I’m going to a wedding in October and have been shopping for dresses, but honestly it’s been kind of discouraging. I’ve had to buy a size Large, which feels weird since it’s bigger than what I normally wear. At the same time, I have to remind myself that it’s still way better than the 2–3X I used to wear, and that’s something I should be proud of. I think what’s getting to me is the 10 pounds I gained after my breast augmentation, and seeing that bigger size just messes with my head. I know sizes are all over the place depending on where you shop, but it still makes the body dysmorphia flare up. I’ve worked so hard for the body I have now and continue to maintain it, so it’s frustrating when a number on a tag makes me feel otherwise.

Am I alone?

I 100% go by fit vs tag size because vanity sizing and non standardized sizing are a problem. I can wear a whole host of sizes. It’s really random. Also taking your own measurements and comparing to measured sizes is the best way to go when shopping online.

It’s not you it’s the manufacturers & designers. Can’t trust sizing on tags and I’ve found you can’t trust size guides either. (Never forgotten the size guide that said I needed a size 10 according to their measurements when I’m a size 6 and wear XXS in their knitwear.)

I rarely buy on line because I don’t trust sizing and I don’t want the hassle of the trek to the post office to return the clothing. The only things I buy on line is if it’s from a label I know very well (sizing and cut yet still no guarantee) otherwise it’s got to be an in store purchase only. I have found the cheaper and more mass produced the clothing the more often the sizing is super small (looking at you H&M, Zara, etc.) or badly cut so the fit is very poor.

But I get the power of the size of the clothes. It’s like the power of the number on the scales. We’ve programmed ourselves over the years to value certain numbers regardless of how many times we tell ourselves it’s not important and there’s too much variation to take it as gospel. Hopefully one day that will become the dominant thinking and the size on the tag or number on the scale will be meaningless & worthy only of a shrug & not an a reason to beat ourselves up.

PS Where’s the wedding? Family or friend? I have an October wedding too for my niece #2. We must share our wedding day outfits on OOTD.

Edited August 29, 20251 yr by Arabesque

15 hours ago, Arabesque said:

It’s not you it’s the manufacturers & designers. Can’t trust sizing on tags and I’ve found you can’t trust size guides either. (Never forgotten the size guide that said I needed a size 10 according to their measurements when I’m a size 6 and wear XXS in their knitwear.)

I rarely buy on line because I don’t trust sizing and I don’t want the hassle of the trek to the post office to return the clothing. The only things I buy on line is if it’s from a label I know very well (sizing and cut yet still no guarantee) otherwise it’s got to be an in store purchase only. I have found the cheaper and more mass produced the clothing the more often the sizing is super small (looking at you H&M, Zara, etc.) or badly cut so the fit is very poor.

But I get the power of the size of the clothes. It’s like the power of the number on the scales. We’ve programmed ourselves over the years to value certain numbers regardless of how many times we tell ourselves it’s not important and there’s too much variation to take it as gospel. Hopefully one day that will become the dominant thinking and the size on the tag or number on the scale will be meaningless & worthy only of a shrug & not an a reason to beat ourselves up.

PS Where’s the wedding? Family or friend? I have an October wedding too for my niece #2. We must share our wedding day outfits on OOTD.

Yea I am finding that I am a size Large at Lulu's online and few other places when I wear a size 4 bottoms and S top. I prefer online shopping for specialty items like this because I have 3 kids and rarely any time to myself so going out to find a dress is more of a hassle for me.

I will buy from SHEIN, they are cheap clothing so I wear a M/L but I expected that! lol The focus on the scale is still something I struggle with. I am trying to not put so much focus on that, but its tough!

I live in Cali, so its at a winery, its my hubbys friend/coworker, so I won't really know many people maybe 2-3, its going to still be hot outside, I have tried on 9 dresses so far 🤣 I found one that me and my hubby like so I am going to keep it for a little longer but keep looking. Yes we must share our outfits!!

Good idea to hold unto the one you like so far. My sister-in-law is having trouble finding something to wear too. She doesn't have a lot of time to look. She found find some sequin pants she liked but didn’t get them. I told her to just buy them (esp as they are on sale & could sell out) & she could return them later if she found something else. You never find anything you really like a couple of days before an event which is what she’ll end up doing. Ours is a formal wedding & long dresses specified but my s-i-l is more of a pants person & I think they will work well. Ours is sort of a destination wedding in that it’s a ‘luxury country retreat’ & most guests will be staying at the retreat. Can’t wait to see your pxts.

