Hey everyone! So I'm new here, but I didn't really find a thread totally appropriate to post this in, so I started one up. Sorry if its a repeat.

Anyway, so I'm about three days away from my band, getting REALLY pumped!

BUT what I was gonna post about is about the whole dating life, romance, etc. pre and post band. I'm 21 and I'm a senior at a Woman's College, and becasue I've been fat ALL my life, certainly all of my teen years, etc., I am hella shy and terrible at dating. I mean, I can flirt with the best of them, I just can't find boys that I both like on an intellectual and physical level that I feel comfortable approaching.

I have never seriously dated. I was in love with a boy for a long, long time (middle, highscool, most of college) and so I never really approached anyone else, because he was where my mind was all those years.

ANYWAY, point is that I miss boys! I miss chatting and flirting and all of that....so are there ladies out there that can sympathize?

I mean, I'm a little afraid of my inexpereience in dating because I know its going to change post-band.

I'd also love to hear from you boys. How has it been for you guys? Its always been this chief struggle in my life, and I'm looking forward to a time when I don't have to worry about it.

Anywhooo, I'd love to hear from you boys. And of course, you beautiful ladies!

I think that in general, once you start losing weight, you will begin to GAIN confidence! Its much easier to approach men when you feel more confident, and when you feel attractive and sexy. I know when I feel sexy I'm unstopable. Men really pick up on that, if you feel confident or not. And if you have faith in your flirting skills I would say you are on you way girl!

I wouldn't worry too much about being inexpearenced in dating. Just remember that your beautiful and there are men out there that are smart AND goodlooking! lol I didn't date in my teens either, I mean we are only in our 20s, and early 20s at that! You'll do great! :confused_smile:

I understand exactly what you mean. I have very limited experiance with men and dating and the experiance I do have none of it has been good(Men are very cruel and tend to use you when you're fat). Anyway, I was always an introvert and still am, but in the last few years I've been coming out of my shell more. I talk more and when I get invited places I go. I work at a job where I talk to and interact with hundreds of people a day so I kind of had to learn to talk to people. I still get tied up every once in a while, but I can start a conversation with anybody now (even the cute guys). I can flirt with men and the weird thing is some actually flirt back. It never goes anywhere, but it's still fun. I smile all the time and people react to that.

When it comes to guys I've learned that it is about 60% attitude and about 40% looks. Guys may be attracted to your looks, but if you've got a piss poor attitude to go with it, they will walk away. And on the other hand everyone is attracted to a great smile. I find that if I smile, make a joke, laugh and ask a question, I can make a conversation with that cute guy last a little longer than it needs to.

I know a few guys who I'm very friendly with and flirt with all the time, but they just don't care for big girls. It hurts when you like someone and they like you, but the physical attraction just isn't there. I can't wait to be thin.

Edited May 20, 200818 yr by YoungNy

Oh, god, me too! I cannot wait to get my band and get going so that new opourtunities, especially with men, can open up.

THANK YOU for the advice all!

Although, like a total dork, I still wanna get the boy I used to want to date. I mean, I don't really care as much about him anymore....but I still have that thing in the back of my mind saying "Once you get thin, you can get him!" Hahahaha

Anyway, that's my post-band fantasy! I wanna meet up with him, randomly, and have that "look what you missed" minute! Ha! :cursing:

Anyone else with big post band plans?

One of my friends that I've known since middle school that we've always had random hook ups, well I can't wait for him to see me once I lose weight. I've always been big and he's never cared. I haven't seen him in over a year now though because he lives in a different state, but I hope that'll be a good moment.

totally want to run into my ex's once I've lost weight!!! right there with ya gals!

One of my friends that I've known since middle school that we've always had random hook ups, well I can't wait for him to see me once I lose weight. I've always been big and he's never cared. I haven't seen him in over a year now though because he lives in a different state, but I hope that'll be a good moment.

I know what you mean with this one!! I was hooking up with one of my really good friends but I always felt like we never dated because he was a shallow jerk and I can't wait for his jaw to drop and I hope he realizes what a great time he lost out on!!! GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE

So glad to read posts from people who feel like I do!!!

I'm going for my consultation next week.....and I can't wait for my old school friends to see me, and my ex of 10yrs who left me for a 44yr old!!! (turned out to be best thing he ever did tho) and also someone I work with who wants to now "JUST BE FRIENDS"....only so we don't lose what we have!!!! Hopefully he will soooooooo regret that when I'm a gorgeous size 14!!!

Well I've had LOTS of experience with guys...more than I am proud to admit. But in the last few years since I have gained weight, I have definitely noticed a difference in how men treat me. Good enough for a hook up...but nothing else. I definitely cant wait to see them after I have lost the weight....they will be sooo mad they missed out!

Hey everyone! So I'm new here, but I didn't really find a thread totally appropriate to post this in, so I started one up. Sorry if its a repeat.

Anyway, so I'm about three days away from my band, getting REALLY pumped!

BUT what I was gonna post about is about the whole dating life, romance, etc. pre and post band. I'm 21 and I'm a senior at a Woman's College, and becasue I've been fat ALL my life, certainly all of my teen years, etc., I am hella shy and terrible at dating. I mean, I can flirt with the best of them, I just can't find boys that I both like on an intellectual and physical level that I feel comfortable approaching.

I have never seriously dated. I was in love with a boy for a long, long time (middle, highscool, most of college) and so I never really approached anyone else, because he was where my mind was all those years.

ANYWAY, point is that I miss boys! I miss chatting and flirting and all of that....so are there ladies out there that can sympathize?

I mean, I'm a little afraid of my inexpereience in dating because I know its going to change post-band.

I'd also love to hear from you boys. How has it been for you guys? Its always been this chief struggle in my life, and I'm looking forward to a time when I don't have to worry about it.

Anywhooo, I'd love to hear from you boys. And of course, you beautiful ladies!

You wanted to hear from some males, so here you go!

First don't let anyone get you down because of your weight; I had to learn that the hard way. Just talk to us guys, most of us are pretty nice and not out for "JUST THAT ONE THING." We are just as nervous as you and would love a lady to strike up a convo with us. You'll do fine, let me share my story with you though, I had to learn the hard way.

My dating life has been awful. I stated dating when I was 16(I am 25 now), I was overweight then, I am about 5'10 and I weighed about 235lbs then. My first date was with someone online that I met on a BBS (ah... good ol' days). I had talked with her for a couple of weeks and I had just gotten my license to drive. I told her I was "chunky" and she asked, well you're not FAT are you? I felt so bad, but I wanted to date someone as well, lonely was I. I came back with witty response and it won her over. I went up to the movie theater to meet her and I waited. She came in and was beautiful, about 5'10 raven hair, DEEP eyes, they went on forever. I said, "This isn't going to work is it? You're way too beautiful for me!" She just laughed, and said, "Lets see how it goes, you're bigger than I expected, but handsome. We went to see Bicentennial man, and let’s just say we didn't watch the movie. I was in LOVE! LOL the next day though, I got a call from an angry guy. He said he was my date's BF and that he wanted to kill me! She sent me an e-mail to tell me that she used me make her boyfriend jealous so he would pay more attention to her! To add insult to injury she told me that she didn't date "fat guys" anyway... I felt awful...

After that I was broken...However my friend introduced me to a girl who was a year older than me. At that point I was scared to death of women though. He told me we were going to see a movie but instead drove to her house; he tricked me!

I went in and met her, she seemed nice enough, and pretty eyes (if you can't tell its all in eyes for me, love those deep eyes) She accepted me. I felt wanted. The relationship shot off like a bottle rocket. I lost my virginity about two weeks later. Here comes the important part of my story though, I hate to say this but she mentally abused me. She cheated on me three times, and I took it. She said it was with a HOT guy and she couldn't resist. However, I took it and forgave her. She told me everyday how much I needed to change. She didn't like my car; she wouldn't ride in it unless I put a towel on the seat. (Keep in mind, this was a vintage 1966 thunderbird, my father and I restored it to basically brand new condition. It was spotless and beautiful) She rode me about it so hard I sold it and bought an explorer that constantly had problems. She hated my family and put such demands on me I had a nervous breakdown. However I kept going back, she knew what to say to just barely keep me going, the right "I love you's" and such. Finally I had grown into a man, at 20 years old I broke up with her. She came out to my area that day and picked my sister up when she was walking home from school. She told her I had been in an accident and that she had to go with her. I came home to find my sister gone! I freaked, I called her, and she said "You can't get away from me; I know all your weaknesses. She then said, "I will bring your sister home when/if I want." My parents freaked and so did I. She brought my sister home shortly after that. We were calling the cops as she pulled in. I went downtown to get an EPO on her. They said I couldn't because we weren't married or had ever lived together. They did put a no contact order in place though. She had to come downtown and go through a mediation session with me. During the session she was horrible. The mediator asked me after she left, what is wrong with her?!? I said I don't know. The next day I went to school, I was in university now. I came out of class and walked to my car. She was standing in front of my car with a LARGE kitchen knife pressed to her chest. She said she was going to kill herself. I didn't know what to do; the security guard came around in his golf kart and saw her. She started to cut her arms and face before I could wrestle the knife away from her. He called the cops and they came. However she left before they got there, she was bleeding everywhere. I begged her to stay and get treatment, I tried to hold her, and she said "I will tell them you attacked me if you keep me here." I let her go and she left. I gave the cops her license plate number and explained it all. The security guard saw it all so he also gave a statement. I never heard from her again.

Now all this could have been avoided if I didn't have low self esteem because I am overweight. I could have just left and instead of coming back for more and more. Every time she would say something cutting, or horrible I would eat.

I am working on my life seriously now. I am almost finished with college, I have a great job, and I just got banded! Now I am at 334LBS. It’s been five years; I have not spoken with a single women in regards to dating. Will I date again, I don't know/probably. I am getting over this slowly, I got burned a few times and I am am still stinging. Seeing all you nice women talk on here gives me hope and makes me want to get back to dating soon.

Thank you.

I am so sorry that some of you have had to deal with such ignorance tainting your relationships . I believe that each one of us will find someone that can see past our weight no matter what it is and accept it. Acceptance is something difficult to deal with but we all have to accept ourselfs first before anyone else will.

This surgery is a fresh start in all aspects of our lifes. Enjoy the journey:smile2:.

You wanted to hear from some males, so here you go!

First don't let anyone get you down because of your weight; I had to learn that the hard way. Just talk to us guys, most of us are pretty nice and not out for "JUST THAT ONE THING." We are just as nervous as you and would love a lady to strike up a convo with us. You'll do fine, let me share my story with you though, I had to learn the hard way.

My dating life has been awful. I stated dating when I was 16(I am 25 now), I was overweight then, I am about 5'10 and I weighed about 235lbs then. My first date was with someone online that I met on a BBS (ah... good ol' days). I had talked with her for a couple of weeks and I had just gotten my license to drive. I told her I was "chunky" and she asked, well you're not FAT are you? I felt so bad, but I wanted to date someone as well, lonely was I. I came back with witty response and it won her over. I went up to the movie theater to meet her and I waited. She came in and was beautiful, about 5'10 raven hair, DEEP eyes, they went on forever. I said, "This isn't going to work is it? You're way too beautiful for me!" She just laughed, and said, "Lets see how it goes, you're bigger than I expected, but handsome. We went to see Bicentennial man, and let’s just say we didn't watch the movie. I was in LOVE! LOL the next day though, I got a call from an angry guy. He said he was my date's BF and that he wanted to kill me! She sent me an e-mail to tell me that she used me make her boyfriend jealous so he would pay more attention to her! To add insult to injury she told me that she didn't date "fat guys" anyway... I felt awful...

After that I was broken...However my friend introduced me to a girl who was a year older than me. At that point I was scared to death of women though. He told me we were going to see a movie but instead drove to her house; he tricked me!

I went in and met her, she seemed nice enough, and pretty eyes (if you can't tell its all in eyes for me, love those deep eyes) She accepted me. I felt wanted. The relationship shot off like a bottle rocket. I lost my virginity about two weeks later. Here comes the important part of my story though, I hate to say this but she mentally abused me. She cheated on me three times, and I took it. She said it was with a HOT guy and she couldn't resist. However, I took it and forgave her. She told me everyday how much I needed to change. She didn't like my car; she wouldn't ride in it unless I put a towel on the seat. (Keep in mind, this was a vintage 1966 thunderbird, my father and I restored it to basically brand new condition. It was spotless and beautiful) She rode me about it so hard I sold it and bought an explorer that constantly had problems. She hated my family and put such demands on me I had a nervous breakdown. However I kept going back, she knew what to say to just barely keep me going, the right "I love you's" and such. Finally I had grown into a man, at 20 years old I broke up with her. She came out to my area that day and picked my sister up when she was walking home from school. She told her I had been in an accident and that she had to go with her. I came home to find my sister gone! I freaked, I called her, and she said "You can't get away from me; I know all your weaknesses. She then said, "I will bring your sister home when/if I want." My parents freaked and so did I. She brought my sister home shortly after that. We were calling the cops as she pulled in. I went downtown to get an EPO on her. They said I couldn't because we weren't married or had ever lived together. They did put a no contact order in place though. She had to come downtown and go through a mediation session with me. During the session she was horrible. The mediator asked me after she left, what is wrong with her?!? I said I don't know. The next day I went to school, I was in university now. I came out of class and walked to my car. She was standing in front of my car with a LARGE kitchen knife pressed to her chest. She said she was going to kill herself. I didn't know what to do; the security guard came around in his golf kart and saw her. She started to cut her arms and face before I could wrestle the knife away from her. He called the cops and they came. However she left before they got there, she was bleeding everywhere. I begged her to stay and get treatment, I tried to hold her, and she said "I will tell them you attacked me if you keep me here." I let her go and she left. I gave the cops her license plate number and explained it all. The security guard saw it all so he also gave a statement. I never heard from her again.

Now all this could have been avoided if I didn't have low self esteem because I am overweight. I could have just left and instead of coming back for more and more. Every time she would say something cutting, or horrible I would eat.

I am working on my life seriously now. I am almost finished with college, I have a great job, and I just got banded! Now I am at 334LBS. It’s been five years; I have not spoken with a single women in regards to dating. Will I date again, I don't know/probably. I am getting over this slowly, I got burned a few times and I am am still stinging. Seeing all you nice women talk on here gives me hope and makes me want to get back to dating soon.

Thank you.

I am so sorry this happened to you! I hope that when you are ready to start dating again, this doesn't end up hurting what could be a really good relationship with a girl who appreciates you for who you really are, and knows she is lucky to be with a guy like you! Good luck with your band.

Oh, god, me too! I cannot wait to get my band and get going so that new opourtunities, especially with men, can open up.

THANK YOU for the advice all!

Although, like a total dork, I still wanna get the boy I used to want to date. I mean, I don't really care as much about him anymore....but I still have that thing in the back of my mind saying "Once you get thin, you can get him!" Hahahaha

Anyway, that's my post-band fantasy! I wanna meet up with him, randomly, and have that "look what you missed" minute! Ha!

Anyone else with big post band plans?

Believe me, I KNOW the feeling!! When I was in 9th grade I fell in love with the boy sitting across english class from me, and he probably didn't even know my name for about a year! We were pretty good friends and then we grew apart, I dated another guy briefly and had thaaaat drama, but a few years later I was still secretly in love with him. At my surprise birthday party me and a bunch of friends got drunk, and I wasn't expecting him to be there, but he was. Needless to say, we hooked up that night and had the most complicated relationship for the next 1.5 years until I finally came to my senses and realized that I deserved so much better than him! He didn't appreciate me and never called me, unless late at night! I had put him up on some sort of pedestal all those years and when we finally dated, he just didn't measure up to my standards anymore. On top of that, I found out he had pretty much the same problem I had-- where he was in love with some other girl who he thought was way out of his league and she treats him like crap.

We ended things 6 months ago and while I am still struggling to get over him, it secretly makes me feel better to know that he is feeling all the pain he gave me by lusting after that other girl! I agree with all of you here, I would LOVE to "bump into him" in a year with all my new-found confidence, but if I can give any advice from my experiences though, forget this loser! If he doesn't see what an amazing girl you are right now then he doesn't deserve to get the "benefits" of your soon-to-be even hotter body!

i have had two serious relationships and the first one was not a good one he was super messed up. i still think he really did love me but he was too screwed up to treat me right. i don't thin he knows how to show love. any way we were not a good match it was unhealthy (emotionally) but the whole time we were together i was well over 200lbs and I'm suppose to be like 130ish so weight was never a problem we did all the regular intimate things and it was never ever a problem and now i am with the guy of my dreams. i weigh almost 300lbs and it does matter to him either. he is so awesome. he acts like I'm just the hottest thing ever. but I'm cool about it to though. most of the time their has been times where i have wrapped up in a blanket and cried but he in all his awesomeness has swept me off my feet and made me feel like a goddess again. but my point is that if you let your thin your weight is apart of your personality you are way wrong. its apart of your body and you will find love on personality and once they see you thorough loves eyes you will always be a beautiful sexy woman.

totally want to run into my ex's once I've lost weight!!! right there with ya gals!

I know I am a long way away from getting my band, but I cant wait for that day either!!! Even though I am in a good relationship now, I still want to rub it in!

Quote:

Originally Posted by marineliebe

totally want to run into my ex's once I've lost weight!!! right there with ya gals!

I know I am a long way away from getting my band, but I cant wait for that day either!!! Even though I am in a good relationship now, I still want to rub it in!

Don't feel alone girls. We guys are the same way. It's been 5 or 6 years since the last gf. I am now at the point where people are saying, "don't you want a gf?" Of course I do! How do you admit that you want one, but are not sure that one will want you. So, I just continue the lie of "NO WAY, I don't want anyone holding me back. I want to be able to do what I want when I want. I want to be able to pick up and move at a moment's notice." Hopefully the weight loss will bring me to a point that I can approach girls and put myself out there.