OK - candid question from a single girl!!!

I am single and have lost about 26 pounds in the last 4 weeks since I was banded. I ran into this guy that I really like from my past and we have kinda started dating. He's an amazing guy and I know he would never judge me if I do tell him some day. However, I don't want to tell him - I've told noone! What do I tell him if he sees my scars when (before during or after) we have sex?? I have no clue what to say - they're looking really good and getting faint, but a couple of them are still a touch red and certaily noticable. HELP!!!!! i think we will be doing it this weekend...

Thanks Jen

218/192/130

June 16th

A word of advice....what I thought was going to a short term thing, could have turned into a long term thing if I hadn't blown it. No pun intended! I lied about the scar and reasons for strange eatting.....was such a stupid lie that there was no going back.....can't start a relationship based on lies. Now I'm screwed. Or screwed no more I guess.P.S I say show your vagina to whoever wants to see it! Keep yourself safe and emotionally healthy and do your thing. I always used to say "if I was skinny, I would run around naked!" Now I do.

Lying can be hard to overcome. The trust factor is VERY important in a successful relationship and personally I don’t want to be in a relationship (especially an intimate one) with someone I can’t trust. You can find many ways to answer questions without lying. Just think about it, don't do something you regret later on.

Wow, I'm late to this thread. I'm a dater...I keep trying them on and they just don't fit...not yet anyway. No one has ever asked about my scar. If they did, I'd say..."I had some surgery that we can talk about later. Don't worry, everything is fine!" I would hate to ruin the moment.

I guess you have to do what makes you feel the most comfortable...for me, telling someone about my weightloss surgery is easy because I'm not seeking approval or anything from that person. It's just a simple fact. For others, I know it's tough. But I really don't think you should lie. Relationships are hard enough to get started without lying about something that is actually prety important.

Just my opinion.

Megan

girl, u tell him!....those are your battle scars, and u should be proud of them! If he is the stand up guy you think he is, then it will be no problem. And at 26lbs and counting he should be proud of u too!

good luck.

iamcanadian25

If you are still looking for an answer, instead of being worried about your scars, he should be worried about that funny looking twig and berries and his hairy back. We all look weird, especially naked. My hubby has a hot butt, but he's got scars and bumps and barnacles. Nobody is perfect so if he's into you, then he's not going to care about scars.

But if all else fails, I sell lingerie with lots of Queen Sizes to chose from. But let me kind of double-quote the wise Vine, it doesn't get any more intimate than sharing your vagina. Start off in something sheer and sexy, which will end up flung onto the ceiling fan, which is about as much attention as the scars will get once he gets hold of your fun parts.

Hi Jen,

Just wondering what the outcome was?

IMHO - as with anything in dating and romance, there's nothing wrong with preserving a little mystery and sharing your vagina with whomever you wish, all at the same time.

He might not be too interested in knowing about your scars when he has an urgent objective in mind, but what about after, when you're lying around and talking in bed, or taking a shower together, or eating in bed, or whatever you like to do after sex?

He might notice and ask then.

If you don't want to let it all hang out just yet, I would do as others have suggested. Don't lie. But don't be clinically forthcoming with any details just yet either.

Him: "What are those scars from?"

You: "Oh, just a procedure I had done a while ago. Nothing serious. Now, do you want to talk about our medical histories, or would you rather get back to this ..." as you kiss his neck, rub his back, whatever.

If he's like most men, he'll assume it was for a "female" problem and not want to know any more. Or, he'll be so turned on he'll forgat what he asked.

Anyway, please let us know how it goes/went!

Cheers,

LizzyD

I don't think Jen is looking for judgment from anyone on her dating and/or sex life. At what point in a relationship someone decides to be intimate is their business... and the level of honesty required is up to the individuals in that relationship. Many, many people on these boards don't fully fess up about their band surgery and we're not questioning them.

Let's stick to her band-related issues...

Jen, go for it. Tell him whatever you're comfortable with as far as your scars go.

(To clarify, my comments were in reference to a few people who were asking if she should be getting intimate with someone she can't be honest with... I just think that's her personal choice.)