Your larger breasts may have actually made you a size up in tops or at least took you from being right in the middle of one size to put you square between sizes. I recently had a masectomy and I was a mostly an X-large top, but large and only occasionally a medium bottom before but now I’m doing the expansion process with my breasts before my reconstructions (cosmetic part) surgery so my my breasts are pretty tiny and an X-large top I look like I’m swimming and most larges I do as well. They certainly are not flattering any curves (or lack thereof 😂). Long sory short with much larger breasts I was always a size larger in a top than the bottom and from one day to the next when they were just gone my top size changed Overnight. Literally after the swelling went down and I could move to put on a proper fitting top the things in my closet that fit before were too big. I think Boobs and hips play a big role in our size. I mean waist and shoulder width matter too but if it don’t go over the boobs or past the Hips the rest doesn’t really matter does it. That being said clothing size is so inconsistent from one brand to then next and even one item to the nexr in the same exact brand, cut and style. I literally got skinny jeans from Amazon today in a junior 9 and 11 because I want sure of Size. I tried the 11 first since they were inexpensive and they were loose but then the 9 was loose as well so I held them up together and the waist is exactly the same. I think I may need a 7 in them but that will in no way make me think I am a 7 in anything else at this point. Also, nothing explains the 9 and 11 being the same except for inconsistent sizing. I say just cut the darn tag out or use a sharpie to cross it out and put in the size you really are for the most part. That will be more helpful if you donate or even if you lose or gain and want to know if it fits later anyways. Better yet. Cross out the number and just write in “fabulous” because that is the truth and it’s far more helpful Than them silly tags.

I’m currently in a war between size 8 and 10, medium and large. Every manufacturing company for clothing is so different. I feel your frustration.

1 hour ago, One more time said:

I’m currently in a war between size 8 and 10, medium and large. Every manufacturing company for clothing is so different. I feel your frustration.

I think that might be what I am between now. And it’s so absolutely frustrating because if you gained five or lost five, you would be in the middle of the size but it’s hard to lose five and who wants to gain five. they could just sell half sizes but I guess at least they do have the sizes closer together unlike sizes where you wear the same size for like 40 pounds and they just don’t care if it’s too tight or too baggy on you there’s no other option.

Ten pounds of weight is usually the difference in sizes up to about size large which is the 2 inch difference in the width in the cut (except in those Amazon jeans @ShoppGirl - WTF). Some brands are more generous in their cuts others are neater in their cuts.

I’ve discovered that UK sizes are supposed to be the same as Australian sizes but I find they are a neater cut so on the smaller side of the size. US sizes are usually more generous and are 2 sizes smaller than Australian sizes. Japanese clothing tends to be neater. And then the variations in the same brand or the labels that have created their own sizing. I mean we’ve got no hope.

At least if you are between sizes you can have a larger size tailored down to fit. Any more than one size difference in fit becomes more of a challenge to tailor down though. I had to get a dress let out across my back recently because, thanks to using resistance bands, I’ve become broader across my back. The dress fit fine last year but this year it was a struggle to zip up the last couple of inches. Thank goodness for seam allowances in the armholes/sleeves.

What I dislike most of all are shoes manufacturers that don’t do half sizes. Buy the size up and your foot flops around inside or you walk out of them. By down and you get sore toes, blisters & pressure marks. Can’t do anything about it And no you can’t stretch them out even if sales people say they can. And heel grips, etc. just push your feet up or down in the shoe & more pressure points in your feet.

44 minutes ago, Arabesque said:

Ten pounds of weight is usually the difference in sizes up to about size large which is the 2 inch difference in the width in the cut (except in those Amazon jeans @ShoppGirl - WTF). Some brands are more generous in their cuts others are neater in their cuts.

I’ve discovered that UK sizes are supposed to be the same as Australian sizes but I find they are a neater cut so on the smaller side of the size. US sizes are usually more generous and are 2 sizes smaller than Australian sizes. Japanese clothing tends to be neater. And then the variations in the same brand or the labels that have created their own sizing. I mean we’ve got no hope.

At least if you are between sizes you can have a larger size tailored down to fit. Any more than one size difference in fit becomes more of a challenge to tailor down though. I had to get a dress let out across my back recently because, thanks to using resistance bands, I’ve become broader across my back. The dress fit fine last year but this year it was a struggle to zip up the last couple of inches. Thank goodness for seam allowances in the armholes/sleeves.

What I dislike most of all are shoes manufacturers that don’t do half sizes. Buy the size up and your foot flops around inside or you walk out of them. By down and you get sore toes, blisters & pressure marks. Can’t do anything about it And no you can’t stretch them out even if sales people say they can. And heel grips, etc. just push your feet up or down in the shoe & more pressure points in your feet.

I meant to say except plus sizes where the difference between sizes is larger. Like

@Arabesque Mentioned it’s about ten pounds up to size large. If you look at a size chart beyond the “normal” sizes they change the size increase pattern for the plus sizes. it’s like the designers figure if you are overweight you don’t deserve properly fitting clothing!! So it’s no wonder everything was too big or too small and very few things fit Properly.

Sizes are so random with these freaking clothes these days I know you still look amazing.

On 8/29/2025 at 8:17 PM, Arabesque said:

Good idea to hold unto the one you like so far. My sister-in-law is having trouble finding something to wear too. She doesn't have a lot of time to look. She found find some sequin pants she liked but didn’t get them. I told her to just buy them (esp as they are on sale & could sell out) & she could return them later if she found something else. You never find anything you really like a couple of days before an event which is what she’ll end up doing. Ours is a formal wedding & long dresses specified but my s-i-l is more of a pants person & I think they will work well. Ours is sort of a destination wedding in that it’s a ‘luxury country retreat’ & most guests will be staying at the retreat. Can’t wait to see your pxts.

I totally understand your sis! I used to be like that too, I am trying to find a dress where hubs will get the "Damnnnnnn thats your wife!?" LOL I cannot wait to see your outfit and the scenery!

On 8/29/2025 at 9:10 PM, ShoppGirl said:

Your larger breasts may have actually made you a size up in tops or at least took you from being right in the middle of one size to put you square between sizes. I recently had a masectomy and I was a mostly an X-large top, but large and only occasionally a medium bottom before but now I’m doing the expansion process with my breasts before my reconstructions (cosmetic part) surgery so my my breasts are pretty tiny and an X-large top I look like I’m swimming and most larges I do as well. They certainly are not flattering any curves (or lack thereof 😂). Long sory short with much larger breasts I was always a size larger in a top than the bottom and from one day to the next when they were just gone my top size changed Overnight. Literally after the swelling went down and I could move to put on a proper fitting top the things in my closet that fit before were too big. I think Boobs and hips play a big role in our size. I mean waist and shoulder width matter too but if it don’t go over the boobs or past the Hips the rest doesn’t really matter does it. That being said clothing size is so inconsistent from one brand to then next and even one item to the nexr in the same exact brand, cut and style. I literally got skinny jeans from Amazon today in a junior 9 and 11 because I want sure of Size. I tried the 11 first since they were inexpensive and they were loose but then the 9 was loose as well so I held them up together and the waist is exactly the same. I think I may need a 7 in them but that will in no way make me think I am a 7 in anything else at this point. Also, nothing explains the 9 and 11 being the same except for inconsistent sizing. I say just cut the darn tag out or use a sharpie to cross it out and put in the size you really are for the most part. That will be more helpful if you donate or even if you lose or gain and want to know if it fits later anyways. Better yet. Cross out the number and just write in “fabulous” because that is the truth and it’s far more helpful Than them silly tags.

The new additions has made a difference in my size. Before I was an XS and that is long gone. I had to get all new sports bras to a L, tops looked inappropriate at an XS LOL so silly! When I was trying on dresses that were a S/M and they wouldn't zip up, my husband told me that I cannot so anything about my ribs or back muscles that I have built and to go up a size. I am built larger but still! I hate the sizing and I like that! Writing Fabulous! Might have to do that ;)

14 hours ago, Mspretty86 said:

Sizes are so random with these freaking clothes these days I know you still look amazing.

Thanks girl!

On 8/28/2025 at 3:35 PM, GreenTealael said:

I 100% go by fit vs tag size because vanity sizing and non standardized sizing are a problem. I can wear a whole host of sizes. It’s really random. Also taking your own measurements and comparing to measured sizes is the best way to go when shopping online.

yep. i'm like 5'1" (shrunk from 5'2") and 105 lbs.

...and I am a size Medium in the awesome dress my DIL got for me from Japan.

...meanwhile XXS is still kinda big on me in one of my fave retail stores in my neck of the (Canadian) woods: Zara.

so yeah, don't put too much significance on the size tag of your clothes. stick to what your tape measure says!

On 9/14/2025 at 12:36 PM, ms.sss said:

yep. i'm like 5'1" (shrunk from 5'2") and 105 lbs.

...and I am a size Medium in the awesome dress my DIL got for me from Japan.

...meanwhile XXS is still kinda big on me in one of my fave retail stores in my neck of the (Canadian) woods: Zara.

so yeah, don't put too much significance on the size tag of your clothes. stick to what your tape measure says!

I think early on every significant change was more meaningful so I probably would have defended a label size/scale weight more than now. Now whatever size fits is the size I wear, idc if it is a Japanese XXXXXXXXXXXXXL 🤣