I am scheduled for February 18th. I will be first in. Wow, this process takes forever.

19 minutes ago, AZhiker said:

Today is my 1 year surgiversery! Down 110 - 113 pounds! So happy with my new life and all the new adventures. I will try to figure out how to post a picture.

Congratulations, AZHiker! It's great that you have surpassed your goal weight!

2 hours ago, AZhiker said:

Today is my 1 year surgiversery! Down 110 - 113 pounds! So happy with my new life and all the new adventures. I will try to figure out how to post a picture.

Omg. Didn’t realize we had the same surgery date!

awesome job on everything you’ve done

I'm meeting a professional contact in a coffee shop later today whom I have never seen in person. I was describing what I look like so he could recognize me, and I told him I was "slim." It sort of made my day, because I used to tell people to look for the "big boy." ?

29 minutes ago, Recidivist said:

I'm meeting a professional contact in a coffee shop later today whom I have never seen in person. I was describing what I look like so he could recognize me, and I told him I was "slim." It sort of made my day, because I used to tell people to look for the "big boy." ?

You are slim! Congrats, that has to feel amazing.

On 2/6/2020 at 11:05 AM, Sheribear68 said:

My surgiversary attire pre-workout

Going to Celebrate later today by working a 1-11 shift. ?

You are so small! I remember you talking about your big thighs....what thighs. Way to go.

On 2/12/2020 at 5:25 PM, Recidivist said:

I'm meeting a professional contact in a coffee shop later today whom I have never seen in person. I was describing what I look like so he could recognize me, and I told him I was "slim." It sort of made my day, because I used to tell people to look for the "big boy." ?

I know- It’s weird for me too. I went into White House Black market and the lady looked me up and down. She’s like “you are so tiny you’re probably an extra extra small. Let me get that in that size for you”. Then I was eating with somebody last week and I told them (they did not know I had had surgery) that I eat really small portions and I’d be open to sharing a plate. He was like “oh I can totally tell - look how tiny you are!” So weird! But I love it though. And I feel better now. I’m actually able to eat somewhat regularly. Six days and counting till my surgiversary!

11 minutes ago, Everythinganna said:

I know- It’s weird for me too. I went into White House Black market and the lady looked me up and down. She’s like “you are so tiny you’re probably an extra extra small. Let me get that in that size for you”. Then I was eating with somebody last week and I told them (they did not know I had had surgery) that I eat really small portions and I’d be open to sharing a plate. He was like “oh I can totally tell - look how tiny you are!” So weird! But I love it though. And I feel better now. I’m actually able to eat somewhat regularly. Six days and counting till my surgiversary!

Extra small at WHBM, when I can can fit a medium dress ( darn the girls), I am going to dance outside the store. Congrats,, great job. Enjoy the tiny comments

2 hours ago, Goody222 said:

Extra small at WHBM, when I can can fit a medium dress ( darn the girls), I am going to dance outside the store. Congrats,, great job. Enjoy the tiny comments

Thank you Goodie! For a long time, I was feeling really bad about myself and just awkward. The change from heavy to small is such a weird adjustment. You would think we would be excited but I just felt uncomfortable with the compliments. Like I didn’t deserve them or something. Like they weren’t real. Or honest. I almost felt like people were just saying that need to be nice. I could look in the mirror and see a whole different person. The person I’ve always seen.

I still feel sometimes like I “cheated” to get “tiny” by having surgery. It’s SoOoo psychological. It’s almost like a weird guilt and disassociation. I will hit my year anniversary on February 20. I’m still going through the head work. I think that’s going to be almost more work than the actual weight loss process. I hope I don’t sound weird. I’m just being honest.

I remember back in the day - mid 90s - when I lost a ton of weight and was actually skinny. My brain wasn't caught up though and I felt naked. I see weight as layers of protection for some people. You suddenly feel seen and it can be quite painful if you're not ready. Be kind to yourselves and definitely come here and talk to us about it if you need some support.

It's all very strange, isn't it? I used to be the biggest one at work and now I am the second smallest. I also feel both uncomfortable and excited when people make statements about my new size. I want to look around to see who they are talking about! What I am finding to be more awkward, however, is how heavy people relate to me now. Those who knew me before NEVER say anything and sometimes avoid me. Heavy people who did not know me before make the assumption that I cannot relate to them. When weight comes up, like during an exam, they act like I am an outsider to their condition, while in fact I probably understand it even better than they do, themselves.

