She is not overweight and attractive. People have told me before Man, What is she doing with you? I would answer...Well I haven't always looked like this. She even held back sex as punishment...to me I guess not her LOL. But looking at my post surgery pics who would want to be intimate with that big tub of goo? You really don't quite understand how fat you are pre surgery.Honestly I had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror, did any of you experience this? I saw on a report from my doctor the words Morbidly Obese. That was the day I started thinking about this procedure and found Gastric Sleeve. I had a lap band about 15 years ago that was also taken out. If you have one I hope it works for you but it was jus not for me. Anyways I am hoping for a new life for my last years on this earth...better years! You dont see alot of old real fat guys walking around! What is your story?

When I decided to have RNY I had to prove I was obese for 5 years. I got my records from my PCP hoping they noted something about my weight since I was too large to be weighed and avoided cameras like the plague. "Super Morbidly Obese" kept popping up. It was the one and only time I was happy to see those words.

I felt the same as you that why would anyone want to be intimate with a man who had a 1/4 ton extra weight. Feeling this way sex was not something I pushed. I also stopped pushing because I didn't like hearing "no" so much. Which I understood completely... and unreasonably resented. We worked on these issues but everything came back to one key issue: I was extremely fat. After surgery we continued to work through issues and unreasonable resentments, both ways. I recommend this.

After surgery I was very excited when my weight reached "morbidly obese" then "obese", "overweight", "normal". I'm now in overweight and it is appropriate for my body. Sex issues changed mostly for the positive.

Good luck

Tek

3 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

When I decided to have RNY I had to prove I was obese for 5 years. I got my records from my PCP hoping they noted something about my weight since I was too large to be weighed and avoided cameras like the plague. "Super Morbidly Obese" kept popping up. It was the one and only time I was happy to see those words.

I felt the same as you that why would anyone want to be intimate with a man who had a 1/4 ton extra weight. Feeling this way sex was not something I pushed. I also stopped pushing because I didn't like hearing "no" so much. Which I understood completely... and unreasonably resented. We worked on these issues but everything came back to one key issue: I was extremely fat. After surgery we continued to work through issues and unreasonable resentments, both ways. I recommend this.

After surgery I was very excited when my weight reached "morbidly obese" then "obese", "overweight", "normal". I'm now in overweight and it is appropriate for my body. Sex issues changed mostly for the positive.

Good luck

Tek

Great story..Thanks for sharing pal.

I understand feeling embarassed about weight in the past.....but I really hate fat-shaming....even our former selves. No one sets out to be fat. No one is unworthy of love and intimacy because they have an addiction to food, or other physical defect.

Tim, please don't take my post as criticism. I totally get that you're just excited and feeling better about your body and.....I totally get the joy of returning to feeling sexy and confident:) All of that is awesome and I know that's what you're saying here.

But I also think about the other folks reading this board....folks who are just starting out or who have a really long way to go, or who are struggling. I think about self love...and honoring that part of our history...and honoring the struggle ahead....which is lifetime.

We are always gonna struggle with obesity. Even when we're fit. It's gonna be a daily commitment moving forward to stay on the fit side of fit-vs-fat.

I choose to love my formerly fat self. She wasn't perfect. She had some bad coping mechanisms and habits. She struggled with food addiction (and still does).

Sometimes I think the only way to really love ourselves and move forward...is to have empathy for who we were and what drove our choices. That history is part of what made you who you are today.

I don't mean to be so goofy about this....I know what you're saying....I just felt a little introspective and wanted to mention that our appeal, our sexiness, our value....isn't all physical.

I'm totally excited for your trasformation...and don't mean to take away from that.

2 hours ago, Tim C said:

But looking at my post surgery pics who would want to be intimate with that big tub of goo?

My husband's libido towards me did not/has not changed throughout our entire relationship. And it was/is a very healthy libido. From when we first met when I was 125 lbs, through to when I gained weight to be 235 lbs, and through to now after I lost all the weight, his attitude towards did not change.

He did not see me as a "big tub of goo".

3 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

My husband's libido towards me did not/has not changed throughout our entire relationship. And it was/is a very healthy libido. From when we first met when I was 125 lbs, through to when I gained weight to be 235 lbs, and through to now after I lost all the weight, his attitude towards did not change.

He did not see me as a "big tub of goo".

3 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

My husband's libido towards me did not/has not changed throughout our entire relationship. And it was/is a very healthy libido. From when we first met when I was 125 lbs, through to when I gained weight to be 235 lbs, and through to now after I lost all the weight, his attitude towards did not change.

He did not see me as a "big tub of goo".

3 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

My husband's libido towards me did not/has not changed throughout our entire relationship. And it was/is a very healthy libido. From when we first met when I was 125 lbs, through to when I gained weight to be 235 lbs, and through to now after I lost all the weight, his attitude towards did not change.

He did not see me as a "big tub of goo".

LOL...My words...Not yours or my wifes...just a saying from an old movie

Edited March 2, 20215 yr by Tim C

I wanted to add...I've been incredibly attracted to heavier guys. And thin guys. And super fit guys. To me, confidence is sexy. Kindness, compassion and gratitude...are very appealing. Humor is sexy. Wicked verbal skills are sexy. Commonality, intelligence and swagger are sexy. I think I could find about 80% of the population incredibly hot in bed...if they have a sexy brain and good character. Chests, legs, butts....meh...I need more than what's in a bucket of chicken. LOL Finding the combination of amazing brain, good character and good heart....that's a lot more rare and interesting to me.

Edited March 2, 20215 yr by Creekimp13

I have all those traits!! Just fat right now...but this too shall pass!

