::Deep breath:: Hello? ::tap tap:: Anyone here?

How are you? I am fine-ish. I mean, I feel fine and I look fine but something is still holding my happiness back.

Actually, if I am being honest, I am not fine. I am scared, anxious, worried, afraid, concerned, freaked out but dedicated to doing this surgery.

I am scared because both of my parents have had gastric bypass surgery and have had life long effects that are most likely attributed to the surgery (vomiting, dehydration, shitting themselves to death, constipation, vitamin deficiency, neuropathy). I am anxious because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and, though treated and kept in check, my anxiety knob still gets turned to 11 when I am faced with a huge changes. I am afraid of permanently ruining my body and life through this surgery in an attempt to lose 60 pounds (the same 60 pounds I have lost and gained many, many times). I am concerned about not being able to live with the changes because I am "addicted" to fast food (not really, but I do enjoy eating all things fried and fatty, possibly more than the next person). I am freaked out because this will be the biggest change (besides having my amazingly perfect son) in my life.

But, I am dedicated to this surgery because of so many reasons. Some of these reasons may seem petty and unimportant but - to me - they all encompass my WHY!! Oh, so cliche, but important to remember. Perhaps I should be playing some kind of slow, emotional music as I write this to make it even more dramatically sad and moving. Please think of your favorite emotion driven sound track during the below paragraph. Ready? Ok...I can wait while you think of one...

Ok, here goes my WHY list: live for as long as I can with my son and husband, get fully healthy, look fantastic in photos from nearly every angle, stop back/side cramps whenever I stretch, remove bra extender for good, wear my wedding ring again, wear my wedding dress (size 4), wipe my butt without straining, wear high heels again, no more double chin, look sexy and beautiful, have sex again, stop taking pills (metformin, thyroid med), wear a bathing suit, look younger or at least my age (33), 'fit in' with the MILFs, wear yoga pants and not feel stupid, wear clothes that are stylish, have my outside match my inside. <end emotional music here>

But who am I? Who is AHappierMe - that is the burning question, right? (ok, just pretend it is a burning question and not a UTI):

Real Name: Amber

Sex: Female

Age: 33

Turn Ons: extra money, exotic vacations, Italian accents <--Ooops, sorry, that went to an awkward place.

Medical Issues: Reoccurring Pregnancy Loss (6 miscarriages), PCOS, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (most likely caused or influenced by the repeated pregnancy losses).

Weight Loss Attempts: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Low Carb / No Cab, South Beach Diet, Cabbage Diet, Fasting, Low/No/Negative Calorie, juice fast, Slim Quick, Sim Fast, Protein Shakes, measuring food constantly, trying to trick myself into think I could be anorexic (no kidding - it worked for about 4 days then I realized that I couldn't give myself an eating disorder and binged like there was no tomorrow), intermittent fasting, fad diets and diet pills.

Highest Weight: 200 (after having son)

Lowest Adult Weight: 122 (aged 22, when I got married)

Current Weight: 180

Goal Weight: 120

Height: Too Damn short for my weight! ::Audience goes WILD:: Ok, it is 4'll.

Lastly, my husband is currently in the process of getting the bypass done too and should have surgery in late August. I am INSANELY excited for him. He is 6'0, 350 pounds and is very much ready for this change. My consultation appointment is August 18 but I have already passed the requirement of getting the surgery. I wish time would move faster but I must wait 3 months after my husband's surgery to have mine. In the meantime, I will be updating at least daily on this same topic. I will be updating about my husband's progress and my progress through this journey.

Here is a quote to wrap up this post: "Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end" - Robin Sharma (don't worry, I didn't know him either. Apparently he is a Canadian motivational speaker)

Toodles!!

Surgery won't fix that for you, sorry.

Obsession with fast food? There are people that leave the hospital and go get a hamburger (and promptly need more surgery or simply die). It's good that you have time to work on your head, preop.

If you "can't" eat a healthy diet preop , then you won't after either. I don't care if you eat a lot of healthy food before surgery, just so you are eating it.

What is healthy? A start is to get rid of anything that has sugar in it or is fried. (It's amazing what these two things will cut out of your diet!)

Do you know how excited I am that I just happened to log in and see your post? I almost had to make sure I was not looking at my own profile. I am also 4'11" and roughly 185 and getting my surgery on 8/18! I am getting the sleeve, though. When I first started this whole thing I wanted to do RNY to reverse the diabetes but...I chickened out.

I am not on the boards very much but I hope to continue to follow you!

I am also proud of you for doing this NOW. I am ten years older and ten years older with this weight has created quite a few medical issues over the years. And it is awesome that your husband is going through the same journey.

How did your hubby's surgery go?

Just an update - my husband's surgery on August 14 went AMAZING! He is down 58 pounds since then and feels great. He has zero regrets and hasn't thrown up or had any dumping whatsoever. I am so proud of him!

My surgery is October 17.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

@AHappierMehow did it go?

Hello!!

I had surgery 15 days ago and all is good. The surgery was (thankfully) uneventful. I was released the next day and felt very little pain. I started driving 8 days after surgery and I haven't ever felt any pain. My starting weight was 185 and today I am 172, so 13 pounds in two weeks (which is 21% of the weight I need to lose). The hardest part was the two week protein liquid stage, after surgery. I have also struggled with drinking water too fast - which has caused immediate and temporary pain but no vomiting. I have zero hunger and fast food smells are no longer appealing. I had a bite of my son's McDonald's french fries and they tasted like nothing. I have pretty much zero cravings for food now - which is CRAZY. Not feeling psycho hungry is amazing and really relaxing. If you asked me 11 days ago, I would be regretting this decision because I was hating the liquid stage. But I am feeling better - it really does get better.

I got my staples out today and my blood pressure and pulse was significantly better. So that is awesome!

As also an update, my husband had surgery on August 14 and has gone from 348 to 285. He is still losing 5 pounds a week!!

@AHappierMe Congrats on your surgery and your weight loss. So glad you're already seeing improvements in BP and pulse! And OMG, men! (your hub's losses) Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em! hahahahaha Mr. Fluffy will lose so easily if he just blinks. My losses are like carrying a 50lb bag of feed uphill, nekkid, barefoot, over hot coals--both ways! *snort*

I'm so hopeful the RNY will help with my hunger. It is truly psycho hunger!

Hello!!! I wanted to provide an update. HAVING THIS SURGERY WAS THE BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!!!!!

NO, ABSOLUTELY NO NO NO NO NO HUNGER - ever!!! I am FREE to live life and focus on things other than food!!!

I am happy, not anxious anymore - I feel better, I look better, I am just a nicer person all around!!

As of yesterday, I am 161 which is a 24 pound loss in 6 weeks. This means I have 41 more pounds to my ideal weight of 120. I cannot emphasize enough how AMAZING I FEEL!!!! I am a totally new person - completely in control and beyond happy.

Update on my husband, he weighed 268 yesterday - which is a loss of 82 pounds since August 14!! He is still going strong and feeling and looking better.

When we married I was 128 and my husband was 215 (this was 12 years ago). We are moving ever closer to seeing those numbers again. I would do this surgery a million times over -- all the pain and anger and frustration that I felt in the beginning has melted off - just like the fat!

Toodles!

Edited December 4, 20178 yr by AHappierMe

So happy and thrilled for you both!!! What an encouraging and awesome report! Thanks for your inspiration!

I weighed in yesterday and I am 153.8. I have lost 31.2 pounds in 2 months (surgery was October 17). I am doing great and super, super happy!! My goal weight is 120 so just 33.8 pounds left to go!!!!