A question popped into my head today as I was walking to the car after an appointment with my nutritionist: "Why am I doing this?" Really, why am I doing any of this? I never wanted to have surgery. I never wanted to change my body, the way I was made, for any reason. I never even wanted to diet but twelve years ago I found myself doing that after meeting the man who would later become my husband. In my mind, my weight was the reason for our lack of intimacy and I wanted so badly for him to want me. Cue the yo-yo / spiral of me needing intimacy & dieting in order to look better for him, having some weight loss success, still not getting the intimacy I desire, getting angry / depressed & quitting the diet, going numb & gaining the weight back, getting over it and ignoring the issue until the cycle starts over again. So am I doing this for him, in yet another attempt to gain the intimacy I so desperately crave, or am I doing this for me, to feel better about myself, to be able to do the physical activities I'd like to do?

I really don't know. I am at a loss and quite frankly I feel pretty awful right now.

I know for a fact that losing the weight will not help our intimacy issues - we discovered the cause/reason after a handful of sessions with a therapist (simply put, it's his problem). I'm probably stuck in a behavior / thought cycle that is ignoring all logic. I have a bad habit of blaming myself for every problem and never wanting to believe that fixing it is out of my control.

On top of this I feel like I have nobody to talk to. Which is why I'm here. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Hon i also have intimacy issues that stem from self esteem and abuse history. But i am 100% doing this surgery for me. My hubby is 11 years older than me but i feel older than him physically i cant do as much im not able to go a whole day with out a nap im in pain all the time so yeah it is all on me. Plus he might be getting surgery himself next year

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And when you do well at this, it just might inspire him to seek it too. Sending smiles and a hug to you both?

And when you do well at this, it just might inspire him to seek it too. Sending smiles and a hug to you both[emoji24]

My hubby is actually getting his own form of help. He is seeing a nutritionist and cutting back. We have been eating mostly the same I do think I eat more than him. And this month I gained 1.5 lbs he lost 5.5 I'm super proud of him. If he can do this with out surgery I will help him in anyway I can.

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My hubby is actually getting his own form of help. He is seeing a nutritionist and cutting back. We have been eating mostly the same I do think I eat more than him. And this month I gained 1.5 lbs he lost 5.5 I'm super proud of him. If he can do this with out surgery I will help him in anyway I can.

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My mom would go on a diet & then my dad would loose weight! It would make her so mad!


Toodles,
Rue

Especially because men tend to lose quicker and easier. All goes back to Mother Nature or whoever else you want to blame. The real answer is: females could be incubating,the next heneration, we are a little more important in the contnuation of the species. The male drops by, makes his little donation, then disappears to new,greener and more funner projects, like making war, blowing things up, setting things on fire, imprenating other females and whatever other mischief he can get into. Meanwhile we bake, nourish and grow the next generation until they are big enough to be born and the human race goes on.
Now at 72 it is foolish to maintain this store of body fat and weight so I'm trying to get in shape for a weightectomy, honestly think,of would be easier to take a cold chisel to me and pry it off, but I'm told that doesn't work too well. So I'm trying to convince my body it wants to lose this weight off, it's usually peeved enough over the,prospect it's not speaking to me.
Meanwhile I hear from others
Push yourself away from the table
Just exercise, lift weights. OMG I'm 72 with 2 shot knees, it's all I can do to lift ME
Drink this magic drink- Eat this magic Food- shoot I never was any good at magic
You are not committed, you don't WANT to lose weight!. Any more commitment I'll be in a rubber room cutting things out with a pair of blunt scissors.
And THAT is just the way life goes!???

You know seeking Bariatric Surgery has been a good thing,in my life. I gave,me some grooves guys and gals on here, reading most posts brightens my day, I don't feel alone in this endeavor. Although there are other Buckeyes on here, there is nobody I know of in my town doing this. I have 2-3 casual friends who were sleevers several years ago. They are in the background cheering but I don't seem any of them that often. The nearest,Pal,on here is in Zanesville, maybe,60-65 miles SE of here, to be,honest I think,i only heard from her because I was looking for a Mid-Ohio,Bariatric Chapter, there is no such animal.
So some of my support comes from on here, you people can understand where I came from, where I'm planning to,go, and why a decision was made for surgery. And if I hit a bump or roadblock in my path, someone here all,iunderstand where outsiders just can't. And occasionally I'm able to help a newbie as I was helped by veterans here. And my depression is leaving, I've overcome my blue dunks and am regaing my,metal health. Bariatric Pal is a ? percent win-win for me. ? And I'm not scared because I won't face my surgery alone.

Bringing this back to the forefront,on,this Memorial Day. Anybody wantbtobdiscuss this more??

My wife and I discussed this before my WLS. To be frank I brought it up. She is a teacher and has seen people have WLS then often plastics and watched them “go crazy” with affairs and then divorce. From her perspective people seemed unused to the newfound physical attention from people and spiraled out of control.

10 years age we had real challenges in our relationship with a close call with infidelity. I was really worried that my losing weight would make her afraid of me falling into the patterns above.

I’m a week out and 30 down from my HW. I’m still a little worried about how this stressor will affect us. But I have OSA and high blood pressure on 3 Meds. My dad had a stroke at 50.

I want to be around to see my children get married. So I’ll very mindful of
My marriage. We have had a few really positive discussions about it and I’ve validated the concerns she didn’t really know to voice yet. But as much as I value my marriage I value my health more. I’ll be very careful to feed my marriage but I won’t continue to risk my heath because of the risk to my marriage.

So that gets to the important point. I had surgery to save my life. That truly was and is the most important thing for me.