Considering Lap Ban,, how does it effect your family??

[wickedme 0]

My doctor mentioned I was a great candidate 4 months ago and I turned him down flat.. Part of me felt I was giving up, the other part worried about what I wouldn't be able to eat>> My fear is about being layed up and complications.

My doc mentioned it again yesterday because I am bordering diabetes, and have physical limitations because of my weight,, one being a healing broken leg. I stay active, coach softball for 10-11 yr olds, run a business, swim whenever possible, play guitar hero..lol, and hiked or walked regularly before my leg accident. I would like to do these things without being exhausted, or having to sit down because of pain.. It would be nice to have day without acid reflux, or discomfort from a hyatal hernia.

My husband does not seem thrilled about the whole thing.. wouldn't even discuss it. I've had two major surgeries with long recovery times and he doesn't want to deal with that again. Two bouts of diverticulitis and kidney stones in the past six months have added to his complaints, and my recent sciatica flare up really ticked him off.. I just got the kids back into some sort of routine again after months of doctors and physical therapy and I don't know whether they are up for another ordeal either...

I am going to make a list of pros and cons to post for my family to respond to and see what happens.. my sister surprised me by supporting me, and two friends are going to go to the seminar next week with me. I have selfish motives, and think my husband has some too.. My kids love me the way I am, but are getting older and their friends are making comments about my weight now, and so are other people..

What kind of reactions and family issues have any of you encountered??

[agreatknead 1]

Hi Wicked,

I had my surgery on 4-14 and did not have one physical problem. I flew home from Mexico the day after surgery and only needed 2 pain pills at bed time the next 2 days. I was back to work full time doing massage 3 days after surgery. I think your family will eat healthier after you have limitations on what you can eat. Although I don't have kids at home anymore I still cook for my husband and just find things we both can eat without any problems. The important thing is that you make the decision on what you feel is right not on what others say. This is a gift you can give to yourself if you are open to it. My only regret is that I did not have it done sooner. Best wishes to you, just remember it's time to be good to you.

Sally

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Well wicked... if you're a slow healer (I don't know if your slow heal time was due to the surgeries themselves, or some people just don't bounce back as quickly as others), I can't speak for that directly. I took a week of work and felt pretty good. I was back to normal in 3, maybe 4 weeks with no soreness at all.

The transition to a more active and healthier me has definately been a process. My family likes to eat... so it's been hard to get them to understand I have the stomach the size of a thumb. They do tend to get offended when I don't eat as much as I used to. But on the other side of that, I'm happier, feel better, more active... all things they notice on a daily basis.

I don't have any kids, but I'm a primary caretaker for my disabled mother. We did definately have low key days when I first got surgery because I couldn't lift her wheelchair and when I had pain meds I couldn't drive. But I quickly recovered. Lifting things wasn't too big a deal... I had to go to Sam's for litter and just asked a worker there to assist me.

I don't know what your weight is, but if you're sitting on prediabetes- I promise you'd rather have a little pain now than a lifetime of diabetic worries, pokes, prods, fears of losing feet and glaucoma... I'm more fearful of NOT getting the surgery.

Good luck in your decision. I know it's hard to make...

[wickedme 0]

Thanks for the reply,, It was not so much slow healing, but restrictions of no lifting for a month after hyst, (or major house cleaning), and wheel chair bound for almost 8 weeks with a no weight bearing broken leg (because I was obese),, I'm a little slow coming out of anestesia,, but have figured out through trial and error what works for meds and what makes me ill..

My kids are 7 and 11 and help with chores, hubby just doesn't want to have to deal with all the household stuff if he can avoid it.. hes a little on the selfish side at times..

[thenume 2]

I was back to feeling "normal in less than a week". I was in minimal amount of pain and was able to come and go without any restrictions, no heavy lifting of course, but hubby shouldn't have a problem with that. I was back to work in a week and driving the next day. I only used 1 or two pain pills (and that was at night). You will be a little tired out in the evenings for awhile (almost a week) but in the long run its ALL worth it. You will cook differently, because we want this to work for us (that effects the family) but for the most part after surgery is a breeze!

[danibryt 0]

Hello,

I am also someone who comes out of anesthesia slowly (the hospital almost admitted me after one surgery a few years ago). This was nothing like that at all. I was awake within 15-20 minutes. The anesthesiologist said it is because the drugs are not used for pain purposes with the lapband, so it doesn't take nearly as long to recover. By 7:00 pm that same evening, I attended my son's soccer game. I had to move furniture the next day, so that create a bit of a discomfort for 2 days. The fourth day was tough on me, but once my friends told me to put a heating pad on my tender spot, the pain was gone within minutes. Went back to work five days later without any problems.:confused:

The afterwards...for the most part I eat whatever I cook for my family; just a lot less of it. Sometimes they forget and cook me a grilled cheese sandwich or something. I thank them for the sweet gesture and politely remind them that they wouldn't want to see my "new" stomach's reaction to eating that type of food. Spaghetti seems to be the only old staple that is no longer on our family's menu, but I did make it once when I knew I wasn't going to be home for dinner. I've even made chicken fettuccine alfredo, but I pass on the Pasta and go really easy on the sauce. I eat so little that it was a nice treat.:thumbup:

I am a single mom with two kids; and making it all work out hasn't been that difficult. I have even taught them to "burp" me on the rare occassion that something gets stuck when I'm not being careful. They think it is funny and support me 100%.

A co-worker has also had the lapband and chosen to take the weight loss slowly with less restriction. Yes, she has still lost 85 pounds in a year and a half; but she is also still able to enjoy a kid's meal dining out with the family. You control your success. Keep researching....I wish you all the best and keep us all posted.

Dani

[erikadawn 0]

I am a mother of 6, and after surgery for a day or two they all had to help. I have a 7 and 11 also. Im sure the 11 year old can heat up some pre-cooked meals in the microwave for a day or two if you pre-cook them. If you are pre-diabetes then you need to help yourself. men sometimes are reluctant because of fear, such as if you dont make it out of surgery, or they may believe that you wil leave them when you get skinny. Do what you have to do for you. If you are not healthy who is going to take care of your children? Do it for yourself not how tour husband may feel.

[GramaLisa 0]

Hi Wicked,

My

[GramaLisa 0]

Hi Wicked,

sorry about that one post, I managed to hit the wrong key! Anyway, my husband was NOT my greatest supporter but once we talked over HIS fears he was OK for me to go ahead and try to get approval with the surgery. It's only been about three weeks since I started my journey towards a better life. My daughter, who is even heavier than I am, asked me why didn't I just lose the weight on my own. If it was that easy then I would be slim now, not fighting obesity. Other women at work who had gastric bypass surgery say to me I am not fat enough for weight loss surgery. Just because I don't weigh 300 pounds does not mean I am not overweight. Another woman at work who is younger than me but overweight is probably my biggest supporter. She is only 33 but she is bordering on being hypertensive. She is very interested in the surgery but she needs to see her doctor and see if her HMO can help her out.

My husband's biggest fear it turns out is that he was afraid I would have the surgery and get slender and then search for a younger man! How silly is that? We have been together for 25 years and believe me, even if I got down to 100 pounds I would not be out looking for a new man.

[BadgerMom 0]

Hang in there, Wicked Me Sure, the band is going to affect your family, and not just the week of surgery. There are going to be follow up visits to the doctor, and there will be things you may not be able to eat, but being healthy is something that I would hope any family member would be able to support. If you get banded, you're going to change, and sometimes that's just scary for our significant others.

I'm trying to figure out who to contact here to create a Friends and Family forum so that people like your husband can ask questions about how their lives will be affected and how to support you in a way that strengthens your relationship. If anybody knows who I need to contact to request to create the Family and Friends forum, would you please post?

Best of luck!

BadgerMom

[Queen of Hearts 2]

My doctor mentioned I was a great candidate 4 months ago and I turned him down flat.. Part of me felt I was giving up, the other part worried about what I wouldn't be able to eat>> My fear is about being layed up and complications.

My doc mentioned it again yesterday because I am bordering diabetes, and have physical limitations because of my weight,, one being a healing broken leg. I stay active, coach softball for 10-11 yr olds, run a business, swim whenever possible, play guitar hero..lol, and hiked or walked regularly before my leg accident. I would like to do these things without being exhausted, or having to sit down because of pain.. It would be nice to have day without acid reflux, or discomfort from a hyatal hernia.

