Actually, Little Green is a reference to a Joni Mitchell song, NOT a comment on my size - but I thought the title might be funny

So I'm 2 weeks away from surgery and just started my liquid diet. I thought I'd officially start one of these "tell your story" posts so that I have a place to keep track of all my stats and thoughts.

My highest weight is 381.25 and that was 6/14/14. After that I lost down to around 300-ish in about 18 months doing calorie-counting on MFP, but regained nearly all of it after my husband became disabled in a motorcycle accident. About a year after the accident - last March - I visited the bariatric surgeon for my first consult and I weighed 367 pounds. I've gone up and down since then but I started my liquid diet (today!) at 350.2.

I am a classic story of overweight-since-childhood along with a rapid weight gain starting in my late 'teens after getting a job and my driver's license, giving me full access to fast food morning, noon, and night. I'm not sure of all my milestones throughout the years but I know I weighed 180 pounds in 7th grade at age 12, and more than 220 when I graduated high school. I'm 5'8 so BMI 25 is 164 pounds and my goal weight is 150.

About six weeks ago I decided to go vegan and I've been transitioning into that diet ever since. I'm relying on plant-based protein supplements during the liquid phase but I hope to move to getting protein from whole food as soon as possible. My post-op diet will definitely be a lot higher in carbs than most people on this board are used to, but I'm confident in my choices and really excited about the health benefits in addition to weight loss.

I am going to try my darnedest to weigh myself only once per month after surgery. I did the obsessive daily "don't drink anything, have a bowel movement, get naked, and weigh myself" routine during my MFP days and it was really harmful to me mentally. I'm also logging my food in a physical journal and I won't be weighing anything or measuring beyond the standard 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, etc. meal sizes for post-op guidelines. Measuring food definitely works and I think many people can benefit from it. But again, it ended up being bad for my mental health. My ultimate life goal is to eat and enjoy an abundant amount of healthy plant-based whole foods without weighing or measuring portions. I know it will be awhile before I get there, but that's where I'm going and how I'm positioning myself for long-term success.

So that's a little about me! I'm going to post random crap in this thread, like musings on diet stuff, numbers, feelings (I have a lot of them), my appointments, etc. Thanks for reading!

My theory, and of course it is only a theory. You may have had a pain block in those nerves there and it has finally worn off. To me it does sound like nerve pain, sounds very similar to what shingles sufferers,have and that is 100% always attributed to nerve root overstimulation.
I Am very proud of you as I hope you will be proud of me when my Date with Destiny and all that insues comes. May the pounds all have melted away and you'll be starting new And smoother days

11 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

My theory, and of course it is only a theory. You may have had a pain block in those nerves there and it has finally worn off. To me it does sound like nerve pain, sounds very similar to what shingles sufferers,have and that is 100% always attributed to nerve root overstimulation.
I Am very proud of you as I hope you will be proud of me when my Date with Destiny and all that insues comes. May the pounds all have melted away and you'll be starting new And smoother days

I will be googling nerve root overstimulation very shortly to compare my symptoms! Haha, thank you sweet lady. I will surely be so proud (I am already am) and ready to cheer you onto the slim and narrow weigh!

Sleeping in the bed was... ok. I had a tremendous amount of pain getting into position (on my side with my upper body twisted toward the pillow - I know, I know) but I slept roughly 4.5 hours once I got there. However, once I woke up I couldn't get back to sleep in any position I tried. So I came out here to the recliner to try and catch another 2-3 hours but now I'm awake! I might try to nap a little bit later. Right now just sitting here sipping some water. Hey, maybe I should start a protein shake so I don't have to play catch-up like yesterday haha.

My RNY is still happy, I think, but today I've been feeling kind of weird. Not quite nauseated, not quite crampy, not quite bloated... some kind of mix. Things seem normal - I had two normal bowel movements today. I am having spotting/bleeding although that's been going on for nearly a week now. The nerve pain I was discussing before is much less today. The only feedback I get from eating or drinking is occasional burps. Everything seems just fine and getting better, except I'm feeling blah. Not really sure what's going on. Maybe lack of sleep? I did nap later in the morning but I don't think I felt particularly rested today.

I am having trouble getting in all my fluids and protein on a regular schedule because of my disinterest in food. I've been hitting at or just below my goals (usually only miss by 5g) but I have to do a fair amount of sipping at night to make up the difference I miss during the day. Starting tomorrow I am going to pour out my protein shake into a glass - I am thinking I will do half a bottle at a time - so that I have a visual guide of how much I've had and how much I need to go. And maybe I will split up the day into quadrants. 7am-10am, 10-1pm, 1pm-4pm, 4pm-7pm and try to drink at least one half of a protein shake during each quadrant.

When I say "try to drink" I don't mean I'm having trouble getting the protein shakes down. Again, today's weirdness notwithstanding, my belly seems happy. Nothing hurts going down or tries to come back up and I don't have any sense of hunger or fullness yet so I don't hit a wall or anything. Maybe I'm just mentally tired of protein shakes and that's why I conveniently "forget" I have an open one sitting next to me for hours at a time. Because I am definitely excited about purees, lol. HUMMUS, REFRIED BEANS, OATMEAL, PEANUT BUTTER, COME TO MAMA!!!

I wanted to make it until Friday before weighing myself, but because I'm feeling kind of crappy tonight I went ahead. I've lost 15 pounds since surgery day! I am 11 days post-op so that's a pretty crazy number, but makes sense in the context of my weight. It's hard to feel that great about it since the reason is because I'm literally starving, hahaha, but I'm happy to be getting the weight loss honeymoon started and looking forward to eating again soon!

On 5/22/2018 at 4:58 PM, Little Green said:

Sorry for the long updates - very lonely! Just shouting into my own personal void over here.

hey bud

Love your updates!!, keeps me busy off the streets and out of trouble!!

i wish i had written a journal. Putting in all my NSV's would have been great. you are keeping great

records. It keeps you busy, writing things down that you can look back on. Exciting things to

remember, like when you had your first BM, when you passed gas!! Ahhhh, it's the little things.

I see you are mending day to day, 15 lbs down!!! Holy Moly!!

keep drinking and feeling better

kathy

Had a pretty good day today and I felt much better than yesterday. I got up with my husband and made his lunch, etc. and that felt really nice. I started the quadrant plan to drink my protein shake and I was successful for the first quadrant, haha (although it took me 3 hours to convince myself to drink the whole 5.5oz). But then I ended up taking an epic nap from 12:30-5pm and that threw everything off. I had some delicious soupbroth (my word for taking a can of soup and straining everything out, rather than actual broth like you cook with) around 7pm that likely had a few grams of protein left in it - and now I am, as always, doing my make-up sips to try and get to the protein goal. However, I did REALLY well with hydrating today and I think that was key in my feeling better - plus the amazing nap!

Me & Lovenox aren't getting along right now. I have developed such a complex about doing the injections because of the pain on my left side and the epic square mile of bruising and tenderness on my right side (from the previous injections). I tried my thigh and it was okay, but the embarrassing truth is my belly is so f-ckin big I can barely see the fleshy parts of them, so I wasn't really comfortable. I'm having to listen to music and just sort of force myself to autopilot through while focusing on the lyrics, and even then I'm having trouble actually putting needle into skin. I have no fear of needles, shots, injections, etc. whatsoever (I have 12 body piercings and two tattoos, yearly flu vax, blood draws, etc. plus I took care of my husband for months after his accident including administering these exact same Lovenox injections lol) so this is not that. My mind is just rejecting the whole notion or something. I only have five left - two tomorrow, two Thursday, one Friday morning - before my post-op appointment Friday where I will, fingers crossed, be blessedly released from the obligation to do them.

So I've figured out that I can sleep quite well in the bed if I'm on my right side, but not my left. When I'm on my left, that is when I get the stinging fiery ouch pain. Usually I pick a side depending on which side of my nose is stopped up LOL! but I might have to default to my right side until things get better over there on the left.

The one real bariatric sin I am committing at the moment is that I'm not walking regularly. It's been either too hot or raining. The heat is a concern because of fainting, but I could walk in the rain if I really wanted to - I love being out on a trail with a light rain going. I resolve to do better, particularly after I'm cleared to drive and can go to the park or a trail nearby (or Planet Fitness if I really have to, lol).

Had a great day today. I'm VERY tired now lol and hope to sleep really well here in a bit.

I am almost, almost, almost pain-free! Today I was finally able to bend over/down at the waist with only just a slight ouchie pain.

I saw my therapist today (Mr. Green drove me) and had such a wonderful discussion with her about my surgery story and my experiences and what's been going on since then. She told me how brave I was to have this surgery and how proud she is of me... gosh I just love her to bits! She also said she could see my weight loss which I'm not quite sure I believe LOL although I have lost 33 pounds since I started the liquid diet on April 27, so I guess a bit could be showing.

I had Starbucks (I'm a gold member... had iced coffee with soy milk) and painted my nails today (nail art is one of my hobbies) and honestly the return of simple activities like that made a huge difference for me. I've been feeling kind of "other" lately with all the depression and the stupid pain and discussing "my belly" as if it is a separate entity. Now I feel like good ol' Little Green is coming back, although new and improved, of course!

Another sign of normalcy, tonight I got back in the kitchen for the first time in weeks! And I made BEANS!!!!! Wonderful, savory, thick, creamy beans. Refried beans, to be specific. Made from dried beans in the instant pot... so easy, quick, and totally oil- and fat-free!

Refried beans - sorry, there's no way to make blended brown beans look appetizing. Just know that they are delicious. I pureed them a bit more after taking this photo because I felt they weren't quite applesauce consistency. I ended up liking the smoother consistency better anyway! LOOK AT ALL THAT PLANT PROTEIN!!!!!

2 ounce baby food containers filled and ready to be eaten! Refried beans on the bottom and two types of hummus on top.

OKAY I MUST ADMIT THE GREAT BARIATRIC SIN... I did try the beans as I was pureeing them. They were just too, too, too seductive to resist. However, I only cheated my diet progression by 36 hours - and actually technically tomorrow is two weeks so if I go by the booklet they gave me I could have purees tomorrow, and what's the difference between 10pm Wednesday and 8am Thursday?!?!?! Okay, I'm justifying myself over here, and I'm sticking to liquids until my appointment Friday, but man, you guys. YOU GUYS! YOU GUUUUYYYYSSSS!!!!!! These beans hit the friggin' SPOT!!!! I am sooosoosoosososossosoSOSOSOososoSOosoosoOSOSOSOSSO excited for diet progression! 35 days of frickin' protein shakes and I am just DONE.

Okay that's enough freakin' out... can you tell I had a good day today?? Man I just feel so good, and so happy, and so normal! There is life after bariatric surgery!

Well, today was supposed to be my post-op appointment but unfortunately my surgeon was called into an emergency surgery so I had to reschedule for next Friday. I went ahead with the diet progression, I haven't had any issues eating and the booklet says 2 weeks of liquid and then start puree, so... start, I did! My first meal was 2oz of the homemade refried beans plus a bit of guacamole and some salsa. It was delicious! I didn't have any trouble getting or keeping it down, but a few minutes after I finished I felt like I might have juuuuuuuust eaten too much. By like a teaspoon or something. I wasn't quite nauseated or sick, but I had some unpleasant squishing/squeezing going on. However, it passed fairly quickly.

My second meal, which I just finished, was 2oz of roasted garlic hummus. MMMMMMMMM omg lol. Planning on oatmeal with PB & banana in the morning, and mashed potatoes with green beans later on in the day. It's so nice to eat! Man, my eyes were rolling back in my head eating that hummus just now! It's nice to get so much pleasure from healthy foods and I hope that continues!

I also started driving today! YAY! I went to a friend's house for the evening and it was so great to be out on my own. I love my husband and we happily spend most of our time together, but I'm also very independent and as you may have read over the last few posts it was making me CRAZY not to drive and to be limited in where I could go. I felt so much better after driving!

Today also marked the return of some belly pain. Thankfully not the awful deep kind, but the sharp fiery kind that's close to the surface. My husband and I came from home to stay with my Mom this weekend and I did most of the packing up and loading/unloading the car so I wonder if I just pushed it too far. I had a 10-lb lifting restriction for two weeks, but that's it. Still, it might have been too much. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning!

