Hi everyone,

I haven't been here in a long time but wanted to reconnect with you guys :scared2: I'm getting ready to finish my journey.

I'm getting cosmetic surgery in 5 weeks. I can't wrap my head around it. I've wanted this for so long, but yet, having the band for 5 years, I seem to be doing everything in my power to sabotage myself from being lean. My band is leaking - we think it's the port - and there have been a lot of bumps along the way that has stalled, reversed, and slowed down my weight loss.

I'm not mad about it; my journey has been unique. I can't even begin to describe the things I have learned about myself. It all unfolded the way it should have, I suppose.

But, just when the surgery was most out of reach - I'd gotten laid off - miracles happened and now I'm not only having my leaking port/tube fixed, I'm getting everything done, by one of the top cosmetic surgeons for post bariatric weight loss, two weeks before my 34th birthday. What an amazing turn of events.

I'm scheduled for a body lift, breast lift, brachioplasty (arms) and flankplasty. The only thing he's not doing is my thighs because they don't need it. Yet. lol. They're also replacing my port to a low profile one. Dr. Joseph Capella in Hackensack Medical is my guy. I researched tons of surgeons - this dude is mine.

All this, and I am still clinically overweight. I am shaking my head at the irony of it all.

Yet, why not? My leaking lap band is getting costly for twice-a-month fills. I have no local support group and live alone, so solitary eating is the biggest culprit. Getting the lap band fixed will help me in January shed the last 30 lbs of fat, and work on my lean muscle building.

I suspect that having the surgery will drastically change my relationship with food -- by having beautiful, reliable restriction that helped me lose 100lbs a few years ago (and mercifully helped me totally forget about food) and will give me a shot to my self esteem that has been sabotaging me.

I know it's purely psychological, but I would work SO HARD, and work out, and track my food...especially over the summer...and start losing..10 lbs, 15 lbs...but I would look in the mirror at the "frownie moustache" of my stretched belly, suck it in, ALMOST see a normal shape...and then become depressed knowing that nothing I did would ever fix 30 years of being obese. Then, I would stop trying.

I have loved watching my fellow bandsters go through the surgeries and can think of nobody better to share it with.

Dec 7th is the date. Oh my gosh :thumbup:

Kate

Kate,

Haven't heard from you in awhile. How are you feeling? Has the itching stopped any so you can sleep?

Thinking about you.

Hey Skinny...well I just about lost my sh!t with the inability to sleep. I was becoming verbally abusive, cried a lot, didn't want to do a damn thing, began being depressed, etc.

Finally I read a book on Feng Shui, rearranged a few things in my bedroom, meditated for the first time in a while, and made the decision to no longer be something that things are happening to -- and took charge of my life again. I went back to "overdoing it" and found I had healed enough so that I'm not actually overdoing it anymore.

Nothing helped until I began cleaning my house and exhausting my body. I was so tired at 2pm that I laid down for a power nap and found my limbs were lead, and I slept with ZERO itching or twitching. I began walking the dog farther, made plans about my future, began applying for jobs, generally getting back into my life, and as I speak I am sleeping my usual 7 hours, uninterrupted I was up at 5:30 today, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, am sitting down now to do my bills.

So I'm not sure if the twitching coincidentally calmed down, or if it was psychological, physiological or what, all I know is, I feel like myself for the first time in a while.

Physically I am doing well. My right arm stitches have flattened out. There are places where this skinny scar is already white I can live with these scars. My breasts have lost some of their perkiness :smile2: The swelling has gone down and they are still a lovely shape but not QUITE as impressive as they were a few weeks ago, lol. Natural looking and all.

My left nipple has a healing hole on the scar at the areola. I'm a little bummed, I have a feeling it will not heal clean and mirror the other one. Also my nipples are definitely two different sizes. Trying not to be disappointed. On the positive side, at least they are even under a shirt. I am going to hunt down some soft bras...Don't know when I'm allowed to wear underwire, but my left arm stitches haven't flattened yet and I'm sure it'd be uncomfortable.

My belly has also swollen a significant degree. Below my belly button, I look four months pregnant. It's like all the Fluid from my bewbs and arms is now sitting there. It's reminding me of my body pre-op and I'm trying to stay positive...but with my flat ass and round belly I feel like a little old lady. Clothes don't fit me right, and I am loathe to buy anything until the body settles down. So I'm still wearing crappy stuff, nothing cute yet.

I'll be seeing my doctor next week for a checkup, I asked them about the fluid...they say it's normal and likely not a seroma. But you touch it and it ripples like a lake. Then again I heard somewhere that fat holds more fluid than regular tissue, so maybe that's what's going on.

