Just like the words of a blues song:

I had me a woman

I cute as can be

I came home from havin'

Weight loss surgery

She done packed up her bags

And taken my son

I got me no money

Damn, what have I done?

At least she didn't take the dog. Not that I have one. But if I did, I guess that wouldn't be here either.

As I read through the many books on having weight loss surgery - I couldn't help but hover over the chapters on the way this kind of thing could have an impact on relationships. In so much as it can strengthen a strong bond - but destroy a weak one.

I guess I saw it coming. I kept my thoughts from her for several months before I made my decision to have the surgery - after which I told her.

A word of warning for those that are thinking about this - it might be worth making the decision WITH your partner rather than on your own. Perhaps I was selfish in making one of my biggest life decisions on my own. Or perhaps it was teh way it was meant to be. Either way - I have come clean with everyone I know - let's await the flack!

hi ben sorry to hear of what you are going through right now, i hope things change for the better, & im sure you will have many friends here to support you..

very sorry ben.

i was banded w/my husband and it was a rewarding experience....i sure do hope it all turns around for you..!!!

Ben,

What a terrible thing to have happen. I was also warned about this happening and also that friends and family, my sister especially, would change the way they act around me. So far, knock on wood, it has not happened. I cannot imagine someone being so un-supportive of the person they love getting healthy.

We are here for you!

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Forgive me if I sound harsh but who needs a partner who will not support you? It is not about anyone else, it is about you and your health. When the hurt goes away I hope you will realize you deserve better.

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time right now. I hope things work out for the best for you.

I do believe what you wrote is true that often times these big life altering events can strengthen a strong bond, but also destroy a weak one.

Ben,

I love reading your posts and I am very sorry to read about what you are having to deal with right now. You are not the first person that I have met on here who had their spouse leave them after surgery. You do have lots of support here!! I hope that things turn out ok. Stay focused on taking care of yourself. Good luck to you!!! Becky

Hi Ben,

Don't think of yourself as selfish for wanting to get yourself healthy, in shape and living a long life!

Perhaps she thought you would leave her once you get your Hott N Sexxy on! Oh well her loss...just keep it moving and live your best positive healthy life!

Thanks for your support everyone. Toooooo kind!

It would be a llittle narrow minded of me to pretend that the surgery was the only reason - I think it was just a catalyst. Never mind, onward and upward (or indeed downward). I have far too many mushy recipes to concoct to be worried about abandonment issues!

Thanks again

Ben

What a trooper!!! while I'm sorry for your loss, you seem very balanced and positive about it. You will need that attitude to be successful, so I have no doubts about you! Hang tough. The hardest part is in the beginning. Once you start to shed those pounds, the self image will become positive and you will have a NEW life to look forward to. Good luck to you.

"The first rule of Italian driving (and life): Whatsa behin' me isa no important" -Raul Julia (The Gumball Rally)

3 weeks out and weirdness is happening. My surgery and weight loss has raised the competitive nature of my entire fat family.

Everyone has gone weight loss crazy. Even my wife who was only a size 16 has been dieting and exercising with me and I gotta say, she looks great.

More energy, more "quality time". Apparently Full Contact Aerobics, as we like to call it, is good exercise.

I refuse to get on the scale yet until my 6 week doctor visit. I will let my mirror and clothes be my guide for now.

I don't want to start getting obsessive about the scale.

Look forward, only 3 weeks out and I can honestly say this is the best thing I have ever done.

As I read through the many books on having weight loss surgery - I couldn't help but hover over the chapters on the way this kind of thing could have an impact on relationships. In so much as it can strengthen a strong bond - but destroy a weak one.

I'm sorry for your hurt, but better to know now than the pain go on even longer. She did you a favor by leaving now instead of later. On to better things, and better people. *HUG*

Hi Ben- I to am sorry to hear about that. But I say forget her. I think you should be a song writer. :thumbup:

Sorry Ben. I can understand a bit. My husband had a few issues when other men started to notice my weightloss. Hope it doesn't continue to bother him.

I know it's small consolation, but you're mighty cute and I'm sure that there will be plenty of women just dying to help you heal. Your british accent alone would get you pretty far where I'm from. Giggle, giggle, blush.

I'm not trying to trivialize your pain, just know that it will get better. I promise. I wouldn't lead you astray.

Once again - thank you all for being so kind and supportive.

You're all far too lovely - along with the fantastic resource of information you get from this forum, its such a great thing to have support where one wouldn't usually receive from local communities (mainly because the people around this place would never admit to the procedure, so I can't seek them out and demand a hug!)

Happy_Girl: <blush - aw stop it!> Thanks for your comments. Unfortunately us Brits don't care for the accent as much as other nationalities seem to. I need to find me an American!

heidib: Uh oh - do you think men will start to notice me a bit more as well...?

WannaBSkinnyB: Thanks - and I am a songwriter (although some people like to say I'm not!) - shameless promotion...Benedict Francis: Music

Melody2006: Hug coming straight back at ya!

JABBA THE MUTT: Brilliant quote! Glad to hear the "quality time" is picking up...rub it in why don't you! (um...wrong turn of phrase there I think...)

aubrie: That's exactly what I am positive about. Although, Rafi (my boy) maybe a few miles further away, I know that I will be able to play football with him this time next year. Being a full time dad and not being able to participate in those kind of things is probably much worse than an active part-timer.

Thanks everyone.

Edited March 12, 200917 yr by bfrancis