Well as a lot of you know I have a lot of issues with my mom. Well she has made it known now what a whore I am. Here is the link in question. I am Ginger Rayne...

www.bravenet.com - A Bravenet.com Vote

And here are her words of wisdom...after you read please tell me do you see what she is talking about? Am I a bad girl?

Dearest Daughter,

Without a doubt you are the most beautiful lady on there! I have my feelings and reservations and I hope that you will respect them as I am trying to respect and understand you and where you are coming from! I am very proud of you; and all your accomplishments! Including your weight loss, and new sense of self image!

Still I have some strong feelings and reservations on this subject of your my space; and this other web site! I am not happy with all the types of people that will be seeing our daughter in this matter!

I am going to ask you to do something difficult; please put yourself in my MOTHER shoes for just a minute! My mother shoes are screaming walk the other way please! Maybe I just don't understand all the Internet attraction; or your need to have your fans. Maybe I am an old fashion lady? What would you think if your mother did this? What will you think when someday Brooke or Faith thinks this is great; and God forbid they take it even one or two steps farther? You are a mom; along with being a mom is an incredible responsibility!!! One that I have always taken very seriously; and passionately! I know I have not been perfect; and I admit I have made tons of mistakes. My thought is from a mom's outlook here! I believe that I have taught you well; and to respect yourself, to think things through, to see the repercussions of your actions and that of others.

I don't want to see anything bad happen to anyone of our girls; no matter what their age! What if someone from your daughters school see's these and says something negative to them? We all know how people have their own judgements and opinions, and can even be very cruel at times! Will they hurt your daughter's in anyway with their comments or actions?

You look stunning and beautiful as you always have to us; but you don't need others to tell you that really do you? I hope that this letter does not put a wedge between us in anyway? I am not angry; just very concerned ! What if this comes back to haunt you someday? For instance in the job market? You are looking for a great future with a great job, of great responsibility! What if someone were to have the opinion that you aren't qualified because they think your judgement isn't quite what they had hoped for?? We have seen many times on the news were things have came back to haunt people; epically those of power or influence? Let use a for instance: Say you are an executive director of a large hospital or nursing home; someone turn this web stuff up, and due to a moral clause in your contract you have signed you lose your job? I know you think I am way out there on this but it is just my opinion and something serious to think about!! I know you aren't nude; but there leaves a lot to the imagination here. Guys with there tongues hang out doing God knows what are looking my daughters picture! Guys like Ralph!

I feel like a failure as your mom if I don't at least say my peace! I am not angry, trying not to judge; more asking WHY?? I am proud to call you my daughter! You are intelligent, breathtakingly beautiful, goal orientated, hard working; and more! I ask you to think about all the things that I have put out there in this heartfelt letter! Sometimes as mom's very often we have to just stand up for what we believe in; I am saying in my opinion you are not thinking this through well enough!

You are excited, proud, and finding yourself in this world. Great! But please do be careful that the wrong people do not find you; or misjudge you! This world is full of opinions, judgements, dangers; and a lot more. All I am asking you is to be aware of it! Please don't be angry with me; I am just being your Mother! A mother who LOVES her daughter with all her heart and soul! A mother who only wants the best for children, grandchildren; and my family! At least tell me you can understand that part of my concern? Again you are a Stunning Beauty. Let your inside beauty shine as brightly or brighter than you outside beauty so that others may know the true Brandy we all know and love! With all my heart. Love your Mom

P.S. You have a link open from this voting place to your my space page; please consider stopping that link; and keeping your my space private to only those you choose! Please call me, and let me know how Norman is doing. And please let me know what you think of my letter; I will except what you have to say; all I ask is you understand my deep concern for you and our granddaughters. Again, Love you tons. Your mom forever no matter what!!!!