Regardless, I need to start eating better and trying to shed weight. I no longer care about what it will do to the results, I want my fat content down. I want my legs to be slimmer, my waist, everything...slowly but surely. I know my surgeons mean well, but I never intended to be 200 lbs the rest of my life. I will live with what I get....or have a revision surgery if I must. But I want my damn number down. I'm 5'7. There is no reason for me to be heavier than 170, in my book. So I have 30 lbs to chip away at.

I can't feel my port, but I don't feel like hunger is really an issue right now anyway. I am eating two meals a day, just not picking the best food. I'm holding at 199 but I can do better. I need my band open right now so I can hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

Slightly less thrilled than my other posts, but still, would do this ALL over again. I do love the flat belly, even tho mine has swollen up again. Just the arms, bewbs and rib area looks so freaking great.

Ready to get on with it now.

Kate, I am glad your interventions have helped you feel better and sleep better. All I had done was my arms and bewbs and it knocked me on my butt, a LBL would really have taken me over the top. You are a brave woman. My breasts have lost some of their initial perkiness but I still love them and am glad I had it done. My armpits have separated some and will take longer to heal. I hope I can go back to work next week. I so thank you for sharing your ups and downs as it makes me know I am experiencing some normal things and makes me not worry as much. Take care, sweetie, and keep healing.

Mimi

Mimi!!! How did surgery go? I don't see a post anywhere about it...would love to know how it all went. Congrats on getting through it!!

My right armpit is healed, left is 95% of the way there. The stitches are still raised so lifting my arm up and down aggravates some of the skin mildly, but the hole is mostly closed.

Glad you are finally able to rest.

Sometimes we do just have to move on with life and get back to our routine. Glad you are feeling more like yourself. You are a strong woman. Be proud of your accomplishments.

I haven't worn an underwire bra yet. My Dr. said 3 months in sports bra. I go back Monday for another follow-up. Can't belive it will be 10 weeks, than I get to start exercising again.

I have days still where I will swell up tremendously. Had movie popcorn Sunday and the swelling from that was horrible. By the end of the day I feel so swollen that my skin feels like it's stretching. I have a desk job too and work for hours before getting up and everytime I get up I feel this strething feeling. I'm sure you dont look pregnant. You're just being hard on yourself. I haven't been making wise food choices either. Debating another fill. I really want to take off 15 lbs before June.

I'm glad things are looking up for you.

Hi everyone!

Been a while since an update. I finally feel like myself and have been trying to catch up on cleaning, cooking, keeping myself and the doggie on a schedule while I'm unemployed. It's hard being disciplined by yourself. For me anyway.

My band is filled at 3.0 our of 4.0. It's not enough to stop hunger but it's very close to a magic fill. i LOVE that it isn't draining. Definitely was a leaking port. I think next week I will go get a tighter fill and start dropping weight, now that my strength is back. I walk Nike every day and even have jogged a little. No more afternoon naps. I'm fully back.

All in all I've gained 2 lbs since surgery. This is actually a miracle since I've been at home, alone, with lots of food. And I'm a closet eater. Which is why I've been trying to get a job so bad - the economy is terrible. I'm just about out of money. So, sorry for the lack of updates :eek:

Body-wise I am coming back to reality. I have narrow hips. This is news to me. Shopping for jeans had been a little depressing because my hips are now only one inch wider than my waist. I might need to try men's sizes. Either it's floppy in the butt or the waist is way too tight. However, dress pants (Alfani brand, specifically) fit like a dream.

I've started losing SOME of the Fluid around my spare tire. My butt looks a little better than the square flat thing it's been. I still have this pouch of jello-like fluid on my superpubis but with the right pants I can hide it. But that can take up to 6 months. Also, I'm so sedentary and home-bound that I'm sure I'm just retaining fluid on general principle. Need a job!!!

The scars have all healed and closed. I do get restless leg syndrome nightly. I suspect it's partly due to boredom, not having a job, etc. It doesn't last long, and the intensity is fading as time goes on.

All in all, I'm doing all right. I have a phone screen on Monday, and hopefully within a few weeks I'll be gainfully employed again. I am definitely struggling right now with being isolated and not busy...I'm someone who always has 20 projects going on. I know that my cheerfulness will improve when I feel in control of my world again!

Hope you're all well :mad2:

Hi, Kate, so good to hear from you. Sorry about the continued unemployment, that sucks. My figure is going to be like yours, I can already tell....I call it rectangular, LOL. I am glad you are doing good and getting your strength back!!!! I sure would like to see some updated arm pictures!!!!

Mimi

HI Kate,

So glad you are feeling back to normal. Hope the phone screen goes well. I know it's hard being home. Just keep funneling that time into developing yourself. Do all the things you never got to do because you were busy working.

Glad the band is working for you too. What a relief after all you had to go through last time.

I'm with Mimi, can't wait to see some new pics. I know you're just as beautiful as ever.