Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Has anyone chosen to shed relationships as well as pounds post surgery?



Recommended Posts

Going into this surgery I knew there would be head work but am surprised at a change I've decided to make: shedding or discontinuing one-sided relationships with some family members. It's as if as I lose the weight and become healthier I'm looking much closer at what's really going on with all my relationships. As I feel better about myself I will no longer tolerate indifference and lack of caring from others, or continue what I was doing - trying to buy their love with gifts.

I'm the maiden aunt who had been sending Christmas and birthday presents to family kids until they turned 18. In the past I've at least received photos of some of them in return and one niece was good about thanking me. But this past year - nothing except a different niece's wedding announcement via my brother - not even directly from her and no invitation just a bid for a gift, which I sent.

My sister is the only family member who is in frequent contact and clearly cares about me - and the only one who knows about my surgery. No one else has ever inquired how I am doing, if I'm well, or showed any interest in my welfare. I'm sure they're good people - they just don't know me or love me.

So rather than feeling sad that they don't care about me, I'm accepting it for what it is and shedding them from my life as well as the pounds. I'll simply stop sending gifts (and am changing my Will) - they probably won't even notice. It feels great! Is anyone else reevaluating relationships post surgery and deciding to shed those that either are one-sided or bad for you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some family members of their own accord actually ditched me, one was tough to take, but the two after that were a smaller blip and I have moved past it all of it. I don't know that you have to actually announce anything, or take steps to sever ties. I still attend some family functions, and am polite. I tried reaching out and since it is never reciprocated I have just stopped contact altogether in any one-on-one manner. It is just a non event. Changing your will is certainly in your control.

Make new relationships, go on some single cruises, or events pertaining to your new or favorite interests, fill your life up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While I've always held toxic family members at arms length (and still continue to do so), I have let a couple friendships go by the wayside since surgery. Not so much that I "dropped" them, but more like I stopped putting in so much effort to keep the relationship going. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to say good by to my "best" friend a few years after because she kept wanting to run my life and I finally stood up and said no. Of course, I was made out to be the bad guy. If you have to let things go for your emotional, mental and often physical well being, you have to do it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think its because generally, the weight loss sort of triggers a confidence thing in you and you begin to realize your worth, which in turn makes you more likely to reject those who don't.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

I think its because generally, the weight loss sort of triggers a confidence thing in you and you begin to realize your worth, which in turn makes you more likely to reject those who don't.

I think the new confidence is somewhat threatening to others who used to see themselves perhaps as superior. Weight shaming is very real - not only to the overweight person, but also in the minds of those who see themselves as better people than fat people. Take away the fat person, and what do they have left?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awww, this is sad. It's hard to hear that relationships can be ended due to WLS. But I think that rather than the outward appearance of people it is the new-found confidence and the loss of the need for codependency that allows us to shed relationships that weren't healthy in the first place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good for you! I lost about 80 lbs. in 2012 on Phentermine and was shocked by how fatphobic and mean a couple of relatives were, basically implying that I had looked like cr*p before I lost it. I've dropped a few of them, and I've also stopped being "the bank" for relatives who only talked to me to let me know when their kids have gift-giving events. There's never a bad day to refuse to be a doormat.

Edited by JessLess

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Tabatha529

      I went to my first of 12 education classes yesterday.  We have a great group of 11 people who will be learning together.  So excited!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • CaptMarvelfangirl

      Just joined the forums and am in the process of completing the requirements in order to get my surgery date. Going for gastric sleeve. Nervous, excited, frantic...LOL. Wishing the day would just get here!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • boot44

      ON MARCH 9 I WILL HAVE COMPLETE ALL MY REQUIREMENTBEFORE SURGURY CAN BE SCHEDULED. BUT I AM GETTING COLD FEET.  I AM 61 YEARS OLD AND I AM JUST AFRAID BECAUSE OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY. 
      · 1 reply
      1. Tabatha529

        You are doing this for YOU not anyone else!! Do not worry about what others think, it is how you think and feel about yourself that counts.

    • GreenTealael

      @summerset
      💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
      🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
      🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
      ❤❤SAFE SURGERY & SPEEDY RECOVERY❤❤
      🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
      🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
      💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Darbs4Mayor

      Met with my surgeon yesterday and he said that he is so excited for me and the progress that will be made! Waiting for insurance pre-auth and then will get everything scheduled! 
       
      So excited to start this journey and become a new person!! 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×