My husband does not seem thrilled about the whole thing.. wouldn't even discuss it. I've had two major surgeries with long recovery times and he doesn't want to deal with that again. Two bouts of diverticulitis and kidney stones in the past six months have added to his complaints, and my recent sciatica flare up really ticked him off.. I just got the kids back into some sort of routine again after months of doctors and physical therapy and I don't know whether they are up for another ordeal either...

I am going to make a list of pros and cons to post for my family to respond to and see what happens.. my sister surprised me by supporting me, and two friends are going to go to the seminar next week with me. I have selfish motives, and think my husband has some too.. My kids love me the way I am, but are getting older and their friends are making comments about my weight now, and so are other people..

What kind of reactions and family issues have any of you encountered??

Hi Wicked!

Your post intrigued me. I don't have any small children at home anymore but I do understand a little bit of the problems you are faced with. I had waited for 2 years before I got my band. My husband was totally against it and for the simple reason was because, like Gramalisa, he was afraid when I got back down to my fighting weight I would be looking for a new man! That is ridiculous however, I think a mans way of thinking is very different from ours! :thumbup:

My health issues made me stand up and tell him..look, I'm not doing this for looks, ego, or any other reason than my health! I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, borderline diabetes, sleep apnea, metabolic syndrome, and a liver that was diagnosed as non alcholic cirrhosis of the liver, which means it's storing fatty deposits and was so huge that my liver doctor said the next step is getting on a donor list. :thumbup:

Even with all these issues he was apprehensive, however, when my endocrinologist told me I MAY have 10 years left to live, my choice was made! I asked my husband point blank..is your insecurity worth killing me? Hard but it's the way I was seeing it. He agreed with me then! :biggrin2:

Now I'm down 40 pounds less and my liver after only 2 months with the band has started regenerating and my blood pressure meds have been cut in half and my cholesterol meds have been weaned off as well. I just went to the family doctor to check the liver panels and cholesterol readings, so I'll find out in about a week how they are.

There are times when you have to think about yourself. You have already stated that your health is on the line..now you have to weigh the odds. Is it worth losing a better and longer life for a couple of days of inconvience to your family or improving and lengthening your life for yourself AND your family for many MORE years?? :thumbup:

I had my surgery on Friday and could have gone back to work on Monday but took an extra day off just to pamper myself with a manicure and pedicure because I knew I was starting a whole new way of life and I was going to LIVE!! :Dancing_wub:

Yes, you won't eat as much, but you don't have to worry about your family. You will be able to make more discernable decisions on what you will cook for them but my husband doesn't follow my diet. He cooks and I know what I'm allowed to eat so I do that. The hardest thing I have had was getting used to the portion sizes. I'm limited to 1/2 cup per meal with Protein shakes in between the meals. I am very satisfied with that and my doc said I was going twice as fast as I needed to so he's happy.

I am the first patient my family doctor has that has a lapband and she asked me how everything was going..(she's was so curious that she had to find my port, check my scars, ask me tons of questions)..and I told her I was doing great and feeling the best I had in years. I also told her that if she has any patients that were wondering about the lapband that she was welcome to tell them my story. It has been an amazing journey for my health and well being. Nothing has ever made such a positive difference in my whole being as having this band put in! I would recommend it to anyone that has tried dieting the conventional way and exercising to get it if their doctor considers them a candidate. I'm a bit older than you and I just wish I could have had this band even 15 years ago!! I am sold on it and with anything else in life..you have to give to get..so yes, you won't eat like you used to but the end results will be a healthy long life and all those physical impairments and shortcomings will probably disappear as your weight goes down! It is a miracle in my life!

I apologize for this being so lengthy, but I wanted you to know exactly what I had to face and how far my health had to decline before I was able to get my husband to not be so indifferent to what my doctors were recommending. Please keep us posted and I wish for you the very best life has to give you!

[wickedme 0]

Thanks for all the support.. I came to the same conclusions yesterday that this is about me, and whether I want to be here to see my children grow up.. My risk of heart disease is escalating every year and the thought of living through a serious stroke scares me to death. My doc told me to tell hubby that he could take care of me for a month now, or for years when I have other problems. I went to see my PCP yesterday and was totally stunned to here she was all for the surgery, and so was everyone else in her practice. I have had some real issues with them agreeing on whats best for me. I have some sleep issues and have for most of my life. Now that I have neck fat and reflux I am starting to get sleep apnea and have woken up coughing and choking lately. They won't prescribe anything until I see a psychiatrist.. I'll go, will have to see one at some point before my surgery is okayed anyways. There is a seminar on the 17th that I have to attend, and my doc will send my referral next week so a lot of the paperwork will already be done..