And, although I did not get an official reading from the surgeon's office, according to my home scale, I've lost 19 pounds in the two weeks since surgery. That makes 35 pounds since beginning my liquid diet on April 27! I'm sure like most bariatric patients I will hit a stall in the next couple of weeks as a result of returning to normal food (hey, glycogen stores!) but to avoid the insanity I plan to keep off the scale for the most part. I'm thinking every two weeks is a reasonable compromise between the part of me that doesn't give a crap about my weight as long as I get strong and healthy, and the part of me that wants to weigh obsessively all day long checking for the lowest number possible, lol. So hopefully that's a good balance!

Really struggling with eating this weekend. Food tastes fine, RNY seems happy enough, no worries there. But I have no interest and no hunger. I sort of have to force it down at this point and it's very unpleasant. Don't want protein shakes, don't want food. Drinking water all day is just fine. Obviously I don't want to literally starve to death so not eating isn't an option. Is this food aversion? I'm feeling upset because I was so excited for purees but now I just don't want food at all. I'm frightened, I don't want to end up on a feeding tube

On 2018-05-30 at 11:12 PM, Little Green said:

Had a great day today. I'm VERY tired now lol and hope to sleep really well here in a bit.

I am almost, almost, almost pain-free! Today I was finally able to bend over/down at the waist with only just a slight ouchie pain.

I saw my therapist today (Mr. Green drove me) and had such a wonderful discussion with her about my surgery story and my experiences and what's been going on since then. She told me how brave I was to have this surgery and how proud she is of me... gosh I just love her to bits! She also said she could see my weight loss which I'm not quite sure I believe LOL although I have lost 33 pounds since I started the liquid diet on April 27, so I guess a bit could be showing.

I had Starbucks (I'm a gold member... had iced coffee with soy milk) and painted my nails today (nail art is one of my hobbies) and honestly the return of simple activities like that made a huge difference for me. I've been feeling kind of "other" lately with all the depression and the stupid pain and discussing "my belly" as if it is a separate entity. Now I feel like good ol' Little Green is coming back, although new and improved, of course!

Another sign of normalcy, tonight I got back in the kitchen for the first time in weeks! And I made BEANS!!!!! Wonderful, savory, thick, creamy Beans. Refried beans, to be specific. Made from dried beans in the instant pot... so easy, quick, and totally oil- and fat-free!

Refried beans - sorry, there's no way to make blended brown beans look appetizing. Just know that they are delicious. I pureed them a bit more after taking this photo because I felt they weren't quite applesauce consistency. I ended up liking the smoother consistency better anyway! LOOK AT ALL THAT PLANT PROTEIN!!!!!

2 ounce baby food containers filled and ready to be eaten! Refried beans on the bottom and two types of hummus on top.

OKAY I MUST ADMIT THE GREAT BARIATRIC SIN... I did try the beans as I was pureeing them. They were just too, too, too seductive to resist. However, I only cheated my diet progression by 36 hours - and actually technically tomorrow is two weeks so if I go by the booklet they gave me I could have purees tomorrow, and what's the difference between 10pm Wednesday and 8am Thursday?!?!?! Okay, I'm justifying myself over here, and I'm sticking to liquids until my appointment Friday, but man, you guys. YOU GUYS! YOU GUUUUYYYYSSSS!!!!!! These beans hit the friggin' SPOT!!!! I am sooosoosoosososossosoSOSOSOososoSOosoosoOSOSOSOSSO excited for diet progression! 35 days of frickin' Protein Shakes and I am just DONE.

Okay that's enough freakin' out... can you tell I had a good day today?? Man I just feel so good, and so happy, and so normal! There is life after bariatric surgery!

