OK - candid question from a single girl!!!

I am single and have lost about 26 pounds in the last 4 weeks since I was banded. I ran into this guy that I really like from my past and we have kinda started dating. He's an amazing guy and I know he would never judge me if I do tell him some day. However, I don't want to tell him - I've told noone! What do I tell him if he sees my scars when (before during or after) we have sex?? I have no clue what to say - they're looking really good and getting faint, but a couple of them are still a touch red and certaily noticable. HELP!!!!! i think we will be doing it this weekend...

Thanks Jen

218/192/130

June 16th

"How is telling an out-right lie not about honesty?

I think that if you are going to share something as personal as your vagina that something small like your Band pales in comparison"

I agree with vinesqueen on that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be proud tell him you are losing weight and getting healthy! Honesty is best! IF he even asks. Remember it is a tool. If he asks about your exercise equipment what are you going to tell him?

My husband tells people he was stabbed. You'd be surprised at how many people believe him. Hehehehe! Being that it's summer and we are out on the boat or swimming, it's hard for him to hide is scars.

I would recommend against saying it was your gallbladder (unless of course you don't have one anymore). If it comes up again later and you decide to tell him, you'd have lied to him first, and that might not sit well if if the relationship is going in a deeper direction.

"A surgery I had a while back" would probably suffice. And like the other's have said, he probably wont push the issue if you are half nekkid.

Well, I can only HOPE to have your problem someday!!

I'm not even close to being ready to meet anyone, but when I am I think I would probably opt to tell him ahead of time--and I'm one of those who hasn't even told her family or work associates. The whole weight thing is such a big part of my life if a guy can't handle it, it's really better to know that BEFORE I waste much time on him. Also, I'd hate to have to approach sex being AFRAID of turning him off or being rejected.

Please let us know how it all turns out!

Oh, and go out and buy the sexiest black bra and panties you can find!

Tell him that you had female surgery. No lie-you are a female that had surgery.

How is telling an out-right lie not about honesty?

I think that if you are going to share something as personal as your vagina that something small like your Band pales in comparison.

What I am saying is if she wants to keep her operation personal I dont think it is not being honest. Some of us arent as blase about the whole thing. I think it is her decision as to whether she wants to tell him before having sex and it is not up to anyone of us to "judge" her or insinuate that she is "wrong" having sex with someone if she cant tell him she has WLS. Thats all I meant by that, seeing it on her side without throwing in the personal "vagina" stuff.

Although I do agree if you havent had your gallbladder out as well that would be a lil lie...so if thats the case I would use the lines suggested such as a female op...that usually shuts men up quick smart...

I keep thinking have i typed the right thing...I should just not post until I have thought the whole thing through. I dont mean to say that sex is not personal and special because it is...Very personal!!

I read through what I wrote and I didnt mean for any of my posts to come across as mean or know it all...sorry if it did. Just sharing an opinion of a stoopid Aussie

No Worries Kel! And who is calling you a Stoopid anything? I'll kick their butt. Of course, you might have to spring for my airline tickets...

I don't know if it is about being blase. Maybe I'm just increadibly comfortable in my skin and in my body, fat or not. The light stays on. But I know that lies make me feel dirty and shamefull.

Go ahead girl! As a fellow 20-something, I will tell you to do what makes you happy. Honesty vs. dishonesty, blah, blah, blah! I think it is very important to be truthful, especially if you are going to date this person and care about them...how would you feel if he lied to you? I just don't think you need to go into all the details. Just say "I had surgery" and if he asks more and you don't want to talk about it, just say it's no big deal, everything is fine. Later, if you feel more comfortable with him, tell him. I agree with not lying unless that's something you really feel you need to do. If it's a personal thing to you, then it is. Tell them you were abducted by aliens - who cares??? The only people who know about my band are my husband and my parents, brother, and sister. I did not even tell my best friend. Maybe I will someday, but right now it's something I feel like keeping to myself.

Tough one. I am dating a new guy. We have done the naked time thing. He never asked about my scars but is freaked about what I do and don't eat. Jeez, I never make a big production out of eatting but other people seem to be so concerned. It reminds me very much of when I was a vegetarian. Didn't eat meat or anything animal for over 15 years. I never talked about it or made a big to do. When someone found out.....man, what a nightmare. THEIR nightmare! I'm not going to be responsible for other peoples dramas. Especially unfounded drama.

I have found that it is too complicated to talk about my surgery and I am very laid back and don't like conflict. If I hear one more person say, "Oh, you had weightloss surgery. By pass?" No, not by pass. It's called the lapband. It's a band around............Oh God!!!!! I just can't!! "Yeah, by pass. I have an aunt who blah blah blah..... AAHHHHH!!

This is a very timely subject matter. I have not told my boyfriend the details of my surgery yet. I told him that I'm probably going to have surgery soon, but not that it's WLS. I have PCOS, so he's probably assuming is in regards to that - not WLS. I will tell him once I have an official surgery date & approval from BCBS of course.

But for now I want to wait. I haven't told anyone else, except my best friend D. I will have to tell my boyfriend I know, but I'm glad you brought this subject up.

I agree with Vinesqueen in that honesty is always the best policy, but Kel has a good point too - details are not required, laproscopic surgery is enough detail for most men to leave at that. I think it's the females in our lives that "have to know every single detail" and being that way ourselves, we have a fear disclosing too much and being judged by others.

Follow your gut - no pun intended! I'm sure all will work out just fine, and Congrads on being banded!

OK Jen, it's Friday night.

We expect to hear how you handled everything on Monday!

(Well....maybe not EVERYTHING! lol)

But really, how did it go???? Inquiring minds want to know....

or as my mother would say, I'm not nosey--I'm interested!

Well if you plan on seeing this guy long term, i would suggest being as honest as possible. Like others said he probably won't ask, and if he does "lap surgery" is probably a good enough answer for now.

If this is just going to be a roll in the hay, getting your *cough* feet wet getting back into dating, tell him whatever you want. back when i was single and loving it, i lied about all sorts of stuff when i knew it was just going to be a one time thing. I even lied about my name just so the guy couldn't track me down after words LOL. *sigh* sometime i miss being single *evil grin*