Coming closer to my surgery date I am thinking more and more about the possibility to keep the lap band a secret.

Sure, my husband knows that I will have the band placed end of the month, but I am really unsure about whom I should tell about the surgery. Who else needs to know? I didn't tell any friends so far. I am scared of their reaction and wonder if they need to know at all.

My parents live in another country (several thousand miles away), and I don't want every phone call start with the question: and, did you loose any weight? Yep, they can be like that and are not very sensitive about my struggle with obesity since I was a child. We (or they) visit once a year.

But if anything goes wrong, will they blame my husband that he didn't talk me out of it?

I tried to tell my sister, but she is always so busy. And we didn't really discuss it.

I have issues discussing my weight with my family, it always hurts ... well except my husband. He is very supportive.

Any suggestions? Input?

~Kat

I have no suggestions at all, I think the you know what will be best for yourself. I'm one of those people who told everyone....I see my family and extended family and friends all of the time and they're smart enough to figure it out even if I didn't tell them. And I did come across a few people who tried to get me down about it, but I had my mind made up and I knew that getting banded was right for me so it didn't matter what their opinions on the subject were. The important people stood behind my decision, that's what I need and that's what I got. I hope you can get that too, good luck!

You know... i just got my surgery date scheduled, and so far i have been VERY open about it... i think i will continue to be truthful if someone specifically asks me... but from what i have noticed... its a little insane what people will tell you. Its like, if we were quitting smoking and were using aids to do that, everyone would nod and say great job! But as soon as it becomes something weight related, everyone thinks that its okay for them to have an opinion about it! Its just like, who do you think you are??? In that sense i totally understand how you feel about your parents... i would wait till all the weight is off, and just go ta-da!!!! lol, give them the wow factor

Before surgery only my husband and kids new about it. Since many others have noticed the loss I now tell them I had WLS. I haven't gotten too many negative comments.

I have told everybody.. and anybody who wants to know. I especially have other obese people I know at work and friends who feel comfortable to pull me aside and ask me about the procedure and what it's like. I have had one friend get it because she saw my progress.. So for me, it could potentially help another person and that's more important to me than what people might think about me, because guess what, it's still work with a band. You still have to watch what you eat and exercise to firm up, etc... It's not some easy way out of being fat. Shakes and chips go down very nicely with this band... and I could sit around pigging out on that stuff if I wanted to, but I choose not to.

I have told most of my family,, all but one so far thinks I should do it. They know how hard I have tried, and our family medical history is scarey at best. I have a cousin who is becoming disabled with back issues and called this morning to say he has decided to get the lap band surgery, so he can have the back surgery.. Friends?? The ones I have told immediately start making excuses why they can't do it?? Others have tried to talk me out of it or made comments like,, "that will suck if your thinner then me..??" Hope I'm not that kind of friend is someone needs me to listen.. One friend wants to know how it goes because shes interested in it. Since the weird responses I haven't really told anyone else, or talked about it with anyone except the doctor who felt that the friends and family with strange responses were intimidated in some way.. I don't know why they would be, but I guess it is possible. I think that my husband is a little afraid of the outcome because we have had some issues. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself and am much more passive, I know that will change.

I initially planned to keep it hush hush, but eventully it became evident from my weight loss, and needing time off from work for DR's appt's, eating changes, etc that I had something done. I figured, it's just easier to not try to hide it. So far, I've had only good comments, and others asking more specifics because they have been considering WLS.

My band date is Aug 15th. This is my first post. My wife is very supportive of my decision. I only told one other close friend about my band. His advise was to tell others when and if I'm comfotable. I will just tell my family and friends to please support me with my weight loss and new eating habits without revealing... after I'm banded. I have two teenage boys who I am not telling in the beginning. After I lose significant weight , they will figure it out... "It's been a long strange trip" and I truly look forward to my journey post op.....

My husband and a couple of close friends knew but I didn't tell my parents or other family until afterwards. My brother in New Hampshire still doesn't know and my coworkers still don't know. Tell who you feel comfortable telling. It's your body, your life...good luck!!

Thank you all for your posts.

I thought about it... again and called my sister to tell her. She too is very supportive and encouraged me to go for it. I will not tell my parents in the near future.

My sister also promised me to help my husband to take care of the little one in case something should go wrong (I pretty sure, everything is going to work out fine, but just in case...).

Thank you again.

~Kat

I keep getting my post deleted before I can hit send - WTH?

