I've been going to see a therapist for the past nearly three years, first to address some depression/anxiety issues (mostly related to a painful breakup). My mental health issues have largely subsided (still get some anxiety but nothing beyond the normal human experience) but I continue to see her for career and family related issues. We have a nice rapport and while I don't (and shouldn't) consider her a friend, our in-session relationship is very much like a friendship.

She and I are basically the same size, and sometimes talk about clothes and fits and things (not as part of therapy but in the first 5 minutes, hi how are you blah blah stuff). She's comfortable with herself and tries to encourage me to feel the same but (a) I just can't and (:smile: I really do want to do this for health reasons as well as the more "social" reasons.

I haven't been able to tell her that I've been considering this surgery yet and it's been 4+ months of "thinking" and the past 1 month of action...going to info sessions, comparing programs etc. My first appointment with the surgeon is on Wednesday and I still haven't said anything to her. I feel guilty and worried about this on several levels--like how could I be making such a large decision without even informing her...she's going to find out eventually and I'm afraid that she'll find it strange that I didn't talk to her about it. I'm worried because I wonder if in my psych eval they'll ask about my therapist and what she thinks and if the answer is "I haven't told her"....that would look strange to them.

I'm not even sure WHY I haven't told her...maybe because I'm worried that if I do it would almost be like telling her that I think SHE should as well ( we are the same size)? Or I'm worried that she'd try to "talk me out of it"? I don't know. I just need to know what I should do! Keeping this a secret from her really isn't so much an option, you know?

Hi, Penny. Well, you certainly came to the right place for support, LBT has some of the most genuinely supportive people I've ever met in my life! :biggrin2:

Penny, I also have seen a therapist for the last few years and we have developed a professional friendship. While I went to see her initially for grief counseling, depression and anxiety, my weight was also always part of the conversation. When I decided to have the Lap Band surgery, I found I was anxious about telling her (she does not have a weight problem). It took me several visits before I finally iniated the conversation with her (which, as several folks here recommended, came up because of my health concerns). As I told her I started justifying my decision to her and I was also afraid she would try to talk me out of it -- not that she asked me to justify the decision. I soon realized that I was making this decision "real" by telling this person who so intimately knew me. The justification was like having an objective conversation with myself to ensure this decision was truly the right decision for me and to face my own doubts. By the end of the conversation (with myself :regular_smile:), I was truly sure about the decision. She has been right behind me all the way and extremely supportive.

Good luck to you and I hope all goes well!

just wanted an update...

IF she is a good therapist she would never try to talk you out of it. She would listen and talk to you about your reaons for doing it but should never judge you.

Tell her. Good luck!

As someone who's been a therapy patient for... jeeze, that many years? - here's my take.

A good, professional therapist has to manage "clinical detachment" and not get overly involved in their patient's emotions. I think the inverse is true for patients as well.

I'm fully aware that therapists are people with feelings, but from my side of the couch, it's still a professional "I'm paying you" relationship.

Penny, I too, admire your compassion. But remember: your therapist isn't really your best friend - she just plays the role once or twice a week. It sounds like the two of you have an excellent doctor-patient bond, and that's only going to help in the long run.

Trust your therapist to be a professional. Whatever feelings she has, she should known enough to keep them to herself. She's there to help you with a difficult issue, not burden you with her own.

I love the guy I see. But I can't recommend him to everyone, because as I affectionately put it, he's as nuts as the rest of us.

Hang in there - it'll be fine.

My therapist "graduated" me at the end of several months of therapy during the end of my 1st marriage. Its a positive term to use.

PennyLane,

I understand your concerns, but your therapist is there for you and your issues whatever they may be. In addition she can help you later, after the band, when you feel anxious or overwhelmed about the food. I have a therapist as well, and I am almost a month post-op, I can tell you that I have been upset, and I want to go to my old habits: overeating.. My therapist is helping me with that aspect so that I can truly change my life around and take advantage of the band. Don't be afraid... Just do it...

We are all here for you

Thanks for all your help, guys. Unfortunately I don't have an update as of right now because I somehow slept through my alarm and didn't make it to my appointment today! Next week, though.