Did you tell everyone or no?

[meikobobo 0]

i know that what I am about to say will shock many of you but It was the only way I felt I could handle it. Ihave always been HUGE and as such always dieting sometimes successfully but often not for long and the sense of failure and judging that I got I think was contributing to the problem. So when I decided to do it I told no one - not husband, family, friends children no one. I know this is a risk and I carry a card that my doctor gave me (in case of medical emergency with me at all times. Everyone thinks I went in for gall bladder and as such I now cant have very fatty food and need to watch what I eat. I just couldnt face another failure in particular because of the money involved. I know I would never hear the end of it. Perhaps once I really have the thing under control I will share with hubby but not until then. What surprises me is that everyone buys it! Just goes to show you people dont really think much if it medical but once its "weight related" out come the judgements and quite frankly this is hard enough without that. I think this is why I love the forum it is my only way of sharing the experience and getting lots of info from people who really know what they are talking about

[lfoley 1]

For some reason I'm really nervous about telling everyone. I'm going to be a senior at my college and I'm president of my sorority and I don't really want everyone to know. I told two people from school so far, plus my three bosses and my family. I haven't told my roommates yet, and as far as people know they think i'm having my gallbladder out. Not really sure what to do..

[singand_dance 8]

Just remember, you can't un-tell people. And whoever you do tell may tell others. Usually not out of pettiness or to be gossipy, just because people are interested in your well being. I do think it's important to tell those you're closest to, ie-husband/boyfriend, mother (if you're close) etc. I think that sometimes when we keep it such a guarded secret we're giving ourselves the option to fail. I know I didn't want people projecting their expectations on me. I don't need that pressure! I do need support.

As far as co-workers, extended friends/family, in-laws or whoever you're just not comfortable with... It's none of their dang business!

[MoxieDO 0]

I have only told my parents and besties, but not the majority of my friends. I have wrestled a long time whether or not to tell my group of friends for a while-I think they would be supportive, but none of them have ever been fat and might question my decision. I will be traveling to different cities this year and won't see most of them until May. Since I have always been the "fat one," it will be great to see them at graduation a little bit (or a lot) thinner.

I will not tell my immediate family though. They are all really obese and tend to be negative towards, well, anything. I wish I could say I know they would be happy about the positive changes in my life, I really cannot be assured of it, so for now I will not tell them.

Ugh, I do get annoyed when my mom asks me if I lost weight everyday...

[canary1 0]

Hey guys this is my first post in the 20something group!!

I'm scheduled for banding on 6/24 and unsure of who I want to let in on it.

I've been very outspoken on how proud and happy I am of being a big girl and feel like it could be taken as me flipflopping on the matter.

Any thoughts or personal experiences?

two years out (from surgery). I told my housemate, my doctor (after the fact) and one friend who asked. I have told health care professionals with a "need to know".

I'm glad I handled it this way. It would have been a curiosity for some, an excuse to judge for others, gossip for others, a diversion from true relating for others. I'm glad I did not divert everyone around me by making it a topic. Since I lost slowly, no one really made a fuss. And, finally, when people DID ask how I lost the weight, I said, Well. among other things, more exercise than I ever thought I do and less food than I ever thought I'd be able to put up with"..... That is true AND it ends the "discussion". No one is really that interested.

Good luck!!

[incolorado 1]

I am getting surgery in a couple weeks and I have told my husband, kids, and mom. I really want to keep it at that. I live in a small town, and if one person knows, the entire town will know. This includes the major gossips and people who would talk about it non-stop and in a very negative way (I know this because I have heard the commentary about one person who had plastic surgery - I do not want to be the subject of similar commentary).

The problem is I have to go out of town for surgery, and we will be leaving our kids with friends for 2-3 days, and asking other friends to handle the after-school activities. So probably 3 other families will be helping us, at least (we have 4 young kids).

What can I say? What would you say? That you were going out of town for business, or is there some other surgery I could say I was having? I am not sure how to handle this, but I am certain that I do not want this to be the town's business.