That looks so good! Do you have a recipe for the beans or hummus? I’m trying to plan for my move to puréed in a week lol

3 hours ago, Pink nova said:

That looks so good! Do you have a recipe for the beans or hummus? I’m trying to plan for my move to puréed in a week lol

Thank you! The hummus is just different flavors of Trader Joe's brand - I've made my own before but I have trouble getting it smooth. This was my recipe for the beans and they are absolutely delicious and one of the easiest things I have literally ever made in my Instant Pot! https://www.noracooks.com/instant-pot-vegan-refried-beans/

I turned a bowl of Panera broccoli cheddar soup into two meals tonight. That's 330 calories and 14g of protein. I've also been working on a protein water, which is 90 calories and 20g protein. That's nowhere near goal on protein but considering I would probably have only had the protein water otherwise, I'm calling it a win. Not happy about the soup having cheese and all the saturated fat, but it was delicious and I actually wanted to eat it, so... I'm seeing now that I may have to forget about my nutrition standards in the interest of getting any nutrition at all until I get over this feeling of force-feeding. It is so weird and honestly kind of infuriating. The hummus that was so delicious 48 hours ago now makes my throat close up when I try to eat it. I tried one of my plant-based shakes earlier but felt sick and wasn't sure if it was dumping or the aversion issue. I'm out of premier protein chocolate and can't stomach the other flavors anymore, have to go to the store tomorrow. Haven't been interested in trying the refried beans again, might give them another go tomorrow. If this issue keeps going I'll try more traditional post-op foods like tuna and ricotta bake just for calories and protein's sake. Dr. Greger and my arteries and kidneys, please forgive me!

I had two weeks of a very, very easy recover, plumbing-wise. So I guess I'm getting my payback now

Ate mashed potatoes from Boston Market today (a regular size side which I think is 5oz, separated into three sittings), but nothing else. Going to try and get in a PP shake before bed. I'm also drinking water with meals because I feel so dehydrated and don't care about feeling full since I need to eat way more.

Just ordered some protein fruit drink packets from the BP store since the PP protein waters aren't treating me well lately. Tomorrow I'll pick up some unsweetened soy yogurt and try blending it with fruit, and maybe freeze it into popsicles.

I'm still so angry because my RNY itself is fine with everything I'm giving it. No issues at all. It's just my freaking mind and mouth and throat that are the problem.

More mashed potatoes & gravy today, plus half a PP shake and the inside of a Taco Bell bean burrito with cheese sauce and sour cream. That last one was a bit too much cheesy/creaminess, I think, it didn't taste that great and I've been feeling a little off since eating it. (Could just be the fact that it was Taco Bell LOL.) But this is a heck of a lot more than I've been able to eat for days so I'm pretty happy with things today. Might try some applesauce in a bit for something lighter.

Lack of eating and lack of exercise has led to a total wasting of my cardio ability just in these three short weeks. Everything shoots my HR up and makes me jelly-legged. It took me 3 hours yesterday to put away clean dishes, run a load of dirty ones, and handwash some stuff. Had to constantly take breaks. Forget about walking outside in the heat, I'm not even ready to grocery shop yet. Have a grocery delivery on the way as I type, in fact.

I think I need to get more organized about things. I wake up early to help Mr. Green get ready for work but then I'm so exhausted I go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. When I wake up again I'm really dehydrated and feeling down and depressed. By the time I drink enough water to feel decent, it's 12 or 1pm and I haven't eaten anything or done anything and more than half the day is gone and I get even more depressed. So I try to get up and do a bunch of stuff and just end up feeling dizzy and fatigued. So I sit around more. And get more depressed. And lose more of my fitness. Ugh. (Yes, I am still taking my antidepressant....) It's been a really bad few days, lol. I wish, wish, wish, wish with all my heart I could have had my surgery in the winter like I wanted so I could be trail walking for fitness in the cool, early March air instead of the hot, humid early June "air." I really wanted to have lost 60+ pounds before the summer, lol.

So, anyway. I'm going to go ahead and make ricotta bake. It's one of the least healthy things I can think of to eat, short of maybe fried chicken dipped in ranch dressing, but it's savory and will help me get some protein in - plus my homemade marinara is super delicious and healthy, with fiber and lots of vitamin A and lycopene in the tomatoes. I'm contenting myself with knowing that my rapid weight loss is doing far more for my health right now than anything I'm eating or not eating, and that in a few short weeks or months I'll be able to build up my diet around whole plants again.

Random updates... day 18 post-op. Hoping for better days to come.

