I am two weeks post op and just transitioned to "soft proteins." I work in a small office and we always go out to get lunch and eat together as a group at the office. I told everyone that I was out for hiatal hernia repair and have explained to them that I have some diet restrictions as a result. All last week at work I ate my purees/liquids at my desk. This week I decided to join back up with the group and I am getting so many inquiries about my small portion sizes and diet plan. Its getting difficult to keep up the charade. I want to eat with everyone else like normal. I don't want to be rude, but I do want all the questions to stop. Any advice?

4 hours ago, Eman said:

Same. Part of my telling people was because I had to deal with the shame and feeling like a failure part of wls.

And it sure as hell ain't the easy way out.

I laugh whenever I hear that, which is very rare - only once in 10 months to my face and the rest is just reading people's accounts of their experiences - to me it's just so ignorant. The one person who said it to me, when I said it's not the easy way out and chuckled, said "I didn't mean it that way, just that I want to do it on my own." I said "I just want you to recognize that you used the term 'way out' which implies you feel you are in a situation you are struggling to figure out how to not be in that situation any more. I understand wanting to do it on your own, just remember, you used the term 'way out'. Think about that."

21 hours ago, Ldyvenus said:

I would tell them it's fine, you are taking advantage of the post op hiatal hernia diet to lose a few pounds. I told the girls at work I couldn't have bread. If you are honest they will watch you like Hawks and wait for you to slip.

I have to agree with Ldy. Telling them is just setting yourself up for failure, plus you already lied to them so you are going to look crazy coming clean now.

Tell them you are still healing from surgery and you are taking it easy.

Honestly it is none of their business.

I'm so glad I don't have the friends/co-workers that most of the people here have.

3 hours ago, MowryRocks said:

Its all about personal preference, but I disagree. There is not a single solitary soul at my place of employment that doesn't know I had surgery and I work in a HQ office for a large insurance/roadside assistance company. Everyone is overwhelmingly supportive and they encourage me everyday. If they are watching me like a hawk or talking about me behind my back, I'm sure it pales in comparision to what they were saying about me when I was waddling in the office, breathless everyday.

To each their own. I have family members I can't trust, and I've been burned by a friend of 20 years. I'm just more guarded now.

1 hour ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I have to agree with Ldy. Telling them is just setting yourself up for failure, plus you already lied to them so you are going to look crazy coming clean now.

Tell them you are still healing from surgery and you are taking it easy.

Honestly it is none of their business.

I'm so glad I don't have the friends/co-workers that most of the people here have.

I agree with the "looking crazy" part, but even more than that everyone would know I deceived them, which just doesn't need to happen. This is especially true because I work for a small company with no guaranteed paid medical or vacation time. My boss gave me paid time off because he is a nice guy. I would look like a total jerk if I suddenly revealed to him that I had a different surgical procedure than I initially described. Truth be told, my colleagues are all really nice people and we are close in a co-worker sense. I think it is just a huge change for them to see me going from devouring everything on my plate to eating tiny portions. I think their inquiries do not come from a bad place, it is just annoying to me! Thanks for chiming in!

@Redo2017

They are going to get used to it. Just stick to it, plus eventually as you heal you will eat a little more and a little more. At 2 years out, if you saw me eat out or at home, you wouldn't know I had surgery. You might think I am a picky eater or don't have much of an appetite, but I don't eat so little it is alarming.

Everyone knows that the surgery should have a relatively short recovery time, after which you would be able to resume normal eating habits. But, if you had a spiritual revelation (or something as dramatic), then that explains the life-long change.

Since it's such a close-knit group kind of thing, I think I would tell a grand story about how you had an epiphany during the hiatal hernia surgery. Maybe you had trouble fitting into the gown, or the doctor was concerned that you were going to be more at risk because of being heavy.. and "it scared you" (gotto use those words) .. so that's why the change.

I don't think OP should compound the first lie with more lies. Just saying that they are recovering and eating better is enough. Making it more dramatic is even worse. OP wants less attention and focus on them instead of more.

Maybe so.. but if the questions keep coming, then there ought to be some REASON she's eating 2oz of food for weeks/months at a time. Even "healthy eating" comprises a whole salad. Not 2 bites. They will start getting concerned that she's becoming anorexic, fueling MORE questions!

Definitely mention that it is a doctor-prescribed diet, so they don't get all.. "well, my auntie lost 600lbs by going gluten free.. maybe you should try that" and the like..

The easiest thing to eat that looks like an almost normal portion is soup. Definitely try and stick with soup

Oh, and people get bored of other people that just talk about themselves. 5 minutes of "unveiling the mystery" limelight, will solve the everyday nagging. No more mystery to nag about.

OP could just have a protein shake at lunch, even someone 4 weeks post op can down a full protein shake over a lunch hour.

If she did that every day she would look like any other dieter, at least until OP can just have 4 ounces of dense protein. That will take her to winter time. Or she could have soup. There are a ton of food choices that look like you are having more food than you really are. It isn't hard to fake if you try.

Also people stop notice that you eat very little when you eat every 2 hours.

There are so many ways to limit suspicion, instead of more lies.

You keep using the term "lies", like I'm saying she should tell them she's the queen of Egypt or something. (I dunno, maybe she is the Queen of Egypt.. but we'll assume she's not).

I think we have all had an epiphany of one sort or another that made us get wls. We all got scared of what might happen if we didn't do something to fix the weight/health issue.

So all I'm saying, is take those facts and feelings, embellish a bit if necessary, alter the actual timing, throw in the doctor prescribed diet, and voila! Suddenly it makes sense that she comes back from surgery, and is now eating these tiny quantities, and as time goes on she's dropping the weight, and it all makes sense.

The more involved she makes this, the more she has to keep up with. The best way to keep a secret is to keep it simple. The more involved it is, with more details, it increases the chance of being discovered.

I have not had to lie or be deceptive about my surgery to people I closely interact with on a daily basis. OP should have never lied, this an almost impossible secret to keep in her circumstance. Since she works for a small business with little worker protection, she has risked her job, reputation and integrity with this story. At this point it is imperative that she remain undiscovered and minimize the damage by not combining it with more deception.

The more involved she makes this, the more she has to keep up with. The best way to keep a secret is to keep it simple. The more involved it is, with more details, it increases the chance of being discovered.
I have not had to lie or be deceptive about my surgery to people I closely interact with on a daily basis. OP should have never lied, this an almost impossible secret to keep in her circumstance. Since she works for a small business with little worker protection, she has risked her job, reputation and integrity with this story. At this point it is imperative that she remain undiscovered and minimize the damage by not combining it with more deception.

Ok. This debate has now become a criticism of my personal choices. The reason behind this thread was not to inquire as to whether I should tell coworkers about my surgery: I carefully made the decision long ago not to divulge that information, as I made the decision not to tell them about other medical issues that I have. They have absolutely no right to that information. As a matter of fact, the laws in our country are set up to protect individuals from sharing their private medical information with their employers. To suggest that I have "risked my reputation and integrity" by exercising this legally protected right is contrary to the law, ungrounded in fact, and frankly, quite insulting. My initial inquiry sought advice on how to handle questions about my eating habits. I appreciate all of the advice I have gotten on THAT topic, but if disagreements between posters is going to make me a target for personal criticism, I'd prefer not to have the advice that comes along with it.

Eek! I'm running away now.

Good luck!

(attempts to exit stage, but trips on a cord and falls flat on her face, pulling down the mic and half the drum set with her)

8 hours ago, Redo2017 said:

Ok. This debate has now become a criticism of my personal choices. The reason behind this thread was not to inquire as to whether I should tell coworkers about my surgery: I carefully made the decision long ago not to divulge that information, as I made the decision not to tell them about other medical issues that I have. They have absolutely no right to that information. As a matter of fact, the laws in our country are set up to protect individuals from sharing their private medical information with their employers. To suggest that I have "risked my reputation and integrity" by exercising this legally protected right is contrary to the law, ungrounded in fact, and frankly, quite insulting. My initial inquiry sought advice on how to handle questions about my eating habits. I appreciate all of the advice I have gotten on THAT topic, but if disagreements between posters is going to make me a target for personal criticism, I'd prefer not to have the advice that comes along with it.

I am not criticizing your choices at all. I don't think you should have to disclose your choices to your boss or your co-workers and if you worked some place with better protections, or if we had better protections in general in the US you wouldn't be in this position.

You told a cover story to get time off and now you have to stick to it. Adding more layers to it, makes it more complicated and more likely that you will be detected.

I completely understand why you said hernia not VSG but your boss and co-workers might not be as understanding, at least you don't think they would be or you would have told them in the beginning. No one should be in a situation where they have to be dishonest about taking a proactive stance on their health.

Good luck OP.