Tim, I am rooting for you. I love your enthusiasm:)

2 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Tim, I am rooting for you. I love your enthusiasm:)

Thank you my dear. I also have all my teeth and 80% of my hair but scheduled a hair transplant to get back to close to 100%.Something I am doing for myself. With the right doctor this procedure is really great. I am 63....I am going to have a few good years!

Still in the process myself but I think it's safe to say that both my husband and I were scared and skeptical for years when it came to talking about me possibly having it. And we both only really thought about it because my family doc kept suggesting it after years of seeing me trying everything under the sun and nothing working.

When we first got together in our teens (he was 19 I was 16 and now......I'm 48 now and he's 53) he was under weight and I was at a nice normal weight but I always thought I was heavy. Despite being able to wear sexy clothes and fitting in a size 4, I still thought I was heavy. I guess mostly because I WAS heavy growing up but sorta slimmed down between the ages of 12 and 16. How and why, I have no clue. It just happened. But come age 19, that's when the weight gain started for me along with the other health and hormonal problems (i.e., PCOS, Endometriosis, Insulin Resistance).

Anyway, over the years the weight just kept creeping up on me despite trying many diets, exercise programs, etc. He gained too but did not become overweight. His weight gain actually resulted in him finally being at a normal weight. LOL But either way, he NEVER EVER said a harsh word to me about my weight and as for sex, even despite having gained all this weight over the years, you wouldn't know it. The dang man STILL wants it ALL THE TIME. At least like once a day!!! LOL Me on the other hand my drive is non existent. And I blame the weight on that. Despite him telling me every day that I'm beautiful, he loves me, and that I "turn him on", I just don't feel that way about myself. I am so damn self conscious that I NEVER let him see me totally naked. Well, at least not standing up and walking around. LOL I don't want to say those words he says mean nothing, cause they do, they actually mean the world to me, it's just that they still don't change my own mind about myself no matter how reassuring they are. Ya know? I still feel like I look a mess regardless of what he says. Not in the face but in the body. IMO

Anyway, he is totally up for me doing whatever it is I need or want to do to make myself feel better about myself and more importantly, to keep me healthy and around for a long, long time for him. So, that's pretty much where we are.

As for the sex part, I surely do hope this sex drive of mine comes back once the surgery is done. I think and feel the world of him too, and find him highly attractive as well and I hate that I keep turning down his advances a lot of the time when this sh*t sex drive of mine has NOTHING to do with him. It gets tiring constantly trying to convince him it's truly NOT HIM and that it's totally all me/my body/hormones (and sadly my last blood work showed that I'm not near menopause yet so can't blame that either....lol). I seriously feel bad that he feels at times that I don't find him attractive cause that's really not the case. I LOVE that man!!

Edited March 2, 20215 yr by SummerTimeGirl

2 hours ago, SummerTimeGirl said:

Still in the process myself but I think it's safe to say that both my husband and I were scared and skeptical for years when it came to talking about me possibly having it. And we both only really thought about it because my family doc kept suggesting it after years of seeing me trying everything under the sun and nothing working.

When we first got together in our teens (he was 19 I was 16 and now......I'm 48 now and he's 53) he was under weight and I was at a nice normal weight but I always thought I was heavy. Despite being able to wear sexy clothes and fitting in a size 4, I still thought I was heavy. I guess mostly because I WAS heavy growing up but sorta slimmed down between the ages of 12 and 16. How and why, I have no clue. It just happened. But come age 19, that's when the weight gain started for me along with the other health and hormonal problems (i.e., PCOS, Endometriosis, Insulin Resistance).

Anyway, over the years the weight just kept creeping up on me despite trying many diets, exercise programs, etc. He gained too but did not become overweight. His weight gain actually resulted in him finally being at a normal weight. LOL But either way, he NEVER EVER said a harsh word to me about my weight and as for sex, even despite having gained all this weight over the years, you wouldn't know it. The dang man STILL wants it ALL THE TIME. At least like once a day!!! LOL Me on the other hand my drive is non existent. And I blame the weight on that. Despite him telling me every day that I'm beautiful, he loves me, and that I "turn him on", I just don't feel that way about myself. I am so damn self conscious that I NEVER let him see me totally naked. Well, at least not standing up and walking around. LOL I don't want to say those words he says mean nothing, cause they do, they actually mean the world to me, it's just that they still don't change my own mind about myself no matter how reassuring they are. Ya know? I still feel like I look a mess regardless of what he says. Not in the face but in the body. IMO

Anyway, he is totally up for me doing whatever it is I need or want to do to make myself feel better about myself and more importantly, to keep me healthy and around for a long, long time for him. So, that's pretty much where we are.

As for the sex part, I surely do hope this sex drive of mine comes back once the surgery is done. I think and feel the world of him too, and find him highly attractive as well and I hate that I keep turning down his advances a lot of the time when this sh*t sex drive of mine has NOTHING to do with him. It gets tiring constantly trying to convince him it's truly NOT HIM and that it's totally all me/my body/hormones (and sadly my last blood work showed that I'm not near menopause yet so can't blame that either....lol). I seriously feel bad that he feels at times that I don't find him attractive cause that's really not the case. I LOVE that man!!

My wife had a hysterectomy 25 years ago and well...That changed everything. Hopefully losing some weight will inspire here ocassionally

38 minutes ago, Tim C said:

My wife had a hysterectomy 25 years ago and well...That changed everything. Hopefully losing some weight will inspire here ocassionally

Well, that could be a contributing factor for her too. The good news is there is hope and so many things you, and she, could try to get her "back in the mood", I'm sure. I am hopeful she will come around eventually. Maybe she could benefit from a supplement or something to help her out? I know I've just begun looking into those things myself but haven't tried anything yet.