I know he'll freak! I never thought I would consider WLS. I feel like it's a good option for me now. I just don't know how to tell him. I think I'll wait till after I see my PCP. Plus I have 3 young girls. I don't want them knowing I'm having WLS. I'm afraid it will send the wrong message to them. I don't want to offend any of you. Hope I'm not.

Thanks for any input.

Your fiance is just scared. Try and take it easy on him. I just told my husband that I am going to do this a few days ago and he refused to be a part of it. He is very upset that I am thinking about selective surgery but I can tell that he is coming around. I am sure he is going to be cold and quite closer to the surgery but only because he loves me and is scared that something might go wrong. I love him so much!

Your fiance is just scared. Try and take it easy on him. I just told my husband that I am going to do this a few days ago and he refused to be a part of it. He is very upset that I am thinking about selective surgery but I can tell that he is coming around. I am sure he is going to be cold and quite closer to the surgery but only because he loves me and is scared that something might go wrong. I love him so much!

Skinnysons,

I hope you are right about this. I have tried and tried to include him in all this , but like I said, the closer it gets, the more distant he becomes. I tell him about things and he doesn't want to discuss it further, he just says ok and looks as though he were upset with me. I guess he will just have to come around on his own and in his own time. I love my guy very much too, but I love myself just as much and my health is important to me.

Sincerely,

Stephanie

My Bf/sig other is my biggest fan. He has had to watch me diet and go up and down over and over as much as 70 pounds each way. It's hard on everyone.

I told him about it, he asked a few questions, 2 weeks later he announced that he got the money for the surgery. Luckily insurance ended up paying for it My big pay off will be going to hawaii once im at or near goal!

If it wasn't for him I probably would of chickened out but he was there to back me up the whole way.

He thinks that it is "rediculous" and that I wasn't overweight enough to go through surgery. We argued (and I cried) about it for a couple of weeks. I finally told him that I am going to have it done whether he liked it or not and that I needed him to support me.

I think that my husband is more against me spending that kind of money (I'm self pay - in Mexico) rather than the surgery itself. He is an only child, he is a little spoiled, and LOVES his "toys"....boat, motorcycle, etc. So, I really feel that he wants that money for himself......MEN!!

Anyway, he is still not crazy about the idea, but he has softened up a little.

I just basically told him that I am unhappy with myself and uncomfortable in my own skin. And that I am doing this for both of us, remember the old saying "Happy wife, Happy life". Oh, and I also threw in there how much better our sex life would be once I'm thinner and feel better about myself....that got his attention.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Jane

Surgery date: July 14th, 2008 Dr. Rodriquez

He thinks that it is "rediculous" and that I wasn't overweight enough to go through surgery. We argued (and I cried) about it for a couple of weeks. I finally told him that I am going to have it done whether he liked it or not and that I needed him to support me.

I think that my husband is more against me spending that kind of money (I'm self pay - in Mexico) rather than the surgery itself. He is an only child, he is a little spoiled, and LOVES his "toys"....boat, motorcycle, etc. So, I really feel that he wants that money for himself......MEN!!

Anyway, he is still not crazy about the idea, but he has softened up a little.

I just basically told him that I am unhappy with myself and uncomfortable in my own skin. And that I am doing this for both of us, remember the old saying "Happy wife, Happy life". Oh, and I also threw in there how much better our sex life would be once I'm thinner and feel better about myself....that got his attention.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Jane

Surgery date: July 14th, 2008 Dr. Rodriquez

Good luck to you too Jane.

I told my fiance, today, that he didn't have to go with me for my pre-op appt Wednesday if he didn't want to. He told me that he still doesn't like the idea of me having the surgery, but he still wanted to be there for support. He thinks of this as my "last ditch effort" to lose weight, which makes me a little upset, bc he likes to think of wls as a quick fix and this type of surgery is not. It does take a great deal of work.

I guess what is more important is what I think and what I want. I love my fiance, but this is mostly for me. And you're right, guys like the idea of an improved sex life, lol!!!!

I have told my wide that I am going to have this surgery. She thinks that I am crazy and should just go to counselling and "face my demons" to user her terms. She doesn't see why I can't just eat in moderation. I've told her I've been trying to eat in moderation for over 30 years. I Just can't. So, she does not agree with it, but I know she will fix my dinners the exact way I need to have them going forward. I have to do this for me. I am tired of the many drawbacks of being fat and I'm going to change it.

I have not told my husband, and I don't plan on telling him. He just retired from the military and has PTSD and just wouldn't be supportive (he came back from the war a totally different person...long story).

I just feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. I have taken care of the kids by myself since the war started, and I am a CCU nurse so I am constantly caring for others. This is going to be for me and only my closest friends, mother and my oldest daughter will know about it.