I say let her have her opinions. You're an adult and have every right to do these things if you please. It's not like your pictures are trashy anyway...they are beautiful. If she cannot accept that well that sucks for her. You're an amazing person and I would be lost without you talking with me often and calming me down when something goes wrong. She's worried...but she needs to realize her daughter is a grown up. The classy pictures that you take aren't going to ruin your career...and if your daughters grow up and want to take photos because their mom inspired them...more power to them. Your pictures are inpiring. It's hard to believe you used to be heavy. You're amazingly beautiful. Don't let your mom's harsh words get you down. You have enough going on in your life. Everyone that I have given your link to...says you're the only girl on that voting site that looks like she has any class...and that a lot of the other ones look like whores...not you. Try not to let her get too far under your skin dear. Tell her how the pictures make you feel. I'm sure they make you feel amazing and beautiful...which you are. I hope thigns turn out well and that all of the other drama you have gets better. I love you dear. -hug-

O.K. Brandi here I go....I don't see her calling you a whore. What I see is a mother that is freaking out that her beautiful daughter is posting pin ups (yes they are very classy) on line. She is thinking about the creeps that could see your pics. Then she continues on to the grandchildren. I see her thinking that they will pose for Playboy.. I think she is having trouble understanding that YOU feel how pretty you are now. Not how pretty your parents always thought you were, even at your heavest. She has issues of your weight loss she has to deal with. She loves you and is still trying to protect you (no matter how old you are). :smile:

I realize it can be irritating to be treated like a child, but try to be patient and understanding. Time is to short to be angry with your parents. I would love for my parents to be here and see the new me emerging. I would get irate at their concerns, but would also be thankful for it.

Thanks guys for making me feel better. :smile: I get very emotional and often feel attacked by her. Just how it goes for me I guess. She gets on my last nerve always.

I do hope you feel much better hun. She's just being protective of her daughter. Oh how I know how that feels. I love you. -hug- Feel better.

"sometimes" family members are not comfortable when one asserts themself - reclaims they're autonomy. you as an adult & mom yourself gets to decide who has power in what you do / how your raise your kids.

i'm pretty straight forward - only my dad has made comments to me that weren't favorable.....and still tries to on occassion, however i let him know "someone (me) will be in charge of when your get your diaper changed as an old man" and he's like : i'm being rude...yeah da, you are.

when you give power of words to those who "claim" are for your benefit; you deminish your own value & question yourself. those who love you, have do so unconditionally - with strings attached is worse than anything any advesary could say or do.

Thank you Lulu, that is completely how I feel. I guess I need to stop reacting to her because she is getting what she wants. She has called me 5 times in the last hour, but I am not answering. :smile:

Honestly, I don't view this as an attack from your mom at all. We have to remember that our parents were raised in much different times than we were. In their generation, girls didn't pose like that unless they were, as my mom refers to them, "hussies". They don't realize that nowadays many woman are doing the vintage type photos for fun and as a means to raise their self-esteem.

As far as the possible repercussions in terms of one's job, she actually has a pretty valid point. I have seen personally and heard of many others who have lost their jobs or had problems with them directly resulting from things they posted on their myspace, facebook and other social networking pages. I work for a child-service agency. If I were to take those types of photos, even though I personally consider yours to be in very good taste, it would be considered a morality conflict and possibly cause me problems with my job if my employer were to find out.

As far as men looking at those pictures, again, there are a lot of perverts on the internet. We are so careful about protecting our children from them, but I believe we need to protect ourselves from them as well.

So basically, if I were in your shoes and my mom had written me that, I wouldn't be mad at her. I would agree that she had some very valid concerns that I would think about and thank her for her concern. Then, I would gently remind her that I am a grown adult, and while I do appreciate her concern and input, the final decision in what I do is my choice and mine alone.

You know I have thought about this more, and I believe without knowing her it is easy to see she is just concerned. But when you throw in this is the woman who tried to convince my Dr that I was anorexic and needed an intervention or everything else she has done my entire life, the care looses its luster. In all honesty this is the woman who knew I was being raped and abused for 8 years and never lifted a finger to help me. She is lucky I haven't written her out of my life a long time ago.

As far as my job, I am not concerned at the moment. I guess if I ever do have a problem I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

I have learned men are perverts no matter what you do. I have gotten grossly hit on in sweat pants at the grocery store. I do keep my personal life completely off my pin up profile for a reason. And that would be to stay private with my kids.