My hubby and I had another discussion.. he was being selfish and admitted it. He doesn't want to have deal with me being moody because I'm hungry and can't eat what I want to..Lol I have know idea where that came from,, I don't remember stomping my foot and screaming for icecream even when I was pregnant.. He also doesn't want to have to pick up the slack,, or do everything I do, which is everything but washing the kitchen floors, mowing and going to his job everyday. He is okay with things now and was happy for me when I told him my PCP was sending my info to the bariatric surgeon. There are huge waiting lists here so it could be a really long time,, up to nine months before a date is set.. frustrating, but I have things I really need to take care of.. I've played the surgery waiting game with my hysterectomy and I was sick,, I can handle this..

I am going to try to keep everything on the lowdown around here for now with my family and friends.. My sister in law already gave me a big speech about how I can lose the weight on my own,, just do some chi gong?? and some herbs.. lol,, shes a hippy from way back and is 66. I have young kids to take care of and want to be here.. I'm not much on "signs", but when I called my insurance company to see if they would pay for it, the woman who answered had the surgery 3 year ago.. she was my age and her children were the same age as mine at the time. She said she has a whole new life with them and even though the road was rough, she doesn't regret it for a minute..

It might seem frivolous, but I would really love to go dancing again and not be self consious, or out of breath with aching feet lol..

Thanks again ladies, your replies were fabulous

Edited June 7, 2008 by wickedme

[GramaLisa 0]

Hi Queen of Hearts,

YOur

[GramaLisa 0]

OK, let's try this again. I keep hitting the wrong buttons! Hi Queen of Hearts, your post was very helpful and informative. It sounds like you are on your way to a better life! :thumbup: I have found in the last couple of weeks that talking more and more with Larry has helped. He was very scared of me having the surgery. First it was I would starve, then he would starve, then I was going to run off with a newer, younger man:sad:. Now he's good with it and I keep him posted on everything that is going on and he's accepted it. My daughter is 29, pregnant with her fourth child and seriously overweight. She is probably about 5'5" and about 240 pounds. She thought I was crazy at first for considering the surgery but now she's thinking she would like to do it after the birth of her baby.

My mom is all for it. She's struggled with her weight for years, like me.

GramaLisa:thumbup:

[Queen of Hearts 2]

OK, let's try this again. I keep hitting the wrong buttons! Hi Queen of Hearts, your post was very helpful and informative. It sounds like you are on your way to a better life! :smile2: I have found in the last couple of weeks that talking more and more with Larry has helped. He was very scared of me having the surgery. First it was I would starve, then he would starve, then I was going to run off with a newer, younger man:sad:. Now he's good with it and I keep him posted on everything that is going on and he's accepted it. My daughter is 29, pregnant with her fourth child and seriously overweight. She is probably about 5'5" and about 240 pounds. She thought I was crazy at first for considering the surgery but now she's thinking she would like to do it after the birth of her baby.

My mom is all for it. She's struggled with her weight for years, like me.

GramaLisa:thumbup:

Hi Gramalisa!

I am so glad to hear your husband is all for it now. He and you both will not be sorry! My husband has finally admitted that I have made the right choice. He was just going through one of his insecure stages I guess?? :confused2: Granted it is a life style change but you can read all the posts on this site and know that we all will cheat once in a while but even at that for the most part everyone follows their diets pretty well and are doing fantastic! I envy the younger women that have this available to them now and am glad I was able and healthy enough to get this band myself!:biggrin2: I have a daughter who is 32 and has not had any babies yet and a lot of this is due to her weight according to her GYN doc. She has an HMO and right now doesn't cover it but we are trying to get them to justify why not since she also has co-morbidity causes and heart disease runs in my family.:sad: If you daughter decides to do this she will be so happy that she did! Especially since she's so young because she will always be fit for her children and able to do so much without the excess weight! For the past month I haven't lost any weight and this happens with the band. I will be going to the doc next week and he will make an adjustment and knowing that, I am at ease because these adjustments tighten the band and keep you from feeling so hungry that there's not much left BUT to lose the weight! Please keep us posted on your progress and the best of luck to you and your daughter! :biggrin2: