Coming closer to my surgery date I am thinking more and more about the possibility to keep the lap band a secret.

Sure, my husband knows that I will have the band placed end of the month, but I am really unsure about whom I should tell about the surgery. Who else needs to know? I didn't tell any friends so far. I am scared of their reaction and wonder if they need to know at all.

My parents live in another country (several thousand miles away), and I don't want every phone call start with the question: and, did you loose any weight? Yep, they can be like that and are not very sensitive about my struggle with obesity since I was a child. We (or they) visit once a year.

But if anything goes wrong, will they blame my husband that he didn't talk me out of it?

I tried to tell my sister, but she is always so busy. And we didn't really discuss it.

I have issues discussing my weight with my family, it always hurts ... well except my husband. He is very supportive.

Any suggestions? Input?

~Kat

:biggrin2: You, of course, must do what is BEST for you. I told family and close friends. I did not tell co-workers but may in the future. I supervise 31 employees and I try to keep personal business from the office. Unfortunately, as someone's boss, I am not necessarily their friend. :wub:

Yep, I hear you. I just didn't want any "negative" input, especially going "out of the country" for the surgery and I knew that is what I would get. I only told two of my dearest friends that I knew would be supportive (one went with me) and my district manager. I did not even tell my immediate supervisor, she was a very "mouthy" person and I knew it would be all over the office. I told no-one in my office, they thought I simply went on vacation. When I started losing weight I simply told them I was changing my eating habits. 3 years later (in September anyway), 100 lbs lighter most of the office still does not know. I did not want the "oh, do you think this is because of the band"? For some reason people want to blame everything (even the flu) on the band and I just couldn't go through that.

Hope this helps.

Thank you all for your posts.

I thought about it... again and called my sister to tell her. She too is very supportive and encouraged me to go for it. I will not tell my parents in the near future.

My sister also promised me to help my husband to take care of the little one in case something should go wrong (I pretty sure, everything is going to work out fine, but just in case...).

Thank you again.

~Kat

I havent told anyone except my husband who is very supportive, my pastor and his wife and I close friend only for prayer support for the surgery, I was really feeling weird about it because I didnt want to lie to people.. but someone on this site told me that she just told people she was on a diet where she cut her portion sizes.. which is not a lie.. they dont need to know that the band is helping to control your hunger.. its not their business.. she said 'there are things you keep personal like your credit card number and pin and bra size..'

to me this is just as personal as those. if you had a stint put in your heart you wouldnt have to walk around telling everyone that the reason you are here today is because you had a stint. everyone just gets so curious that they have to know every thing.

if someone seriously questions me I will most likely tell them.. but for now I am dieting.. since with the band its mostly up to you anyways..because I can eat milkshakes all day not excercise and not lose a pound.

my parents had the bypass and they told EVERYONE even if they didnt ask and it really made some people uncomfortable.. especially others who were still battling with their obesity and they couldnt afford to do something about it.

do what you feel comfortable with.. everyones different.. some like to tell people and thats ok and others dont and thats ok too. :eek:

ps I really dont want to tell my parents.. but we are camping with them 9 days after the surgery and i think they will notice a few things. :thumbdown:

I'm the fat sister....my husband 's 4 sisters are all supermodel thin. One of them said to me "When I get over 98 pounds I quit eating." I'm over 200 pounds...I said nothing. How can they relate to my struggle, my addiction, my self loathing? I am going to Mexico by myself spending my own retirement money. I'm never going to be 98 pounds...150 is good enough for me. To Heck with them.

I'm the fat sister....my husband 's 4 sisters are all supermodel thin. One of them said to me "When I get over 98 pounds I quit eating." I'm over 200 pounds...I said nothing. How can they relate to my struggle, my addiction, my self loathing? I am going to Mexico by myself spending my own retirement money. I'm never going to be 98 pounds...150 is good enough for me. To Heck with them.

hali, why don't you take your husband with you? He's supportive, right? But I agree about the sisters....blech!

