What I'm really afraid of...

[*Lexie* 1,486]

I've been on Bariatric Pal for a few months now and I'm a week away from surgery. I've read countless posts around fears about surgery, complications, losing hair, loose skin but my biggest fear is something that I rarely see mentioned.

What if I fail at this too? Does anyone else worry about that or just me? I did okay going through an 8 week pre-op diet/skills class and lost around 15 pounds. But as soon as my 2 week pre-op diet started, I have lost my mind and haven't been able to stick to it. Which leads me to wonder if the same thing will happen afterwards. I really want to be successful but knowing that soon I won't be able to eat make me feel compelled to eat while I can. It probably doesn't help that my doctor's office told us that we have already shrunk our liver with the weight loss we have already had and they only expect us to lose another 2 lbs on the pre-op diet. I took that as permission to eat three meals a day versus 1 meal and 2 shakes a day.

[Jordan861 124]

When I had my pschy apt, that was my biggest fears. I was scared I would fail, I had failed at keeping the weight off/losing and weigh management, so why would this be different. I still fear that. That is why I made so many changes. I am learning to cook low fat, my exercise is like a heart pill (you wouldn't skip a heart medication). Everything changed but yes the fear is still there.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

There are those folks in this forum who can expess the need for counselling with your doctors and nutritionist much more eloquenty and clinically than I can, so I will move on to what my original thought was when I first read your post.

Perhaps you need to think of the next phases not as a pre-op liquid diet and a high Protein diet bereft of your former culinary favorites, but as war! You are literally in a fight for your life (and your quality of life) until you reach your expiration date. Those of us who are in our sixties can attest to the fact that excess weight which is inconvenient and embarrassing in our thirties turns into arthritis, joint replacements, high blood pressure, strokes, immobility, heart attack, etc etc and the list goes on.

You are at a point where you can make so much more of difference now, and have a much longer, healthier, happier life. You will be more able to travel, enjoy family and social activities and become more present and involved in the world around you. At some point, the excess weight that is inconvenient can turn you into a shut-in as I am now, due to a stroke brought on by high blood pressure brought on by excess weight brought on by lack of control over my stomach's desire to hijack my brain.

If I can encourage you to do anything, it would be to find a private moment alone with your thoughts and without distraction. You are grown and no doubt smart and capable in many ways. Take on the devil on your shoulder and you be the one in control of your health and your future by being in control of you dietary choices, against all odds.

How would you encourage someone else who is two weeks behind you in this journey? This is one time in your life where you MUST NOT get tired of being strong. You deserve to be healthy and happy and active, but good health will not come knocking on your door. You are going to have to chase it down and put your name on it.

Please don't think of the pre-op liquid phase as a burden to bear. It is a right of passage and will be over in a few days. After you have your surgery, you will learn by doing and become quite adept at making smart choices and weighing and measuring and tracking. You can look forward to becoming a champion at this, well able to encourage others with confidence.

I cannot believe that come Christmas, I will pass my first year since my sleeve surgery. There were rough spots to be sure, and times when I thought I am not losing fast enough, but the scale keeps going downward, and I will take that as a good thing. Keep your chin up and trust in yourself to do a great job at this. You can always come here for encouragement when you are having a dark day.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

@@Miss Mac Your post brought a tear to my eyes. Thank you for such insightful advice. In my 8 week skills class that my doctor's office requires, half of it is with the psychiatrist and she focused a lot on that devil you mentioned. She said that setbacks are learning opportunities and we should choose to learn from them (about our behavior, emotional state, etc) versus punishing ourselves. I should probably listen to her and your good advice and try to figure out why I'm suddenly feeling like I'm never going to get food again.

I think years of failed dieting has shaken my confidence.

[Kindle 8,667]

Kudos to Miss Mac for stating everything so spot on. She's right. The preop diet and even months of immediate postop restrictions and healing are nothing compared to the lifelong commitment we all face. I'm only 9 months out but already have less restriction and have no problems eating/ drinking anything except carbonation. Don't get me wrong, I can only eat a fraction of what I could eat preop at a single sitting, but there's nothing physical preventing me from grazing all day.

