The other day my mom and cousin (who don't have any idea I have been pursuing weight loss sugury) were bad mouthing weightloss sugury.

(They saw an article about it in a magazine)

My cousin said, "your body has intestines for a reason! Those people who cut out their intestines can't absorb all their nutrients, and they throw up and have all kinds of problems. They're gonna do more harm then good!"

Mom: "yeah, my friend had that and she can only eat baby food and stuff"

Cousin: "yeah! See? People must be despret to be thin to ruin your health and live on baby food"

Mom: "well, she had a lot of health problems, so she kinda had to, and they spent more then a year on tests and counciling to get her to qualify"

Cousin: "yeah, you'd have to! And you can never be normal, never have one potato chip for the rest of your life, never go to restraunts..."

I didn't say anything. I know I should have but this is a deep issue for me. I did that thing where you are listening intently but pretending you don't hear...

Not nice people but then uninf4ormed or misinformed usually are.
Mom, did you ever ask,her how she felt? Maybe she,felt the trade-off was okay to continue living. Perhaps her doctor told her she was close to dying, viewing your own mortality does that to people. And I might need to follow her also myself and if I do I would like you to respect my decision and be supportive. And you could eat potato chips but it might be that satisfied me, I no longe4vwould be eating an entire bag watching TV. And you can go to resturants, but you will go for the friendships and conversation, not to see who can cram the most food in the fadtest.
And most people would prefer smooth tender meat over chewing the hind leg off a goat.
Just a few ideas in case the subject comes up again, and from your report it probably will!

1 hour ago, Medowsweet said:

The other day my mom and cousin (who don't have any idea I have been pursuing weight loss sugury) were bad mouthing weightloss sugury.

(They saw an article about it in a magazine)

My cousin said, "your body has intestines for a reason! Those people who cut out their intestines can't absorb all their nutrients, and they throw up and have all kinds of problems. They're gonna do more harm then good!"

Mom: "yeah, my friend had that and she can only eat baby food and stuff"

Cousin: "yeah! See? People must be despret to be thin to ruin your health and live on baby food"

Mom: "well, she had a lot of health problems, so she kinda had to, and they spent more then a year on tests and counciling to get her to qualify"

Cousin: "yeah, you'd have to! And you can never be normal, never have one potato chip for the rest of your life, never go to restraunts..."

I didn't say anything. I know I should have but this is a deep issue for me. I did that thing where you are listening intently but pretending you don't hear...

This is where you can educate them, because clearly they don't know wtf they are talking about.

2 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

Not nice people but then uninf4ormed or misinformed usually are.
Mom, did you ever ask,her how she felt? Maybe she,felt the trade-off was okay to continue living. Perhaps her doctor told her she was close to dying, viewing your own mortality does that to people. And I might need to follow her also myself and if I do I would like you to respect my decision and be supportive. And you could eat potato chips but it might be that satisfied me, I no longe4vwould be eating an entire bag watching TV. And you can go to resturants, but you will go for the friendships and conversation, not to see who can cram the most food in the fadtest.
And most people would prefer smooth tender meat over chewing the hind leg off a goat.
Just a few ideas in case the subject comes up again, and from your report it probably will!

You are going to run into many people that are against bariatric surgery. Since this is family, I would tell talk to them about your decision and give them the medical facts. If they are supportive invite them to an appointment or surgeons seminar.

If you find that they are unsupportive and negative. There is no need to beat your head against the wall defending your decision. They may change in time after they see your success and how healthy you become.

2 hours ago, Medowsweet said:

The other day my mom and cousin (who don't have any idea I have been pursuing weight loss sugury) were bad mouthing weightloss sugury.

(They saw an article about it in a magazine)

My cousin said, "your body has intestines for a reason! Those people who cut out their intestines can't absorb all their nutrients, and they throw up and have all kinds of problems. They're gonna do more harm then good!"

Mom: "yeah, my friend had that and she can only eat baby food and stuff"

Cousin: "yeah! See? People must be despret to be thin to ruin your health and live on baby food"

Mom: "well, she had a lot of health problems, so she kinda had to, and they spent more then a year on tests and counciling to get her to qualify"

Cousin: "yeah, you'd have to! And you can never be normal, never have one potato chip for the rest of your life, never go to restraunts..."

I didn't say anything. I know I should have but this is a deep issue for me. I did that thing where you are listening intently but pretending you don't hear...

You are going to run into many people that are against bariatric surgery. Since this is family, I would tell talk to them about your decision and give them the medical facts. If they are supportive invite them to an appointment or surgeons seminar.

If you find that they are unsupportive and negative. There is no need to beat your head against the wall defending your decision. They may change in time after they see your success and how healthy you become.

They will have to find out eventually. I am a single mom. Someone is going to have to watch my kid, and also I intend to ask my family to come over once or twice a week and help with things like housework if I am sore in my core muscles and exhausted. They are a good family I can trust to help me in those physical ways... They helped when I was in my car accident, they help if I have a bad flu. Some time in 6+ months they will help with physical things like watching my daughter or picking up the shopping for a short period... But they can be emotionally trying and difficult.