OOps, I did not realize this was the twenties board. Maybe I should post somewhere else...but let me know if you have ideas!

Edited August 13, 2009 by coloradomom
addition

[singand_dance 8]

You could say you're having gallbladder or hernia repair. Both are similar down-time.

[anotherashley1985 0]

I work closely with a lot of people on 12 hour shifts. At least some part of almost evryones life at work is an open book. This would be my book. I'd be open to co workers and family alike. They have no say so.

[Monimo 0]

I told all of my friends when I was pre-op and got a lot of mixed reactions. While most of them were supportive many were concerned with the dangers of any surgical procedure. After the surgery I try to warn people, especially when dining or dating that I have been banded. However, I mention it less now because everyone sees the weight loss and wants to know how I did it and to be honest I feel like explaining the whole procedure takes away from acknowledging the hard work I've put into it.

Bottom line is that those who care about you and deserve to be in your life will be happy as long as you are happy and more importantly healthy. I try not to put too much emphasis on the cosmetic effects and focus on how much healthier I am and how good I feel. Anyone who discourages you from being healthy and feeling good doesn't matter anyway.

[ByeByeBonBon 1]

The only people who know are my parents, my boyfriend, and his mom. I definitely don't plan on telling anyone else. I moved away from my friends a few years back and to be honest, we've drifted so far apart that I don't feel the need to share something as personal as surgery with them.

[steph_co 9]

It's funny. When I first got it done, I didn't want anyone to know. I told my XH (was still married at the time) because I trusted him. But NOBODY else knew. I told him if there was a complication and I died on the table that he could tell my family the truth about the surgery. But I didn't even tell them I was GOING into surgery. I live in a different state, so that wasn't very hard.

Well, after I had it done and I started seeing some success, I let slide to a few people here and there. I just kind of gauge where people are at and if I feel I'm going to be judged, I don't tell.

My family still doesn't know. They obviously noticed all the weight loss and gave me lots of congrats. I think my fear at this point is if I tell them I got the surgery, it'll go from, "Wow! Good job!" to..."Oh, well it wasn't THAT big of an accomplishment." They won't SAY it, necessarily, but they'll think it. And I've worked hard to get to where I'm at, so I'm not budging an inch on that.

Like I said...I'll tell people here and there. If I feel like I will maybe not see them very often (or ever again) and the weight-loss thing comes up, I might mention my band.

But for the most part, IMO, I am not my band. Just because I have one does not change who I am or how much work I've done.

[sushi_flower 0]

I told everyone I know ... honestly a lot of my friends are bigger and want to know everything that is going on....everyone at my work knows, its actually really encouraging, you would be surprised at how many people have family members or close friends who have LB or a bypass.

[startin09 0]

I'm scared of people I know finding out. I really don't know why. My mom and dad know, and some friends. Whether people's opinions about WLS are good or bad, I'd rather just not hear any of them. I think thats why I keep it a secret. I just don't want anyone to make it the point of conversation EVERY TIME I SEE THEM.

[Chellz423 0]

I only told, my mom, sister and cousin.....if I see it's getting serious in terms of a relationship then I would tell them, but I'm not boardcasting it.

[skuzie 0]

i told my parents, who were and are very supportive of everything i do, they just wanted me to make sure i did research, asked around before rushing into a dicisson which i am guilty of!

i told people at work, and i was totally shocked by their responses they all said good for you and good luck, i nearlly feel over!!!

i told one set of grandparents and they were fantastic cos they have seen my battle with with weight for more than 10 years.

im 28 and decided than turning 29 this year and i decided that i did not want to be a lard arse by the time i turned 30, i tried many a diet and am an emotional eater, i got my band done almost 2 months ago, and i get my first adjustment into 2 weeks, and eve now when stressed i think hmmm so could eat junk, but i think what a waste and what ive been through, soon takes my mind of it!

i think after telling some people, even my hairdresser, can you anticpate their reaction.

good luck

sus