What I've discovered is that this surgery and all that goes with it has allowed me to reboot my brain and my relationship with food. Eating is now about nutrition, not satisfaction. The dramatic weight loss and feeling so great is incredibly motivating to maintain this lifestyle. But I am still only in the infancy of my journey and only time will tell how things turn out.....

[TheCurvyJones 721]

First of all, kudos to you on your decision to have weight loss surgery. You've taken an important step in taking your life back.

Second of all........it's really hard to screw this up. Like.....you have to try, physically TRY to screw it up, especially in the first three month, and trying will hurt more than just doing it the way it's supposed to be done. Especially in the first few months, your sleeve will bear the brunt of the work. You'll be eating a reduced amount of food and your body won't know what the F is going on. After awhile, you'll see the 'natural loss' start to slow down and that's why building healthy habits during pre-op and as soon as you get clearance from your surgeon is important. You'll need to take over once your body gets used to the reduced calorie intake and the expenditure of energy just to stay alive.

I was SURE I was going to be the one patient that WLS doesn't work for. If you follow the (very simple) rules, the Sleeve works. Protein first, HYDRATE, watch your cals, move your body. And don't forget your Vitamins. It works like a charm!

Important thing to remember is that you can't always weigh your success by the number on the scale. You could be a slow loser like me, who sees so much more loss in inches and ability to do things I couldn't do before, than I saw on the scale. I can wear a size 4 dress and size 6 slacks but I still weigh over 170. There are people that weigh much less than I do wearing larger sizes. It's all individual. Concentrate on you and your individual results and you will do just fine!

[TheCurvyJones 721]

Also! Remember that the better you do pre-op, typically the better you'll do post op. Use this time to prepare your mind and get in a mode of eating to sustain your body, to feed it vital nutrients, especially Protein. You want to maintain a status quo, not gain or go backward right before surgery!

[bikrchk 1,313]

This experience will mess with your mind as much as your body! What it boils down to is you have to WANT to change and you have to do something different that what you've always done if you want to get different results! For me, in addition to the small portions, the lifetime changes I have committed to are exercise and food journaling. These are the things that help me manage food in a successful way now, because as others have said, I can't over eat in one sitting anymore, but I COULD graze on slider foods all day long and land right back where I started. Moving my body and keeping track of what's going in and my burn is my particular strategy. Some have found other ways, but that's what works for me! Good luck!

[Roostertail2 98]

Lexie - I am just right at 6 weeks post op. I went through the same thoughts as you did! I had several "last" dinners and "last" cupcakes! It didn't matter that people here were telling me that I would eat again - I felt like I would not! Well, I believe in being honest so here goes.....I am not really hungry so eating is NOT the same as it was before. Each phase I have had to go through has been somewhat of a chore because of gag reflex and other issues, but I made it through them all. Now that I am at the stage where I could eat anything I wanted to ( as long as I am willing to suffer the consequences of course) I find that I have more of a hard time just finding something that looks good, smells good and tastes good to my pouch. The same foods that once were my downfalls, now don't really even appeal to me. Its crazy - and I know that as time passes things will probably change again as I heal and get accustomed to my pouch - and I am sure that the loss of hunger is only a temporary thing too so soon it will all be will power that has to keep me from the bad stuff - but I can only take each step and do what I can do..It sucks going through all the diets you have to go through - but it is a journey you have to take in order to make it to the other side of things. Your going to miss crunching things in your mouth, your going to miss taking a big bite of something and only chewing 4 or 5 times, your going to miss mixing potatoes with your corn ( cause you have to eat your Protein first and nothing else will fit). Your going to miss bread and chips and so many other things....BUT if you can make it through the cravings - which by the way your stomach wont let you eat those things anyway) you will soon find that you miss those things less and less and before you know it you can start adding some of them back into your diet (only healthy versions) I have wanted something crunchy since all this started on August 5th - but even though I was cleared days ago for solids - I have yet to rush out and buy pretzels or other crunchy items! Just go into this knowing that things will change - lots of things to learn -lots of things you will still have questions about no matter how much reading you do! But keep thinking about the person you want to be in a year and you will do it!!!

@@Miss Mac Your post brought a tear to my eyes. Thank you for such insightful advice. In my 8 week skills class that my doctor's office requires, half of it is with the psychiatrist and she focused a lot on that devil you mentioned. She said that setbacks are learning opportunities and we should choose to learn from them (about our behavior, emotional state, etc) versus punishing ourselves. I should probably listen to her and your good advice and try to figure out why I'm suddenly feeling like I'm never going to get food again.

I think years of failed dieting has shaken my confidence.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I'll be honest, I wasn't prepared for the mental/emotional part of this journey. I had to work thru my food addiction and overeating issues while recovering from surgery - not optimal.

Fear of failure is an issue - we have all tried and failed numerous times. I worried as well - this is NOT a magic bullet. You need to be committed and need to know that your life will not be the same post-op. You will not be able to binge eat - can you eat around your sleeve, sure! You have to be committed to not doing it. Can you stop at Starbucks and have a Venti extra-sweet whatever with extra whipped cream - sure, but you shouldn't. The sleeve doesn't make your decisions for you - the sleeve is a tool. It will help you reduce your portions, but you still need to decide what to put in your mouth and how much you move your body - that's what YOU can control.

Do some people gain their wait back? Yep. According to my doc, it's mostly people that don't exercise and don't follow the "Protein first" rule.

I went into this wanting to lose 106 pounds - that would get me to 150 pounds which was a magical number to me a year ago when I decided to have surgery. I'm at 73 pounds right now and I've lost about a pound in 8 or 9 weeks. That's a long dry spell. BUT, I'm not letting that get to me. I feel great, I'm very active and I'm happy, truly happy for the first time in about 20 years. I'd like to lose more, but I consider myself a success even if I don't lose any more. The scale does not rule my life any longer - I live by how I feel. I don't eat "bad things" very often because they make me feel bad.

[BitterSweet* 835]

No advice at all. Just want to say @@Miss Mac, that was as eloquent as I have ever heard. Just beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Thanks. Sometimes I don't know where that stuff comes from.

[Jz0917 21]

I've been on Bariatric Pal for a few months now and I'm a week away from surgery. I've read countless posts around fears about surgery, complications, losing hair, loose skin but my biggest fear is something that I rarely see mentioned.

What if I fail at this too? Does anyone else worry about that or just me? I did okay going through an 8 week pre-op diet/skills class and lost around 15 pounds. But as soon as my 2 week pre-op diet started, I have lost my mind and haven't been able to stick to it. Which leads me to wonder if the same thing will happen afterwards. I really want to be successful but knowing that soon I won't be able to eat make me feel compelled to eat while I can. It probably doesn't help that my doctor's office told us that we have already shrunk our liver with the weight loss we have already had and they only expect us to lose another 2 lbs on the pre-op diet. I took that as permission to eat three meals a day versus 1 meal and 2 shakes a day.

Trust me, the fear is normal. The good news is that in the beginning, it will be more difficult to fail. Take me, I am 3 wks out. Today I am finishing allowed to eat. I tried and so far, I feel is overrated. While I know I will feel better about eating, eventually, I know that today I won't fail because eating made me feel blah. The sleeve will help you. Now, it's all mental. After surgery, you have to work at eating. That should make eating the right thing alittle easier. I hope that helps.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

All this feedback is so incredibly helpful. I really hope that I food is a chore and that I don't really have a desire for it like I do now.

Tomorrow I am going to put my head down and push through this pre-op diet. I can do this.

[snowkitten 371]

Actually I'm having that fear RIGHT now and I'm 3 weeks post op. I'm hungry and can't feel any restriction when I eat despite being on soft foods. Im so scared I went through all this trouble for nothing I'm in near tears.