So, I have this coworker, let's call him "Bob". Bob is black. Bob recently came by my desk and saw a picture of myself and my husband. I'm white, my hubby is black. Since then, Bob has made three comments that have disturbed me.

First I should say I don't particularly like Bob to begin with, he's very nice, but he's also very touchy, and I don't like to be touched. He hugs me and high fives me and what not. I haven't figured out how to politely get him to stop that either, but that's another story.

Anyway, the first thing Bob said was "That's your husband? I never would have guessed!"

The second thing Bob said was "You know, Heidi, I like you. Especially now because who I know you go with, I mean, married to." to this I replied "Is everything about race to you?"

and the third thing Bob said... people in the office were talking about popcorn and Bob said he liked popcorn with hot sauce and said pretty loudly, "I know who else likes hot sauce and popcorn, Heidi's husband."

Here's my issue, this guy has never met my husband. I am one to believe that stereotypes are generally made because some population actually fit the criteria. But I don't feel that a person should be judged based on stereotypes. I don't assume my Jewish friend owns a bank or that my hispanic friend is illegal. I don't assume that the black man sitting next to me walks with a limp and raps. It's just obnoxious that Bob seems to think he "knows" my husband based on stereotypes. Besides, the stereotypical black guy profile that Bob assumes could not be farther from my husband. My husband is a professional pianist and got his Bachelor's at the number 2 music school in the country. My husband is a broker in the financial industry, and his hobby is flying. My husband doesn't rap and doesn't even like listening to it. In fact, if anyone is a stereotypical black person in our family it's me.

I guess I'm overly sensitive. My husband has often gotten teased at his family functions for acting white. It bothers me that a person doing well is accused of "acting white" and can't just be doing well and receive a good job from his family.

Ug! Okay, just had to get that out. This Bob is obnoxious. Boo for Bob!

Edited June 3, 200818 yr by MrsFlipFlops
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Hm...I disagree with racism not being material. It's the same as hugging. It's crossing a line and makes her feel uncomfortable.

And it can be dealt with the same way - tell him it's not acceptable.

I had something happen at work the other day that threw me for a loop. A woman was talking about her dad from Louisiana selling his house. They went back for a visit and the dad's old neighbor was upset with the new owner because he lets "the slaves" up on the porch. According to the dad and the old neighbor, the "slaves" knew better and knew to go around to the back door like all the "darkies."

I was floored and said, "Don't they know in that town that slavery is OVER?"

She said, "But, they don't want to work. They're lazy."

I said, "I don't want to hear talk like that...it's not right, and you WILL NOT talk to me like that." She just walked away and I haven't talked to her since. I just couldn't believe it. They still call them slaves??? Are you kidding?

I'm still reeling from it and want to go running into LA and "fix" it. No, I can't fix their ignorance, or change how they feel, but I can make them aware that it's wrong and not to talk about it with me.

I can't believe it's nearly 2009 and people still have this type of mindset. It truly blows my mind.

I can't believe it's nearly 2009 and people still have this type of mindset. It truly blows my mind.

I agree. Several years ago my dh and I were visiting Louisiana and we went to dinner with someone who was from there (who we were doing business with). Our server was black, and our "host" went on and on about how there are "good niggers and bad niggers" and how our server was a "good nigger." He then asked for the server's opinion, saying something like, "You're a good nigger, right boy?" and the server nodded his head. I wanted to vomit.

I agree. Several years ago my dh and I were visiting Louisiana and we went to dinner with someone who was from there (who we were doing business with). Our server was black, and our "host" went on and on about how there are "good niggers and bad niggers" and how our server was a "good nigger." He then asked for the server's opinion, saying something like, "You're a good nigger, right boy?" and the server nodded his head. I wanted to vomit.

I hope you did'nt continue to do business with this racist... And even tell him that this is not the image you want for your business or association.

I don't know how " prominent" he is in that community but I would have caught a case that night for WHUPPIN HIS A$$ :smile2:

I hope you did'nt continue to do business with this racist... And even tell him that this is not the image you want for your business or association.

Unfortunately, it wasn't my decision to make, and he was working on a huge project that couldn't be halted or transferred mid-way through. When the time came to do another similar project, though, I made a strong argument to the team to go elsewhere (and we did).

To be honest, both dh and I were in a state of shock when it happened. Neither of us could even fathom how to react because we had never encountered anything like that in our entire lives. I think we sat there with our mouths open for a full 10 minutes, and I don't think there was much conversation around the table afterwards. It would have been a heck of a lot easier to speak up about it if the server hadn't so readily and seemingly happily accepted what he said. It really looked like the server wasn't bothered by it at all (which may be the case if he had heard things like it in the past, or maybe he had just learned to keep his mouth shut? I don't know).

Believe me, fast forward 10 years and I wouldn't ever listen to something like that without action, even if the server didn't object! The older I get, the more I learn that if we're quiet when others are oppressed, we are just contributing to the oppression.

Here's a little interview of one of my favorite humans on this subject:

Maya Angelou Interview -- page 4 / 9 -- Academy of Achievement