Concerned Family Members - anyone else?

Feel2Young2B40 · March 6, 2005

Is it usual to have family members concerned or should I say have negative feeling against LapBand? My mom (66) is concerned about my well-being and if this is the right decision for me. She's been overweight all her life and recently lost a great deal of weight again. For her it kind of happened by accident initially as she was taking care of her husband with terminal cancer. He passed away in August 04, and she then had time for herself after 6 long months of nursing him. She's doing South Beach and she doesn't understand why I am doing this. She thinks it's too drastic and the fact it's for the rest of my life. My mom is a very strong person in my life and I consider her opinions very carefully.

So of course there are now doubts (not very strong) but I guess any life long decision would be the same. I don't think you look at things clearly unless you're willing to look at all angles. Also, my daughter who is 17 is very concerned. She's worried I'll die during this. So I explained to both of them, if they want me around for a while longer, I HAVE TO DO THIS. My cholesterol would shock you, the arthritis in my spine is a daily thing, I am constantly twisting my ankles, etc. Not to mention, I'm just SICK of being overweight. What can I do to make them understand this is my life, my health and my decision without alienating them? Thank goodness my husband is super supportive. He gets it and is doing all he can to help me through this. My son (12) is only concerned about if his eating habits will have to change. I told him everyone's is changing for the best. Less eating out and more at home cooking.

vinesqueen · March 6, 2005

Hi Laura, my son also was initally concerned and didn't think I needed the either. But I don't think he understood all the ramifications of not having the band for me. The only real co-morbidities that I have center around breathing -- asthma and sleep apnia. He also didn't realize that I weigh as much as I do. He's seen the tremendous weight loss my DH has had, just shy of 200 pounds. My son is now behind me 100%. Perhaps you can have your daughter haul around a backpack filled with something heavy to give her an idea of what it is like for you?

I think it is a positive sign that they are concerned about you and your health.

As for my mother, well, she doesn't think this is a good idea. But of course, unlike many mothers, she isn't supportive of anything I do. I can't help with mother advice, sorry.

HarleyNana · March 6, 2005

My mother is joing the band wagon soon, so needless to say we will provide additional support for each other. I would encourage you to invite your mom to read about any of her concerns here. There's a wealth of band information here. Good luck with turning the family around too, most people are apprehensive, though I was not, I knew this is what I wanted and couldn't not have it done soon enough.

Feel2Young2B40 · March 6, 2005

Hi! Thanks for the words of encouragement! I know I'm doing the right thing for myself and everyone else, even if they don't know it right now. I'll be a much healthier and happier person in the end. It's great to hear that others have had the same issue. I guess it just shows how much we mean to the others in our life if they are so concerned. Again, thanks for all the great thoughts! Laura

New Hope · March 6, 2005

Laura, can you print out some information about the band, how it works, how your insides are not rearranged, some testimonies from bandsters? The lapband is a lifeline we're being offered, a chance that just might work! If we continue to gain weight, our health risks are going to increase...that's a fact. We want to live and be here for ourselves and our families. Not risk the very really chance of a heart attack, stroke, early death. Continually carrying extra weight only serves to increase your arthritis - the disabilities, the pain. It's one of those things that people can't truly understand until they've walked in your shoes.

blossom · March 6, 2005

Laura, I think its normal for family members to be concerned and maybe even a little negative. It is surgery, after all. My dh was initially pretty concerned about it too. I explained as much as I could to him, then I sat him down in front of the computer and pulled up the inamed website and let him do some research. Then I pulled up LBT and let him read about all the experiences of the wonderful people here. From then on, he has been very supportive. My sister, on the other hand, still makes some comments that tell's me she feels negative about it. But, that is her opinion and she's is entitled to it. All I really know is, it was my decision to make and I made it! Good luck!!!

Penni60 · March 6, 2005

Laura: Marie makes an excellent point about bandsters stories. If they could see the successes I think it could help with some of the concerns they might have. It sounds like they may be confusing this surgery with the bypass. Maybe have them go to your next doctors appt with you so whatever fears they have can be discussed with your surgeon.

Good luck and keep us posted.

TrishS · March 6, 2005

It seems as though my family was opposite. They were much more scared of losing me being over weight then losing me over surgery. And I dont even really have many pre-op medical problems. I agree with the others, and yeah maybe your family should read whats here and see the good the bad... its all mostly good.. If this is something you REALLY want they will have to understand.. and support you! Good Luck with everything and keep us posted

La_madam · March 6, 2005

I was one of the fortunate ones , my family has been behind me every step of the way. I have a very supportive husband, brother and children. My father also supported my decision and he is overweight, his wrods to me were " you are an adult" if this is what you think is best for you then I support you.

If my mother was weighed 98 lbs her entire life and the most judgemental critical stron minded woman opn this earth were alive today she would be very supportive. I have been overweight all of my life, my parents spent tons of money over the years paying for every diet clinic, camp etc for me to only gain the weight back again . I know I did the rgihtthing. I understand your mothers opinion matters to you, but this is about you and no one else. If this is what you want to do and have researched it and are sure it iswhat you want to do, do not let anyone deter you from that.

Now one of my closest girlfreinds is the only one who has not been supportive..you know why? She is jealous, she is morbidly obese and in a unhappy relationship and there is no way her husband would ever allow her to do this surgery. The ones I find to not be supportive are the ones who are somewhat jealous. , thats my take on it

If it were that easy to do a diet and stick to it andlose it on your own without the aid of the band, then do you think there would be any overweight people in this world? Not every overweight person wants to be overweight this is not their choice to be overweight. I say go for it..do it for you!

coyotegirl · March 7, 2005

I think it's a mom's job to worry. My mom was very supportive as was my entire family. They did have concerns because it is surgery and things can go wrong. But the concerns with my weight problems out numbered concerns about surgery. Everyone including co-workers, boss and Friends were behind me 100% and still are!!! Give your mom some info on it and maybe let her read some of LBT. Everyone here is always supportive and maybe they will rub off on her.

GOOD LUCK!!!