Advice needed, psychological issues surfacing?

newgirl07 · March 4, 2008

Hi Everyone,

Is anyone having their weight loss bring up "issues" that you used to stuff down/comfort with food? I was having a conversation with my sister about our childhood and had a sudden and very vivid memory of being molested when I was 11. It was horrible; I flashed back to the very incident(s).

Then I had a full-blown panic attack. I'd never had one before. I was at work and was taken out in an ambulance, to ER, etc. and was told it was anxiety related.

I'm going to try to find a therapist who specializes in this kind of issue (molested as a child, raped at 20) but I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience of your weight loss uncovering things you've repressed and/or managed with food?

I feel really strange putting this out on the web because it's such a private and sensitive matter but if it can help even one person or start a dialogue then maybe some good can come of it. PM me if you don't want to post.

Side question: Does anyone else feel tighter in their band when they're stressed out? I've noticed I can barely eat anything when I'm under stress and my liklihood to PB is way up. Should I get a slight unfill given that I'm going to be addressing a lot of bad stuff in therapy?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

MissMaryAnn · March 4, 2008

First, I am so sorry to hear that you were hurt as a child. You are also not alone in your pain. I will hold you in the light.

As for the rest of your letter, I'm just in the waiting process for a band, but I have lots of experience with anxiety, so take my two cents if you like.:biggrin:

I had a similar experience of a sudden onset of anxiety and panic attacks after a trauma-- though mine was not a childhood issue nor weight-related, it follwed a severe adverse reaction to a drug. I too had a panic attack happen out of (seemingly) nowhere, and then could not seem to calm down at all afterwards. After getting therapy I realized that feeling like I was going to die had triggered lots of underlying psychological issues for me, and I had to deal with them whether or not I was ready.

It's my belief that sometimes a stressful event of any type can trigger latent tendencies towards anxiety. I HIGHLY recommend talking to a therapist and maybe a support group about your problems.

The good news is that anxiety is the most treatable mental health problem out there. I really am grateful at this point for everything I went through because I feel that it's made me a stronger, more stable, and more compassionate person. I would have had to confront my issues sooner or later, anyhow.

I promise that I am not being dismissive when I tell you that you will almost certainly be fine in not too very long, and probably better. Just remember that anxiety and the bad things that happen to us to cause it are not our fault.

Marimaru · March 4, 2008

I can tell you that stress will absolutely affect your band and how tight you are. If you are going through a high stress time that keeps you too tight, consider getting a little of your fill removed, and then starting to get filled again when things calm down.

I can't relate specifically to the issues you have described but I did seek and go through some significant counseling after being banded to deal with my childhood and my general 'doormat' syndrome.

coolcrystal · March 4, 2008

I am sorry to hear about some twisted people doing what they did to you. I hope one day your heart will heal over these things and yes, I would definitely go talk with somebody... though, I never had what happened to you happen to me, I worry about other things happening when and if I become a more slender me.

When I was between 120 and 265 I was constantly sexually harrassed by men... I remember even at 200 this one guy at work said to me "god, everytime I look at you, you make my dick hard"... I went into a conference room and cried and I remember saying to myself "how much damned weight do I have to gain before a man stops doing this to me?" I then got to 265... I thought I was in the safety zone, but no, you then just get perverted men who like fat chicks and this guy said to me at work "my god your butt is so round and juicy.. what I could do to you"....... and guess what... I gained 30 more pounds...

FINALLY at almost 300 pounds men quit doing this to me.. but then I was miserable. I asked my friend why even at 265 men would say this stuff to me and she would say "because you don't look that weight.. you've always looked good for your weight and carried it well"... but the real question is.. why must men be sick dogs!!!!!!!!! not all obviously as I married a total gentleman, but damn.. these men were always married older men. And I work for a very nice corporation.. it's not like I'm working at some sex video store or something...

So, my biggest worry is.. being able to handle the sick things men say... the sexual harrassment... learning to stand up for myself and say something back.... and just overall, deal with comments like those. I think I used my fat as a protectorant against comments like these from the age of 16 to a year ago when that last comment was made to me about my butt.

aubrie · March 4, 2008

newgirl. I'm so sorry for your realization of what happened to you. what a shock to have to deal with. It's a heavy burden, but maybe your subconscious decided that you were stronger now since you stepped up and made a positive decision for yourself with the lapband. Maybe your new found strength is letting you deal with it now. I'm discovering I'm having issues with my mother. I never thought anything negative about her, but now that I'm stronger, I'm seeing all kinds of weaknesses in her that REALLY disappoint me. I discussed this with my sister, and she felt the same way. My sister is 8 years younger than me, and she even told me that she considered me more of a mother to her than our own mother. So it wasn't just me after all. It's amazing how talking about things can bring fresh new perspectives on things. For years I have covered over my sadness and disappointment with my mom. I basically ignored what was bothering me and shook it off. Now I'm facing it. It's painful, but in a way it's a release of some really old baggage. Just like my weight. Hang in there and keep working throught it. We're all here for you!!!

newgirl07 · March 5, 2008

Thanks for the support, everyone. I'm looking into talking to a therapist who deals with these specific issues. I was just wondering if there was a connection between WL and things surfacing; and it sounds like there is; given all of your experiences.

CajunCutie · March 5, 2008

Hey Newgirl,

I am sorry you are dealing with all of this. I know what you are going through. I was raped when I was 15. Yes, there is a HUGE connection between weight loss and the emotional issues. For me, I ate to stuff my emotions in. The more I ate, the better I felt. Eating until I was stuffed was how I dealt with my emotions. food helped me get through a lot of rough times.

I had no idea the emotional issues would be this hard to get through. My head still says EAT..and EAT A LOT. But, my band won't let me eat. The issues are still there...I just can't stuff them in anymore with food. I am in therapy. It has helped. I just take it day to day. Some days I do great...other days I eat ice cream. You are not alone in this battle.

Thin4Anisha · March 5, 2008

I did not have a sudden onset of memories, as you had, but have very vivid memories of my childhood. It is tramatizing in both instances and yes these issues are tied to weight gain even when we do not know it. I experienced molestation, rape (twice in one month), physical, emotional and verbal abuse starting at the age of 4 until the age of 15. Ironic that my weight problems began at 15.. something to ponder.

You are not alone. You are not to blame and you will be ok. I too have eaten and pushed down all emotions. I am not yet banded and do not know what I will do when there is nothing to stop them from surfacing. Keep us posted on how you are doing. As you are here for support, others will find support in following your journey.

txaberry · March 13, 2008

I can relate to all the feelings poking thier ugly head as I get more control over eating. I knew I was addicted to food and was using it to stuff my feelings. My insurance pays for 30 counselor visits a year. I decided that this was more than just a physical battle and that for me to be successful I would have to address my mental health as well. I've been seeing a counselor since about 3 weeks pre-op, and I really think it is the only reason I haven't cheated or tried to cheat my diet or band. My counselor specializes in eating disorders and has been a great help. A book I've been reading is called "Fat is a family affair" and has addressed obesity as a food addiction and treats the emotions as such. It has been really helpful. So many different feelings have been coming up and my counselor calls this "shedding" because I can't stuff them back in they are going to keep coming up and out. I highly recommend seeing a counselor who specializes in eating disorders, see if your insurance will cover it... Good luck!!

ericab3618 · March 13, 2008

Hi Everyone,
Is anyone having their weight loss bring up "issues" that you used to stuff down/comfort with food? I was having a conversation with my sister about our childhood and had a sudden and very vivid memory of being molested when I was 11. It was horrible; I flashed back to the very incident(s).

Then I had a full-blown panic attack. I'd never had one before. I was at work and was taken out in an ambulance, to ER, etc. and was told it was anxiety related.

I'm going to try to find a therapist who specializes in this kind of issue (molested as a child, raped at 20) but I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience of your weight loss uncovering things you've repressed and/or managed with food?

I feel really strange putting this out on the web because it's such a private and sensitive matter but if it can help even one person or start a dialogue then maybe some good can come of it. PM me if you don't want to post.

Side question: Does anyone else feel tighter in their band when they're stressed out? I've noticed I can barely eat anything when I'm under stress and my liklihood to PB is way up. Should I get a slight unfill given that I'm going to be addressing a lot of bad stuff in therapy?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

this is exactly my problem, and why ive used food as a comfort zone... i havent goten the band done, but im trying to get it aproved through insurance, wondering if i can use psychological problems and eating as a good enough reason to have it done, and a history of diabetes in my family....