I have told my wide that I am going to have this surgery. She thinks that I am crazy and should just go to counselling and "face my demons" to user her terms. She doesn't see why I can't just eat in moderation. I've told her I've been trying to eat in moderation for over 30 years. I Just can't. So, she does not agree with it, but I know she will fix my dinners the exact way I need to have them going forward. I have to do this for me. I am tired of the many drawbacks of being fat and I'm going to change it.

Good for you!!!!! My fiance is very slender and doesn't understand the need for surgery either. People that don't have the issues we have don't truly understand the emotional and physical pain we go through.

I have tried and tried and cried and cried in my attempts to explain it all to the man I love, but I think if you don't know what I am going through, then don't be so quick to criticize and judge my efforts to lose weight, no matter what method I use.

You see all the infomercials for many weight loss products, but you don't see many follow-ups with those people several years down the road. Did they stay slim and fit or did they gain it back and then some? Plus the other thing, when you see some of those infomercials for those popular pre-packaged meal plans, it makes me so sick to see those people that say, " I went from a size 10 to a size 2". Please!!! For a guy that would be like saying "I went from a big size 34 to a 28 waist pant."

This place is not a substitution for the support you need from your loved ones, but we definitely get each through the tough times. I probably would have already given up if it weren't for the support I have gained here on LBT. Good luck to you!!!!!!

I have not told my husband, and I don't plan on telling him. He just retired from the military and has PTSD and just wouldn't be supportive (he came back from the war a totally different person...long story).

I just feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. I have taken care of the kids by myself since the war started, and I am a CCU nurse so I am constantly caring for others. This is going to be for me and only my closest friends, mother and my oldest daughter will know about it.

I am sorry your husband is going through his own ordeal. I appreciate the sacrifices of soldiers and their families, even if I don't always agree with what the government does with our troops.

Anyway, sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to be happy. I am sorry you can't share this experience with your husband, but sounds like you have other family for support and you have all the people here as well.

I know what you mean about caring for others; I am a Pediatric nurse. I am constantly taking care of others as well. Not only the kids, but their entire family. Time to put my own life in check. How can I effectively convice others to live a healthy lifestyle if I don't?

Good luck to you!!!!

I got a question for everyone, Is all of your hubbys and b/f Skinny or over weight?? IF they are skinny, then that's why they are against it. They don't know the first thing about being "fat" or over weight, how ever you want to call, anyway, they don't know how it is to go threw life being over weight, so that's why they don't want to agree with you guys on doing the sugery or tell you that it's a easy way out..No it'snot an easy way out for us. I am an over weight woman and I had the surgery 2 months ago and I have lost 33 pounds so far and I FEEL GREAT!! My husband loves it that I am losing the weight and he does look at me a different way and yes the sex life gets better.

But I just wish that all of yall hubbys would understand what or how you feel about this and being overweight. I have done over a year of research on this surgery and finally I decided and I sat down with my husband and he agreed with me and he told me that if this is what I want then go for it, and he is still here today by my side..YOu should make your husband go to the Dr's apt, anything you go to, make him go so he can see first hand and understnad it..

My husband is not skinny, he has some man weight going for him, but he is very tall and not over weight, but he does understand being over weight cause he started hurting his back when he was over weight.

So I just hope that for all of yall, that your hubby's will come together with you..

For JWRN: My oppenion, is I don't know if that would be a good idea not to tell your husband cause of his condition..I mean I don't know what's going on with him and in your house hold, but to me, not telling him, he might think you can't trust him or have trust in your marriage or sercrets..But that's up to you..If you can get away with it and you feel comfortable not to tell your hubby then great for you. But I just hope that it's don't bite you on the butt when he does find out..I couldn't do that to my husband.. GOOD LUCK with everyone!!

Jane,

Just remind your dear hubby that his boat and motorcycle won't keep him warm in bed or go to the movies with him, or fix him a nice supper when he's 80. A happy, healthy wife, on the other hand, might just do that if he treats her nicely.

BadgerMom

kristylyn,

I'm not sure that being a skinny spouse is the main reason that husbands/SO's are afraid of the band. There has been a lot of press about the dangers of complications from gastric bypass. Some of us even know people who have had those complications. TV commercials make losing weight sound easy, which is why Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers are making money hand over fist, and people go back to them again and again after they have failed. Some people do succeed on these programs, but it depends on the person. My partner's surgeon says that Weight Watchers is great if you need to lose 10 - 20 pounds. Any more than that, and it isn't likely to work.