I will continue to vote for you every day. All you can do is thank your mother for her concern, and say I appreciate the concern but tell her you have it under control.

I'm sorry that your mom got to your nerves, but I also didn't see her calling you a whore. Yet, I see that she is obviously having issues with your new-found self-image. I think maybe she might have a problem with you losing so much weight (I don't know, I'm just saying), that she might think the next stepping stone would be, oh I don't know...prostitution? :cursing:

Just let her have her say and keep reminding yourself how awesome you look! (You look fantabulious! You look like a regular 1940's pin up girl.) Keep up the good work!

Is your mom always this much of a drama queen? Honestly, I couldn't get through her entire email because it was all so Dramatic! given how innocent the pictures are. After all, as she says, they "leave a lot to the imagination" (I assume she meant *doesn't* leave a lot to the imagination, but what she wrote was actually more accurate -- a Freudian slip, perhaps?)

Now objectively speaking, she has a point about the work thing and about strangers seeing your pictures. You need to think about that and decide if you are okay with it. Having your MySpace set so only your friends see it is a good idea too even if you have almost nothing there.

BUT

The rest of it is so over the top that it makes the reasonable parts seem unreasonable. Your girls are going to see your tasteful pictures that don't show a lot of skin -- no cleavage, no belly button, not much thigh -- and aren't in a suggestive position and "take it further" ? Someone at school is going to make fun of them because their mom won a beauty contest? These things only make sense if you think the pictures are suggestive or skanky IMO. Plus your girls are kind of young for someone at school to be finding your pictures, aren't they?

Now, I don't think she's calling you a whore, but she is being over the top and dramatick. She could have written maybe two paragraphs -- I saw your pictures, you are beautiful but people are strange, have you thought it all through -- and be done with it. By writing this LONG screed she is trying to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Sounds like it's time to set some boundaries. And I thought my mom was bad for getting drunk at my birthday dinner and telling embarrassing stories about me.

"And I thought my mom was bad for getting drunk at my birthday dinner and telling embarrassing stories about me. "

Isn't that what Mum's are supposed to do? *reassesses my relationship with my daughter* j/k'ing

*hugs* BBK. These other ladies have given great advice.

And you're totally kicking a$$ with the voting right now, so there are a lot of people who disagree with your mother's protective and old fashioned ways.

Reading the letter 'blind' as it were, that is, without knowledge of the 'other stuff' in your history, I only felt her concerns. They were a little dramatic, but concerns expressed for her daughter and grand daughters. Whether we agree with them or not, she did articulate her concerns.

Perhaps given the history of your relationship (as much as we know), the best response is a 'Thank you for your concerns'. You are an adult, and will do what you believe to be best for you and your children. Believing in yourself is an important trait to instill in your children; your pin-up is the outward expression of that self-confidence. There is nothing sleazy or pornographic about it.

I guess, a 'thank you for your concern. I hear what you said. Discussion over' is the essence of the message I would give your mother.

Thanks everyone. I am going to sit down to day and respond back since I have cooled off a bit.

But yes Mac, she is ALWAYS like this. At my wedding seconds after You may kiss the bride she screamed out "She's your problem now David, you keep her." Yes at the ceremony. I still to this day, almost 14 years later seen my wedding video. I guess afterwards she said a bunch more crap to the camera and everyone tries to protect me from her.

She had the Bypass 4 months after I did the band and her EXACT words were "so I can loose faster than you". She has always competed with me. I feel like she is my arch enemy not my mom. I hate it.

She did this yesterday AFTER me telling her what a horrible day I was having. Washer broke for good, vaccum broke, and my DH grandma was in the hospital, they are thinking pancreatic cancer and she will be moving in with us. I guess I wasn't focused enough on my mom yesterday to make her happy....ugh...

I honestly hope that I can break this toxic cycle with my girls. I can't do this to them. It is never more important to me than ever to make sure I do not turn into my mother! :embaressed_smile::crying: