Husband told people about surgery

[Sleeveforme2017 144]

I am waiting to have gastric sleeve surgery. We agreed not to tell anyone. My husband said it was up to me who we told. At this point I don't want anyone to know. Not because I am ashamed but because it is very personal and people are judgemental.
He told his business partner that he was going to take some time off when I have surgery to look after me. We agreed he didn't need to know what kind of surgery. Turns out he told him I am having weight loss surgery and also told my mother in law. I don't like his business partner and we are not close. I hate his wife who I am sure he has told now that he knows.
my husband doesn't see what the big deal is and I feel betrayed and so hurt.
im pretty sure he told two of his friends although he denies it.
i feel like he told strangers the most personal and intimate thing about me.
advice please

My husband did the same thing. Told some big mouth team Mom I couldn’t help her work that night because I was having weight loss surgery. Then he told his family and mine. After I said not to tell anyone. I was so pissed. That was 10 months ago and our relationship has gone down hill since then. He says I didn’t ask him if I could have this surgery and he didn’t want me losing weight. My though is he’s jealous.

[Apple203 1,314]

I totally get wanting to keep the surgery private. But, frankly, I think the cat is out of the bag for people getting WLS -- there's no way people are NOT going to suspect/know when 100 pounds melts away. I know I go there when I see it.

[BuffaloBill 168]

My husband did the same thing. Told some big mouth team Mom I couldn’t help her work that night because I was having weight loss surgery. Then he told his family and mine. After I said not to tell anyone. I was so pissed. That was 10 months ago and our relationship has gone down hill since then. He says I didn’t ask him if I could have this surgery and he didn’t want me losing weight. My though is he’s jealous.

Yea , honestly I find it very disrespectful for people to go tell somebody without getting permission to do so first. It's almost like they're trying to take a jab at u. It's nobodys business but yours and it should be totally on you who knows and who doesnt. I really don't know how I'm gonna act when some smart ass says hey u look good but didn't u get that weight loss surgery.

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[A_new_sara 136]

12 hours ago, Apple203 said:

I totally get wanting to keep the surgery private. But, frankly, I think the cat is out of the bag for people getting WLS -- there's no way people are NOT going to suspect/know when 100 pounds melts away. I know I go there when I see it.

People have no idea I've had it. Why? Because months before my surgery I started the Keto diet, and working out. I was losing weight like crazy! I haven't changed one thing since my surgery, including my portions. Everyone assumes it's just the keto diet. (which is it, along with portion control). I've lost 65 lbs total and I go to the gym 6 days a week. It's obvious that I'm working my ass off to lose weight. So, no, people don't just "know"

[qwa2017 0]

I sorry for your feeling betrayed, but understand he may have done it out of love. I don't want one or in this case several slips of the tongue to stress or deter the process you are making. May God bless you.

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[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

22 hours ago, Sleeveforme2017 said:

My husband did the same thing. Told some big mouth team Mom I couldn’t help her work that night because I was having weight loss surgery. Then he told his family and mine. After I said not to tell anyone. I was so pissed. That was 10 months ago and our relationship has gone down hill since then. He says I didn’t ask him if I could have this surgery and he didn’t want me losing weight. My though is he’s jealous.

Holy crap. "He says I didn't ask him if I could have this surgery." He actually thinks you need his permission to have surgery and improve your health? What freaking century is he living in??

Okay, disclaimer: I am not married. So maybe I don't get how it works. I don't think it would ever work that way, though.

[eden30 111]

Holy crap. "He says I didn't ask him if I could have this surgery." He actually thinks you need his permission to have surgery and improve your health? What freaking century is he living in??
Okay, disclaimer: I am not married. So maybe I don't get how it works. I don't think it would ever work that way, though.

Ditto! Bloody hell. I’d be like Byeeeeee!!!!

[BuffaloBill 168]

People have no idea I've had it. Why? Because months before my surgery I started the Keto diet, and working out. I was losing weight like crazy! I haven't changed one thing since my surgery, including my portions. Everyone assumes it's just the keto diet. (which is it, along with portion control). I've lost 65 lbs total and I go to the gym 6 days a week. It's obvious that I'm working my ass off to lose weight. So, no, people don't just "know"

This is exactly what I was and have been doing also I been steady losing for like 7-8 mos now. I've been telling everybody I was gonna lose 100 lbs .

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[Strivingforbetter 247]

I would be livid. I also feel having WLS is a very personal decision, as evident from the differing opinions on this thread. I chose to keep my surgery private, especially from co-workers because of their tendency to be extremely judgmental, backstabbing, and competitive with each other. The last thing I want is my personal business in the drama at work. No thank you. I've slowly lost my weight and completely changed my eating habits (except for that damn pumpkin dessert a co-workers keeps bringing!), so my weight loss has appeared natural. I think in time you will forgive him, but man it would be extremely difficult for me to trust again. You needed him to be your buddy on this, not part of the crowd. Time is a healer. Give it time. On the plus side, maybe since everyone knows, it could help with accountability when there are temptations passing under your nose.

Edited October 28, 2017 by Strivingforbetter

[Sleeveforme2017 144]

I told my family and a couple of very close friends about my surgery. My husband took it upon himself to tell the neighborhood. At first I was mortified and angry to say the least. I got over it but not completely. I'll never tell him anything private again. Now I feel as though I'm being judged by everyone around me.
This may sound strange but it's like they look at me differently with pity or some sort of way and I don't like it.
Bottom line I'll never ever share my struggles with my husband again!

I feel you on that. I don’t tell my husband anything anymore

[Sprinkles1 358]

I'm super new to both this forum and to WLS in general. In fact, I just started the process! I have told a handful of people about it... but not too many because nothing is guaranteed yet. I haven't even had insurance approve anything. Once it's approved, I'll tell anyone who asks. I think you should give your husband the benefit of the doubt. I don't know about you but when I know a secret I tell my best friend. So, maybe he did tell his friends but... I tell my friends everything. Telling his boss probably wasn't the best thing to do but... talk to him about it, tell him how hurt you are and keep moving forward. This journey is about you!

[Busman20 38]

On 10/26/2017 at 10:09 PM, Sleeveforme2017 said:

My husband did the same thing. Told some big mouth team Mom I couldn’t help her work that night because I was having weight loss surgery. Then he told his family and mine. After I said not to tell anyone. I was so pissed. That was 10 months ago and our relationship has gone down hill since then. He says I didn’t ask him if I could have this surgery and he didn’t want me losing weight. My though is he’s jealous.

Sounds more controlling and insecure than jealous, in my opinion.

[Sleeveforme2017 144]

Sounds more controlling and insecure than jealous, in my opinion.

You’re probably right