So I am going to preface this by saying I work in surgery at a hospital affiliated with the hospital I am having my WLS at so not telling people was not an option for me.

I have to do six nutrition appointments for insurance approval and have my last appointment next week. After that appointment they submit to insurance and will call when approved (they say a few days our insurance is fast I am told). That is when I will get my surgery date. My mom had surgery at the same place last week and when they called her to set a surgery date it was two weeks out...so I will not have a lot of notice.

I work directly with one other woman, she is a huge gossip so I didn't tell her I was having WLS until about three weeks ago, she assured me she would not tell anyone else since I am anxious I won't get it for some reason but she told everyone, and she complained a lot about me, saying I was selfish to have this surgery in the summer and I was going to screw up her vacation in September...

I was upset, IMO understandably so, but I am hoping to have my surgery early in July so even with 6 weeks off work I would be back in time. I came in to work today and she starts grilling me on a surgery date which I still don't have. (I called her out on telling everyone so I believe she thinks I will no longer tell her anything which outside of a surgery date and work info I will not be sharing anything with her). She informed me she is taking off two weeks in July now too...

So after stressing and counting out weeks to try and accommodate her September vacation, she is throwing more time off in around when I need to have surgery.

Does anyone have any advice, I had fully intended to take first available surgery date, is that selfish? Should I schedule later to accommodate her July time?

I know right now I am running what ifs through my head they might not schedule me as early as I had hoped...but I feel lik she has pushed me into an impossible situation. Any suggestions on what to do and how to handle her jealousy?

I am going to approach this from the side of management, as I have 18 direct reports and I deal with leave and other time off requests all the time. We have policies and regulations to follow, but my overall responsibility in approving leave is to make sure I have sufficient staff on hand to do the work for which my team is responsible. This isn't always easy, because not all of my staff does the same type of work on the same project(s). When it comes to vacation/annual/comp time and time off awards, I will approve all requests for as long as I feel comfortable with the staffing level. I do not process sick leave requests in this manner, however! People get sick. People have babies. Sometimes there is a death in the family and short-notice bereavement leave is required. If I cannot accommodate these types of requests, then shame on me as a manager, because I made no allowance for them when I was approving vacation requests. I never have, and I never will ask any employee to give up vacation or sick leave to accommodate another employee. If an employee needs an extended absence and has medical certification to back it up, it gets approved. I make no judgments about the necessity of the medical treatment.

Ignore this coworker and go through the proper channels and regulations to schedule your surgery. Do not judge yourself for attending to your meical needs, if you needed a knee replaced because you were falling down stairs otherwise you would not even give this a second thought. Most work places really don't want anyone to take leave or vacation and even though they have to accommodate you, they can be real azzhats even if they let you - we have all worked for managers that are like that. It's great when you have an excellent manager, but that is not always the case. Just stop sharing info with those that do not need to know the details, and stick to business. Good luck.

It's called FMLA interference, and your coworker could find herself in a heap of trouble. Google "FMLA interference."

http://www.employmentlawdaily.com/index.php/2015/07/16/five-common-fmla-mistakes-by-employers/

Edited June 18, 20188 yr by EsoKev

Thanks so much everyone. I came into work today and she informed me she had decided against her lengthy time off in July. So the point is moot now, I will hopefully get my surgery date next week.

F*&! Her! This is life threatening and about the wellness of your health! She can suck it! As long as your boss or whoever approves your time you go ahead and do your thing!

When it comes to work I think that our health needs to be prioritised... especially when it is life saving surgery! Please dont put an employer or anything work related before you own health needs when they would replace you in a nanosecond if you were incapacitated or dropped dead (of course im not wishing this on you at all).

Nnoi! Please don’t empower this obnoxious woman. She is trying to intimidate and manipulate you. Your health is far more important than whatever games she is playing with her vacations. Once you get your approval, schedule your surgery as soon as possible.

Your only mistake was trusting this woman with any information. Once someone reveals who they are, trust them!

What are you telling a gossip anything.....?

Nope bump that

She sounds like a b***h. I have been talking to my two cube mates about having surgery just after my probation is up at work so I can file for protected medical leave. Thursday a coworker pulled me aside and recommended I not talk about these things with her any more because she will use anything and everything against someone if her back is up against a wall for any reason. So now I have quit discussing anything like that with her. If I were you I would get your protected leave on the books ASAP and get your surgery done. It doesn’t need to be during her vacay but eff her for being the selfish one. You are trying to save your life.

I work directly with one other woman, she is a huge gossip so I didn't tell her I was having WLS until about three weeks ago, she assured me she would not tell anyone else since I am anxious I won't get it for some reason but she told everyone, and she complained a lot about me, saying I was selfish to have this surgery in the summer and I was going to screw up her vacation in September...

What a toxic busybody. Is it possible that she's envious of your surgery? Would she, by chance, benefit from WLS? Some people just can't stand the idea that someone else is doing something as wonderful and as life-changing as this. Maybe she's picturing the new you and can't handle the idea of you feeling better about yourself and your life. Unhappy people can't stand it when others are headed down a positive path. Trying to sabotage your decision by labeling you as SELFISH sounds typical of such a toxic person.

You are not selfish! You are not selfish!

Schadenfreude. Just wait until AFTER you have your surgery. She'll find even more snarky stuff to gossip about. Don't let her get into your head now. And don't let her get into your head later.

Think about yourself, and ONLY about yourself when it comes to her. You deserve what is best for YOU. Again: You are not selfish! You are not selfish!

You've received a lot of great advice from others here. I hope it helps. And I wish you the very, very best.

I hope you'll keep us all updated on your surgery date, etc.

Oops. You answered one of my questions already... with the last word of your post.

On 06/13/2018 at 09:32, Nnoi said:

So I am going to preface this by saying I work in surgery at a hospital affiliated with the hospital I am having my WLS at so not telling people was not an option for me.

I have to do six nutrition appointments for insurance approval and have my last appointment next week. After that appointment they submit to insurance and will call when approved (they say a few days our insurance is fast I am told). That is when I will get my surgery date. My mom had surgery at the same place last week and when they called her to set a surgery date it was two weeks out...so I will not have a lot of notice.

I work directly with one other woman, she is a huge gossip so I didn't tell her I was having WLS until about three weeks ago, she assured me she would not tell anyone else since I am anxious I won't get it for some reason but she told everyone, and she complained a lot about me, saying I was selfish to have this surgery in the summer and I was going to screw up her vacation in September...

I was upset, IMO understandably so, but I am hoping to have my surgery early in July so even with 6 weeks off work I would be back in time. I came in to work today and she starts grilling me on a surgery date which I still don't have. (I called her out on telling everyone so I believe she thinks I will no longer tell her anything which outside of a surgery date and work info I will not be sharing anything with her). She informed me she is taking off two weeks in July now too...

So after stressing and counting out weeks to try and accommodate her September vacation, she is throwing more time off in around when I need to have surgery.

Does anyone have any advice, I had fully intended to take first available surgery date, is that selfish? Should I schedule later to accommodate her July time?

I know right now I am running what ifs through my head they might not schedule me as early as I had hoped...but I feel lik she has pushed me into an impossible situation. Any suggestions on what to do and how to handle her jealousy?

This is your journey don’t worry about other people at this point. Only think about you, that job will be there and your doing this for your health not out of selfishness