I am thinking of sending them an article about set point and stuff, or the http://www.weightlosssurgerypodcast.com seminar Podcast...

I don't want them coming to appointments with me. Too much PTSD about my dad barrating me about my weight all through growing up...

When I was in a car accident and could bearly walk my dad took care of me- but I made him wait outside while they weighed me because weight is a huge issue given my childhood

Any short, informative, layperson articles about setpoint and such you know of?

2 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

Not nice people but then uninf4ormed or misinformed usually are.
Mom, did you ever ask,her how she felt? Maybe she,felt the trade-off was okay to continue living. Perhaps her doctor told her she was close to dying, viewing your own mortality does that to people.

I told my cousin (who is my best local friend) once that I was sad my insurance wouldn't cover Bariatric sugury a year ago because I didn't have any comorbidities (they just changed that requirement this year, now if your BMI is over 40 you can have surgery even without comorbidities)

Her general additude was, "You don't need surgery because you're healthy and active and you have good labs and good heart and good lungs and no diabetes etc. Surgery is drastic and dangerous and for people with serious health problems, But if you have no health problems other then "being fat" then it isnt something you wanna mess with"

So wait until more things break down? So lovely a prospect, don't take HER to the doctor with you. YOU and YOU ALONE know if it is time for you, some of us put up with breakdowns, faulty inner workings and pain until the age of 72, the smart ones do it a lot sooner! And 99% say they wish they had,done,it sooner !

I'm sorry your going through this but I do believe its their ignorance and maybe a stigma about surgery. Maybe not telling them until after surgery, you need support not criticism Its hard enough making this decision you definitely don't need anyone double guessing your decision.

Hope when you do have your conversation they'll become more supportive keeping my fingers crossed

My first reaction when my son told me that he was thinking about having the WLS done in Mexico was that of total horror. Once I started educating myself on the subject, I not only thought it was safe, I kick my self for not going that route myself. It just sounds way easier and probably cheaper when it's all said and done. The craziest thing I learned while watching YouTube videos ad nauseam was, the gastric bypass was first done in the 1960s for the treatment of ulcers. It's been around for a long time and is way safer and routine now than it was 50+ years ago. Do like I did to the loved ones that I wanted to educate on the matter. Every time you come across a good video or series of videos, forward them a link. If they genuinely care about what you are about to do, they will educate themselves.

And this is exactly the reason I chose not to share with anyone until a long time afterwards. Too many people that have no idea but think that they do.

Like Matt said, this could be an opportunity to educate. When we don’t speak up and attempt to educate, we remain complacent and comfortable with what the naysayers say. If you educate and they still feel that way, then all you can do is ignore or ask them not to speak about such things around you or you can walk away.

you can also tell them that I had my intestines rerouted and I eat potato chips, I eat at restaurants and not once have I ever eaten baby food in my life.

4 hours ago, Medowsweet said:

Any short, informative, layperson articles about setpoint and such you know of?

This isn't short, but the part that debunks "just eat less and exercise" is at the beginning, in case they give up part-way through: https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/

This is about the Biggest Loser folks and why they almost all regained: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/6-years-after-the-biggest-loser-metabolism-is-slower-and-weight-is-back-up/

Also, I'll be the hold-out on this thread and tell you: you do not have to tell your family you're having weight loss surgery. I haven't told all of mine, and I won't. Yes, they'll need to know you had abdominal surgery, so that they understand why you need help with some stuff around the house, but there are a lot of organs in the abdomen.

If you do choose to tell them, I hope it's because you have reason to believe they'll come around to being supportive and not because you feel like you have no other option ❤️

My granny said as many others have;
You have to stand up for something
Or you'll fall for anything.
Complacency equals Acquiescence

5 hours ago, Medowsweet said:

Any short, informative, layperson articles about setpoint and such you know of?

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/27/health/bariatric-surgery.html

"Most people believe that the operation simply forces people to eat less by making their stomachs smaller, but scientists have discovered that it actually causes profound changes in patients’ physiology, altering the activity of thousands of genes in the human body as well as the complex hormonal signaling from the gut to the brain.

It has become clear that bariatric surgery changes the entire setting of a complex, interlocking system. There is no one place to tweak it. To show what is involved, Dr. Kaplan reports that surgery immediately alters the activity of more than 5,000 of the 22,000 genes in the human body. "

I found this article really enlightening, and it was really the catalyst that made me decide to go this route. It's the one I will show to my husband when I tell him what I'm doing - I will not tell him yet as he will try to prevent it. He is one of the naysayers.

I have extreme hormonal and metabolic issues, which are not going to go away. Yes, I "barely" qualify at my current BMI - but this is because I eat 1300 or less a day and do 10,000 steps. Have lived like this for 3 years now. Have not lost any weight - all I can do is avoid gaining. And it's exhausting. So what happens in 10 years, 15 years - when I can't keep this up anymore? The way I see it is I'm future-proofing my health.

Your loved ones should be proud of you for putting your health first, unfortunately there is so much fat-shaming around.

Edited October 22, 20187 yr by Boldilocks