REGRET

[CrystalV 25]

This day last week I had the sleeve. I was totally content with my decision to have the surgery. Now, the second I woke up in the hospital I immediately regretted it. I have been an emotional roller coaster since then. I still could have backed out this day a week ago. I have replayed so many things over in my mind when I could have chosen to back out. My husband was/is fully supportive. But, so many times I wished he wouldn’t have been so I would have changed my mind. I have started taking anti depressants and talking with a therapist and trying a support group but it still isn’t working. I haven’t told anyone that I’ve done this(including family(my own mother).

Guilt, Shame, disappointed in my self. I literally hate myself for doing this.

Have any of you experienced this? I am trying hard to move past it.

thanks

[kitty0422 18]

I’ve experienced this but mine started about two weeks after surgery. It’s not unusual to have depression after surgery. I think you should talk to a professional about why you are feeling this way and medication if need be, hoping you’ll feel better soon.

[CrystalV 25]

Yes, started anti depressants and started working with a therapist

[kitty0422 18]

So your on the right path, i promise you it gets better.

[Brent701 438]

Talk your way through it. Be very specific and honest with yourself. Keep asking yourself why.... why are you feeling regret? When you have an answer again ask why you think that. Keep repeating this until you have gotten to the root cause. This forum has been great for me to express my thoughts through the process. I was prepared to be an emotional wreck post surgery particularly while still in liquid/mush/softs, I prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. So far its been a breeze. When you have dropped 50lbs you WILL feel better about yourself.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Felt exactly the same way about another surgery, my tubal ligation. I wished for more children , I had been an only child, oh it sounds in theory a wonderful situation, but I can assure you it is not. I had difficulty delivering my Son the Tomkitten , my OB threatened if I attempted a 4th childnirth, it would be a Poro section. This means a Caesarean and immediate hysterectomy, I was scared into consent for a tubal ligation. My doctor claimed he spoke to my Late husband, who refused a vasectomy, so it would be up to me if I wanted to retain my uterus or risk dying attempting another childbirth. So feeling " backed to the wall" I signed consent papers. But was it truly my choice? No it was NOT and I found out much later that my Late Husband had

[Frustr8 7,886]

never been asked. It was all my Doctor's idea, and I really felt robbed of my fertility. Took time and consoling and a therapy period to finally come to terms with this loss Why didn't we extend our family by adoption? Never was all that financially stable and I felt it was my fault for being so compliant, once again , to a man, doctor or not. I had and probably Will always have a poor emotional self-image. I felt I was being punished for having 3 children and deserved no better. It has taken years and years, but I don't weep about it as much as I once did.

[CrystalV 25]

I’m sorry this happened to you. Prayers for your continued healing.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

You are in a deprived nutritional state, and recovering from major surgery, so be kind to yourself. Forgive your altered state.

What would you tell your best friend? You would say, it's done - how can I help? Your thoughts can out and out lie to you.

Would you shame someone that needed knee replacement - by saying 'well if you hadn't gotten so fat you ruined your joints, you wouldn't need an 'artificial knee' ? Woukd you shame someone for needing a c-section instead of 'natural' childbirth? NO. You would say - this is an opportunity for you to be mobile again and enjoy your life, live fully. And your body wasn't going to cooperate with childbirth, you have a healthy baby to love.

This surgery is a tool for you to improve your life. Your original reasons for wanting it are buried behind some undeserved guilt and fear. Stay strong, it will improve.

[catwoman7 11,070]

buyer's remorse during the first few weeks is normal - and so is being emotional due to a flooding of hormones. You'll get through it and will most likely end up being very happy you had the surgery

Edited July 3, 2019 by catwoman7

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

I feel the same regret but starting focusing on becoming a new me hasnt changed my attitude much yet. (I dress better now tho, i actually where jewelry and put makeup on now that my face is thinner).I feel as if my happiness was taken from me. My happiness to food , my comfort my joy to food i havent been able to replace it with a hobbie or anything to help me feel whole again. My family was centered around food and feel like i always have a scowl on my face. I know i already had the surgery so theres nothing i can do about that now . The past is in the past and i have to move forward. Im hoping my negative attitude goes away in time but for now all ican do is stay on the path i picked. Many people recommend therapy or meds i know my therapist didnt want me to do the surgery so i kinda have to stick it to her when im 50pounds down then ill go see her. Haha. I cant go now she'll say i told u so. All we can do is look at tomorrow and focus on our future