Lots of people are insecure around any kind of change, positive or negative, and would rather stay where they are than risk the unknown. Some spouses, I'm sure, feel that if their spouse loses weight that she/he will feel more attractive and might break up the marriage. I've been with my partner for 21 years now, and in the wee hours of the morning, when I can't sleep, I wonder that myself. But if our relationship is so bad that it can't deal with a little weight loss, then we need to get ourselves to a counselor.

For the record, I'm skinny - very skinny by most people's standards. I'm 5'2", and a (healthy) size 4, and I've been with my partner all the way on every diet and exercise plan she's tried, and I've seen how hard it's been for her. I told her that if the band was her choice, then she needed to make it for herself, not for me. My primary concern was medical safety, but even I recognize that there is a part of our relationship that is connected with food - Sunday chicken dinners, tea with scones, going to nice restaurants, that's going to have to change. She makes the best scones in the entire world, and I might never see those again, but it's a small price for me to pay for her health.

I think that the resistance is usually about fear. Knowledge is power. If we can encourage these family members to educate themselves, they may be more supportive.

"Feel the fear, and do it anyway."

BadgerMom

I got a question for everyone, Is all of your hubbys and b/f Skinny or over weight?? IF they are skinny, then that's why they are against it. They don't know the first thing about being "fat" or over weight, how ever you want to call, anyway, they don't know how it is to go threw life being over weight, so that's why they don't want to agree with you guys on doing the sugery or tell you that it's a easy way out..No it'snot an easy way out for us. I am an over weight woman and I had the surgery 2 months ago and I have lost 33 pounds so far and I FEEL GREAT!! My husband loves it that I am losing the weight and he does look at me a different way and yes the sex life gets better. :tt1:

But I just wish that all of yall hubbys would understand what or how you feel about this and being overweight. I have done over a year of research on this surgery and finally I decided and I sat down with my husband and he agreed with me and he told me that if this is what I want then go for it, and he is still here today by my side..YOu should make your husband go to the Dr's apt, anything you go to, make him go so he can see first hand and understnad it..

My husband is not skinny, he has some man weight going for him, but he is very tall and not over weight, but he does understand being over weight cause he started hurting his back when he was over weight.

So I just hope that for all of yall, that your hubby's will come together with you..

For JWRN: My oppenion, is I don't know if that would be a good idea not to tell your husband cause of his condition..I mean I don't know what's going on with him and in your house hold, but to me, not telling him, he might think you can't trust him or have trust in your marriage or sercrets..But that's up to you..If you can get away with it and you feel comfortable not to tell your hubby then great for you. But I just hope that it's don't bite you on the butt when he does find out..I couldn't do that to my husband.. GOOD LUCK with everyone!!

My hubby has never been skinny (however, I was when we first met 13 yrs. ago). That being said, it is different for him....kind of hard to explain....but I'll try. He is tall 6'3" so naturally he can carry more weight. He is very attactive in his face and also his personality and people (ladies) have always gravitated to him. So although he definitely needs to lose some weight too, his weight has never held him back from anything like it has for me. For instance, I tend to avoid social situations because I feel fat or don't have anything to wear, etc.

Anyway, I am hoping that I will do so well with my surgery and he will have a change of heart and get the surgery for himself.

Take care and good luck to you!!

Jane

For my hubby his main concern is me getting healthy and staying that way. He is a skinny man and is really built. He's into working out and eating healthy. I'll be the first to admit I didn't think he would go for me having the lap band but really I'm not doing it for him so I was just going to ask him to support me as I go through this process. When I actually told him about it he just looked at me and said ok. He told me that if I thought I needed to do this to get this weight off he would support. I was going to tell him all the information I had gathered about the procedure and how it would affect me but he already knew. Apparently he had done his own research. I think he was going to bring it up to me but I beat him to the punch.

I think it all depends on the husband. Some hubby's are against it some are for it. My friend is going to start her journey towards surgery and her husband told her that if he could do it too he would. (He's military) He said go for it. Are we lucky? Sure, but for those who are not so fortunate we are here for you. That's why I love these boards and many like them because they provide a place of refuse when the world is set against you.

I have not told my husband, and I don't plan on telling him. He just retired from the military and has PTSD and just wouldn't be supportive (he came back from the war a totally different person...long story).

I just feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. I have taken care of the kids by myself since the war started, and I am a CCU nurse so I am constantly caring for others. This is going to be for me and only my closest friends, mother and my oldest daughter will know about it.

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands PTSD!! That must be very difficult for you. I just wanted to say that I think you are a strong woman and I'm proud of you for that. Here you are taking care of/dealing with your hubby's issues, being Mommy to your kids, and working a stressful job. With all that going on, we women rarely find time to take care of ourselves.....because life gets in the way. Good luck to you and you will be in my prayers!

Just one question, how will you be able to keep this from him? You are going to be sore or out of it post-op.

Thanks,

Jane