Tomorrow (today) I have my rescheduled post-op visit with the surgeon! I have gone against my word and been weighing myself every day - that obsessive mindset is so hard to shake no matter how much I tell myself not to engage it. My weight has been bouncing around from 323 to 325 for just about 8 or 9 days now, so I'm still in the 17-19 lb range lost since surgery. Of course I would have loved another week of an 8-10 lb loss but so far things just ain't moving. I'm irritated but not concerned... I know it will move, and after tomorrow's appointment I'm going to try my damnedest not to get back on the scale until the 17th for a one-month weigh-in!

I've been much happier since I started taking my vitamins earlier this week; I'm not exactly sure what could be in them that would boost my mood, but I'm all for it! I'm taking the Bariatric Fusion chewables. So far I like the tropical flavor and don't particularly care for the mixed berry. They are definitely a mouthful, regardless of the flavor! I'm still taking pantoprazole and just started actigall, plus my AD. So I have a very simple twice a day pill routine and I don't have to worry about spacing things or remembering to take pills at various hours, etc. I'm really pleased with this, so far!

Belly pain is minimal, just a few zaps from around the numb area here and there. Bowel movements are easy to pass and regular. Eating has been getting easier as the days go by and to be entirely truthful I think it's because I'm not really following the puree rules. Unless the food is naturally pureed (mashed potatoes, applesauce) I'm either mashing with a fork (banana w/ peanut butter) or just mushing it to bits in my mouth before swallowing (potato soups, tuna). Maybe the puree texture was what was really messing with my mind. I still can't do the hummus ever since I had the meltdown that set off the eating issues. (Disclaimer: please follow your surgeon's guidelines instead of going off-track like me!)

Possibly because of the added textures from the not-so-pureed foods, I've finally started feeling some feedback from my pouch here and there. I still haven't had any issues with what I'm eating, I seem to tolerate it all fine - but I do think I've been eating too fast because I definitely got some feedback after eating quickly, once yesterday and twice today so I'm going to work on "bariatric etiquette" including putting my fork down between bites and separating food and water. What I felt was mostly a weird, squeezing sensation (maybe a very low-grade pain) in my pouch with a very loud, overwhelming STOP! signal attached. It almost feels like a vagal response, like the first little bit of fuzz in your brain when you are about to faint. I don't actually faint or anything, though! And I'm still so happy that I haven't (yet) had vomiting, slimes, foamies, nausea, etc. or anything of the sort. I feel very lucky in that regard.

I still don't have any sense of hunger or fullness. I'm eating because I know I should and stopping when my serving is gone. Maybe as I head into week four (can't believe it's been 3 weeks post-op today!!!!) I'll start getting some of those senses.

I have had some cravings for gross, fatty food recently and I think it's because I've been eating a lot of prepared/purchased food, like beans from Taco Bell and mashed potatoes from Bojangle's. So I'm still keying into that "alone in my car going to drive-throughs" ritual that was such a problem for me. It also may be because I've chosen to reincorporate animal products, particularly cheese, in the soups and such that I've been eating. Because, to be frank, almost all the cravings I've been having are for products either made of or covered with cheese! Crispy melty mozzarella sticks, a Rally's burger dripping with cheese sauce, chicken fried rice from the local Mexican restaurant (which is basically just Spanish rice and grilled chicken with a crapton of queso blanco poured over it), a 5-layer burrito from Taco Bell... all have been on my mind lately. (Dr. Neal Barnard has some really interesting insights on cheese and addiction-like responses in the brain if you want to read more about why eating cheese might be making me crave cheese!)

Right now I'm relying on my tiny pouch, lack of hunger, and a sincere desire NOT to harm myself by eating foods beyond the mushy/soft stage to overcome those cravings, but that stuff won't last forever. So in this last week of puree, I'm going to keep eating the foods that have been working for me, in the interest of calories and protein - but starting next week in the official soft food stage when I can experiment more, I'll be focusing on building back up a plant-based diet that helps my mind stay away from those types of cravings. Part of that will be planning meals and bulk cooking, and part of it will be rebuilding my cardio ability so that I have more energy for cooking!

Well, I think this post is certainly long enough. One day soon I'll have to copy all this over to a word document so I don't lose any of my post-op journals if BP ever goes kaput!