What has anyone said to you that they meant in the best way possible, but it actually hurt in the long run. An example of what is always told to me is "you are sooo pretty to be your size."

Another thing a skinny girl once told me, not realizing my weight and state of depression, was that she would kill herself if she ever weighed 200lbs, then asked me "wouldn't you?" And I was thinking, I'm still alive you scrawny b****. I can laugh now, but it kept me depressed for years, oh Lord I have some stories of the goofy things people say to me, not realizing my position.

A few years ago I was working part time in a dress shop and I had a coworker say

"look at Lisa, she doesn't have the best figure and she isn't that pretty, but she always finds good men"

At that time I just shrugged it off, but these days I wouldn't let that one pass w/o a comment.

I believe what we are saying here is that we wish people could be a little more polite when commenting on our weight...or not comment at all.

No offence to you but this is where we are comming to vent to eachother about other people. because most of us get hurt by what has been said. Maybe not you. But the rest of us commenting on here just want support and understanding for the reactions we hear from others.

True true... vent away... but I have just as much right to vent as well. Here's my little vent session: Personally I don't like the title of "things skinny people say that piss you off"... I have a lot of "skinny" friends who've never been rude to overweight people. And, I was just as prejudiced against by obese people as apparently the skinny people have picked on ya'll.. so.. I guess I can vent here too.. only it's just the opposite... How would it make you feel if there was a forum and the title of a thread was "things fat people say that piss you off".. End of vent session... It sure feels good to vent :biggrin2:

A few years ago I was working part time in a dress shop and I had a coworker say

"look at Lisa, she doesn't have the best figure and she isn't that pretty, but she always finds good men"

At that time I just shrugged it off, but these days I wouldn't let that one pass w/o a comment.

Not nice at all. However that could have been the little green monster on her shoulder saying that at the time too.

True true... vent away... but I have just as much right to vent as well. Here's my little vent session: Personally I don't like the title of "things skinny people say that piss you off"... I have a lot of "skinny" friends who've never been rude to overweight people. And, I was just as prejudiced against by obese people as apparently the skinny people have picked on ya'll.. so.. I guess I can vent here too.. only it's just the opposite... How would it make you feel if there was a forum and the title of a thread was "things fat people say that piss you off".. End of vent session... It sure feels good to vent :biggrin2:

No one is saying ALL skinny people say these things. Heck some of the people that say the things are not what I would call skinny. Just smaller then me and think they are better.

And I didnt say you couldnt vent. Vent away.

Heck if it makes you feel better you can cuss at me. I dont know you and you dont know me. So any more your not going to hurt my feelings I can blow most things off. and I can name a lot of things that fat people have said that piss me off. I didnt title this thread. I am just adding my 2 cents to the conversation. So vent away if it makes you feel better.

No one is saying ALL skinny people say these things. Heck some of the people that say the things are not what I would call skinny. Just smaller then me and think they are better.

And I didnt say you couldnt vent. Vent away.

Heck if it makes you feel better you can cuss at me. I dont know you and you dont know me. So any more your not going to hurt my feelings I can blow most things off. and I can name a lot of things that fat people have said that piss me off. I didnt title this thread. I am just adding my 2 cents to the conversation. So vent away if it makes you feel better.

I know you didn't name this thread. I didn't say you did name it.. I was just venting like you said I could... but it seems you got offended afterall... I don't want to cuss at you. lol. I only responded to you because you were the first to respond to my last post... i wasn't making anything personal...

I titled this thread like almost 3 years ago, I THINK lol! It was a long time ago....and I like the title....and I mean it when I say that. I was specifically referring to the fact that I hate it when skinny people think that they are better because the are blessed, and it was on my mind at the time. No one should take offense. It doesnt mean that ALL skinny people make those comments. I was referring to the ones that do. If it makes you happy I WILL go start a thread that says "things fat people say that piss you off." I dont care. Live with it. Im having a bad day, sorry...just annoyed that people take things SO out of context and make them more than what they are.

First amendment, get over it....

Im sorry to whoever brought this thread back from the dead that some people have to take things out of context.

Feel free to write what you want about what people have said about your weight here.

OMG, you poor ladies at VS....its so funny...I started this thread a long time ago...after it had no activity for a LOOOOOOOOONG time, I just deleted it from my subscriptions, so Im still catching up....

VS has NEVER been rude to me....Hell, they gave me a credit card when I was 18, and I get coupons and all kinds of discounts offered to me....I had no idea that they didnt sell bras that didnt fit a lot of people, but that has a lot to do with my small bust...I only wear their underwear too, so Im really surprised at all this....WOW, Im actually reconsidering shopping there now!

just annoyed that people take things SO out of context and make them more than what they are.

First amendment, get over it....

My original point exactly... it is irritating when people have to look deeper into things said than need be... even compliments people say wrong.

I don't need you to start another thread on my behalf, if I want that done, I can do it myself.... you have every right to choose whichever title you want for your thread wether new or old, this is a free country... but I also have every right to voice my opinion as well. So anybody who doesn't like my opinion can follow the first amendment you stated above and get over it....

Edited May 13, 200818 yr by coolcrystal

Without getting into the little snippyfest you are having fun with :wink2:, I think you have a good point. Many of us ARE overly sensitive to comments about our weight and take genuine compliments in the wrong way, because we read our own self-esteem issues into other people's words. For example, many many people find the "you have such a pretty face" compliment to be a subtle insult because they automatically fill in the blank afterwards with "...for such fattie!" This is partly their own insecurities and partly the truth that they don't want to face! Just look at the thousands of comments in the before and after pics thread. Losing weight DOES make most of us look more attractive - that's half the reason we want to do it! Comments like "you are really attractive and if you'd lose the weight, you'd be stunning!" might be hard to hear, but let's face it - it is true, isn't it?

