is the take-away not only for our kid but for all of his friends, etc. -- we need to tune into our own bodies and eat what is good for us as individuals. We all love food and we all love to cook. My new way of being with food feels so natural to me and I think that my son and his friends just think I'm taking good care of myself. None of them know that I'm banded but they all have noticed me working out like crazy the last year and a half. They see me making up bottles of my special drink (Water, aloe, splash of cranberry). They see me (old lady) trying to do the PT regime with the weights, etc. Many of these kids have their own issues -- we have a few other gluten-free teens come here loving it that they can have so many things (we have all the GF breads, pastas, Cookies, etc.). They are all trying to learn what they should be doing to be strong and healthy. We have kids who bring stuff into the house that I would never have here -- canned iced tea beverages full of chemicals. What do I do? I read them the ingredients. First up: this can says it is three servings, OMG, I could drink this right down. OMG, how many calories? I don't think I'm creating a generation of food-disordered kids -- I think I'm helping them develop skills for coping with the toxic society they are growing up in. Fast food, what? We would never eat that. But some of our kids' friends do and I am converting them to lovers of apple slices, hummus and carrots, beautiful chili......we are doing them a service.

[Bobby46 327]

I am a single mother of a healthy weight, active, 13 year old boy. He has a sweet tooth and hollow legs! He is constantly hungry. I really don't preach to him about what he eats. Since he was a little guy I have taught him 1 healthy snack and then 1 not so healthy snack if he wants one later. If I see him with a snack cake I always ask if he has had something healthy yet....and he usually shows me his apple core. I raised him on chicken, salmon, roasted vegetables and whole grain Pasta or brown rice, no pop. There are always granola bars, snack cakes and chips....but he knows what he is allowed and I really don't think he thinks too much about it.

He knows I had surgery to control my weight. We talked about the whys and the hows. The whole 9 yards. He knows he can ask me all about it whenever he chooses. But, he doesn't dwell on what I eat and I don't hound him about what he's eating.

I think kids hear you when you speak even when you are convinced they didn't hear a word. I also think they follow you when they see you doing something....whatever it may be. They just see the things going on around them as completely normal. So if you just go about your day as healthy as possible they see that as how its suppose to be. Just like they know they have to brush their teeth and wash their faces everyday....its just normal.