Just tell your husband. If you want to tell others later, as you loose the pounds they'll ask anyway, and you can tell them how you've changed your foods and habits or you can tell them about the lapband too. The thing about the band is that it just sits there; you really have a lot of work to do once you have it in to change your life. So to say the band did it for you will be to take credit away from you for your good choices. No one really has to know. If they won't support you, if they won't cheer you on, then don't tell them.

Instead of this focus on how you are going to shift your life after the band is in place. Best of luck to you!

My husband was against surgery for years, because he feels one should be able to use self control & exercise and not put themselves in risk with an operation. Then 2 months ago he in a weak moment....he said "IF you want this so bad" I grabbed that as all the support I needed. Why rock the boat when your getting what you want. JUST 2 DAYS AWAY

If I get approved for surgery (keep your fingers crossed), then my husband and my close friends will know. I will not tell my family as they are very unsupportive. They think all this is MY fault and that surgery is an easy way out because "If you really tried, you could do it yourself." Ugh! So, they won't know! We don't live in the same state so it makes it easier.

I waited a long time to hear my husband say he was okay with me having the surgery. So, once he did, I have told everyone at work within earshot. My family, well, my kids know and I am very close to my mother-in-law so she and my father-in-law know. I have told one person on my side of the family, my sister-in-law who raised me after my parents passed away, she has been telling me for months that I am entitled to spend $ for something this important. She and I are both nurses so we see everyday what obesity can do to your health.

I have mixed feelings about telling my siblings. I am the youngest of 8 and three of us are morbidly obese. I will probably tell my two sisters who are overweight but the others will just tell me I am 'taking the easy way out'. Well, I am smart enough to know that this surgery is only a tool to help me and that I will still have to work very hard to lose weight.

Wow, guess next time I will tell you how I really feel!!!

I have told my family, but work, that is a different story. I am a Manager of a Department and any sign of illness causes discourse in my Department. I told my "mentor" at work, and my immediate supervisor. He was shocked at first, I actually told him, "you might have notice that I am overweight", but he didn't know what a lap band was. I had to explain. I think he went home and spoke to his wife. Anyway I choose to take vacation days. It is no one's business why I am off and I plan to keep it that way. One person in my Department took off to have her "boobs" done and you would not believe the problems it caused. I didn't tell Hr and got my ass kicked, so to speak. So I am unsure if I should tell her. I don't want to appear weak. But then again I hate when I cannot breathe after I have to run upstairs when she calls. Any suggestions. My supervisor told me not to tell.

This is just one of the reasons why I choose not to tell people.....Today, I was talking to this stranger and mentioned my lab band. We've never met, but I've been talking to him online. He seems really smart, mature, older. Anyway, he emailed me back and said that he'd done some statistics on the lap band and that people are 3 times as likely to end up with substance abuse problems. Ok, thanks. I didn't know that. Puleeze!!!!! I work in a psychiatric and substance abuse facility. I know all about this stuff. First of all, I don't particularly like the taste of alcohol. I actually prefer the flavor of a nice bagel with cream cheese. And I don't have an addictive personality. I know this man meant well, but this is EXACTLY the reason I don't want to tell people at work. I'm going to get all kinds of freakin' advice. I work with these people. I'll probably never meet this stranger, so I didn't care. Just like when I was at Best Buy looking at TVs the other day. I told the sales girl. I was having a particularly happy day and when I'm in a good mood, I tend to yak too much. It will take everything I have not to tell people at work. Maybe someday after I've had success with it and don't care what people think, but not now.

I have told everyone. I told my friends, some of my co-workers and my family. I am a little worried though... What if I am one of those people it doesn't work for?? I know IT WILL WORK but I don't want to have told everyone (and people can figure out anyway) but then to not succeed... it just would be so humiliating.

Only my husband and sister know. I plan to keep it that way. I hope no one make a big deal about it.

I have told a lot if people, mostly because I don't care what anyone thinks. It's taken me a long to get to a point where I want & can afford to get some help. I've been looking into this for 3yrs. A few people @ work have gotten it done, including my boss,(she had bypass) and the support is great. I've had a few nay-sayers, but I told them not to mad if I'm cuter then they are!! But seriously, you would be amazed at the support you get from folks. Good luck w/ all, and you will always get support from us:wub: