Actually, Little Green is a reference to a Joni Mitchell song, NOT a comment on my size - but I thought the title might be funny

So I'm 2 weeks away from surgery and just started my liquid diet. I thought I'd officially start one of these "tell your story" posts so that I have a place to keep track of all my stats and thoughts.

My highest weight is 381.25 and that was 6/14/14. After that I lost down to around 300-ish in about 18 months doing calorie-counting on MFP, but regained nearly all of it after my husband became disabled in a motorcycle accident. About a year after the accident - last March - I visited the bariatric surgeon for my first consult and I weighed 367 pounds. I've gone up and down since then but I started my liquid diet (today!) at 350.2.

I am a classic story of overweight-since-childhood along with a rapid weight gain starting in my late 'teens after getting a job and my driver's license, giving me full access to fast food morning, noon, and night. I'm not sure of all my milestones throughout the years but I know I weighed 180 pounds in 7th grade at age 12, and more than 220 when I graduated high school. I'm 5'8 so BMI 25 is 164 pounds and my goal weight is 150.

About six weeks ago I decided to go vegan and I've been transitioning into that diet ever since. I'm relying on plant-based protein supplements during the liquid phase but I hope to move to getting protein from whole food as soon as possible. My post-op diet will definitely be a lot higher in carbs than most people on this board are used to, but I'm confident in my choices and really excited about the health benefits in addition to weight loss.

I am going to try my darnedest to weigh myself only once per month after surgery. I did the obsessive daily "don't drink anything, have a bowel movement, get naked, and weigh myself" routine during my MFP days and it was really harmful to me mentally. I'm also logging my food in a physical journal and I won't be weighing anything or measuring beyond the standard 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, etc. meal sizes for post-op guidelines. Measuring food definitely works and I think many people can benefit from it. But again, it ended up being bad for my mental health. My ultimate life goal is to eat and enjoy an abundant amount of healthy plant-based whole foods without weighing or measuring portions. I know it will be awhile before I get there, but that's where I'm going and how I'm positioning myself for long-term success.

So that's a little about me! I'm going to post random crap in this thread, like musings on diet stuff, numbers, feelings (I have a lot of them), my appointments, etc. Thanks for reading!

I'm not feeling well. I think I way, way overdid it yesterday and I still didn't meet my fluid or protein requirements. Today I feel dizzy, weak, and in pain. I am going to get up and walk, obviously, but that is going to be secondary to meeting my requirements and resting.

Oh honey, bless your❤. You've come down from all that hurray bureau I've had my surgery high and you're starting to hit the wall. From what I've heard on here it is very common, although I'm sure that's of little comfort to you. Be gentle and kind to yourself, don't push yourself too hard, if it were me I'd be a bad one. I'd try to overdue right afterwards. Remember your body is in a WTF mode, it's as bewildered as you by all the changes. I had a mini-level yesterday, but this one's mostly my Fault. As I've told EVERYBODY I have an important appointment on Thursday as the next step towards my own surgery. The last few days I've tried to be meticulous with my diet, and call me vain but I increased my exercise level hoping to melt off some more weight. I ended up exhausting myself into low blood sugar. I just want them to look favorably on me as a Bariatric surgery client. I've started using a protein shake a day to see if that helps,.According to My Fitness Pal I can eat up 1800 calories daily and still lose weight, I've been averaging 1100 to 1300, and the pounds are not disappearing. Guess it is more complex than calories in, calories out. I don't always eat too much until supper, even then it is small portions, don't eat big like I used to, usually protein, veggies, and tossed salad with small dressing on the side. No soda, cut out carbs as much as possible, infrequent coffee or reg. tea.
It's becoming a chore but I so want to succeed. Maybe the dietician Thursday will have some more good tips.

5 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

The last few days I've tried to be meticulous with my diet, and call me vain but I increased my exercise level hoping to melt off some more weight. I ended up exhausting myself into low blood sugar. I just want them to look favorably on me as a Bariatric surgery client. I've started using a Protein Shake a day to see if that helps,.According to My Fitness Pal I can eat up 1800 calories daily and still lose weight, I've been averaging 1100 to 1300, and the pounds are not disappearing. Guess it is more complex than calories in, calories out. I don't always eat too much until supper, even then it is small portions, don't eat big like I used to, usually Protein, veggies, and tossed salad with small dressing on the side. No soda, cut out carbs as much as possible, infrequent coffee or reg. tea.
It's becoming a chore but I so want to succeed. Maybe the dietician Thursday will have some more good tips.

I think it's common to maintain or even gain weight when you first increase the intensity of exercise. Muscle repair = water retention or something like that. That could be why. Don't despair, I know that's hard to hear after all the bumps in the road you've had! Stay the course and you will make it.

Feeling much better than this morning. I think I was definitely close to being dehydrated but I've been sipping all day, about 30 oz of water and 12 oz of (extremely delicious) broth plus a premier protein, and resting with brief walks here and there. I'm still having increased pain in my belly - there's one area in particular that protests with extreme prejudice when I move certain ways (which I unfortunately cannot predict). It produces a very sharp, intense "seam ripping" sensation, like I'm stretching something that's been tied tightly. The pain doesn't directly correlate with an incision, but the surgeon explained that incisions are often done at angles or even stretched depending on the needs of the ones running the show, so I could have damage/bruising in muscles underneath my belly despite not being directly under an incision.

I had a LOT of this type of pain overnight because I tried sleeping in the bed on my side and it seemed like no matter what I did, I would constantly pull at this one spot and get the awful knife-like pain. So, that's why I've been taking it easy today. It's still sore but I think it's getting better. Honestly if it weren't for that one spot I don't think I'd have any belly pain at all. My incisions are a bit tender if I touch them and I'm bruised and beaten-looking (and worst of all, despite not having any pain when I administer my Lovenox injections, over the course of a few hours the sites bruise and get tender ) but mostly my belly is comfortable.

Mentally/emotionally I've been feeling pretty down, mostly from loneliness. My husband had to go back to our city so he can work, my mom works from home during the day so she's here but inaccessible. My parents' house is out in the boonies, I can't drive, so trying to convince people to come all the way out here to visit when they've got work and kids and activities is pretty futile. I'm very much a social butterfly and even just sitting around doing nothing is better if someone else is around. Maybe I'll find an adult daycare to put myself in for the next week or two

Sorry for the long updates - like I said, I'm very lonely! Just shouting into my own personal void over here.

Another day, about the same. Belly pain, no energy, lonely.

I did have a BM on my own this morning without having had smooth move tea or Miralax recently. That was nice, good to know all the plumbing is functional.

You will feel much much better when you can go back home where everything is familiar and even more important,yours. I know you ❤ your parents, you're grateful for their hospitality, but ET and Little Green. want to go home!?

6 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

You will feel much much better when you can go back home where everything is familiar and even more important,yours. I know you ❤ your parents, you're grateful for their hospitality, but ET and Little Green. want to go home!?

Honestly I think the key issue is lack of driving. I am VERY INDEPENDENT lol. My mom has a super stressful job and I've been wanting to go get a pedicure since Sunday but we haven't been able to find time. The fact that I cannot get into the car and take myself somewhere just makes me frickin insane. Ugh. This will pass.... only 8 more days until my appointment.... this will pass......

I think I'm going to go home on Saturday. I'm so depressed and lonely that I think it's causing my pain and energy to be worse than it reasonably should be at a week post-op. I want to be able to get a hug from my husband when I'm feeling sad, and he'd be more than happy to drive me around even if it's just to go nowhere. I could also take buses in our city - there's no buses in the very rural area where my parents live

On a related note, crying post-op is quite painful, from the belly-bouncing during to the nose-blowing afterward. Ouch.

I talk to my mom and my husband and took some pain meds and I'm feeling much better. I am going home without the cats on Saturday, and then my husband will drive me back up next Friday for the 2-week appointment and we'll stay a night or two then my parents will help us move the cats back in.

I'm going to text my therapist tomorrow for an appointment next week (yay for calling an Uber to take me there & back) and I might see if I can get my antidepressant in a liquid formulation.

With this plan in place I'm going to focus on the positives, keep my eyes on the prize, and focus on my health and recovery. I'm getting stronger every day, I have no issues with vomiting, nausea, or difficulty getting liquids down, I have a great support team, the pain meds help me feel better, I'm sleeping well, lots to be thankful for.

Having a pretty good day today. Pain might be a bit worse, I showered this morning so there was some twisting and turning and bending that was pretty painful and might have riled things up. I'm in a much better mood and looking forward to going home on Saturday! Tonight I am going to get that pedicure I've been wanting and tomorrow evening my SIL and niece are coming to visit. Hopefully those things should help the rest of the time before I'm home pass swiftly. I got my psych to call in a liquid formulation of my antidepressant so I'm hoping going home and taking that will help me stabilize my rather dark moods.

Other than the belly pain, everything is pretty much smooth sailing, recovery-wise. I've had a bit of "whoa" feelings a couple times when swallowing a pill that didn't quite feel right (I'm still working on the right balance of liquid to take them with), but otherwise absolutely no protestations from the new plumbing. I'm not hungry and everything I eat tastes fine (except Premier Protein cookies & creme... did NOT like that one) so I'm happy with my diet. One product that I am really enjoying, funny enough, is the Premier Protein clear protein water. I originally said I thought it was too sweet and artificially flavored but found that if I diluted it with water and drank it ice cold, it's quite delicious. That is probably the only animal-based protein I think I will keep in my rotation until I have enough volume to get protein from food. PP shakes have served me well but I'll be glad to see them go.

My plan for pureed food is to focus on nutrition as a whole rather than just cramming as many high-protein foods into the blender as possible. Fiber and nutrients are important to me - to health and recovery - and taste and variety will hopefully help me expand my post-op palate and avoid food aversions and dietary imbalances. Of course, I plan to supplement as needed with the protein water (also counted as a fluid) or one or two of my plant-based shakes per day to appease the doctor's wish for 60g of protein. But, if my food-based protein only totals 35 or 40g for awhile, I'm not going to sweat it.

Pureed foods I can't wait to have are BEANS of every kind, hummus, oatmeal, peanut butter, mashed potatoes & sweet potatoes, green beans, maybe some corn, guacamole, mushrooms in gravy, fruit (especially in sorbet form!), and my delicious homemade marinara sauce. I wish we didn't have to avoid fibrous veggies like broccoli and asparagus, as those two are my favorites! I'm soooo damn excited to eat plants again, even if they will be in funky applesauce form

Pain was worse overall today, although I took smaller doses of pain meds to see how I would feel, plus as I said earlier I showered which involved some painful twists and turns. (After I go home I'll be in our accessible shower with a seat and handheld showerhead which should eliminate those movements.) This evening I spoke with my surgeon on the phone - she called me! I felt like I was talking to a celebrity! - about my pain and she feels confident it's coming from the "G-J" (gastrojejunostomy) area, which is where the pouch is attached to the intestine.

According to her excellent explanation--that I'm sure I will butcher--the nearest incision, which is the largest one, allowed access through the fascia to the pouch, and that opening in the fascia was dilated repeatedly during surgery as they brought tools (particularly the stapler) in and out. In layman's terms, the muscle they went through to get where they needed to go took a beating along the way and now the sutures (staples? not sure) where they closed it up are getting tugged on and it's painful. This probably also explains the tenderness and bruising in that area.

My belly is very large (yay for guaranteed need for plastic surgery) and hangs and pulls with gravity which doesn't help, and every time I have one of those sharp, stabbing pains, I'm likely irritating it a bit, which is why it talks to me a lot after I do something that causes me to have a lot of those in a row. She wasn't blasé about it like it's nothing, but she wasn't scared and didn't ask that I come in. She said as long as I don't have a fever or chills (nope and nope) and that the pain is with abdominal wall movement and not from walking or being jostled (yes to the former, nope to the latter) then I'm probably ok.

I see her in a week for my post-op appt, and I'll certainly call if anything changes.

So here's my plan. Still walking and doing for myself to the extent that I can, I'm just gonna baby the hell out of it. I've experimented and found out certain tricks that help - splinting it with my hand when I sit or stand, raising my left leg behind me when I bend at the waist, etc. so I'm going to use those and probably wear my abdominal binder more often for some extra support. I'm hoping if I give it 2-3 days of TLC it'll get to a point of being healed (presumably, like the rest of the situation in there) where I can do those normal movements without much pain.

I plan to continue with the liquid pain meds (oxycodone in my case) but perhaps at 3ml instead of 5ml, which is what I did today. And I'll alternate with Tylenol--once I get some that's not infant formula I figured that out today; I had stopped taking it because it didn't help (and it was sweet as f_ck and disgusting) but because it's infant formula it's only 160mg lolol.

So, in summary. 325mg of Tylenol for inflammation alternated with 3-5ml of oxycodone for pain, and try to avoid any of those big stabby ripping pains, and hopefully in a day or two it will advance in healing and I can finally put the "OH HOLY F_CKIN BALLSACK, THAT HURTS!" pain in my rearview mirror.

Going home in the morning!

And you guysssss... it's working! I took some Tylenol and moved very cautiously today and did the best I could to avoid any ripping pains. And it's working! Tonight I was able to stand up twice without any pain at all! I'm still going to take it easy for another day or so but YAY! I'm on my way to being pain-free!!!!

Home now! I can definitely see why I wanted to recover at Mom's. It's so difficult to stop myself from taking care of my husband and stuff around the house just by second nature or unconsciously. Unfortunately despite not helping with unloading the car, I did enough running around - including unthinkingly bending over to vacuum with our little handheld vac - that my belly started protesting again. Not quite as loudly or painfully as a few days ago, so I'm still happy about my progress, but enough for me to know I need to sit down for a bit and keep taking it easy. So my husband (I guess I'll call him Mr. Green for ease of readability in the future) is unpacking as best he can and loading up the fridge with my shakes and protein waters. Love him

It's so good to be home! Thanks to the holiday, Mr. Green and I have the next two full days to be together in the quiet - no one working from home, no cats running around. Just the two of us. So happy!

Sorry for the endless posts. I'll just keep shouting into the void here, it's nice to journal and maybe it will help someone some day.

It does and it will even more in the future. I'm still avoiding that Jolly Giant and his vegetable factory, hopefully the next time he comes into my valley I can tell him "I just had surgery,and can only do light things" a 50 bushel container of vegetables is too big for me. Hurray,hurray,for,making it,back home.?

Today's been my most normal day since pre-op life. It is SO NICE TO BE HOME OMG.

We went out and ran errands earlier... for the most part I was ok, a little tired and overheated at one point, but feeling pretty good. However, about halfway through our trip to Home Depot my belly started screaming at me. Maybe the combination of walking and pushing a cart? I'm actually not convinced it's the same pain I was feeling before - I think my plan to help heal that deep, ripping pain really did work. This is in the same area, but it seems closer to the surface and it's almost like a fiery, burning, stinging pain. I don't think I've ever had nerve pain so I don't know if that's what it feels like but that's kind of what my brain wants to call it. The pain, when it happens, tracks along a narrow curved band of numbness that I have from my belly button to the left side of my waist. So maybe something related to those nerves coming back? No idea. As of last night I do know that I cannot bear to inject Lovenox on that side because it sets off the fiery pain in a very intense way. So there must be something going on there. I'm not sure the office is open tomorrow for the holiday but I'll call Tuesday and get some counsel.

I have so much more movement than I did before - sitting and standing are both almost completely pain-free. Bending over is easier as long as I facilitate the movement with my legs somehow - like widening my stance or kicking my left leg back. Bending over at the waist with feet in normal stance is still not okay. I'm much more able to stretch (my back is thanking me) and make quick movements. So I know that it's 10 days post-op and I'm still talking about my pain but I truly have made a lot of progress and I'm pain-free most of the day. Yesterday I had one small dose of pain meds after the vacuuming issue but today I've had none and don't plan to. Yay!

I'm a little nervous because I plan to try and sleep in the bed tonight. My mom's recliner was much more comfortable to sleep in than mine, lol. Sleeping in the bed last time (I think it was last Tuesday) was, I believe, how I set myself back so far pain-wise because every position and change of position made my belly feel like it was ripping apart. So I'm warily trying again and if I can't get comfortable in a reasonable amount of time I'll try something else so I don't cause a flare-up again!

So, surgery-wise... I have been bad today - I've only had half a premier protein shake to eat. Gah, I know! Don't flay me! I have been hydrating well, though. I'm going to catch up on the shake with another shake and some protein water. I just have zero interest in eating for the most part. Interestingly, last night while we were watching TV I caught the "munchies" (drinkies?) and had some jello and broth which helped a bit.

I'm getting a little tempted to weigh myself at this point, mostly because I bought a new scale that measures body composition, but I really want to hold out until Friday morning to get a true 2-week reading. I'm nervous! It could be something small like 8-10 pounds or it could be something massive like 25-30 pounds, I just have no idea! So exciting!!!! Eeeek!

Hmmm... everything else is still the same. No nausea, no vomiting, pretty regular BMs (almost daily at this point), no gas, no issues with incisions, no problems taking in fluids. My RNY seems very happy.