I have told a select few that I know will support me. I have not told the people I know to be haters.

I did just starting this guy though, only 2 dates so nothing serious. I know he prefers plus size girls, so I am thinking I should tell him, but then again, even at my goal weight I will still be shopping at Lane Bryant and still be plus size. I have told him that I am working on losing weight and getting more physically fit and making more trips to the gym and he has been real supportive of that, even going with me on a long walk through the park to help me. So he knows and supports me losing weight, but I don't know if I want him to know how I am going to be doing it. We have only known each other a week, only had 2 dates, but I do really like him so far. Help!

I've been struggling with the same thing. I plan/hope to be banded in September and I've only told 5 people besides my Husband.

My question is: How did you all keep it from your co-workers is you had to be gone from work for a week or 2? I work in a very close knit department of 6 women and I can't imagine what I'd tell them to explain my absence. I've already told my boss in order for her to plan for my leave. Any advice about my co-workers?

Thanks!

Since I am big anyway and tried a lot of diets, I plan to tell friends simply, that I try to lose weight again. Which is the truth. If somebody asks me how, I will tell them, that I cut portion sizes. Which too is the truth.

I plan if somebody has the guts to ask me directly, if I had surgery then I will tell them.

If I have to explain somebody why I was gone for some time. I am planning to tell them that I had surgery with a vague gesture into the right direction. If I am lucky they will assume it's woman's stuff. I will tell them, that I don't want to talk about it at that point, which too is the truth.

I made the decision I will tell people eventually, but on my terms.

~Kat

I told my immediate family (parents and siblings, except for one sibling but that's a whole different story). I know this sounds horrible but I actually wouldn't have told them except that I needed their financial assistance (self-pay). I'm very embarrassed about my weight around my family. My mom has always been thin, the weight problems are on my dad's side and he's the type to think of this as the "easy way out" etc. Plus I remember so many warnings when I was little against becoming fat, it almost feels like this is all my fault and had I listened to them I wouldn't be in this mess. So yeah, I told them because how else to you explain a request for $10,000?

I told my two closest friends from college who live out of state, plus my cousin who is one of my best friends and who lives nearby, and two other local friends who are sensitive, understanding and discreet.

I am a graduate student with a casual part time job so I don't have to worry about what to do about work, which is part of what prompted the timing of this whole thing for me. I took the second summer session of classes off so really all I have to concentrate on from now until September is recovering and re-learning old habits, and doing a little work here and there as needed.

I only told 5 people that I got the surgery: my husband (obviously he knew about it), my parents, my sister, and my best friend. My husband might have told my in-laws, I think. I am not working right now, so I didn't have the problem with having concerned co-workers around. Thank goodness, because I really hate to lie.

I told two of my friends that I was having a "medical procedure" done and that I wouldn't be around for a few days. Although they did have questions, I kind of made it seem like I didn't want to talk about it and they didn't press any further. They might know that I was having bariatic surgery, but then again maybe not.

Because I had an excellent surgeon, I was up and around the second day after surgery, so none of my other friends knew that I was even in the hospital. One day, when they were eating and I was only drinking liquids, they asked why I wasn't eating and I said that I was on a special "medically supervised" liquid diet, which is true!

Now it is about 3 weeks after surgery, and no one really knew that I had anything done. The weight is coming off rather slowly (as opposed to gastric bypass), and I tell people that I am exercising a lot, so it is not like anyone would suspect anything. I might change my mind later to tell more people, but for now I'd rather not.

I just didn't want to hear anybody tell me stories about how their friend or mother or sister had WLS and now gained back a lot of the weight or how I am fine just the way I am or whatever. This is MY decision and MY body. I am typically wishy-washy with making a final decision, but this is the first time I was so sure of anything in my life. I'm proud of myself and I didn't want to have anybody else be part of my success.

However, since I am self-pay, I had to tell my mother who co-signed a loan for me as I was so over-extended due to student loans. She is thrilled for me and knows how important it is to me. I have 5 employees and I did tell them and swore them to silence. I told them that I didn't want them to judge me and that I was happy and they were happy for me. I also told my boss, who I will need for support for time off of work. She is also happy for me, being a former dietician. So, I figure that is it. If anybody asks where I was, I had woman surgery and if they ask me what I'm doing to lose weight, my doc has me on a high protein diet.

Someday, not sure when, but I might just tell everyone. But for right now, it's just my secret thing. And it makes me feel confident and happy. :biggrin2: