I read this in another site and it just blew my mind!

"I had two job interviews. The first one I knew right away they weren't going to hire me. They didn't say anything; they just looked at me. The second one, the lady flat out said she wanted somebody more energetic and she didn't know that from looking at me. I knew what she was thinking and it hurt. I felt terrible. I felt hopeless. It was pitiful. I felt like I was not much of a person,"

I was wondering if anyone - after loosing weight with the band - notice a difference in how you are treated, at work, on an interview, etc? Can you share your story? Do you notice people treating you differently now and how are they treating you differently?

Last year, when I was at my heaviest (268 lbs) I had to go get some blood tests done that my doctor had ordered. I went to the lab first thing in the morning and it was already packed. There were more people than seats, so several people were sitting on the floor or leaning against walls. As people got called to the back or as they left, others took their seat. I sat down at an empty seat when someone left and still had to wait at least another half hour. The woman next to me was called back, leaving an empty seat next to me. It was so embarrassing because the men that were there chose to sit on the floor rather than sit by me. :thumbup: Here I was with an open seat right beside me and I guess they were so scared my fat was contageous, they couldn't get near me. The seats were large so it wasn't like I was spilling over into the next seat. I was really humiliated. I went home and cried. I was used to being overlooked, but geez, they would rather sit on a hard floor than beside me. That really hurt.

I'm only halfway to goal now but the way people treat me is so different. I've been smaller before and I remember what it was like and how I was treated. The same men who would let a door go in my face before, trip over themselves to hold it open for me. The difference definitely isn't all in my imagination or from me being more confident. I'm still as shy as I ever was. I can't help but come to the conclusion from the experiences I've had through my life (I'll be 40 this year) that the weight does change how people treat you.

Flower Faery-I can feel your pain. I take the bus to and from work almost every day. I started this last summer at my heaviest weight (379). It was a new line from my town into dt Mpls. At first, there were so few people, I had my own seat both ways. As the line caught on, and gas prices started skyrocketing, more and more people started taking the bus.

In the mornings, the earlier buses I catch are still pretty slow and I get my own seat. However, in the evening, there are almost always some people standing in the aisle. I've lost close to 110 lbs since my surgery last Aug. Because I lift weights, my body is even smaller than my weight would suggest. I am nowhere near as big as last year. I still have people get on the bus, look at me and the seat next to me, and move on to sit with others until they almost have to sit next to me.

So, while I am smaller than ever in my adult life, because I'm still big (6'3" and 270) people still would rather sit with people that may smell than me. I just try to chock it up to their ignorance.

I voted No...

Honestly, the difference I see is within myself... I am more open to others, more friendly etc.

There have been very few instances where I've been treated poorly and it was obviously because of my weight. I think if I am treated poorly it is because I am not always super nice either. Also, I think a lot of that is because I am tall and tall people usually demand respect because of our visibility. Additionally, I'm pretty stinking funny...so that usually helps as well!!!

So...I think I'm in charge (for the most part) of how people treat me. Because I feel better about myself, I am certainly more open to new people.

Just my thoughts...take em or leave em!

Rainer

I think my answer might be a little biased because I am in the performing arts, but, in my career, it has truly held me back. Aside from health reasons, this is a huge influence on why I am having the surgery. I have been told outright by more than one person in my field that I have the talent to stand out in my field but I have to lose weight. This is obviously tough to hear, but I try to remember that these people are really trying to help me succeed. I have always been a pretty confident person, but I still notice differences in how much attention men pay, how people hold doors, help me in a store, etc between now and when I have been thinner. Also, when interviewing for regular day jobs, I did notice in certain fields a definite pull toward hiring thin women.

my initial response was "yes people are definitely treating me differently

" but after reading reading ranier's response and getting a different perspective...i think maybe it might be also due to me having more confidence, different attitude, etc.

i might be inviting better responses from people. all i know is...this is the best thing i ever did for myself.

thanks

I am treated SO differently that it's very hard for me to think about in too much depth.... but here goes. I will give it a shot.

First of all I think it's DISGUSTING how society has the right to decide whether I am an acceptable human being or not. That's my measure - I don't get made fun of anymore and so therefore, I am acceptable by society's standards. Screw that. Men flirt with me several times a day now. That's pretty funny in itself. My husband flirted with me when I was at my very heaviest. He loved me for my confidence, my wit and my heart. Am I bitter? Yes, to a point. Would they have liked me then? Probably not, but I am not a negative person and this is something I am still working on. I need to let this go because it's pointless and a waste of energy and it's not something there will ever be an answer to.

Secondly, I am conflicted with my whole 'invisible' vs. 'visible' theory. When you weigh 360lbs it's funny how you can be treated like a freak who gets stared at constantly but be strangely invisible at the same time. From a distance people have no problem laughing at you, making fun of you etc. but when you want someone's attention, you never get looked at in the eye. You are treated second class, period.

The worst thing was that because I was so fat, did people also think I was stupid and/or deaf? Did they honestly think I couldn't hear what they were saying or that I didn't understand the knowing nudges and smirks? Hardly. It's nice now to not have to constantly be looking around on the defensive, watching people to see when they are going to look at me and get the joke. Being that fat was the most painful, heart wrenching period of my life. One that I would not wish on any body.

I'm a beautiful person. I always have been. I'm still me, there's just a lot less of me now and a whole lot longer life ahead of me.

When I first started noticing people were treating me differently than they would have before it kind of upset me. Whether it be the man who went way way out of his way to open a door for me, or the overweight woman at the store giving me dirty looks, or the guys at Subway just plan undressing me with their eyes, or the store clerk who was more attentive than when I was fat.

You are for sure treated different and I think that is just plain wrong.

I do get treated differently than I did 100 lbs. ago(then I was @ 120 and now I am @ 235)....I am self conscience and paranoid now too though...maybe I'm different now...didn't feel this way then.

Yes,

When I was thin at 130 and was a size 6 - All the guys are nice women are nasty to you. Now that I went up to 206 guys say things to me like " What happen to us - way did you gain so much weight. Or I heard from on so called friend " All your weight is in your ass ". Now I don't talk to no one I have kinda exclude myself from people. I am 4 11 and being 206 is alot on me. I have lost 16lbs and losing more.

Bye for now Hartsdream@aol.com

I used to be over 300 lbs. I'm still over 200 lbs, but at 5'10" I carry it pretty well on my frame. My mom, bless her heart, tells me I look "pretty normal from the front or back". Men have started treated me differently now - they talk to me, men at work will hug me, I occasionally get doors opened for me. Ironically, I find it disgusting. I NEVER want to date again. I can only surmise that the attention is based on the physical, not who I am inside, and my barriers have gone up stronger and higher than ever. I'm determined to stay single until I die, but if God decides to put a good man in my path, I've promised Him to at least take a look. :biggrin:

Hugs!

Donna

Donna - I think you should definitely take a look. 90 pounds ago, I met an athletic man that we jokingly call a health-freak. We are still together, he never once said a word about my weight gain other than when I brought it up. At those times he says if you want to lose weight then do it. He just wants me to be happy. He has been supportive through all my false starts at this and in between. I am fortunate to have him and if I had been afraid, I would have missed him.

BrownBear, I hear you. My husband and I have been together for 9 years this month. He is several years younger then I (by 14 years) and has never once brought up my weight. We are truly blessed with the men we have chosen, or who have chosen us. I was mainly interested in work environment when I started this thread. After my surgery, I will be in the "interviewing for another job" process and was curious as to what to expect while I am "shrinking".

A few years back I had hyperthyroidism and dropped 35 lbs in about 3 months. This put me at a curvey size 12. I remember walking into the hospital for tretment and every man I passed (yes everyone - old, young, Dr. or landscaper acknowledged me. A polite smile, "Isn't a lovely day," opening the door for me, or just up and downing me with their eyes as they passed me. I admit it, it felt really good. After treatment, when the weight starting piling back on (60 lbs in 5 years), I noticed fewer and fewer men acknowledging me in any way, shape or form. I am happily married for 13 years and have two beutiful children. However, I sure missed that little ego boost. Now that I have been banded, I have lost 25 lbs, and have just re-entered onederland. Went into Starbucks today, and this man walks in as I was walking out and looked right at me with a polite nod and said have a nice day as he held the door open for me. I really don't believe these guys are creeps, it is just an automatic male response. I don't think they think, I am going to ignore that fat girl, they see someone who is attractive, and they look at you.

Well, some are creeps.....On another note, I arrived at a hotel for business starving. The only place to grab a bite was the hotel restaurant bar. I sat down and orderd and asked the man a few seats over if he was with the conference as well. (He had on the same type name badge.) He said no and then asked me where I was from, what conference and had I ever been to the city before. I said no had not been here, was lookibg forward to site seeing with a College friend who was joining me the following day and that this was a fun "escapse from my work and family." He asked me how many kids, who was watchng them etc. I told him my husband. This entire conversation took about 2 minutes. The band then started playing and I removed myself from that section to eat my meal since the music was really load. A few minutes later the guy reappears and says it was really nice meeting you and shakes leaving a folded uo note in my palm with the words "You're escape" and his room number. I nearly died. I had just told him I was married with kids, and I make it a point to be friendly but never flirty in those type of situations. - Oh and I was also about 220 lbs, with no make-up and quite haggard from my trip cross country. I showed the note to my husband when I got home and we had a great laugh!

............so I guess size doesn't always matter.

Erin

From reading all these responses - I'd have to agree that society treats people differently based on size. But honestly - it just never happened to me. I was normal sized until after my kids were born, so I had a successful, established career, a happy marriage and a solid self-esteem by the time I got fat.

No one ever ignored me in a store, made a comment about my weight, gave me an ugly look, or treated me disparately. I don't know if it was because I had confidence and a smile, or if I was just a dork and didn't notice people giggling behind my back.

So I guess I'd conclude that yes - others are mean to fat people. But a healthy sense of humor, self esteem, a confident smile and an outgoing personality go a really long way toward reducing discriminatory behavior.

It seems I am still just as "invisible" (at least to the opposite sex) as I was before.