[CrystalV 25]

1 hour ago, Brent701 said:

Talk your way through it. Be very specific and honest with yourself. Keep asking yourself why.... why are you feeling regret? When you have an answer again ask why you think that. Keep repeating this until you have gotten to the root cause. This forum has been great for me to express my thoughts through the process. I was prepared to be an emotional wreck post surgery particularly while still in liquid/mush/softs, I prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. So far its been a breeze. When you have dropped 50lbs you WILL feel better about yourself.

I wished I would have been prepared to be mentally wrecked. I wasn’t.

thanks I’ll give it a try

[soccermom2 27]

Girl, this is 100% me too right now. I also had surgery last week. I was crying pre-op, didn’t want to do it, pushed myself to go to the OR. I immediately regretted it upon waking up & have every day since. I wished my husband had talked me out of it. Recovery was much, much harder and more painful than I was expecting. If I had known it was going to be like this, I would have tried so much harder to lose the weight without surgery.

However, we can’t change it now. It’s done, there is no rewind button, and this is life now. I am starting to feel better as the pain has eased up tremendously & now I’m on full liquids instead of clear. It also helps me to think that this will not last forever. Eventually I will feel “normal” and be able to eat normal foods, just less of them, which is what I wanted from this. I wanted to be able to eat normally- binging & having multiple servings like I did was not normal.

I also made a list of all the things I will be able to do as a result of this surgery. I won’t feel like hiding myself because of my weight, I’ll take pictures with my family which I haven’t done in years, be able to enjoy social gatherings & going out in public without feeling embarrassed of my weight, play and ride bikes with my kids, swim, feel good in clothes, etc. My weight has held me back from living & enjoying my life for the past 5 years. Thinking in terms of that helped me so much.

Good luck! Fingers crossed that a year from now when we have lost weight & aren’t so restricted, we will be grateful!

[CrystalV 25]

1 hour ago, catwoman7 said:

buyer's remorse during the first few weeks is normal - and so is being emotional due to a flooding of hormones. You'll get through it and will most likely end up being very happy you had the surgery

I hope so. Waiting for that day

[lyladyp 120]

3 hours ago, CrystalV said:

This day last week I had the sleeve. I was totally content with my decision to have the surgery. Now, the second I woke up in the hospital I immediately regretted it. I have been an emotional roller coaster since then. I still could have backed out this day a week ago. I have replayed so many things over in my mind when I could have chosen to back out. My husband was/is fully supportive. But, so many times I wished he wouldn’t have been so I would have changed my mind. I have started taking anti depressants and talking with a therapist and trying a support group but it still isn’t working. I haven’t told anyone that I’ve done this(including family(my own mother).

Guilt, Shame, disappointed in my self. I literally hate myself for doing this.

Have any of you experienced this? I am trying hard to move past it.

thanks

PLEASE KNOW THAT YOUR ARE NOT ALONE! The first week, I kept asking myself so many questions: Was this really necessary? Why could I have not just lost the weight on my own? What have I done to my body? What comes next? Who should I tell and what are they going to say when I tell them?

It has been 7 weeks and honestly, I do feel a lot better but I still question my sanity when I think about the actual procedure and what was done to my body. My husband, children and sister know but I still have not told my parents. This is because they have their own minor medical issues and if I am being really honest, I did not want to hear their opinions or try to change my mind and I am 40. I know they love me but if I have to hear that "you are never going to be a small person" or something about "family genetics" again I am going to scream. It is not about being small but being healthy- yes ultimately being smaller is a welcomed side effect but overall the goal is to be healthy and happy with ourselves. In the end, I know they are supportive in their own way and eventually I will them.

I think once you are home, over the initial hump and able to eat a normal modified diet, your feelings will somewhat subside. When I woke up in the hospital, I was crying to my husband and told him he did not need to be there if he didn't really want to help - it was a mess. Now, I realize I was just a little overwhelmed about the entire process. Finding this board has been really helpful because any question I have, I can always research and find it here. I wish I would have found it several months ago. But continue taking your meds and speaking to your therapist and know that it will definitely get better a little at a time.