I think most of the time when people give compliments like that, they are trying to focus on the positives without commenting on the obvious negatives. That doesn't always work, because we are so aware of and sensitive to the negatives that we add them even when they haven't been said. Sure, some people are really tactless with how they say it, but for many of us, it doesn't take a great deal to reduce a genuine compliment to an insult in our own minds.

I agree with you in entirety Crystal.

I hate to be pedantic (okay, I lie -- I love it ) but the First Amendment has nothing to do with posting on a message board. The first amendment just says Congress can't make any laws the abridge your right to free speech (or to establish a state religion).

The more appropriate rule in this case is the one my 9 year old likes to invoke when her brother tells her what to do: you aren't the boss of me! :thumbup:

First amendment gives you the right to say or write whatever you want freely, as long as it doesnt cause harm or intend to cause harm to another person. But that isnt the point.

I just wish people would think BEFORE they said things to other people, no matter what size you are, I just seem to have more issues with thinner people. Dont get me wrong, I dont hate them, I dont discriminate against them...anymore. My Best friend in the whole entire world is a freakin stick! Shes perfect, shes not TOO boney and has the most perfect figure....and she HATES it because her sister is overweight and constantly rags her, and I think that IS wrong....

However, my friend would NEVER make the comment...."You have such a pretty face". Whatever happened to the compliment of, "You are very pretty" or "You look beautiful today" so forth and so on....

I meant someone who is pretty thin would probably take offense to someone saying, "you're body is would be so perfect if you would just do a few sit-ups" or "Boy, if you'd tone up you would really look good". SO why is it a compliment for them to say "you would be so pretty if you lost some weight". SAME DEAL. My BFF and I will not eat at McDonalds here together because one time I ordered our food together and the person behind the counter was like, "uh, didnt you have weight loss surgery?" (Oh btw, this is what the order was: *Mine> Childs chicken nugget with a bottle of water/ *BFF's> 10 piece Chicken nugget, supersized with 5 BBQ sauces and a Dr. Pepper) They thought it was the other way around or that I was just gonna eat all of it I guess...and people look at me all crazy, especially when I was prego because they couldnt tell if I was prego or just fat.

Anyways, point being: Think about what you say before you say it. I dont really get my feelings hurt that easily anymore at all. Ive really learned to disregard what people say as ignorance, pick out something ugly about them in my head, and go on. It will come back to them and Ill continue to live, so I just go along with my business.

Jodie W. congrats on your beautiful baby! Having kids really does help you focus on what is important in life and when you become a mommy I think you work on raising kind people that would not intentionally hurt someones feelings. I bet your aare a great mom!

Jodie- you and your baby are so beautiful!!

And, I wholeheartedly agree. MOST skinny people wouldn't say mean things, some do. Some people take things differently. I might be less sensitive to a comment than someone else might be. We all have different experiences and life events. It's okay for me to be offended at something and someone else not to. Even if no offense was meant. The point is, the skinny people think differently than fat people sometimes. It's okay. People who aren't in your shoes are going to be oblivious sometimes to how your feel. In my mind, it doesn't matter if the topic is obesity, race, or gender... if you're not that fat, that race or that gender, you don't think the same way.

Edited May 13, 200818 yr by MrsFlipFlops
...

Without getting into the little snippyfest you are having fun with :thumbup:, I think you have a good point. Many of us ARE overly sensitive to comments about our weight and take genuine compliments in the wrong way, because we read our own self-esteem issues into other people's words. For example, many many people find the "you have such a pretty face" compliment to be a subtle insult because they automatically fill in the blank afterwards with "...for such fattie!" This is partly their own insecurities and partly the truth that they don't want to face! Just look at the thousands of comments in the before and after pics thread. Losing weight DOES make most of us look more attractive - that's half the reason we want to do it! Comments like "you are really attractive and if you'd lose the weight, you'd be stunning!" might be hard to hear, but let's face it - it is true, isn't it?

I think most of the time when people give compliments like that, they are trying to focus on the positives without commenting on the obvious negatives. That doesn't always work, because we are so aware of and sensitive to the negatives that we add them even when they haven't been said. Sure, some people are really tactless with how they say it, but for many of us, it doesn't take a great deal to reduce a genuine compliment to an insult in our own minds.

Thank you :-) Just to share a little story... at my wedding two of my very best friends, who happen to be roughly 350 lbs were sitting diagonal from my mother. (My mother is about 130 lbs.) After the dinner my friend came up to me and said that my mom was staring at her periodically "probably because I'm fat" and "watching every bite I was putting into my mouth" and how embarrassed she was to even eat the food because my mother was looking at her. But, when I asked my mother about it she said, "are you talking about the pretty lady with the dark hair? she looked like my best friend in highschool so I kept looking at her face to see if it was her". (They are just a few years apart).

My friend was just paranoid and passing her paranoia off on my mother. I hear a lot of my plus sized friends saying that people stare at them or give them dirty looks, but we never know what is going on in people's heads. It could be negative, or it could be positive.

When I look through this site I see these beautiful women, the folks just starting their weight loss journey, and the folks who've met it.. I grow to know them, adore them, respect them and a few are annoying, but even the annoying ones (like me!) have heart and they have points to make.. but most of all, we have gone/are going through the same thing with our bands and that bonds us.

Nobody is perfect... some people don't know how to say things, me included.. and some blow smoke up our asses... but we are all human. Now, there are mean folks out there, big and little, who will say the most horrific things.... and I'm definitely not making excuses for those kinds. :eek:

Jachut - THANKS!!