I can tell you for sure and for certain, there is a mental condition that accompanies obesity. Shame, guilt, depression, low self esteem, blaming others, making excuses ("Obesity runs in my family," "I'm not as fat as THAT person," for example), and continually comparing one's size with others, becomes a lifestyle and a mindset. Just because we lose the weight, doesn't mean we automatically lose the mindset. That seems to take even more work than simply sticking to the post -op diet.

After one year, I feel like I am now just beginning to do the real work of weight loss, which is the head work. It's rather surreal feeling sometimes - like I landed on a different planet and have to learn to navigate the new world.

I added up all my macros for today. I haven't been counting calories lately, as I am eating as much as I can just to maintain. But the numbers were informative. Looks like I am packing in 1800-2000 calories a day, 70 gm of protein and 60 gm of fiber. It seems like an insane amount of food - another surreal experience to get used to. Before surgery I could easily gain weight on 1200 - 1500 calories. Now I have to eat at least that much just to maintain, and hundreds more when I work out.

Edited February 15, 20206 yr by AZhiker

53 minutes ago, AZhiker said:

It's all very strange, isn't it? I used to be the biggest one at work and now I am the second smallest. I also feel both uncomfortable and excited when people make statements about my new size. I want to look around to see who they are talking about! What I am finding to be more awkward, however, is how heavy people relate to me now. Those who knew me before NEVER say anything and sometimes avoid me. Heavy people who did not know me before make the assumption that I cannot relate to them. When weight comes up, like during an exam, they act like I am an outsider to their condition, while in fact I probably understand it even better than they do, themselves.

I can tell you for sure and for certain, there is a mental condition that accompanies obesity. Shame, guilt, depression, low self esteem, blaming others, making excuses ("Obesity runs in my family," "I'm not as fat as THAT person," for example), and continually comparing one's size with others, becomes a lifestyle and a mindset. Just because we lose the weight, doesn't mean we automatically lose the mindset. That seems to take even more work than simply sticking to the post -op diet.

After one year, I feel like I am now just beginning to do the real work of weight loss, which is the head work. It's rather surreal feeling sometimes - like I landed on a different planet and have to learn to navigate the new world.

I added up all my macros for today. I haven't been counting calories lately, as I am eating as much as I can just to maintain. But the numbers were informative. Looks like I am packing in 1800-2000 calories a day, 70 gm of Protein and 60 gm of fiber. It seems like an insane amount of food - another surreal experience to get used to. Before surgery I could easily gain weight on 1200 - 1500 calories. Now I have to eat at least that much just to maintain, and hundreds more when I work out.

@Everythinganna, @froufrou @AZhikerI completely get it! Such a different word that we are adjusting to. My mindddd has not caught up. People are asking me if I am done losing weight. I want to look around cause in my mind, I am just focused on reaching my goal weight. Aa part of me is terrified about maintenance mode. Seems like I am always gaining or losing. I definitely need to start working on the head work.

What really surprises me sometimes is that my hand will go out automatically to grab a bite of something that I haven't had in over a year - like an oreo cookie (which I can't eat anyway due to gluten intolerance) or a piece of candy. I catch myself and think, "What in the world was that all about?" Like some weird alien neuro pathway suddenly activated in my brain. It sort of scares me, because I realize how vulnerable I really am to old habits that can pop up unexpectedly and blind side me.

So, what about coffee? Before surgery, I had a 5-Diet-Coke-per-day habit, but I was not a coffee drinker. I stopped Diet Coke cold turkey before surgery and abstained from caffeine in any form for about eight months after surgery. However, I've gotten into the habit of drinking two lattes with skim milk and sweetener every morning, which I really enjoy. (The milk provides an extra boost of protein.)

What have you been told by your doctors about caffeine at this point? Is it harmful?

On 02/14/2020 at 20:23, Everythinganna said:

Thank you Goodie! For a long time, I was feeling really bad about myself and just awkward. The change from heavy to small is such a weird adjustment. You would think we would be excited but I just felt uncomfortable with the compliments. Like I didn’t deserve them or something. Like they weren’t real. Or honest. I almost felt like people were just saying that need to be nice. I could look in the mirror and see a whole different person. The person I’ve always seen.

I still feel sometimes like I “cheated” to get “tiny” by having surgery. It’s SoOoo psychological. It’s almost like a weird guilt and disassociation. I will hit my year anniversary on February 20. I’m still going through the head work. I think that’s going to be almost more work than the actual weight loss process. I hope I don’t sound weird. I’m just being honest.

Okay so I had a moment like this today at the Pilates studio.
An instructor I hadn’t had in awhile was back at our location and she made a comment to me after class about how fantastic I looked and how strong I had become.
Another gal in class piped up saying she was noticing the same thing about me and then it turned into a discussion on how much I’d lost since joining the studio last March.
So I told them all that I’ve lost 120+ pounds since January 2019, and there was a part of me that wanted to add, “but it was bc of WLS, so please don’t look at me with awe and admiration,”

Then I mentally took a step back and realized that
1. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation of how each of those pounds came off, and
2. I am amazing and awesome for sticking to my program like I’ve done for the last year.
I could’ve “settled” for losing 50,60,70, etc pounds, but at the end of the day I pushed myself beyond anything I ever thought I could’ve.
And you know what? I am actually very strong and dedicated to this lifestyle.

Yes the compliments sometimes can make us feel guilty and awkward, but I challenge each and every one of you guys to give yourself credit for the incredibly brave and wise decision to have WLS in the first place.
This choice isn’t the easy way out. There’s so much involved in it that will be with us forever and we chose forever altering our digestive tracts to get back our health. There are many people out there who will -for a multitude of reasons-never make our very difficult choice.

On 02/15/2020 at 13:12, AZhiker said:

It's all very strange, isn't it? I used to be the biggest one at work and now I am the second smallest. I also feel both uncomfortable and excited when people make statements about my new size. I want to look around to see who they are talking about! What I am finding to be more awkward, however, is how heavy people relate to me now. Those who knew me before NEVER say anything and sometimes avoid me. Heavy people who did not know me before make the assumption that I cannot relate to them. When weight comes up, like during an exam, they act like I am an outsider to their condition, while in fact I probably understand it even better than they do, themselves.

I can tell you for sure and for certain, there is a mental condition that accompanies obesity. Shame, guilt, depression, low self esteem, blaming others, making excuses ("Obesity runs in my family," "I'm not as fat as THAT person," for example), and continually comparing one's size with others, becomes a lifestyle and a mindset. Just because we lose the weight, doesn't mean we automatically lose the mindset. That seems to take even more work than simply sticking to the post -op diet.

After one year, I feel like I am now just beginning to do the real work of weight loss, which is the head work. It's rather surreal feeling sometimes - like I landed on a different planet and have to learn to navigate the new world.

I added up all my macros for today. I haven't been counting calories lately, as I am eating as much as I can just to maintain. But the numbers were informative. Looks like I am packing in 1800-2000 calories a day, 70 gm of Protein and 60 gm of fiber. It seems like an insane amount of food - another surreal experience to get used to. Before surgery I could easily gain weight on 1200 - 1500 calories. Now I have to eat at least that much just to maintain, and hundreds more when I work out.

Strange indeed.
I am now the skinniest girl at work, my circle of friends, and my family and it’s a bit mind-blowing.

Now when I go out in public, nobody knows that I’m actually a fat girl trapped in a skinny girls body.
They can’t understand that I know their pain, their shame, their mental battles. It’s kind of like once I got >2 years out of chemo and I didn’t look like a cancer patient anymore.
I will always be a cancer patient, but I no longer look the part so people dealing with cancer of their own tell me as a health-care provider “well you can’t understand what I’m going through...”.
Um...yes. Yes I most definitely can.

It’s the same now, and honestly it’s even weirder for me bc I was MO for most of the last 22 years and it was so much part of my identity that there are aspects I probably won’t live long enough to get over.

I’m sensing in your post here, AZhiker that you’re feeling a bit “lost” as to which group you can relate to. Our previous acquaintances can’t relate to us like they did before and new people we meet never knew our previous struggles.
I can relate completely to this feeling of “where do I belong now?” And this is why forums like this and support groups are absolutely vital for our continued growth and mental health.

Of of y’all in this February group are near and dear to me as we were all starting about the same time and went through this together. I will be forever grateful for the last years worth of humor,frustration,fears,setbacks and triumphs that we’ve shared.
As we move into year 2, there will be new challenges and I’m looking forward to navigating those together.